File: 1676196351949.png (142.79 KB, 1196x600, 299:150, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb
Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Fernando Pessoa edition.
Previous: >>270716
Fernando Pessoa edition.
Previous: >>270716
File: 1676205736483.png (866.14 KB, 1033x637, 1033:637, Mr. Beast.png) ImgOps iqdb
>>272308
Funniest thumbnail of all time. I don't know much about him so i can't tell if this is a calculated move on his part to piss people off or if he's just a well meaning doofus who is oblivious of how creepy it looks.
Funniest thumbnail of all time. I don't know much about him so i can't tell if this is a calculated move on his part to piss people off or if he's just a well meaning doofus who is oblivious of how creepy it looks.
>>272310
It's on his channel
>1,000 people with facial nerve paralysis soyface for the first time.
People got really mad about it.
It's on his channel
>1,000 people with facial nerve paralysis soyface for the first time.
People got really mad about it.
File: 1676208574271.png (1.15 MB, 1155x2500, 231:500, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb
every day i go to bed crying and i wake up crying.
most people in the world went to college and are college educated. i wanted to go to college too. maybe that was my dream. i think maybe i would have followed an academic path and become a researcher.
i dont know. i feel a lot of pain. so i want to explain what i feel. but i cant.
i dont know, i feel like my life was stolen from me. i feel like i was born to draw and do math and program. its not my fault. i have a clear conscience. i was born into an awful family of mentally ill people, and they made my childhood and adolescence hell, i didnt know how to cope. ive also been put on a ton of meds since i had a single digit age. ssris and such. i didnt even know i took them until recently, my mom would hide these meds in my food. they dulled my mind. it felt like i wasnt being myself. like i was being a different person. my whole life. i dont know how to describe this, i dont know if this makes sense, but ive lost my entire life, i never had a chance, i never had the controller in my hands, its like an out of body experience, someone else was in my body, not me, i wasnt being myself, my mind was constantly under attack, i dont know how to describe this. ive stopped taking meds now and my family cant do certain things to me anymore since im an adult but its too late.
i dont know. i wanted to have a normal life. so much. by normal i dont mean having friends or playing videogames. i wanted to be myself, i wanted to make my own choices during my childhood, i wanted to be free like any normal child, i wanted to think about my own future. i wanted to spend all of my free time studying thats all. ive never lived. its like i dont exist. i can feel the world around me but its like the world is telling me you dont exist. i was born to study and make things, i was born to go higher. but ill never do any of those things. i have a purpose but i didnt fulfill it. what does that mean? i dont think anything means nothing. i think i have a soul and i can use my will to give meaning to things, to create meaningful things out of nothing. but what if there are external circumstances i cant overcome. does that just mean my will is not strong enough? i know it isnt, i know i can do anything i want if i put my mind into it, but everything keeps going wrong, i am reduced to less and less of what i could have been, it looks like its already over. i dont know.
i know that if there are alternate timelines, i know that in most of them everything went right. i know that in most timelines i wasnt afraid of my parents, i didnt end up forced to take meds. in most timelines i spent my childhood and teenage years like i wanted to. i studied a lot of math and computer science. i practiced a lot of drawing and listened to music. and i went to a decent university and by now id be writing my phd thesis. this timeline where my mind was just dulled until it was too late is an exception. i was always different in school, i was different from everyone else in school from day one, i was always light years ahead of everyone else at everything, but especially math and science, it was funny, and everyone treated me differently, i dont know, i wanted to get serious about math and drawing from an early age, thats all, its not my fault that i didnt, they broke my mind, its too late now, ive lost my life, and ill die like i never existed.
i want to read, i want to explore the world, i want to know what its like to be myself, i want to be myself, i want to progress, i want to feel the world with my senses, i want to be free, i want to do the things only i can do. this is the hardest thing of all to explain, i dont know, i have a sense of duty, obsession, perfectionism, like there are things i must do, i must do, no matter what, and thats why ive been sent to this world, and this spirit or will its all about efficiency and painstaking attention to detail, its about surrendering yourself completely, embracing the void and using every atom in your body to do just one thing, breaking walls, and seeing things other people cant see, and showing them these things, its about purity and truth, i dont know.
i dont know. i want to scream. im not like this. im different. im very lucky to be like this. i feel like god loves me, like she put extra love when she made me. im different. and i exist. im real. im real. im not like anyone else. but its dark and i think i wont be able to prove it in time. ive been born in a place worse than hell and i dont know if i can escape it. im afraid. im afraid.
i dont know whats the point in typing this. whatever i feel cant be translated into words. so even if someone reads all of this gibbberish theyll just think its something different from what it is. i dont know, i cant express this. im myself. im different. i had a purpose, i could have reached awesome heights if i werent born into an awful family of mentally ill people. im very proud of what i can do. i had my life destroyed, smashed into shards. i want my stolen time back. i will still try to do something but its like trying to save yourself after youve been pushed off a cliff. i dont know. its immense pain. i feel like i had my soul drained from my body. it wasnt supposed to be like this. i feel like my soul was born into the wrong body. i feel like this body and this life ive been given are a prison. its a prison, a prison. its a cage. its impossible to get out. ive lost my 24 years of life. the only period when you have free time to do what you want. i want that back. please. i dont know, god please god please hear my prayers. please. please. i wish i could describe the pain, anxiety and despair i feel. its like drowning, but much worse, i dont know. god please give me a chance to get myself out of here, please let me live my life.
i dont know. i wish i knew how to express myself. im sorry this was embarrassing. i hope no one actually reads this. i dont know i woke up in despair and crying just as i went to bed and typing and telling myself someone will read any of this makes me calm down somewhat.
most people in the world went to college and are college educated. i wanted to go to college too. maybe that was my dream. i think maybe i would have followed an academic path and become a researcher.
i dont know. i feel a lot of pain. so i want to explain what i feel. but i cant.
i dont know, i feel like my life was stolen from me. i feel like i was born to draw and do math and program. its not my fault. i have a clear conscience. i was born into an awful family of mentally ill people, and they made my childhood and adolescence hell, i didnt know how to cope. ive also been put on a ton of meds since i had a single digit age. ssris and such. i didnt even know i took them until recently, my mom would hide these meds in my food. they dulled my mind. it felt like i wasnt being myself. like i was being a different person. my whole life. i dont know how to describe this, i dont know if this makes sense, but ive lost my entire life, i never had a chance, i never had the controller in my hands, its like an out of body experience, someone else was in my body, not me, i wasnt being myself, my mind was constantly under attack, i dont know how to describe this. ive stopped taking meds now and my family cant do certain things to me anymore since im an adult but its too late.
i dont know. i wanted to have a normal life. so much. by normal i dont mean having friends or playing videogames. i wanted to be myself, i wanted to make my own choices during my childhood, i wanted to be free like any normal child, i wanted to think about my own future. i wanted to spend all of my free time studying thats all. ive never lived. its like i dont exist. i can feel the world around me but its like the world is telling me you dont exist. i was born to study and make things, i was born to go higher. but ill never do any of those things. i have a purpose but i didnt fulfill it. what does that mean? i dont think anything means nothing. i think i have a soul and i can use my will to give meaning to things, to create meaningful things out of nothing. but what if there are external circumstances i cant overcome. does that just mean my will is not strong enough? i know it isnt, i know i can do anything i want if i put my mind into it, but everything keeps going wrong, i am reduced to less and less of what i could have been, it looks like its already over. i dont know.
i know that if there are alternate timelines, i know that in most of them everything went right. i know that in most timelines i wasnt afraid of my parents, i didnt end up forced to take meds. in most timelines i spent my childhood and teenage years like i wanted to. i studied a lot of math and computer science. i practiced a lot of drawing and listened to music. and i went to a decent university and by now id be writing my phd thesis. this timeline where my mind was just dulled until it was too late is an exception. i was always different in school, i was different from everyone else in school from day one, i was always light years ahead of everyone else at everything, but especially math and science, it was funny, and everyone treated me differently, i dont know, i wanted to get serious about math and drawing from an early age, thats all, its not my fault that i didnt, they broke my mind, its too late now, ive lost my life, and ill die like i never existed.
i want to read, i want to explore the world, i want to know what its like to be myself, i want to be myself, i want to progress, i want to feel the world with my senses, i want to be free, i want to do the things only i can do. this is the hardest thing of all to explain, i dont know, i have a sense of duty, obsession, perfectionism, like there are things i must do, i must do, no matter what, and thats why ive been sent to this world, and this spirit or will its all about efficiency and painstaking attention to detail, its about surrendering yourself completely, embracing the void and using every atom in your body to do just one thing, breaking walls, and seeing things other people cant see, and showing them these things, its about purity and truth, i dont know.
i dont know. i want to scream. im not like this. im different. im very lucky to be like this. i feel like god loves me, like she put extra love when she made me. im different. and i exist. im real. im real. im not like anyone else. but its dark and i think i wont be able to prove it in time. ive been born in a place worse than hell and i dont know if i can escape it. im afraid. im afraid.
i dont know whats the point in typing this. whatever i feel cant be translated into words. so even if someone reads all of this gibbberish theyll just think its something different from what it is. i dont know, i cant express this. im myself. im different. i had a purpose, i could have reached awesome heights if i werent born into an awful family of mentally ill people. im very proud of what i can do. i had my life destroyed, smashed into shards. i want my stolen time back. i will still try to do something but its like trying to save yourself after youve been pushed off a cliff. i dont know. its immense pain. i feel like i had my soul drained from my body. it wasnt supposed to be like this. i feel like my soul was born into the wrong body. i feel like this body and this life ive been given are a prison. its a prison, a prison. its a cage. its impossible to get out. ive lost my 24 years of life. the only period when you have free time to do what you want. i want that back. please. i dont know, god please god please hear my prayers. please. please. i wish i could describe the pain, anxiety and despair i feel. its like drowning, but much worse, i dont know. god please give me a chance to get myself out of here, please let me live my life.
i dont know. i wish i knew how to express myself. im sorry this was embarrassing. i hope no one actually reads this. i dont know i woke up in despair and crying just as i went to bed and typing and telling myself someone will read any of this makes me calm down somewhat.
the transition between existing and being dead is scary
because only in near death scenarios do you realize that dying is nothing like falling asleep
it's not like having your eyes closed or drifting out of consciousness
it's your life being over, gone
you only ever knew what it is like being alive, never knew it being not there anymore
because only in near death scenarios do you realize that dying is nothing like falling asleep
it's not like having your eyes closed or drifting out of consciousness
it's your life being over, gone
you only ever knew what it is like being alive, never knew it being not there anymore
as you age you become familiar with many things, so you become less scared
room is dark, thats scary, but then you learn that you just fall asleep and nothing bad happens
or you hear a noise in your house when youre alone for the first time, panicking, but then its all ok
but you have zero familiarity with not being there anymore
room is dark, thats scary, but then you learn that you just fall asleep and nothing bad happens
or you hear a noise in your house when youre alone for the first time, panicking, but then its all ok
but you have zero familiarity with not being there anymore
Family threw me a party for my birthday yesterday and I'm reminded of how stupid and annoying they all are. But they all have jobs and are doing better than me lol
This will never work.
Not like this. Not in this form. There isn't a single chance. I wish there was hope, but there isn't any. There's no point complaining. There's no point crying. There's no point kicking and screaming. It's ineffectual.
Stop stop stop stop
Not like this. Not in this form. There isn't a single chance. I wish there was hope, but there isn't any. There's no point complaining. There's no point crying. There's no point kicking and screaming. It's ineffectual.
Stop stop stop stop
>>272321
Happy birthday and be a little kinder to your family. They didn't have to give you anything.
Happy birthday and be a little kinder to your family. They didn't have to give you anything.
Lately, I've reached the point in my life where I feel like it will soon come to an end. I wouldn't end myself, I fear death itself and I used to feel comforted knowing that it was unlikely to be in my near future. However, I've been unable to get out of bed unless necessary and a lifetime of not taking care of my dental hygiene is catching up to me. My teeth are intact, but a couple of weeks ago I woke up with a very small piece of tooth in my mouth that appeared to have a cavity, which is why I'm assuming it fell out. I've attempted to force myself to brush but I've fallen into such deep depression that it seems impossible anymore. I have no desire for anything, I've began eating less, drinking less and sleeping less (but laying around more). Nothing I do seems to be correct despite actually being correct, know what I mean brocels? Life is tough, I can only hope that in the thousands of year's following my death that humanity will collapse, proving my righteousness to it's entirety. How's everyone else feeling?
>>272328
Aaaaall of it? I-it cannot be, maybe that's part of the plan to force everyone to use an InternetID
>"on the Internet, nobody knows you're a bot"
Aaaaall of it? I-it cannot be, maybe that's part of the plan to force everyone to use an InternetID
>"on the Internet, nobody knows you're a bot"
I sometimes can't believe how fucking stupid my mom is. I know I sound like a teenager, but no. My mom is a literal mouth-breathing airhead boomer bitch. She didn't have an education, but that's not it. I've seen plenty of people who didn't went to school at all and they're very smart. My mom has like literally zero life knowledge at 65 years old. She's like a toddler and I have to help her to do everything, even the most basic stuff. She throws tantrums like a child whenever things don't go her way. She used to get in debt with dangerous people to buy shit to her "boyfriends" and I had to take care of everything in the house with whatever little money I could get from a temporal job I had. Not only that but those thugs she asked money from constantly came to the house to menace me for being late with the payments. She has always been an egotistical narcissitic bitch and I have no love for her. Sure I would probably cry when she dies because I will be all alone, but I know a part of me will be happy because I'd finally be free from her. I try to honor her and respect her because she's my mother, but I resent all the abuse she did to me. I despise her.
I despise my brother and I have to share a room a with him.
I hope he dies or I kill myself soon.
I hope he dies or I kill myself soon.
>>272359
>share a room a with him.
My sincere condolences. I know how hellish that can be, I lived like that until 20 and I'm sure it permanently affected my capacity to relax and initiate and complete projects. It basically gave me environment induced adhd.
Why not kill him before killing yourself though? Kill your useless parents while you are at it.
>share a room a with him.
My sincere condolences. I know how hellish that can be, I lived like that until 20 and I'm sure it permanently affected my capacity to relax and initiate and complete projects. It basically gave me environment induced adhd.
Why not kill him before killing yourself though? Kill your useless parents while you are at it.
¿Why people do things?, since i remember i do the less posible, i almost never spoke, i forgot eating, and never want do anything. ¿Why would anyone want to do something instead of just sleep or do nothing? im unable to understand that.
>>272366
Some people's experience of life is actually pleasurable (they don't perceive it as such because they don't even think about life that hard, they're just in a dopamine rush)
All the things they do are just play for them and no one actually cares that much about life
Some people's experience of life is actually pleasurable (they don't perceive it as such because they don't even think about life that hard, they're just in a dopamine rush)
All the things they do are just play for them and no one actually cares that much about life
After five years of NEETdom, with brief breaks of about a month working part time, I'm starting a full time job again.
I couldn't make the most of the NEETlife. I had no hobbies, I just masturbated to porn, posted on imageboards, browsed the same news sites and talked to people online all day.
I feel like I'm going to look back on these wasted five years so much.
I couldn't make the most of the NEETlife. I had no hobbies, I just masturbated to porn, posted on imageboards, browsed the same news sites and talked to people online all day.
I feel like I'm going to look back on these wasted five years so much.
>>272370
This considerably increased my happiness and state of being.
Once I stopped stressing about whether I'd have work next month or go homeless or die of hunger etc. (if it happens, it'll happen and there is nothing I can do about it) I got a great sense of relief.
As you said, it's all just a game. If I lose, so be it. I'm not going to lose my sleep over it. If I'm going to run out of money in 2 months and die of hunger, then so be it.
Almost always, things solve themselves one way or another and I don't die though.
My hopelessness has greatly decreased and almost vanished. It has been replaced by a sense of inevitability and acceptance.
I don't have any control over the outside world and limited control over mine (for example I can apply to 50 job openings, but whether any of those 50 lead to me getting a job is completely out of my hand).
Whichever direction life takes me, be it prison, an early grave, a nice comfy life or just barely eking out an existence, I welcome it.
This considerably increased my happiness and state of being.
Once I stopped stressing about whether I'd have work next month or go homeless or die of hunger etc. (if it happens, it'll happen and there is nothing I can do about it) I got a great sense of relief.
As you said, it's all just a game. If I lose, so be it. I'm not going to lose my sleep over it. If I'm going to run out of money in 2 months and die of hunger, then so be it.
Almost always, things solve themselves one way or another and I don't die though.
My hopelessness has greatly decreased and almost vanished. It has been replaced by a sense of inevitability and acceptance.
I don't have any control over the outside world and limited control over mine (for example I can apply to 50 job openings, but whether any of those 50 lead to me getting a job is completely out of my hand).
Whichever direction life takes me, be it prison, an early grave, a nice comfy life or just barely eking out an existence, I welcome it.
File: 1676304389136.png (327.52 KB, 975x542, 975:542, f066f3da-6335-43fe-8495-56….png) ImgOps iqdb
Sometimes I wish I could forget everything I know. It serves no purpose for the life I'm currently living. Ignorance truly is bliss. When are they making a pill for that? I'd totally buy it, but no benzos because I've heard they're by far the most horrible drug to wean off.
>>272381
It is not memories what torture you, but the sticking emotions which are not fully processed by the brains.
You just think it's memories due to their imagery evocations as a psychic eco.
It is not memories what torture you, but the sticking emotions which are not fully processed by the brains.
You just think it's memories due to their imagery evocations as a psychic eco.
im unable to do shit but stare at the fucking wall. all i do is lay in bed or stare at the fucking wall. i am tired of this, when i try to do anything it feels like torture. im ready to slit my fucking wrists just to feel something.
>>272392
I grow tired of talking about warp wanings long ago.
>Go to endchan, pdf section. Healthcare thread. Ehret, Suvorin, Reid.
I grow tired of talking about warp wanings long ago.
>Go to endchan, pdf section. Healthcare thread. Ehret, Suvorin, Reid.
>>272394
I stopped eating bread and it fixed my IBS but not sure how it's supposed to fix psychological trauma. Please spare me the diet talk though.
I stopped eating bread and it fixed my IBS but not sure how it's supposed to fix psychological trauma. Please spare me the diet talk though.
Every time I post its like everyone else gets banned for 12 hours. I go to sleep, and as soon as I wake there are new posts, but no posts when Im awake. Its like this with all imageboards
>>272387
Same, bro.
I despise life. I hate life. Life is a fucking curse. It's a meaningless nightmare. From the moment I wake up, the torture begins. I wish death to be an eternal dreamless sleep.
Same, bro.
I despise life. I hate life. Life is a fucking curse. It's a meaningless nightmare. From the moment I wake up, the torture begins. I wish death to be an eternal dreamless sleep.
File: 1676335280709.png (155.79 KB, 850x400, 17:8, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb
File: 1676335345373.png (225.64 KB, 2048x1168, 128:73, Screenshot_20230213-184134.png) ImgOps iqdb
>>272400
They're in the Alexa top list of trafficked websites…
They're in the Alexa top list of trafficked websites…
>>272403
Wizchan used to have a working user counter on the homepage a couple years ago and it showed between 250 and 300 weekly posters (according to unique IP) and it used to be way more active than now.
Wizchan used to have a working user counter on the homepage a couple years ago and it showed between 250 and 300 weekly posters (according to unique IP) and it used to be way more active than now.
File: 1676337555772.jpg (54.57 KB, 447x686, 447:686, 8b4f0d97-8786-453f-b1cd-24….jpg) ImgOps iqdb
>been wanting to get into graphic design lately
>was going to save some money for a bootcamp course
>instead my money went to dental bills to fix my fucked up teeth
>turns out it's possible to become a graphic designer without any formal training
>punk kids in the neighborhood broke open the internet box outside just before a rainstorm and I lost internet for half a week
This kind of nonsense happens to me all too often. I make plans and something gets in the way, so I adjust those plans only for something else to go terribly wrong. It's like no matter what I do or try everything falls apart. This has been a recurring pattern throughout most of my life. I'm not the superstitious type, but after 30 years of being screwed-over by "fate" I'm genuinely beginning to believe that I'm cursed. I don't ask for much, just enough money to support myself without having to deal with normalfags all day, but even the simplest of dreams are shattered in this nightmare-world.
>was going to save some money for a bootcamp course
>instead my money went to dental bills to fix my fucked up teeth
>turns out it's possible to become a graphic designer without any formal training
>punk kids in the neighborhood broke open the internet box outside just before a rainstorm and I lost internet for half a week
This kind of nonsense happens to me all too often. I make plans and something gets in the way, so I adjust those plans only for something else to go terribly wrong. It's like no matter what I do or try everything falls apart. This has been a recurring pattern throughout most of my life. I'm not the superstitious type, but after 30 years of being screwed-over by "fate" I'm genuinely beginning to believe that I'm cursed. I don't ask for much, just enough money to support myself without having to deal with normalfags all day, but even the simplest of dreams are shattered in this nightmare-world.
>>272401
I regret telling attention whores to kill themselves. Yes, they harmed the locals boards culture, but at least you had the certainty you were talking to a human being.
I regret telling attention whores to kill themselves. Yes, they harmed the locals boards culture, but at least you had the certainty you were talking to a human being.
I give up. I'm getting on Naltrexone for alcoholism.
I've drank every day for 8 years.
Is it really possible that I've been so thoroughly tricked by alcohol as to think I can't live without it?
I've drank every day for 8 years.
Is it really possible that I've been so thoroughly tricked by alcohol as to think I can't live without it?
>>272419
Been at the bottomof a bottle myself over the years. Hope you dont have any brain damage. But medication is probably a good idea, your brain can heal also you just need time. Longer time the older you get
Been at the bottomof a bottle myself over the years. Hope you dont have any brain damage. But medication is probably a good idea, your brain can heal also you just need time. Longer time the older you get
>>272402
This quote troubles me. To live without meaning is a total drag, I don't want to do anything at all with this realization. I have many options to fill meaning into my life but I don't like any option, I don't like anything at all sadly.
This quote troubles me. To live without meaning is a total drag, I don't want to do anything at all with this realization. I have many options to fill meaning into my life but I don't like any option, I don't like anything at all sadly.
I just wake up and I have no idea what to do with my day. Nothings brings me joy anymore. Gonna do what the other wizzie does and stare at the wall till my next sleep.
>>272422
Some people can't handle the NEET life. Time to experiment with employment perhaps?
Some people can't handle the NEET life. Time to experiment with employment perhaps?
>>272423
I had a job once as a phone salesman. I didn't even know what to do with the money so I gave it all to my mom.
If I had a decent job, I could buy a house and finally live alone, but that I can't do.
I had a job once as a phone salesman. I didn't even know what to do with the money so I gave it all to my mom.
If I had a decent job, I could buy a house and finally live alone, but that I can't do.
File: 1676396840228.jpg (874.86 KB, 1000x2000, 1:2, __ende_original_drawn_by_c….jpg) ImgOps iqdb
>>272312
I like this artist a lot. Hope things work out for you one day. anone. Recovering from narcissistic parenting is one of the hardest things a man can go through.
I like this artist a lot. Hope things work out for you one day. anone. Recovering from narcissistic parenting is one of the hardest things a man can go through.
>>272439
Kinda want to love that picture but the upside down cross stuff is something I don't like at all, kinda ruins it for me sadly.
Kinda want to love that picture but the upside down cross stuff is something I don't like at all, kinda ruins it for me sadly.
>>272441
Why? Its the Petrine Cross. That the satanist larpers mistakenly adopted it only speaks of their stupidity. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross_of_Saint_Peter
Why? Its the Petrine Cross. That the satanist larpers mistakenly adopted it only speaks of their stupidity. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross_of_Saint_Peter
The hardest part of the day is driving home from work and coming back to an empty house.
Bad memories just go through my mind like a ticker tape, and they transmogrify into violent fantasies. It's like my brain is a CPU and these memories are just being fed in like binary data streams.
Bad memories just go through my mind like a ticker tape, and they transmogrify into violent fantasies. It's like my brain is a CPU and these memories are just being fed in like binary data streams.
>>272312
>every day i go to bed crying and i wake up crying.
How many days? Or have your eyes run dry by now?
>most people in the world went to college and are college educated. i wanted to go to college too. maybe that was my dream. i think maybe i would have followed an academic path and become a researcher.
As someone who has tried the other end of that: trust me, you dodged a bullet. I think this is one of those "The grass always seems greener on the other side." Academia is one of the most bullshit, lying, pretentious, egotistical professions out there.
>i dont know, i feel like my life was stolen from me. i feel like i was born to draw and do math and program. its not my fault. i have a clear conscience. i was born into an awful family of mentally ill people, and they made my childhood and adolescence hell, i didnt know how to cope. ive also been put on a ton of meds since i had a single digit age. ssris and such. i didnt even know i took them until recently, my mom would hide these meds in my food. they dulled my mind. it felt like i wasnt being myself. like i was being a different person. my whole life. i dont know how to describe this, i dont know if this makes sense, but ive lost my entire life, i never had a chance, i never had the controller in my hands, its like an out of body experience, someone else was in my body, not me, i wasnt being myself, my mind was constantly under attack, i dont know how to describe this. ive stopped taking meds now and my family cant do certain things to me anymore since im an adult but its too late.
At least you aren't like other adults who pass on the trauma to a new generation.
>i dont know. i wanted to have a normal life. so much. by normal i dont mean having friends or playing videogames. i wanted to be myself, i wanted to make my own choices during my childhood, i wanted to be free like any normal child, i wanted to think about my own future. i wanted to spend all of my free time studying thats all. ive never lived. its like i dont exist. i can feel the world around me but its like the world is telling me you dont exist. i was born to study and make things, i was born to go higher. but ill never do any of those things. i have a purpose but i didnt fulfill it. what does that mean? i dont think anything means nothing. i think i have a soul and i can use my will to give meaning to things, to create meaningful things out of nothing. but what if there are external circumstances i cant overcome. does that just mean my will is not strong enough? i know it isnt, i know i can do anything i want if i put my mind into it, but everything keeps going wrong, i am reduced to less and less of what i could have been, it looks like its already over. i dont know.
You feel like you missed out on childhood?
>i know that if there are alternate timelines, i know that in most of them everything went right. i know that in most timelines i wasnt afraid of my parents, i didnt end up forced to take meds. in most timelines i spent my childhood and teenage years like i wanted to. i studied a lot of math and computer science. i practiced a lot of drawing and listened to music. and i went to a decent university and by now id be writing my phd thesis. this timeline where my mind was just dulled until it was too late is an exception. i was always different in school, i was different from everyone else in school from day one, i was always light years ahead of everyone else at everything, but especially math and science, it was funny, and everyone treated me differently, i dont know, i wanted to get serious about math and drawing from an early age, thats all, its not my fault that i didnt, they broke my mind, its too late now, ive lost my life, and ill die like i never existed.
i want to read, i want to explore the world, i want to know what its like to be myself, i want to be myself, i want to progress, i want to feel the world with my senses, i want to be free, i want to do the things only i can do. this is the hardest thing of all to explain, i dont know, i have a sense of duty, obsession, perfectionism, like there are things i must do, i must do, no matter what, and thats why ive been sent to this world, and this spirit or will its all about efficiency and painstaking attention to detail, its about surrendering yourself completely, embracing the void and using every atom in your body to do just one thing, breaking walls, and seeing things other people cant see, and showing them these things, its about purity and truth, i dont know.
i dont know. i want to scream. im not like this. im different. im very lucky to be like this. i feel like god loves me, like she put extra love when she made me. im different. and i exist. im real. im real. im not like anyone else. but its dark and i think i wont be able to prove it in time. ive been born in a place worse than hell and i dont know if i can escape it. im afraid. im afraid.
i dont know whats the point in typing this. whatever i feel cant be translated into words. so even if someone reads all of this gibbberish theyll just think its something different from what it is. i dont know, i cant express this. im myself. im different. i had a purpose, i could have reached awesome heights if i werent born into an awful family of mentally ill people. im very proud of what i can do. i had my life destroyed, smashed into shards. i want my stolen time back. i will still try to do something but its like trying to save yourself after youve been pushed off a cliff. i dont know. its immense pain. i feel like i had my soul drained from my body. it wasnt supposed to be like this. i feel like my soul was born into the wrong body. i feel like this body and this life ive been given are a prison. its a prison, a prison. its a cage. its impossible to get out. ive lost my 24 years of life. the only period when you have free time to do what you want. i want that back. please. i dont know, god please god please hear my prayers. please. please. i wish i could describe the pain, anxiety and despair i feel. its like drowning, but much worse, i dont know. god please give me a chance to get myself out of here, please let me live my life.
You feel like you don't have enough time left now to make up for your past mistakes and missteps?
Also, god is a she?
>i dont know. i wish i knew how to express myself. im sorry this was embarrassing. i hope no one actually reads this. i dont know i woke up in despair and crying just as i went to bed and typing and telling myself someone will read any of this makes me calm down somewhat.
Don't worry, you expressed yourself just fine. "I" should be capitalized, though.
>every day i go to bed crying and i wake up crying.
How many days? Or have your eyes run dry by now?
>most people in the world went to college and are college educated. i wanted to go to college too. maybe that was my dream. i think maybe i would have followed an academic path and become a researcher.
As someone who has tried the other end of that: trust me, you dodged a bullet. I think this is one of those "The grass always seems greener on the other side." Academia is one of the most bullshit, lying, pretentious, egotistical professions out there.
>i dont know, i feel like my life was stolen from me. i feel like i was born to draw and do math and program. its not my fault. i have a clear conscience. i was born into an awful family of mentally ill people, and they made my childhood and adolescence hell, i didnt know how to cope. ive also been put on a ton of meds since i had a single digit age. ssris and such. i didnt even know i took them until recently, my mom would hide these meds in my food. they dulled my mind. it felt like i wasnt being myself. like i was being a different person. my whole life. i dont know how to describe this, i dont know if this makes sense, but ive lost my entire life, i never had a chance, i never had the controller in my hands, its like an out of body experience, someone else was in my body, not me, i wasnt being myself, my mind was constantly under attack, i dont know how to describe this. ive stopped taking meds now and my family cant do certain things to me anymore since im an adult but its too late.
At least you aren't like other adults who pass on the trauma to a new generation.
>i dont know. i wanted to have a normal life. so much. by normal i dont mean having friends or playing videogames. i wanted to be myself, i wanted to make my own choices during my childhood, i wanted to be free like any normal child, i wanted to think about my own future. i wanted to spend all of my free time studying thats all. ive never lived. its like i dont exist. i can feel the world around me but its like the world is telling me you dont exist. i was born to study and make things, i was born to go higher. but ill never do any of those things. i have a purpose but i didnt fulfill it. what does that mean? i dont think anything means nothing. i think i have a soul and i can use my will to give meaning to things, to create meaningful things out of nothing. but what if there are external circumstances i cant overcome. does that just mean my will is not strong enough? i know it isnt, i know i can do anything i want if i put my mind into it, but everything keeps going wrong, i am reduced to less and less of what i could have been, it looks like its already over. i dont know.
You feel like you missed out on childhood?
>i know that if there are alternate timelines, i know that in most of them everything went right. i know that in most timelines i wasnt afraid of my parents, i didnt end up forced to take meds. in most timelines i spent my childhood and teenage years like i wanted to. i studied a lot of math and computer science. i practiced a lot of drawing and listened to music. and i went to a decent university and by now id be writing my phd thesis. this timeline where my mind was just dulled until it was too late is an exception. i was always different in school, i was different from everyone else in school from day one, i was always light years ahead of everyone else at everything, but especially math and science, it was funny, and everyone treated me differently, i dont know, i wanted to get serious about math and drawing from an early age, thats all, its not my fault that i didnt, they broke my mind, its too late now, ive lost my life, and ill die like i never existed.
i want to read, i want to explore the world, i want to know what its like to be myself, i want to be myself, i want to progress, i want to feel the world with my senses, i want to be free, i want to do the things only i can do. this is the hardest thing of all to explain, i dont know, i have a sense of duty, obsession, perfectionism, like there are things i must do, i must do, no matter what, and thats why ive been sent to this world, and this spirit or will its all about efficiency and painstaking attention to detail, its about surrendering yourself completely, embracing the void and using every atom in your body to do just one thing, breaking walls, and seeing things other people cant see, and showing them these things, its about purity and truth, i dont know.
i dont know. i want to scream. im not like this. im different. im very lucky to be like this. i feel like god loves me, like she put extra love when she made me. im different. and i exist. im real. im real. im not like anyone else. but its dark and i think i wont be able to prove it in time. ive been born in a place worse than hell and i dont know if i can escape it. im afraid. im afraid.
i dont know whats the point in typing this. whatever i feel cant be translated into words. so even if someone reads all of this gibbberish theyll just think its something different from what it is. i dont know, i cant express this. im myself. im different. i had a purpose, i could have reached awesome heights if i werent born into an awful family of mentally ill people. im very proud of what i can do. i had my life destroyed, smashed into shards. i want my stolen time back. i will still try to do something but its like trying to save yourself after youve been pushed off a cliff. i dont know. its immense pain. i feel like i had my soul drained from my body. it wasnt supposed to be like this. i feel like my soul was born into the wrong body. i feel like this body and this life ive been given are a prison. its a prison, a prison. its a cage. its impossible to get out. ive lost my 24 years of life. the only period when you have free time to do what you want. i want that back. please. i dont know, god please god please hear my prayers. please. please. i wish i could describe the pain, anxiety and despair i feel. its like drowning, but much worse, i dont know. god please give me a chance to get myself out of here, please let me live my life.
You feel like you don't have enough time left now to make up for your past mistakes and missteps?
Also, god is a she?
>i dont know. i wish i knew how to express myself. im sorry this was embarrassing. i hope no one actually reads this. i dont know i woke up in despair and crying just as i went to bed and typing and telling myself someone will read any of this makes me calm down somewhat.
Don't worry, you expressed yourself just fine. "I" should be capitalized, though.
>>272467
>Bad memories just go through my mind like a ticker tape
This is exactly what's been my experience for the last couple years, bad memories uncontrollably start playing in my head and my mind immediately responds with severe aggression and thoughts of violence, a couple weeks ago this was so bad that I sometimes immediately started to break shit or punched into stuff when it happened. This is often happening when my mind is not occupied and it gets worse with additional stress, often it starts right after waking up. Sometimes I wonder if this is an instinctive natural response to certain things such as trauma because it happens almost organically.
>Bad memories just go through my mind like a ticker tape
This is exactly what's been my experience for the last couple years, bad memories uncontrollably start playing in my head and my mind immediately responds with severe aggression and thoughts of violence, a couple weeks ago this was so bad that I sometimes immediately started to break shit or punched into stuff when it happened. This is often happening when my mind is not occupied and it gets worse with additional stress, often it starts right after waking up. Sometimes I wonder if this is an instinctive natural response to certain things such as trauma because it happens almost organically.
>>272469
I can actually feel the bad mood setting in sometimes after waking up, I can feel the moment it starts and my mood starts to sour.
Violent fantasies are so fucking cucked. You just raise your blood pressure and create an imaginary scenario that doesn't even exist.
>certain things such as trauma because it happens almost organically.
I think I'm going to just go really hard on not humoring those thoughts and training my mind out of it. Every time they come up just going "it is what it is" and letting it pass.
I can actually feel the bad mood setting in sometimes after waking up, I can feel the moment it starts and my mood starts to sour.
Violent fantasies are so fucking cucked. You just raise your blood pressure and create an imaginary scenario that doesn't even exist.
>certain things such as trauma because it happens almost organically.
I think I'm going to just go really hard on not humoring those thoughts and training my mind out of it. Every time they come up just going "it is what it is" and letting it pass.
>>272469
>>272470
All you have to do is come to terms with the bad memories. I wish my brain have me bad memories again, because that's prime opportunity for learning about myself and the world and emotions. My bad memory train just went away after the first major revelation I gained, because, can't have nice things
>>272470
All you have to do is come to terms with the bad memories. I wish my brain have me bad memories again, because that's prime opportunity for learning about myself and the world and emotions. My bad memory train just went away after the first major revelation I gained, because, can't have nice things
>>272467
>>272469
>>272470
>>272471
I've had the same problem, and Psilocybin Mushrooms reduced this problem greatly. I bought 7g, or as normal-niggers call it, "a quarter", for $90. I took 3.5g, then two weeks later, another 3.5g. This was ~2 years ago, and I still feel an extreme reduction in Post Traumatic Stress.
>>272469
>>272470
>>272471
I've had the same problem, and Psilocybin Mushrooms reduced this problem greatly. I bought 7g, or as normal-niggers call it, "a quarter", for $90. I took 3.5g, then two weeks later, another 3.5g. This was ~2 years ago, and I still feel an extreme reduction in Post Traumatic Stress.
>>272475
i guess
also it seems that one-time big-amount mushroom trips have the highest potential to heal suffering
microdosing seems kind of placebo to me
i guess
also it seems that one-time big-amount mushroom trips have the highest potential to heal suffering
microdosing seems kind of placebo to me
>>272467
They told me meditating and not resisting these memories, sitting with them, enduring them, and so on would help. But when I do my brain just keeps going constantly for hours feeding one after the other like you say. Don’t grab the memories or expand on them with anxiety or thinking about the scenario, try purposely working through the memory while paying attention to body, don’t resist the memory, try thinking high the memory with a different ending, try just accepting it - nah, when the depression comes it just goes like that for hours and hours electric shocking my brain in pain. Then when depression goes away it stops like magic. Hate it
They told me meditating and not resisting these memories, sitting with them, enduring them, and so on would help. But when I do my brain just keeps going constantly for hours feeding one after the other like you say. Don’t grab the memories or expand on them with anxiety or thinking about the scenario, try purposely working through the memory while paying attention to body, don’t resist the memory, try thinking high the memory with a different ending, try just accepting it - nah, when the depression comes it just goes like that for hours and hours electric shocking my brain in pain. Then when depression goes away it stops like magic. Hate it
This was supposed to be on the wagie thread but it's dead so I will post it here.
Well now it's official, my job decided to force us to go back to the office even if the job gets done much better when working remote or hybrid, they say that hybrid will come "eventually" but honestly they lie about shit all the time and "eventually" could mean years.
It's so fucking awful specially because my manager its on another country so if I go to the office I'm still working remote. my manager is great and she wouldnt have a problem with me working 100% remote but the local management is fucking awful and full of horrible people, seriously considering quitting, and it's a shame because I like the job and I'm decent at it.
Well now it's official, my job decided to force us to go back to the office even if the job gets done much better when working remote or hybrid, they say that hybrid will come "eventually" but honestly they lie about shit all the time and "eventually" could mean years.
It's so fucking awful specially because my manager its on another country so if I go to the office I'm still working remote. my manager is great and she wouldnt have a problem with me working 100% remote but the local management is fucking awful and full of horrible people, seriously considering quitting, and it's a shame because I like the job and I'm decent at it.
>>272477
Some meditations generate good feelings for beginners, and the non attachment meditation you describe is both dry and hard to do correctly, imho. Try TWIM 6R Living Kindness meditation. It is more enjoyable and you can lead yourself back to a happy base state. Grain of salt because exercise, yoga, and travel help my depressed periods more than TWIM, but it's great as a preventative.
Some meditations generate good feelings for beginners, and the non attachment meditation you describe is both dry and hard to do correctly, imho. Try TWIM 6R Living Kindness meditation. It is more enjoyable and you can lead yourself back to a happy base state. Grain of salt because exercise, yoga, and travel help my depressed periods more than TWIM, but it's great as a preventative.
>>272476
>also it seems that one-time big-amount mushroom trips have the highest potential to heal suffering
One big amount would most likely make me psychotic and retarded
>also it seems that one-time big-amount mushroom trips have the highest potential to heal suffering
One big amount would most likely make me psychotic and retarded
>>272470
Tried it and it kinda works. I just stop myself each time I start imagining an elaborate violent fantasy, and mentally like, imagine the tickertape being pulled back out.
Really it's not healthy to base my self esteem and ego on such garbage fantasies.
Tried it and it kinda works. I just stop myself each time I start imagining an elaborate violent fantasy, and mentally like, imagine the tickertape being pulled back out.
Really it's not healthy to base my self esteem and ego on such garbage fantasies.
Nothing ever changes. I'm going to drink myself into a stupor this long weekend. Life is a nightmare.
The way I feel doesn't depend on external circumstances.
Whatever external things bring me some kind of pleasure or peace of mind, underneath it is just a sense of emptiness and desolation that can't be fixed. There isn't anything to say.
Whatever external things bring me some kind of pleasure or peace of mind, underneath it is just a sense of emptiness and desolation that can't be fixed. There isn't anything to say.
Why don't my parents care about me? They just destroyed my life while I was a kid, then as soon as I turn 18 they just give up and let me sit at home doing nothing all day taking antidepressants. I am so depressed and they don't even care, I cry all day long and they just go to work and watch TV and sleep and they don't care that their son is extremely depressed and suicidal. They let me live here and buy me food to eat but other than that they just don't care about me even though they did this to me, it didn't have to be this way but their actions destroyed any oppurtunity for me to ever feel happiness. For the first time in my life I'm seriously considering killing myself, I just don't see any possible way to fix things, it's way too late, and I don't even feel sorry for my parents because they did this to me and it didn't have to be this way if they actually cared a little bit
>>272549
>as soon as I turn 18 they just give up and let me sit at home
When you're a kid, everything you do reflects badly on them and there's more pressure from society to take of their kids. But once they're adults, they're not going to get blamed for you not having a job or friends or any life experience because suddenly you have free will and its not on them.
>as soon as I turn 18 they just give up and let me sit at home
When you're a kid, everything you do reflects badly on them and there's more pressure from society to take of their kids. But once they're adults, they're not going to get blamed for you not having a job or friends or any life experience because suddenly you have free will and its not on them.
Past month i started having physical problems. Stomach ache, diarrhea. Then i hit my head on the shelf. Then i couldn't even fap because something started hurting if i tried it. I've done countless tests and consultations. It turns up nothing for the reason of my stomach problems. Lately i've noticed some bleedings. The only way to examine it is to insert a long cable into your asshole or throat and suffer. I can't bear it. So I think I'm gonna keep suffering until I die or end myself. I've spent tons of money and energy. Need to go to other cities for doctors, need to schedule and wait for tests, need to pay absurd amount of money. I found out I have nonalcoholic fatty liver disease, bad cholesterol and liver tests. Also apparently my left lung works 30% worse than my right one, and nobody knows why. None of these things explain my stomach problems either. It's an endless well of illnesses once you start digging. I'm tired. I might just shit out blood and fall over one day or the pain might become unbearable, or i might choke. Medicine is a load of bullshit. My life was unbearable before because of mental problems, but once you combine mental and physical i have no will to do anything anymore. I don't want to eat, i don't want to sleep, i don't want to get out of bed. Living is out of question. I pray for the strength to end it, but there is nobody to pray to. I have xanax to help me jump in front of a train, but it's gonna be tough even with that.
>>272549
Stop asking "why". Assume things as they come and take measures.
If they let you neet I don't understand why are you messed up
Stop asking "why". Assume things as they come and take measures.
If they let you neet I don't understand why are you messed up
The internet is dead. Actual discussions seem hard to find. Imageboards are dying out fast.
File: 1676591868512.png (2.17 MB, 3000x1500, 2:1, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb
>>272439
>>272323
>>272329
practically i dont know what to do.
my mom is getting old. she was a heavy smoker and drinker her whole life. its just a matter of time until she gets lung cancer or something.
more importantly. i think my country will go venezuela mode. i hope its just my paranoia but i think it will happen. or at least the economy will get worse and worse each year. i might have a couple months to a couple of years before inflation and unemployment start spiralling out of control forever. i dont know how i will survive. i dont know how i will survive. i dont have a degree, i have no idea how to get a job, its a mistery to me how most people have jobs in the world i have no idea what the process of getting a job is like even something like dishwashing, even if i could get a job in a high unemployment scenario, hyperinflation would mean i still cant pay my own bills and even if i could i wouldnt be able to afford having a computer since the currency would be devalued to nothing and computer parts are imported. i dont know how to make money on the internet and even if i knew i would be hacked sooner or later.
all i wish is that i could afford living in a tiny bedroom and a tiny bathroom with a dirt cheap desktop computer, internet and a few hours of free time each day. i can live very frugally, i can live on only one apple a day or just a bottle of milk a day. but i dont think ill have these things. i think this will just end with me being unable to pay my bills and starving to death quietly in some alley. i just started lifting myself out of the mental-psychological hell i was born into and im falling into a material hell. i dont know how ill survive, i dont think i will, help.
i dont know whats the point in typing this. i shouldnt be typing this. ive already tried to express how i feel mentally and thats all that matters. i dont think anyone here can give useful advice about what to do. im just desperate and anxious and typing makes me calm down.
>>272323
>>272329
practically i dont know what to do.
my mom is getting old. she was a heavy smoker and drinker her whole life. its just a matter of time until she gets lung cancer or something.
more importantly. i think my country will go venezuela mode. i hope its just my paranoia but i think it will happen. or at least the economy will get worse and worse each year. i might have a couple months to a couple of years before inflation and unemployment start spiralling out of control forever. i dont know how i will survive. i dont know how i will survive. i dont have a degree, i have no idea how to get a job, its a mistery to me how most people have jobs in the world i have no idea what the process of getting a job is like even something like dishwashing, even if i could get a job in a high unemployment scenario, hyperinflation would mean i still cant pay my own bills and even if i could i wouldnt be able to afford having a computer since the currency would be devalued to nothing and computer parts are imported. i dont know how to make money on the internet and even if i knew i would be hacked sooner or later.
all i wish is that i could afford living in a tiny bedroom and a tiny bathroom with a dirt cheap desktop computer, internet and a few hours of free time each day. i can live very frugally, i can live on only one apple a day or just a bottle of milk a day. but i dont think ill have these things. i think this will just end with me being unable to pay my bills and starving to death quietly in some alley. i just started lifting myself out of the mental-psychological hell i was born into and im falling into a material hell. i dont know how ill survive, i dont think i will, help.
i dont know whats the point in typing this. i shouldnt be typing this. ive already tried to express how i feel mentally and thats all that matters. i dont think anyone here can give useful advice about what to do. im just desperate and anxious and typing makes me calm down.
>>272503
update, and it really does work. Although now I get nightmares at night about all the shit I suppress during the day.
I recommend any wizzie here does the same, don't humor violent escapist fantasies, they don't improve your life and they're just another harmful addiction.
update, and it really does work. Although now I get nightmares at night about all the shit I suppress during the day.
I recommend any wizzie here does the same, don't humor violent escapist fantasies, they don't improve your life and they're just another harmful addiction.
Sometimes I think my social inability turns me into a basic instinct bushman. When I was a child I always used to punch others right in the face when they tried to smack talk me (even succubi lolol) because I didn't grasp the concept of talking back. Getting older I just have all this aggression built up inside me and I'm too self aware now to just lash at people, if I was an Amazonas bushman I could at least fire arrows at other tribes and hit them in the head with a rock if they tried to get in my shit and I wouldn't have to engage in social normie bullshit.
>>272566
Inflation is bad, but most of the time people start using foreign currency for things. If you're scared of it, start saving in dollars or euros or whatever seems to stable.
Inflation is bad, but most of the time people start using foreign currency for things. If you're scared of it, start saving in dollars or euros or whatever seems to stable.
File: 1676651530789.jpg (27.81 KB, 1280x720, 16:9, damn it all.jpg) ImgOps iqdb
>>272304
Why do normalfags try to get you to open up just to get mad and lash out at you? You see an obviously very introverted closed off person who isn't comfortable around others and then decide to get upset when he's uncomfortable around you
Why do normalfags try to get you to open up just to get mad and lash out at you? You see an obviously very introverted closed off person who isn't comfortable around others and then decide to get upset when he's uncomfortable around you
>>272597
Normalfags have this sensor and they get freaked out when someone is closed off and they don't know what they're about. You know how apes sniff each others asses and size each other up? well you being quiet is perceived as a threat, it's not like they actually give a shit about your feelings, they just wanna know how you operate and asses you properly to lower their own anxiety. Once they know you're just some shy loser, they'll know its safe to fuck with you and do whatever they want.
Normalfags have this sensor and they get freaked out when someone is closed off and they don't know what they're about. You know how apes sniff each others asses and size each other up? well you being quiet is perceived as a threat, it's not like they actually give a shit about your feelings, they just wanna know how you operate and asses you properly to lower their own anxiety. Once they know you're just some shy loser, they'll know its safe to fuck with you and do whatever they want.
>>272599
>Once they know you're just some shy loser, they'll know its safe to fuck with you and do whatever they want
This has happened to me numerous times and normalfags will act like shy people (only the men, it's cute if it's a succubus) are bad people who deserve to be bad
>Once they know you're just some shy loser, they'll know its safe to fuck with you and do whatever they want
This has happened to me numerous times and normalfags will act like shy people (only the men, it's cute if it's a succubus) are bad people who deserve to be bad
>>272597
The good natured people don't do these things. But you will never be friends with them becuase they will never pry at you to open up much less interact with you. They just leave you alone cause they know you're low value. Wizardry by nature attracts assholes. The harder they are pushing you to open up the more your alarm bells should be going off. The sooner you internalize this the better. Social predators know the wizard nature is insecure and desperate for connection. This is a weakness they are exploiting. They are not doing to befriend on good faith. Every normie knows this. That's why they avoid those who exhibit wizardry. Cause we tend to be magnets for assholes and fall for their antics.
The nicer normies will not try to pry someone open. They will take others as they are. They will let the two-way discovery process of each other to occur naturally through the time of friendship. They will not force you open with the sole intent to judge you harshly. Not unless you're an actual bad person like criminal pervert or sociopath or something. The way they will judge you as a friend is if they see you are legitimately in err of some way.
The good natured people don't do these things. But you will never be friends with them becuase they will never pry at you to open up much less interact with you. They just leave you alone cause they know you're low value. Wizardry by nature attracts assholes. The harder they are pushing you to open up the more your alarm bells should be going off. The sooner you internalize this the better. Social predators know the wizard nature is insecure and desperate for connection. This is a weakness they are exploiting. They are not doing to befriend on good faith. Every normie knows this. That's why they avoid those who exhibit wizardry. Cause we tend to be magnets for assholes and fall for their antics.
The nicer normies will not try to pry someone open. They will take others as they are. They will let the two-way discovery process of each other to occur naturally through the time of friendship. They will not force you open with the sole intent to judge you harshly. Not unless you're an actual bad person like criminal pervert or sociopath or something. The way they will judge you as a friend is if they see you are legitimately in err of some way.
>>272602
>The harder they are pushing you to open up the more your alarm bells should be going off.
Firm agree. Wizards should practice both discernment and either privacy or lieing.
>The harder they are pushing you to open up the more your alarm bells should be going off.
Firm agree. Wizards should practice both discernment and either privacy or lieing.
>>272356
better start working now, what are you stupid? im in the same boat but started working like a few years ago becuase you know.. you kind have too
better start working now, what are you stupid? im in the same boat but started working like a few years ago becuase you know.. you kind have too
>Be autistic
>get pressured to work in my parent's construction company
>Get made a public spectacle and mocked relentlessly for years (posted about it here before like three times)
>Years later
>brother has nowhere to go on weekends and is basically homeless due to family court bullshit saying he can't see his step kids
>Comes around high right before I'm about to go to bed to see my flatmates and do drugs
>Starts bleating to me while I'm in my bathrobe, about to go to sleep, about how he seen so and so from those times and goes into detail about how so and so was laughing and mocking me, only to bloviate about how he has his back and stepped him out.
>Get wound up and go for a night drive, wait for him to finish smoking his weed and then tell him I'd prefer for him not to come around anymore.
I lost my shit at him and have banned him from coming over. It's at least ten times now that he has come to me about stories from those times. People say autistic people have no social skills, but why do normie retards think that I want to hear in depth shit from the worst time of my life. I don't need to hear about how people are still years later laughing and joking about what a freak show I was, I don't give a fuck about what context it's in. I'm not going to think you're cool or hard for "having my back" about it.
He's pretty hurt about it but I literally don't care anymore. It's one subject, one, I don't want to hear about. He wound me up right before I was about to go to sleep and I ended up spending a good half an hour night driving because of his no filter faggotry.
>get pressured to work in my parent's construction company
>Get made a public spectacle and mocked relentlessly for years (posted about it here before like three times)
>Years later
>brother has nowhere to go on weekends and is basically homeless due to family court bullshit saying he can't see his step kids
>Comes around high right before I'm about to go to bed to see my flatmates and do drugs
>Starts bleating to me while I'm in my bathrobe, about to go to sleep, about how he seen so and so from those times and goes into detail about how so and so was laughing and mocking me, only to bloviate about how he has his back and stepped him out.
>Get wound up and go for a night drive, wait for him to finish smoking his weed and then tell him I'd prefer for him not to come around anymore.
I lost my shit at him and have banned him from coming over. It's at least ten times now that he has come to me about stories from those times. People say autistic people have no social skills, but why do normie retards think that I want to hear in depth shit from the worst time of my life. I don't need to hear about how people are still years later laughing and joking about what a freak show I was, I don't give a fuck about what context it's in. I'm not going to think you're cool or hard for "having my back" about it.
He's pretty hurt about it but I literally don't care anymore. It's one subject, one, I don't want to hear about. He wound me up right before I was about to go to sleep and I ended up spending a good half an hour night driving because of his no filter faggotry.
>>272615
It's finally time to stand up to normies for once. I'm sick of having to pretend to like them, if I find them annoying and insufferable to talk too, I would do my best to avoid them.
It's finally time to stand up to normies for once. I'm sick of having to pretend to like them, if I find them annoying and insufferable to talk too, I would do my best to avoid them.
File: 1676694310828.png (9.05 MB, 3500x1750, 2:1, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb
i feel a lot of things, i have no idea how to describe this, its like mixing infinite colors in a bowl. i dont know whats happening.
my soul hurts. my soul hurts. i want to be free. i want to show what i can do. i want to be myself. i want to live my life. i want to be free. i want to fulfill my purpose, mission, why i was sent here. i have a soul, a spirit, im different. i want to keep climbing forever, like a lonely mountain goat. i want to be free. im dying.
i wish i knew how to communicate. i made these posts because i developed a belief system, i found a supreme purpose, a "true will". i feel like i found my willy wonka golden ticket, but too late, im being crushed by reality, theres no hope, its just a matter of time until im deleted like ive never been in this world.
so i wanted to leave a record that i existed.
otherwise its like i never existed.
i know i did, i know im real, but i never got to do what i was supposed to. so i wanted to leave a physical record that i was here.
in the end i couldnt properly communicate how i feel or what i am anyways, i couldnt scream, so i dont know.
this is just convoluted gibberish, im sorry.
my soul hurts. my soul hurts. i want to be free. i want to show what i can do. i want to be myself. i want to live my life. i want to be free. i want to fulfill my purpose, mission, why i was sent here. i have a soul, a spirit, im different. i want to keep climbing forever, like a lonely mountain goat. i want to be free. im dying.
i wish i knew how to communicate. i made these posts because i developed a belief system, i found a supreme purpose, a "true will". i feel like i found my willy wonka golden ticket, but too late, im being crushed by reality, theres no hope, its just a matter of time until im deleted like ive never been in this world.
so i wanted to leave a record that i existed.
otherwise its like i never existed.
i know i did, i know im real, but i never got to do what i was supposed to. so i wanted to leave a physical record that i was here.
in the end i couldnt properly communicate how i feel or what i am anyways, i couldnt scream, so i dont know.
this is just convoluted gibberish, im sorry.
>>272646
always a pleasure knowing the wizzie that wants to get to IT and then apologizes profusely is still keeping on
always a pleasure knowing the wizzie that wants to get to IT and then apologizes profusely is still keeping on
Bros, I think about suicide 24/7.
How can someone live like this? I think suicide is pretty much inevitable at this point. If I had a gun, I would've done it already.
How can someone live like this? I think suicide is pretty much inevitable at this point. If I had a gun, I would've done it already.
>>272657
It's on my mind constantly too. I've been thinking about it for 7 or so years. I've been living like someone who is going to off themselves shortly, but I've been unable to do it. I have dreams about it.
It's on my mind constantly too. I've been thinking about it for 7 or so years. I've been living like someone who is going to off themselves shortly, but I've been unable to do it. I have dreams about it.
Can't stop thinking about earthquakes. For most of my life I didn't pay attention to these things, but ever since that thing in Turkey, it's like I suddenly realized they're a real thing. The idea of being sandwiched in between concrete from a collapsing building is just terrifying, then perhaps waiting 12 days to get "rescued". The lack of control is the worst part, it could strike at any moment, no one can predict this shit, it could be once in a 100 years that you get a powerful one but then, you google search so what do I do in case of earthquake? Well, don't panic! That's the most important part, then find an open field with no buildings or poles or anything. As if you have time to do that. Then there's, go under a table. I keep looking around my apartment thinking, so where the fuck would I stand if this motherfucker started collapsing. And what if I'm asleep? Turkey got hit in the middle of the night. Then I'm reading about building codes, what types of buildings are the most likely to collapse, etc. etc. and basically everything except the most modern skyscrapers is doomed if a big enough hit.
Then I'm like, relax, Turkey is third-world, everyone says they didn't follow any safety regulations, corruptions, yadayada but it sounds like fucking cope. I don't think the rest of the world is any better. If some schmuck of a contractor decided to save a couple bucks on some building material, you could be sitting in a concrete tomb for all you know.
Then I'm like, relax, Turkey is third-world, everyone says they didn't follow any safety regulations, corruptions, yadayada but it sounds like fucking cope. I don't think the rest of the world is any better. If some schmuck of a contractor decided to save a couple bucks on some building material, you could be sitting in a concrete tomb for all you know.
>>272661
>The lack of control is the worst part
just make sure you live somewhere that is not near a major fault line.
>The lack of control is the worst part
just make sure you live somewhere that is not near a major fault line.
>>272662
What's considered major? Like right between the tectonic plates? I looked at a bunch of heatmaps and I'm out of the red areas at least but I'm guessing this is just statistical data and maybe there isn't one every day, but once in a 100 years is enough to fuck you up and no single place on Earth is guaranteed to be safe.
What's considered major? Like right between the tectonic plates? I looked at a bunch of heatmaps and I'm out of the red areas at least but I'm guessing this is just statistical data and maybe there isn't one every day, but once in a 100 years is enough to fuck you up and no single place on Earth is guaranteed to be safe.
A few days ago I felt a really weird feeling, it felt like I have been living for too long and that I should have been dead, as if everything I might experience from now to the future are just additional experiences for someone who shouldn't even have been alive. It didn't have anything to do with wanting to commit suicide or anything similar to that, it was just a feeling of pointlessness, like my existence had no real motivation, as if I was just living life on auto-pilot without feeling the necessity of actually putting effort into anything because there is no ambition behind my life, as if I am just living for no real reason except waiting to die. I feel like this is what most people feel when they reach past a certain age, only I have experienced it far too soon. Just the mere fact that I am breathing and alive to me, it's like it's something I should be grateful for, the smallest things like waking up in the morning and actually being alive, it's as if I feel like it's an additional thing towards my life that shouldn't even really have existed. It feels like being alive is something dirty and unclean, as if it was something that I am doing wrong, as if it was something illegal I am doing and that I shouldn't have been allowed to live past a certain point but I still am. It's as if there's a part of me that was alive, that had ambition, that wanted things, had things to do or say, like that part of me is completely gone and it took away every real desires I had and things I wanted to do in life because there was a purpose behind it during those years, now it feels like all purpose is gone and that my life from this point onward is completely superfluous. There's no direction I want my life to take, I don't feel like I could find myself in a situation where there would be a point behind being alive and that I would be happy if I did certain things, I feel like some of the very basic things that other people have in life like wanting to do things and seeing a purpose behind things, in my life, is completely gone and doesn't exist any longer. I sometimes feel guilty for being alive because it feels like I am not able to actually do anything that could benefit others in any way whatsoever, I have no desire towards doing anything similar to that either, it's like I am taking up space for someone else who might have been better than me in every way, I don't see a point behind life anymore and it feels like I am just either a bad person from birth or someone who became a bad person overtime, other people who have happiness and things are capable of so much more because they have a point behind existing and they actually feel happy and accomplished when they do certain things, I can't ever expect to reach that happiness that other people seem to have every day. I don't understand what ended up happening to me to make me feel this way, if it's something I was born with or if it's something that happened afterwards, but I don't feel like it's a way of life that any other person should be living, it's just not right, it doesn't feel right and it really is not right.
To me, it's just like I have thought things I maybe shouldn't have thought, I've said things I shouldn't have said, I've done things I shouldn't have done, everything about my life just feels like I should feel bad constantly and this keeps me from living a life that is good and where I don't worry about things. It's like I have a certain idea of what good and bad are, and I have spent my entire life doing bad things or wrong things, and with a history like that, it should be pretty obvious that only more bad things are to come. I feel completely separate from what I consider to be good and good people who do good things and have a reason to feel proud about their lives, to me I feel as if that if I were to be proud of who I am, I would be embracing all bad things I have ever done and I'd be considered to have my priorities in life completely wrong. It just feels wrong, like I should be guilty about things, but the only reason as to why I feel like I'm living a life filled with wrong things is because I actually have a sense of what is good and what is bad, and this really fucks me up because I feel like I haven't lived up to the standards of good people in this world. Every time I interact with people and talk to them, I feel even more isolated because it feels like I can't really be honest about my life because if I did then they'd consider me a bad person.
Nobody else is like me. I want to be happy about that, but it's so fucking isolating to never be able to relate to anyone else or be understood.
I hate places that market themeselves as being for "outsiders". They're scams. Outsiders don't actually exist. Normal is everywhere.
I hate places that market themeselves as being for "outsiders". They're scams. Outsiders don't actually exist. Normal is everywhere.
File: 1676759782896.jpg (184.88 KB, 750x988, 375:494, pdompbui6jh61.jpg) ImgOps iqdb
I'm about to finish half of my chemo-therapy. Doctor said I showed great response so far. Hooray. what luck am I right?
>>272679
I'm so sorry about what happened to you Cancer wiz, you're the least deserving guy for such a horrible thing, god is truly a fucked up bastard.
I'm so sorry about what happened to you Cancer wiz, you're the least deserving guy for such a horrible thing, god is truly a fucked up bastard.
File: 1676768060832.jpg (1.39 MB, 3840x2160, 16:9, 1722813-Arthur-Schopenhaue….jpg) ImgOps iqdb
Why do I exist? What the hell am I doing here? Why don't I just throw myself into a river and end this shit once and for all? I don't enjoy living. In fact, I hate it. Why can't I just end it? I know why. It's the so-called "survival instinct" that even animals have. Why is life so imperfect? If there is a Heaven, why couldn't we just have been born there? Is it because some couple of idiots decided to eat a fruit? What a stupid joke.
I wake up and the torture begins. I suffer from being. I suffer from existing. I don't know if anyone can relate to this. It's a tremendous tedium that almost drives me mad. I think it's called "anhedonia". I gain little to no pleasure doing anything. Reading a book, listening to music, watching a movie. It's all so boring. And work feels like a chore. I think I've already talked about this here but whatever.
There's a wizzie here with cancer who's probably gonna die soon. Why all this meaningless suffering? Fuck.
I wake up and the torture begins. I suffer from being. I suffer from existing. I don't know if anyone can relate to this. It's a tremendous tedium that almost drives me mad. I think it's called "anhedonia". I gain little to no pleasure doing anything. Reading a book, listening to music, watching a movie. It's all so boring. And work feels like a chore. I think I've already talked about this here but whatever.
There's a wizzie here with cancer who's probably gonna die soon. Why all this meaningless suffering? Fuck.
>>272684
i try to talk to people about this anhedonia issue and they just tell me stuff like i need to find out what i like doing, or that if i keep telling myself im miserable that i will be miserable. i dont think they understand that nothing is pleasurable to me, staring at a wall feels the same as eating a nice meal, i think they are the fucked up ones, not me.
i try to talk to people about this anhedonia issue and they just tell me stuff like i need to find out what i like doing, or that if i keep telling myself im miserable that i will be miserable. i dont think they understand that nothing is pleasurable to me, staring at a wall feels the same as eating a nice meal, i think they are the fucked up ones, not me.
>>272679
I hate how cancer exists and people expect me to love the earth and god. Why such a hard incurable illness has to effect my mother who worked hard all her life to support her family, came from a poor family life and worshipped god all her life to end up with stage 4 breast cancer? It's stupid and it doesn't make sense, nothing makes sense and yet i'm expected to suck god cock? It's all a fucking lie, just fairy fiction to give false hope to a species confused by existence.
I hate how cancer exists and people expect me to love the earth and god. Why such a hard incurable illness has to effect my mother who worked hard all her life to support her family, came from a poor family life and worshipped god all her life to end up with stage 4 breast cancer? It's stupid and it doesn't make sense, nothing makes sense and yet i'm expected to suck god cock? It's all a fucking lie, just fairy fiction to give false hope to a species confused by existence.
File: 1676804038490.jpg (35.9 KB, 717x583, 717:583, 1658030882556.jpg) ImgOps iqdb
first time posting here because if i dont let this out im gonna go insane. i dont want this life. i want to be comfortable and satisfied with my life. i dont want to go to work i just want to fucking sleep all day because of how disgusting and undesirable i am. i have nothing. tired of this shit, just wanna sleep all day and not exist in this fucking world i was never meant for.
>>272687
You don't get the bigger picture, it's not God's fault that people die from cancer or other illnesses, that's all part of the falling state. You get cancer from stuff in the air, modified food, chemicals, long term stress and so forth and that is a consequence of humans actions. Theres people who get mad at God for things that humans did with the free will they have been given or they get mad at God when they didn't become rich people or didn't acquire other worldy goods.
If nature would be in the same condition as when God created it then there would be no such things. It's also not God's plan to make us happy by providing us with all the superficial worldly things we wish for, we're not even supposed to befriend this world too much.
I don't even want to preach too hard as I'm fairly new to Christian beliefs but I'm sure if you follow God's word and try to live by it as good as you can and grow spiritually then you will feel better than you would with anything that the world has to offer.
You don't get the bigger picture, it's not God's fault that people die from cancer or other illnesses, that's all part of the falling state. You get cancer from stuff in the air, modified food, chemicals, long term stress and so forth and that is a consequence of humans actions. Theres people who get mad at God for things that humans did with the free will they have been given or they get mad at God when they didn't become rich people or didn't acquire other worldy goods.
If nature would be in the same condition as when God created it then there would be no such things. It's also not God's plan to make us happy by providing us with all the superficial worldly things we wish for, we're not even supposed to befriend this world too much.
I don't even want to preach too hard as I'm fairly new to Christian beliefs but I'm sure if you follow God's word and try to live by it as good as you can and grow spiritually then you will feel better than you would with anything that the world has to offer.
>>272690
Because my brain thinks I'm going to choke and doesn't let me swallow unless it's super smooth. Posted about it already ITT. At least I'm losing weight…
Because my brain thinks I'm going to choke and doesn't let me swallow unless it's super smooth. Posted about it already ITT. At least I'm losing weight…
I think interacting with other people is really terrible and bad, and that doing so in any way is a drastic mistake.
>>272702
I'm so autistic that people usually just stop talking because they dont know how to interact with a retard and if they don't see that I'm socially retarded they assume that it's drugs or extreme arrogance. I even had to take a drug test during the one traffic stop I was in because the cops thought I'm high as fuck.
The people who choose to interact with me for longer just end up bullying and abusing me because I'm too autistic to pick up on social cues fast enough. Either way social interactions just pile up as bad memories.
I'm so autistic that people usually just stop talking because they dont know how to interact with a retard and if they don't see that I'm socially retarded they assume that it's drugs or extreme arrogance. I even had to take a drug test during the one traffic stop I was in because the cops thought I'm high as fuck.
The people who choose to interact with me for longer just end up bullying and abusing me because I'm too autistic to pick up on social cues fast enough. Either way social interactions just pile up as bad memories.
File: 1676900020798.jpg (37.39 KB, 375x500, 3:4, 51HyV-NRqCL.jpg) ImgOps iqdb
>>272304
ever feel like theres so much depression backed up in you, in your gut that you don't know what to say
i fucking hate myself so much
there is no words to describe the amount of disdain i have for my own mind and body
my self esteem is so low it can not be quantified
i had no fucking chance
should kill myself but i could never because im too much of a pussy
i know that hell is waiting for me anyway
ever feel like theres so much depression backed up in you, in your gut that you don't know what to say
i fucking hate myself so much
there is no words to describe the amount of disdain i have for my own mind and body
my self esteem is so low it can not be quantified
i had no fucking chance
should kill myself but i could never because im too much of a pussy
i know that hell is waiting for me anyway
>>272664
one would think that after the realization that existence is meaningless, the natural course of action would be suicide, but for some reason we keep on living, the sense of liberty that this realization brings is the peak, and the rest of our lives thereafter is spent longing for the inevitable disappearance of our consciousness
one would think that after the realization that existence is meaningless, the natural course of action would be suicide, but for some reason we keep on living, the sense of liberty that this realization brings is the peak, and the rest of our lives thereafter is spent longing for the inevitable disappearance of our consciousness
>>272723
There were a part of me that considered life a gift and that it had a point, as if it was filled with things that could be pleasurable and make me happy, a whole person.
The feeling that I feel nowadays is like being a person who isn't whole, as if there's something missing within me, that I can't seem to place and understand, like some form of emptiness that shouldn't have been there.
I feel like my life is dirty and unclean, I have a hard time putting it into words, but it just feels wrong all of the time. I can deal with something like life having no real meaning, but the feeling that I get is as if I am doing something wrong just by being alive. It's like I can't justify my existence, as if my worth is absolutely none no matter what I do. I don't really know if guilt is the right choice of word, but it just feels different in a bad way.
There were a part of me that considered life a gift and that it had a point, as if it was filled with things that could be pleasurable and make me happy, a whole person.
The feeling that I feel nowadays is like being a person who isn't whole, as if there's something missing within me, that I can't seem to place and understand, like some form of emptiness that shouldn't have been there.
I feel like my life is dirty and unclean, I have a hard time putting it into words, but it just feels wrong all of the time. I can deal with something like life having no real meaning, but the feeling that I get is as if I am doing something wrong just by being alive. It's like I can't justify my existence, as if my worth is absolutely none no matter what I do. I don't really know if guilt is the right choice of word, but it just feels different in a bad way.
>>272728
Probably is that, I've looked it up before but sometimes it feels like self-diagnosing is the wrong way to handle things.
I don't know what to do, really, if I were to seek professional help then they'd likely not offer any form of treatment that works other than maybe pills.
Probably is that, I've looked it up before but sometimes it feels like self-diagnosing is the wrong way to handle things.
I don't know what to do, really, if I were to seek professional help then they'd likely not offer any form of treatment that works other than maybe pills.
>>272730
disassociation is a mechanism that the mind uses to preserve itself in stressful/traumatic moments, you should analyze the current state of your life and deduce what exactly is causing this
self-diagnosis by professionals is just as reliable and unreliable as yours is, they base their diagnosis on research that you can easily find on the internet yourself, the only reason to see a professional is if there is some tangible benefit, like having access to pills like you mentioned for example
disassociation is a mechanism that the mind uses to preserve itself in stressful/traumatic moments, you should analyze the current state of your life and deduce what exactly is causing this
self-diagnosis by professionals is just as reliable and unreliable as yours is, they base their diagnosis on research that you can easily find on the internet yourself, the only reason to see a professional is if there is some tangible benefit, like having access to pills like you mentioned for example
>>272731
I know what caused it but I couldn't prevent it, even while being fully aware of the circumstance that caused it I still could not keep it from happening. It took place under a long period of time, instead of it having been something major that happened all at once, it feels like whenever I tried my best at recovering it just kept on coming back. I had no control over it, and I often blame myself for being a fragile person, I think to me that it seems I might be vulnerable to those things moreso than other people. It's not like I want to blame anyone or anything for the current state of my life, but these things apparently had an influence over my life at one point in time, and to anyone else it is evident that it shouldn't have taken up as much space as it ended up taking.
I know what caused it but I couldn't prevent it, even while being fully aware of the circumstance that caused it I still could not keep it from happening. It took place under a long period of time, instead of it having been something major that happened all at once, it feels like whenever I tried my best at recovering it just kept on coming back. I had no control over it, and I often blame myself for being a fragile person, I think to me that it seems I might be vulnerable to those things moreso than other people. It's not like I want to blame anyone or anything for the current state of my life, but these things apparently had an influence over my life at one point in time, and to anyone else it is evident that it shouldn't have taken up as much space as it ended up taking.
>>272732
give yourself more credit and validate your pain, your pain is very real and the consequences of it are proof of that, disregard anyone who says otherwise, regardless of how insignificant it may seem to them
give yourself more credit and validate your pain, your pain is very real and the consequences of it are proof of that, disregard anyone who says otherwise, regardless of how insignificant it may seem to them
>>272731
That is only through a western medicine perspective. Through an eastern perspective dissolving the illusion of selfhood is part of the path to enlightenment
That is only through a western medicine perspective. Through an eastern perspective dissolving the illusion of selfhood is part of the path to enlightenment
>>272753
so the detachment of one's mind from reality when they're being raped for example can be interpreted as a form of spiritual enlightenment?
what you are referencing is ego death that is sought voluntarily, that's not what we are talking about, that which is a condition with numerous debilitating symptoms
so the detachment of one's mind from reality when they're being raped for example can be interpreted as a form of spiritual enlightenment?
what you are referencing is ego death that is sought voluntarily, that's not what we are talking about, that which is a condition with numerous debilitating symptoms
>>272753
Disassociation/shutting down mind to avoid sensory input isn’t the same as dissolving of self by being aware of sensory input and not taking it as yourself. My view anyway.
Disassociation/shutting down mind to avoid sensory input isn’t the same as dissolving of self by being aware of sensory input and not taking it as yourself. My view anyway.
>>272757
Well, I think enlightenment may come after some serious shock too, from an event that shatters the ego by force, and not through contemplations and satori. Of course, the person to which it happened not always prepared for that, which is why it can be viewed negatively and cause pain.
Well, I think enlightenment may come after some serious shock too, from an event that shatters the ego by force, and not through contemplations and satori. Of course, the person to which it happened not always prepared for that, which is why it can be viewed negatively and cause pain.
Bros…
2 days ago I drove to the doctor's office and got rejected for a DNR order. What do I do? >>271945
2 days ago I drove to the doctor's office and got rejected for a DNR order. What do I do? >>271945
I have grown weary of the online world. Same shit every day.
No more content. Nothing but recycled garbage anymore.
I have no real life. I dug myself too deep since the inception of the world wide web.
It's the only world I have ever known.
And it's rotted at the core.
No more content. Nothing but recycled garbage anymore.
I have no real life. I dug myself too deep since the inception of the world wide web.
It's the only world I have ever known.
And it's rotted at the core.
>>272841
I wish I could stop browsing forums, they seem like the biggest waste of time. I have way more fun pretending forums don't exist and just playing vidya and daydreaming all day.
I wish I could stop browsing forums, they seem like the biggest waste of time. I have way more fun pretending forums don't exist and just playing vidya and daydreaming all day.
i only found out now that people talk with each other about other people and how they feel about them
previously, i thought that i would make personal impressions on individual people, and thats how i know how we stand
and if i see a guy i never interacted with before, then its completely neutral
in reality, people share opinions on people, causing them to have a strong bias
i guess its just a natural human thing to do
somehow i ended up in a conversation with 2 people from work
something like this just didnt happen in my life before
and the guys started sharing opinions about all kinds of people
previously, i thought that i would make personal impressions on individual people, and thats how i know how we stand
and if i see a guy i never interacted with before, then its completely neutral
in reality, people share opinions on people, causing them to have a strong bias
i guess its just a natural human thing to do
somehow i ended up in a conversation with 2 people from work
something like this just didnt happen in my life before
and the guys started sharing opinions about all kinds of people
>>272863
Everyone has a social reputation. Even if you don't interact with anyone, your presence is always noticed and your lack of interaction is noted. I remember when I was a university cuck and I didn't know anyone because I was a loner that sat at the back of class, but somehow people still knew my name and I overheard once some guy just casually shit talking me before a lecture started. To be fair, I kind of deserved it because I was a third year and I literally didn't know anyone in the entire 300 person class and always stood somewhere on the side. I wanted to be a ghost, but people can't help themselves but notice you.
Everyone has a social reputation. Even if you don't interact with anyone, your presence is always noticed and your lack of interaction is noted. I remember when I was a university cuck and I didn't know anyone because I was a loner that sat at the back of class, but somehow people still knew my name and I overheard once some guy just casually shit talking me before a lecture started. To be fair, I kind of deserved it because I was a third year and I literally didn't know anyone in the entire 300 person class and always stood somewhere on the side. I wanted to be a ghost, but people can't help themselves but notice you.
>>272864
well id rather be unaware of my social reputation, i think
because the way the 2 people were talking about others, idk
actually, maybe i dont care
maybe
idk
well id rather be unaware of my social reputation, i think
because the way the 2 people were talking about others, idk
actually, maybe i dont care
maybe
idk
>>272864
you only deserved it if you were an asshole in some way, otherwise fuck that douchebag. being a loner isn't a good reason for people to put you down, though i still understand it's to be expected that they will. i also understand that someone being avoidant can seen as suspicious, but people should be able to eventually determine if someone is trying to be sneaky or if they just want to be ignored.
you only deserved it if you were an asshole in some way, otherwise fuck that douchebag. being a loner isn't a good reason for people to put you down, though i still understand it's to be expected that they will. i also understand that someone being avoidant can seen as suspicious, but people should be able to eventually determine if someone is trying to be sneaky or if they just want to be ignored.
the one shocker is that people talk about other people with people
the other shocker i that they dont even have to know your name to do it
"the bald guy we saw earlier, he x y z"
"the short guy with glasses, " etc etc
the other shocker i that they dont even have to know your name to do it
"the bald guy we saw earlier, he x y z"
"the short guy with glasses, " etc etc
File: 1677283134130.jpg (230.96 KB, 1080x1340, 54:67, 4pf6t1r4e7541.jpg) ImgOps iqdb
I'm always thinking about suicide, all day. How to break free from this mental hell without actually killing myself because I'm too pussy to do it?
how does one even function as a human being by themselves? I've always had my mother around, couldn't take care of myself even as an adult and she let me neet without complaint.
well she died suddenly, at only 62 years old. Even though it's been a week (since she stopped breathing,cardiac arrested, and was brain dead, she actually died on Tuesday) and I've barely ate, can't sleep more than couple hours at a time, can't do anything instead stare at the wall in disbelief.
Going to the hospital every day and then making the funeral arrangements almost killed me, I was so nervous, it felt like my heart was beating out of my chest.
I only even manged to fix myself food today, after I ran out of snack foods. It was just so much work, that was just throwing some frozen chicken into the oven.
How can I be expected to live like this for the rest of my life? I'm not cut out for this.
well she died suddenly, at only 62 years old. Even though it's been a week (since she stopped breathing,cardiac arrested, and was brain dead, she actually died on Tuesday) and I've barely ate, can't sleep more than couple hours at a time, can't do anything instead stare at the wall in disbelief.
Going to the hospital every day and then making the funeral arrangements almost killed me, I was so nervous, it felt like my heart was beating out of my chest.
I only even manged to fix myself food today, after I ran out of snack foods. It was just so much work, that was just throwing some frozen chicken into the oven.
How can I be expected to live like this for the rest of my life? I'm not cut out for this.
>>272909
everything just seems so much… I know I'm lazy and and useless but I'm just to her just telling me food was ready and I'd come and eat it. She never attempted to teach me anything about food prep. Plus having to clean dishes afterward, just too much work.
everything just seems so much… I know I'm lazy and and useless but I'm just to her just telling me food was ready and I'd come and eat it. She never attempted to teach me anything about food prep. Plus having to clean dishes afterward, just too much work.
>>272911
You never had to learn these skills wiz so don't beat yourself up about lacking them. You may find some course type thing you could go to that could help you.
I used to work and it was madness cooking for myself and cleaning up and eating.. waste of time.
You never had to learn these skills wiz so don't beat yourself up about lacking them. You may find some course type thing you could go to that could help you.
I used to work and it was madness cooking for myself and cleaning up and eating.. waste of time.
>>272912
eventually I'll have to wageslave too if I want to live. I can barely handle life without that. I can't focus on anything, feels like my brain is mush and even when I get sleep, I always feel completely worn out and with energy or strength.
eventually I'll have to wageslave too if I want to live. I can barely handle life without that. I can't focus on anything, feels like my brain is mush and even when I get sleep, I always feel completely worn out and with energy or strength.
>>272945
You're bored now? The fun just started buddy, I wanna see how you are in 10 years.
You're bored now? The fun just started buddy, I wanna see how you are in 10 years.
the correct response to the suffering of life is to just disconnect from life
the boomer response is "everyone suffers, get over it"
the improvebro, and therapist response is to work hard on things until you feel something
that shit never worked for me
the boomer response is "everyone suffers, get over it"
the improvebro, and therapist response is to work hard on things until you feel something
that shit never worked for me
>>272949
Suicide is the only solution to suffering. You can't suffer if you don't exist. You could cancel out all you want for as long as you can, but your mind will turn against you eventually just like it does to mine.
Suicide is the only solution to suffering. You can't suffer if you don't exist. You could cancel out all you want for as long as you can, but your mind will turn against you eventually just like it does to mine.
not feeling well like always. But lately this cloud above my head feels even grayer and heavier. I'm in a shitty place in a number of ways and I need to make important decisions. But decision paralysis and anxieties get the best of me and I'm stuck in a limbo. Every day I am sinking in the shit even more, the need to escape it grows even urgent, but I don't fix anything. I fucking hate myself so much. I want to die but I am afraid of death. There is no escape, just mental torture. Don't know why I'm even writing this shit, it's probably incoherent. Sorry
>>272951
I feel you man, everyday I get stuck in a loop of knowing not what to do with my life. I have so many options and opportunity in America and I don't wanna do a damn thing except work my shitty dead end job. I feel like shit everyday and I want to be nuked by Putin so badly.
I feel you man, everyday I get stuck in a loop of knowing not what to do with my life. I have so many options and opportunity in America and I don't wanna do a damn thing except work my shitty dead end job. I feel like shit everyday and I want to be nuked by Putin so badly.
>>272952
Thanks anon. I work a dead end job but kind of got used to it. My biggest concern right now is that I am renting a room in a house full of normalfaggots, the not so intelligent but very loud and alcohol-prone type. I am so fucking tired from work and then I cannot relax at home. I am very stressed and very tired all the time. I earn only little above minwage but due to relatively cheap rent I am able to save some money. But that is a very normalfaggy thing to do. I realised I am not a normalfag and don't need to mimic them. So I decided to finally rent an entire flat by myself. Perhaps I won't be able to save anything, but I figured that peace of mind is more important than money. So I've looked around the Internet, and even found some apartaments that look nice but that's when my mental health issues come up. I am so afraid of calling or writing other people, making appointments, and navigating all this shit, avoiding getting scammed or signing bad deal, possibly moving that I just freeze and don't do anything. Days go by, normalfags are normalfagging, my mental health deteriorates and there seems to be no end to that. I hate myself
Thanks anon. I work a dead end job but kind of got used to it. My biggest concern right now is that I am renting a room in a house full of normalfaggots, the not so intelligent but very loud and alcohol-prone type. I am so fucking tired from work and then I cannot relax at home. I am very stressed and very tired all the time. I earn only little above minwage but due to relatively cheap rent I am able to save some money. But that is a very normalfaggy thing to do. I realised I am not a normalfag and don't need to mimic them. So I decided to finally rent an entire flat by myself. Perhaps I won't be able to save anything, but I figured that peace of mind is more important than money. So I've looked around the Internet, and even found some apartaments that look nice but that's when my mental health issues come up. I am so afraid of calling or writing other people, making appointments, and navigating all this shit, avoiding getting scammed or signing bad deal, possibly moving that I just freeze and don't do anything. Days go by, normalfags are normalfagging, my mental health deteriorates and there seems to be no end to that. I hate myself
>>272953
In my area around the south yeah its hard to find a job. My parents lived in a shitty low pop town so they can get away from the crime. No crime is the only positive, everything else sucks, barely any jobs, no where to hangout or to socialize. It's just a empty hell hole, its hard enough to get fucking internet here.
In my area around the south yeah its hard to find a job. My parents lived in a shitty low pop town so they can get away from the crime. No crime is the only positive, everything else sucks, barely any jobs, no where to hangout or to socialize. It's just a empty hell hole, its hard enough to get fucking internet here.
>be barely functional
>Relatives scream at me to maintain a standard of living I can't afford
There's nothing wrong with renting a spare room and working shit menial jobs. Not everyone has to be le epik normie career man paying a fucking mortgage.
>Relatives scream at me to maintain a standard of living I can't afford
There's nothing wrong with renting a spare room and working shit menial jobs. Not everyone has to be le epik normie career man paying a fucking mortgage.
guys with the dead mother here, I know this weird to complain about from a wizard but it's too quiet now. I'm used to hearing her move around, watching TV, talking to the cats, ect… Now unless I have something going it's just pure silence and that's unnerving to me.
'So we can say that that there's a minimal close to zero chance that when we bring a person into existence (read: birth) that the person will not approve of that existence and will say that it would have been better to never have been born. Based on this we can say that under normal circumstances it's a good idea to give birth and, well, nobody really cares about these few people that are not fine with being alive, those people don't matter in a society.' Philosophers are fucking soulless, I want to make this arrogant piece of shit suffer.
>>273041
I think the pressure is gonna get worse if I have to wagecuck for a few months, I don't understand how people get used too this, I feel like i'm in actual hell.
I think the pressure is gonna get worse if I have to wagecuck for a few months, I don't understand how people get used too this, I feel like i'm in actual hell.
I don't feel a thing and am too exhausted to pretend. My mind is empty and this joy I used to feel it is absent. The drive is gone and I have no hope to self defend.
You matter, wizards. Take small steps to making yourself feel better. If you were happy before, you can be happy again. Please don't give up.
I've been drinking everyday and blacking out for about 3 years or so. I am trying to get over substance abuse day by day but the more I become sober, the more I struggle with the intrusive thoughts and lingering depression. I just don't want to feel bad anymore.
>mother's funeral tomorrow
I can barely believe it'll have only been a week since she died. It feels like a month already. After that is over then the oh so fun legal stuff begins as she doesn't have a will and I might to go to court to get the house.
I can barely believe it'll have only been a week since she died. It feels like a month already. After that is over then the oh so fun legal stuff begins as she doesn't have a will and I might to go to court to get the house.
I fucked up once again. Got sick of looking at myself in the mirror so sperged out and punched it. Shattered everywhere and my hand bled a bit. In the morning I'll have to explain it to my mom and then go buy a new mirror. I have a feeling she'll make me see a therapist. Just more time and money down the drain.
>>273224
I noticed my balding had gotten worse but really was much more than that. On the bright side I convinced my mom that the mirror fell on its own, and bought a replacement that was on sale. Knuckles got cut up but it'll heal.
I noticed my balding had gotten worse but really was much more than that. On the bright side I convinced my mom that the mirror fell on its own, and bought a replacement that was on sale. Knuckles got cut up but it'll heal.
>>273102
How does it feel I'm curious. I kind of know from when my grandma, who was in a way more of a mother than my actual one, died but she was old so it was expected. When my mom goes I imagine I would be sad but relieved that there's no one I have to live for anymore. Guess it depends on your relationship with her.
How does it feel I'm curious. I kind of know from when my grandma, who was in a way more of a mother than my actual one, died but she was old so it was expected. When my mom goes I imagine I would be sad but relieved that there's no one I have to live for anymore. Guess it depends on your relationship with her.
>>273251
I was very close with her, and also very dependent on her. I didn't cook or clean and was never really taught or expected too do those things. I just a did few minor chores like taking out the trash, mowing the lawn in the summer and bringing in groceries.
I'm not all that relieved right now, all I feel is crushing sadness and feeling overwhelmed at the thought of living for who knows how long without her, completely by myself. I have some cats and she made me promise that if anything happened to her I would take care of them, so I'm not completely without cares in this world. Add in the fact that the money I inherited won't last forever and knowing I will have to wageslave eventually makes me dread each coming day. Even having to drive everywhere is stress inducing since I hate driving and as a suburban American, public transit is dogshit.
I'm sick of frozen stuff already and would kill for a homecooked meal like I used to take for granted. Every night at roughly the same time I would go downstairs and it would be there on the table, same for lunches. At some point I will likely start to attempt cooking on my own but I'm not there yet. For me the main hangup comes with dealing with the mess, since I hate tedious tasks like cleaning.
I was very close with her, and also very dependent on her. I didn't cook or clean and was never really taught or expected too do those things. I just a did few minor chores like taking out the trash, mowing the lawn in the summer and bringing in groceries.
I'm not all that relieved right now, all I feel is crushing sadness and feeling overwhelmed at the thought of living for who knows how long without her, completely by myself. I have some cats and she made me promise that if anything happened to her I would take care of them, so I'm not completely without cares in this world. Add in the fact that the money I inherited won't last forever and knowing I will have to wageslave eventually makes me dread each coming day. Even having to drive everywhere is stress inducing since I hate driving and as a suburban American, public transit is dogshit.
I'm sick of frozen stuff already and would kill for a homecooked meal like I used to take for granted. Every night at roughly the same time I would go downstairs and it would be there on the table, same for lunches. At some point I will likely start to attempt cooking on my own but I'm not there yet. For me the main hangup comes with dealing with the mess, since I hate tedious tasks like cleaning.
>>273249
thanks for the followup. thats great that you managed to solve the situation without much hassle. please be more careful with hitting glass
if yyou dont mind me asking, why does the balding upset you?
thanks for the followup. thats great that you managed to solve the situation without much hassle. please be more careful with hitting glass
if yyou dont mind me asking, why does the balding upset you?
>>272908
Do they know why she went into cardiac arrest? Was it an artery blockage? Reading your posts has scared me. I slipped into a horrible depression and was an asshole to my mom during it over last few days. I feel fucking miserable about doing that now and taking her for granted, especially after reading your posts. I'm a piece of shit. I've got to do everything I can to never do shit like that again.
Do they know why she went into cardiac arrest? Was it an artery blockage? Reading your posts has scared me. I slipped into a horrible depression and was an asshole to my mom during it over last few days. I feel fucking miserable about doing that now and taking her for granted, especially after reading your posts. I'm a piece of shit. I've got to do everything I can to never do shit like that again.
>>273290
the doctors said it was likely pneumonia, I would agree as I could hear the crackles when she was gasping for breath before she arrested.
She wasn't coughing or sick or anything, though she had said she felt a little weaker than normal in the couple days leading up to it. She was also overweight and diabetic, so that likely didn't help.
the doctors said it was likely pneumonia, I would agree as I could hear the crackles when she was gasping for breath before she arrested.
She wasn't coughing or sick or anything, though she had said she felt a little weaker than normal in the couple days leading up to it. She was also overweight and diabetic, so that likely didn't help.
File: 1677773525183.png (280.45 KB, 1080x1920, 9:16, 1674801107860391.png) ImgOps iqdb
My grandmother passed away today as a result of intracranial hemorrhage. She has always looked after me since I was ten years old, when my mother abandoned me. She was the only family member who looked after me, and now there is no one to do so. I had tuberculosis a year ago, and she looked after me for the entire year. I'm at a loss for what to do now.
>>273370
I perfectly understand your pain as the anon who lost his mom recently. I know it's a normie platitude but you just have to power through it. After some time passes the sadness and grief won't be so all consuming.
I perfectly understand your pain as the anon who lost his mom recently. I know it's a normie platitude but you just have to power through it. After some time passes the sadness and grief won't be so all consuming.
>>273370
It will heal with time everything does, time robs us of everything even our pains
just emptiness left
It will heal with time everything does, time robs us of everything even our pains
just emptiness left
Father died today. He spent all life humilating and insulting me, mother and sister and we wished death to him for years. I hope he suffered a lot. But the most interesting thing is that mother and sister are crying because of this and don't talk to me anymore because I don't care about his death at all. Hypocrisy is a really amazing trait but can't say I expected anything decent from them.
>>273380
he died today and you already figure your sister x mother are no longer speaking to you because you didn't cry? How did you come to that conclusion?
he died today and you already figure your sister x mother are no longer speaking to you because you didn't cry? How did you come to that conclusion?
>>273398
Well maybe it's due to them being known by him for a long time so he can also foresee enough how much of a damn he can still safely not give about it.
Well maybe it's due to them being known by him for a long time so he can also foresee enough how much of a damn he can still safely not give about it.
I feel like the future will be a very sad time for us all. So many people are gonna die of old age, and world will lose many grandparents or parents. Such is life, it's so finite.
>>273403
I think so too. Being a young wizkid and just gliding through life, having parents or government pay for everything, or at most wageslaving for some company, allows us to be content with being alone while not worrying about much. Sadly I think this is what will sooner or later doom many of us. Having no one to rely on, and likewise never being relied on by others, will make one very vulnerable during bad times, whether it be personal or societal ills.
I think so too. Being a young wizkid and just gliding through life, having parents or government pay for everything, or at most wageslaving for some company, allows us to be content with being alone while not worrying about much. Sadly I think this is what will sooner or later doom many of us. Having no one to rely on, and likewise never being relied on by others, will make one very vulnerable during bad times, whether it be personal or societal ills.
life is suffering, at least normies have some good to go with the bad. All we get is the bad, except maybe some empty escapism.
>>273099
>intrusive thoughts and lingering depression.
Simple exercise and going along with the intrusive thoughts made them go away for me.
Every single time you get an intrusive though stop everything an agree out loud with what the intrusive thoughts are telling you and take it further. For example, if they are telling you that you are useless, agree and say "yea and useless. I am fucking worst that useless!, but who gives a damn? It is what it is." The important part is not to fight them. If you try to fight them you enter in a vicious circle and you make it worst. Go along with them.
Alternative, do the max number of pushups or sit ups that you can make until you are physically exhausted every time you get them.
Combining the two things worked for me. The idea is accepting what you are regardless of if its good or bad and take your mind away from it with the physical exhaustion and to feel better about yourself because you did something to improve (you are going to get a hell of a work out and it's going to show, and it will make you feel better about yourself helping you fight the depression).
>intrusive thoughts and lingering depression.
Simple exercise and going along with the intrusive thoughts made them go away for me.
Every single time you get an intrusive though stop everything an agree out loud with what the intrusive thoughts are telling you and take it further. For example, if they are telling you that you are useless, agree and say "yea and useless. I am fucking worst that useless!, but who gives a damn? It is what it is." The important part is not to fight them. If you try to fight them you enter in a vicious circle and you make it worst. Go along with them.
Alternative, do the max number of pushups or sit ups that you can make until you are physically exhausted every time you get them.
Combining the two things worked for me. The idea is accepting what you are regardless of if its good or bad and take your mind away from it with the physical exhaustion and to feel better about yourself because you did something to improve (you are going to get a hell of a work out and it's going to show, and it will make you feel better about yourself helping you fight the depression).
>>273403
I've already experienced losing all of my family members. I'm the last one left and I'm a genetic dead-end being in my late 30s and spending my time here with you fine fellows. It's a strange feeling when you watch all of your family members drop one after another from the time you can remember to losing your grandparents as a child and then not having any left in your teens. Losing your mom in your 20s and then your dad hating you because you aren't living up to his expectations hating you upon his final breath. Your siblings fighting over the money he left them while being left nothing in his will in his final spite against you. Then your siblings spending all of that inheritance on drugs only to overdose in the process leaving you as the sole survivor in your family line before you're even 40 years old. Living a simple life on NEETbux in a one-bedroom apartment on welfare helping a few elderly neighbors with "tech support" for some extra cash to keep up with computer parts or whatever else I might need for that month.
I've already experienced losing all of my family members. I'm the last one left and I'm a genetic dead-end being in my late 30s and spending my time here with you fine fellows. It's a strange feeling when you watch all of your family members drop one after another from the time you can remember to losing your grandparents as a child and then not having any left in your teens. Losing your mom in your 20s and then your dad hating you because you aren't living up to his expectations hating you upon his final breath. Your siblings fighting over the money he left them while being left nothing in his will in his final spite against you. Then your siblings spending all of that inheritance on drugs only to overdose in the process leaving you as the sole survivor in your family line before you're even 40 years old. Living a simple life on NEETbux in a one-bedroom apartment on welfare helping a few elderly neighbors with "tech support" for some extra cash to keep up with computer parts or whatever else I might need for that month.
>>273398
If you are really interested, we live together and I didn't react to a call from hospital in the morning. Then, during the day, they started to say that "I must be so happy now" sarcastically, despite wishing death to him less than a month ago. I thought years of endured pain made us have at least something in common but I was wrong. There are many other detail, but whatever.
If you are really interested, we live together and I didn't react to a call from hospital in the morning. Then, during the day, they started to say that "I must be so happy now" sarcastically, despite wishing death to him less than a month ago. I thought years of endured pain made us have at least something in common but I was wrong. There are many other detail, but whatever.
Knowing that suffering is temporary and that I'll die some day brings me some relief.
I can't wait to die! Whatever comes next can't be worse than this.
I can't wait to die! Whatever comes next can't be worse than this.
>>273419
>"I can't wait to die! Whatever comes next can't be worse than this."
>dies
>river of blood carries you down the path of darkness, where you are impaled upon the mount of agony
>dogs rip at your flesh until you are freed from impalement
>3,0000 years of torment
>your tortured bodyparts float down as they are slowly rejuvenated
>you pass through the pools of burning tar
>6,000 years of torment
>the bloods finally washes you into the rapids of sin
>pirhanas consume your ever regenerating flesh
>botflies lay their eggs inside the holes torn into your body before they can close
>86,000 years of torment
>you pass through the submerged cavern of despair
>constant state of conscious drowning as you are serrated by rocks, blades of fallen warriors, and deadly eels
>2,300,000 years of torment
>you reach hell's deep
>constant state of drowning
>unthinkable abominations perform indescribable rituals upon you from time to time
>sometimes hundreds of thousands of years before you are seen
>sometimes only days
>it takes thousands of years for your destroyed body to regenerate after a ritual
>conscious the entire time
>you must swim through the reefs of horror and find the tunnel or else you become like "them"
>at the bottom of the deep is a writhing red mass of uncountable infinities of sinners
>their bodies have melded into one, their screams stifled by the blood ocean
>faces of inexpressible horror as they are flayed by small crablike entities or occassionally 'performed upon' by the abominations of the depths
>they are the ones that gave up, that failed to escape through the eons passed and yet to come
>you swim in suffocation through 82,000,000,000 years of torment and over 4,000,0000 miles to the tunnel
>you float to the surface, the currents of rage
>meathooks occasionally sink into you, you must free yourself before you are taken by "the fisherman" and experience 920,000,000,000 years of terror
>you reach the isle of clubs, first dry land
>its ogres
>they club you again and again
>you are flattened, eaten, flattened again, boiled, forced to tear into the flesh of other sinners for their entertainment, smashed, raped, everything you can think of
>after 40,000,000,000,000 years on average you are accidentally thrown into the acidic river of blood
>not so bad to be excruciating, but bad enough so that you cannot concentrate on anything else
>after 120,000,000,000,000,000 of silent floating with countless trillions of sinners
>you come across the silken thread
>the one way out of hell
>every sinner tries to climb his way to the top, yanking and pulling at every one else
>no one has escaped for 670,000,000,000,000,000,000 years
>whenever you fail, you reach the mount of agony
>it starts over
>"I can't wait to die! Whatever comes next can't be worse than this."
>dies
>river of blood carries you down the path of darkness, where you are impaled upon the mount of agony
>dogs rip at your flesh until you are freed from impalement
>3,0000 years of torment
>your tortured bodyparts float down as they are slowly rejuvenated
>you pass through the pools of burning tar
>6,000 years of torment
>the bloods finally washes you into the rapids of sin
>pirhanas consume your ever regenerating flesh
>botflies lay their eggs inside the holes torn into your body before they can close
>86,000 years of torment
>you pass through the submerged cavern of despair
>constant state of conscious drowning as you are serrated by rocks, blades of fallen warriors, and deadly eels
>2,300,000 years of torment
>you reach hell's deep
>constant state of drowning
>unthinkable abominations perform indescribable rituals upon you from time to time
>sometimes hundreds of thousands of years before you are seen
>sometimes only days
>it takes thousands of years for your destroyed body to regenerate after a ritual
>conscious the entire time
>you must swim through the reefs of horror and find the tunnel or else you become like "them"
>at the bottom of the deep is a writhing red mass of uncountable infinities of sinners
>their bodies have melded into one, their screams stifled by the blood ocean
>faces of inexpressible horror as they are flayed by small crablike entities or occassionally 'performed upon' by the abominations of the depths
>they are the ones that gave up, that failed to escape through the eons passed and yet to come
>you swim in suffocation through 82,000,000,000 years of torment and over 4,000,0000 miles to the tunnel
>you float to the surface, the currents of rage
>meathooks occasionally sink into you, you must free yourself before you are taken by "the fisherman" and experience 920,000,000,000 years of terror
>you reach the isle of clubs, first dry land
>its ogres
>they club you again and again
>you are flattened, eaten, flattened again, boiled, forced to tear into the flesh of other sinners for their entertainment, smashed, raped, everything you can think of
>after 40,000,000,000,000 years on average you are accidentally thrown into the acidic river of blood
>not so bad to be excruciating, but bad enough so that you cannot concentrate on anything else
>after 120,000,000,000,000,000 of silent floating with countless trillions of sinners
>you come across the silken thread
>the one way out of hell
>every sinner tries to climb his way to the top, yanking and pulling at every one else
>no one has escaped for 670,000,000,000,000,000,000 years
>whenever you fail, you reach the mount of agony
>it starts over
>>273423
If I managed to reach the silken thread, I think I would just stay there and watch everyone else try to climb it. Relishing that obstreperous longing seems more worthwhile than such a feeble chance of escape.
If I managed to reach the silken thread, I think I would just stay there and watch everyone else try to climb it. Relishing that obstreperous longing seems more worthwhile than such a feeble chance of escape.
Do you guys have any good memories?
I honestly can't remember having a single good memory at all.
All I remember from my childhood and adolecence is being isolated, being bullied and hoping everyday that my parents wouldn't kill each others. I still remember when I had to mop the blood of my mother from the floor. My early adulthood is a mix of being a NEET for long periods of time and being bullied at work. I have been on survival mode ever since I was a kid. I have never had a single friend. I have trust issues from being abused all my life. People are naturally repelled by me. I know I'm ugly, but that's not it. I've seen people who are way uglier get treated better than me. People wouldn't even sit next to me on the bus. Even animals can feel this weird vibe I give. Dogs bark when I approach and cats won't let me pet them. I can't stand this life, but I'm too much of a fag to end it.
I wouldn't wish this existence on my worst enemy.
I honestly can't remember having a single good memory at all.
All I remember from my childhood and adolecence is being isolated, being bullied and hoping everyday that my parents wouldn't kill each others. I still remember when I had to mop the blood of my mother from the floor. My early adulthood is a mix of being a NEET for long periods of time and being bullied at work. I have been on survival mode ever since I was a kid. I have never had a single friend. I have trust issues from being abused all my life. People are naturally repelled by me. I know I'm ugly, but that's not it. I've seen people who are way uglier get treated better than me. People wouldn't even sit next to me on the bus. Even animals can feel this weird vibe I give. Dogs bark when I approach and cats won't let me pet them. I can't stand this life, but I'm too much of a fag to end it.
I wouldn't wish this existence on my worst enemy.
>>273452
Yes, I have some good memories. Mostly from when I was on drugs. Can't go back to drugs now due to mental issues.
Yes, I have some good memories. Mostly from when I was on drugs. Can't go back to drugs now due to mental issues.
>>273452
>People are naturally repelled by me.
This might be hard to hear but it's probably because you're "weird." (I'm weird too)
Let me explain. Normal peoplw give off predictable signals that allow social interaction to occur smoothly. When a normal person is in a bad mood, or upset, or violently angry, it's typically easy to notice and interpret the signals. It's also easier, because of these signals, for things to de-escalate long before a bad situation explodes.
If you're "weird" you don't give off interpretable signals, or what you do give off is the presence of someone that is either dangerous or on drugs. When one becomes angry, it's probable that they either lash out unpredictably, or bottle it up in such a way that no one would know. In the latter case, because nobody is able to tell that the weirdo has become violently angry, they aren't able to avoid him, calm him down, or avoid doing it again. In the former case, he's just uncomfortable to be around.
The same can be said for many other emotions. If you're weird, normals won't know if you liked what they said, if you're irritated by their presence, if you want them to stop or continue talking, etc. They are psychologically repulsed because they rely on a lot of information to not only keep themselves safe, but YOU safe as well, and when they don't get this information things can turn out badly. Are you just socially inept? Or are you hiding signals because you're up to something?
As for the psychological repulsion, it useful in many ways. Think about the kind of person that is most likely to turn out extremely weird; abused, isolated, mentally ill, etc. All of these things are also predictive factors for being a generally dangerous person, and it is evolutionarily built into the human psyche to avoid "weirdos."
They're not trying to be evil, they're not intolerant or rude, they aren't careless or disrespectful of you, they're just trying to live and make (psychologically speaking) decisions.
>People are naturally repelled by me.
This might be hard to hear but it's probably because you're "weird." (I'm weird too)
Let me explain. Normal peoplw give off predictable signals that allow social interaction to occur smoothly. When a normal person is in a bad mood, or upset, or violently angry, it's typically easy to notice and interpret the signals. It's also easier, because of these signals, for things to de-escalate long before a bad situation explodes.
If you're "weird" you don't give off interpretable signals, or what you do give off is the presence of someone that is either dangerous or on drugs. When one becomes angry, it's probable that they either lash out unpredictably, or bottle it up in such a way that no one would know. In the latter case, because nobody is able to tell that the weirdo has become violently angry, they aren't able to avoid him, calm him down, or avoid doing it again. In the former case, he's just uncomfortable to be around.
The same can be said for many other emotions. If you're weird, normals won't know if you liked what they said, if you're irritated by their presence, if you want them to stop or continue talking, etc. They are psychologically repulsed because they rely on a lot of information to not only keep themselves safe, but YOU safe as well, and when they don't get this information things can turn out badly. Are you just socially inept? Or are you hiding signals because you're up to something?
As for the psychological repulsion, it useful in many ways. Think about the kind of person that is most likely to turn out extremely weird; abused, isolated, mentally ill, etc. All of these things are also predictive factors for being a generally dangerous person, and it is evolutionarily built into the human psyche to avoid "weirdos."
They're not trying to be evil, they're not intolerant or rude, they aren't careless or disrespectful of you, they're just trying to live and make (psychologically speaking) decisions.
File: 1678011698427.png (603.48 KB, 564x690, 94:115, 1669264071707204.png) ImgOps iqdb
God is a sadist. He laughs at our suffering.
File: 1678016135650.jpg (109.92 KB, 1080x917, 1080:917, quack.jpg) ImgOps iqdb
I'll be turning 32 soon. I still live with my parents. Pee in jugs, I'm sure they know but don't want to confront me about it.
Dead-end job, part time (~25 hrs/week) that exhausts me. Hate dealing with people. Can't imagine going 40+. Same shitty gig for over 3 years. I long for weekends where I can sleep for 12-14 hours/day.
Alcoholic, addicted to nicotine, addicted to caffiene, weed- anything I can get tbh. And I'm on prescription drugs, too.
Probable candidate for diabeetus and kidney stones.
Nothing is fun or fulfilling unless I'm totally smashed.
I have no motivation
This stupid experiment needs to end and I'm just so tired.
Dead-end job, part time (~25 hrs/week) that exhausts me. Hate dealing with people. Can't imagine going 40+. Same shitty gig for over 3 years. I long for weekends where I can sleep for 12-14 hours/day.
Alcoholic, addicted to nicotine, addicted to caffiene, weed- anything I can get tbh. And I'm on prescription drugs, too.
Probable candidate for diabeetus and kidney stones.
Nothing is fun or fulfilling unless I'm totally smashed.
I have no motivation
This stupid experiment needs to end and I'm just so tired.
>>273466
Same age and almost same situation. Never did the drugs and drink shit though. I'm starting to think maybe i should develop a drinking problem just for the hell of it.
Same age and almost same situation. Never did the drugs and drink shit though. I'm starting to think maybe i should develop a drinking problem just for the hell of it.
File: 1678022992292.jpg (93.29 KB, 722x694, 361:347, the teacher is quiet.jpg) ImgOps iqdb
>>273464
Don't mistake the unseen with prejudice. That's what criminals use to prosper at the cost of innocents
Don't mistake the unseen with prejudice. That's what criminals use to prosper at the cost of innocents
>>273466
>I still live with my parents.
so you don't pay taxes and do not live alone, unguarded
>Pee in jugs
Exposed to sunlight and mixed 1 to 9 parts with water it is a nice manure supplement
>drugs
That's you against that, raw
>diabetes and stones
Embed YT channel for thee
>job
Even if it's the same everywhere, be sure to swap. And to swap again, don't give all your energy to the same boss
>I still live with my parents.
so you don't pay taxes and do not live alone, unguarded
>Pee in jugs
Exposed to sunlight and mixed 1 to 9 parts with water it is a nice manure supplement
>drugs
That's you against that, raw
>diabetes and stones
Embed YT channel for thee
>job
Even if it's the same everywhere, be sure to swap. And to swap again, don't give all your energy to the same boss
when i was in school i was bullied and excluded etc wah wah
so i went on the internet
internet was comfort
it ensnares your focus, away from the world
now, as soon as i wake up, i turn on the computer, even before breakfast
and as soon as i get home, first thing i do is turn on computer
doesnt really make sense though, because worldly matters still exist, and will keep striking pain if you dont attend
so i went on the internet
internet was comfort
it ensnares your focus, away from the world
now, as soon as i wake up, i turn on the computer, even before breakfast
and as soon as i get home, first thing i do is turn on computer
doesnt really make sense though, because worldly matters still exist, and will keep striking pain if you dont attend
File: 1678023719345.jpg (19.54 KB, 800x600, 4:3, Danielle La Porte - Life o….jpg) ImgOps iqdb
>>272405
Are you shattering the dreams of some other unworthy intruders? In order to have something we never had, we must do something we never did before.
Are you shattering the dreams of some other unworthy intruders? In order to have something we never had, we must do something we never did before.
File: 1678024356063.png (513.01 KB, 800x754, 400:377, DylanSp-202-drink-the-geni….png) ImgOps iqdb
>>273460
Repel them further.
>They're not trying to be evil, they're not intolerant or rude, they aren't careless or disrespectful of you, they're just trying to live and make (psychologically speaking) decisions.
False. This is where we do fall for their deceit, where we accept what hurts us and keeps them safe. Their decisions are the real evil and they don't stop projecting upon us, they do fear yes but not enough, and never what they should and we must learn to take advantage from this. Remember the "hidden war" meme
Repel them further.
>They're not trying to be evil, they're not intolerant or rude, they aren't careless or disrespectful of you, they're just trying to live and make (psychologically speaking) decisions.
False. This is where we do fall for their deceit, where we accept what hurts us and keeps them safe. Their decisions are the real evil and they don't stop projecting upon us, they do fear yes but not enough, and never what they should and we must learn to take advantage from this. Remember the "hidden war" meme
>>273452
>I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
And that's why your enemies have constantly treaded upon you all this time. You never took vengeance, nor stopped having hopes and desires towards the world.
>stop trying to have friendly contact with anything, embrace your gift, feed on their hate.
>you are mistaking your role against the world
>I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
And that's why your enemies have constantly treaded upon you all this time. You never took vengeance, nor stopped having hopes and desires towards the world.
>stop trying to have friendly contact with anything, embrace your gift, feed on their hate.
>you are mistaking your role against the world
>>273452
My parents were too stuck up on their own problems too. I've only known misery since earliest memory. They were shutins. We had nothing but a TV with no cable. There was no internet much less vidya game back then. I used to just sit and choke back tears to pass time. When I couldn't they'd make fun of me for crying too much.
My only good memories are because I was too naive to understand the situation at the time. From the few "friends" I ever had were using me for entertainment. I should have known considering they in the same social circle as my more obvious bullies. I didn't realize there are another type of bully who pretend to be nice. And they are psycho enough keep this act. At least enough to have fooled me. Some kept up the charade up to high school when kids become full blown unfiltered sociopath. That's when I started to severe all social ties. Thus beginning my adult years of complete isolation.
Despite my miserable early years, I some how managed to get through college. I never managed a job from it. I did one bullshit job. It was basically the, "hey bro I've got a killer app idea I just need coders". I had to fight them to pay me which didn't even cover living expenses. So I basically paid to work for them.
I do not know how to play the social game as said >>273460. So what am I to do. Just drifting through life since day one. Also to add to what that anon said. There's also cases where it's simply they see weak demeanor. The way someone carries themself. They way they speak. Their personality. Someone who has no fight in them. Normals will react in two general ways. One is the type who will prey on me. The other is the type who will not associate with me at all because I have zero value to them.
My parents were too stuck up on their own problems too. I've only known misery since earliest memory. They were shutins. We had nothing but a TV with no cable. There was no internet much less vidya game back then. I used to just sit and choke back tears to pass time. When I couldn't they'd make fun of me for crying too much.
My only good memories are because I was too naive to understand the situation at the time. From the few "friends" I ever had were using me for entertainment. I should have known considering they in the same social circle as my more obvious bullies. I didn't realize there are another type of bully who pretend to be nice. And they are psycho enough keep this act. At least enough to have fooled me. Some kept up the charade up to high school when kids become full blown unfiltered sociopath. That's when I started to severe all social ties. Thus beginning my adult years of complete isolation.
Despite my miserable early years, I some how managed to get through college. I never managed a job from it. I did one bullshit job. It was basically the, "hey bro I've got a killer app idea I just need coders". I had to fight them to pay me which didn't even cover living expenses. So I basically paid to work for them.
I do not know how to play the social game as said >>273460. So what am I to do. Just drifting through life since day one. Also to add to what that anon said. There's also cases where it's simply they see weak demeanor. The way someone carries themself. They way they speak. Their personality. Someone who has no fight in them. Normals will react in two general ways. One is the type who will prey on me. The other is the type who will not associate with me at all because I have zero value to them.
While I'm unwell I keep on getting fucked with. I just had my car checked and they nailed me for all sorts of bullshit, the succubus bloviated with that there was "lots" to repair with a sort of smug intonation in her voice.
She went through the list with such glee, half of it was clearly bullshit and they added shit like "window wipers are dirty and need adjusting". Then when I left she laughed. Like the most obvious fucking bullshit.
It's bizarre how many of these types are just out there in this world. I'm even beyond the hurt feelings, have been for like five years now. I'm more just frustrated and annoyed at how difficult and annoying normalfaggots are.
And guess what, when I come right, this shit stops entirely. I go in looking fucked up they think I'm beyond perceiving it, and the knives come out in a way you just don't forget when you come right.
The Christians are right, but humanity is beyond forgiveness. Calvinism makes the most sense because I just can't comprehend how these types that try to attack the vulnerable come around. It just seems too ingrained, too permanent.
She went through the list with such glee, half of it was clearly bullshit and they added shit like "window wipers are dirty and need adjusting". Then when I left she laughed. Like the most obvious fucking bullshit.
It's bizarre how many of these types are just out there in this world. I'm even beyond the hurt feelings, have been for like five years now. I'm more just frustrated and annoyed at how difficult and annoying normalfaggots are.
And guess what, when I come right, this shit stops entirely. I go in looking fucked up they think I'm beyond perceiving it, and the knives come out in a way you just don't forget when you come right.
The Christians are right, but humanity is beyond forgiveness. Calvinism makes the most sense because I just can't comprehend how these types that try to attack the vulnerable come around. It just seems too ingrained, too permanent.
>>273479
>There's also cases where it's simply they see weak demeanor. The way someone carries themself. They way they speak. Their personality. Someone who has no fight in them. Normals will react in two general ways. One is the type who will prey on me. The other is the type who will not associate with me at all because I have zero value to them.
The reason you get targeted is twofold:
1. Bad people will prey on those that don't know how to react, or are isolated with little social support. This is not merely what normals do, just any bad person. Evil outcasts tend rather to band together with any outcast, but they very much will do this if they think it won't bite them in the ass later.
2. Normals are evolutionarily hardwired to search and destroy weirdos (and that's a good thing). If they didn't do this, non-functional weirdos would ovetake the normies, destroy the fabric of society, and then your neetbux would end.
How do normals "destroy" weirdos? Any way possible, usually starting with kindhearted attempts to reform, moving on to heavyhanded insults to correct your behavior, and ending with ostracization, banishment, or imprisonment (the last two don't really happen anymore).
the best thing you can do is realize that normal people are just trying to keep things running "smoothly."
>There's also cases where it's simply they see weak demeanor. The way someone carries themself. They way they speak. Their personality. Someone who has no fight in them. Normals will react in two general ways. One is the type who will prey on me. The other is the type who will not associate with me at all because I have zero value to them.
The reason you get targeted is twofold:
1. Bad people will prey on those that don't know how to react, or are isolated with little social support. This is not merely what normals do, just any bad person. Evil outcasts tend rather to band together with any outcast, but they very much will do this if they think it won't bite them in the ass later.
2. Normals are evolutionarily hardwired to search and destroy weirdos (and that's a good thing). If they didn't do this, non-functional weirdos would ovetake the normies, destroy the fabric of society, and then your neetbux would end.
How do normals "destroy" weirdos? Any way possible, usually starting with kindhearted attempts to reform, moving on to heavyhanded insults to correct your behavior, and ending with ostracization, banishment, or imprisonment (the last two don't really happen anymore).
the best thing you can do is realize that normal people are just trying to keep things running "smoothly."
>>273526
>non-functional weirdos would ovetake the normies, destroy the fabric of society, and then your neetbux would end.
No need to do this, normies are already destroying society
>non-functional weirdos would ovetake the normies, destroy the fabric of society, and then your neetbux would end.
No need to do this, normies are already destroying society
>>272304
I'm making a conscious effort to change the path I'm taking. Today I passed over a bridge and looked down at the cars speeding below; I was too afraid to jump. It's also interesting how the mind invents so many copes at the point you're going to commit suicide
>What if I fall on a car and people die?
>What if I cause a pile up and a bunch of people die?
>Kids could see this…
And it saps the energy from me. Then I walk back, grab a biscuit, and go home.
I don't really have any options as far as living goes, and, as much as I think I should do something to make a difference, I don't think it matters that much. I tore up my writings and dismantled the IED in my closet too lmao.
If I don't kill myself I'll be punished severely. I'm going deaf and blind, and it's so noticeable now that the tinnitus is easily heard over a busy highway and I can barely see when headlights are in front of me.
I'm degenerating more quickly than expected. A month ago I posted about my tinnitus and it's noticeably worse now than before; I can no longer hear my phone taps and only barely my footsteps. I also get random bouts of extreme drowsiness and headaches, which is new. I guess God answered my prayers and has given my life direction. All roads lead to death.
I don't think, if heaven and hell are real, that I will go to heaven. I'm too full of doubts for that, and too much of a shitty worthless person. I've never done a good deed in my entire life. I've only taken, and never given. Even then, there were many times that genuinely amazing people tried to intervene in my life and help me, but I always rejected them and ran away. I turned down all the help that came for me, divine or not, and I deserve to suffer and die. I am genuinely sorry.
I had a thought while out-and-about. I saw places of business, parks, homes, apartments, and I realized something: I didn't feel that I belonged. I felt like an intruder everywhere I went. I feel like an intruder in my own home. I was never invited to this world.
Anyway, I'm probably not going to kill myself (if I were suicidal, wouldn't I be dead? lmao). For you sadwizzes out there, just don't do what I have done. You can still make things better.
I'm making a conscious effort to change the path I'm taking. Today I passed over a bridge and looked down at the cars speeding below; I was too afraid to jump. It's also interesting how the mind invents so many copes at the point you're going to commit suicide
>What if I fall on a car and people die?
>What if I cause a pile up and a bunch of people die?
>Kids could see this…
And it saps the energy from me. Then I walk back, grab a biscuit, and go home.
I don't really have any options as far as living goes, and, as much as I think I should do something to make a difference, I don't think it matters that much. I tore up my writings and dismantled the IED in my closet too lmao.
If I don't kill myself I'll be punished severely. I'm going deaf and blind, and it's so noticeable now that the tinnitus is easily heard over a busy highway and I can barely see when headlights are in front of me.
I'm degenerating more quickly than expected. A month ago I posted about my tinnitus and it's noticeably worse now than before; I can no longer hear my phone taps and only barely my footsteps. I also get random bouts of extreme drowsiness and headaches, which is new. I guess God answered my prayers and has given my life direction. All roads lead to death.
I don't think, if heaven and hell are real, that I will go to heaven. I'm too full of doubts for that, and too much of a shitty worthless person. I've never done a good deed in my entire life. I've only taken, and never given. Even then, there were many times that genuinely amazing people tried to intervene in my life and help me, but I always rejected them and ran away. I turned down all the help that came for me, divine or not, and I deserve to suffer and die. I am genuinely sorry.
I had a thought while out-and-about. I saw places of business, parks, homes, apartments, and I realized something: I didn't feel that I belonged. I felt like an intruder everywhere I went. I feel like an intruder in my own home. I was never invited to this world.
Anyway, I'm probably not going to kill myself (if I were suicidal, wouldn't I be dead? lmao). For you sadwizzes out there, just don't do what I have done. You can still make things better.
I have to verify my identity online and their verification method is new to me: I have to upload a picture of my face with my ID in my hand near my face. A "selfie".
For 99.9% of people online, this is nothing strange, nothing new, it's a normal activity they do regularly.
I've never in my entire life taken a picture of myself and haven't had pictures taken of me since I was in high school over 12 years ago.
It feels so awkward and I feel uncomfortable doing it. Then I finally get a non-blurry shot of myself with my ID, and confirm my fears and insecurities:
I'm a hideous freak. I've always known that I'm ugly, it stopped bothering me long ago, it's just what I am. But I only now realize how repelling and revolting I appear to everyone else.
This is so stupid. I've had to verify my identity in the past, and the most extreme methods would involve scanning an image of my ID and nothing more. I don't need this extra ounce of embarrassment and pain sprinkled on top of the chocolate sundae shitshow that is my curdled existence.
For 99.9% of people online, this is nothing strange, nothing new, it's a normal activity they do regularly.
I've never in my entire life taken a picture of myself and haven't had pictures taken of me since I was in high school over 12 years ago.
It feels so awkward and I feel uncomfortable doing it. Then I finally get a non-blurry shot of myself with my ID, and confirm my fears and insecurities:
I'm a hideous freak. I've always known that I'm ugly, it stopped bothering me long ago, it's just what I am. But I only now realize how repelling and revolting I appear to everyone else.
This is so stupid. I've had to verify my identity in the past, and the most extreme methods would involve scanning an image of my ID and nothing more. I don't need this extra ounce of embarrassment and pain sprinkled on top of the chocolate sundae shitshow that is my curdled existence.
>>273536
I felt the same. Some services now require actual video call to verify but i havent had to do it yet
I felt the same. Some services now require actual video call to verify but i havent had to do it yet
File: 1678142555724.png (433.6 KB, 640x480, 4:3, 6333.png) ImgOps iqdb
this is what i do to people that try to be nice to me
I think i'm dying, or worse, not dying but will end up a vegetable. I caught some infection, well everyone in my house has it now, but it was fucked from the start. fever, weakness, etc and weird epilepsy-like symptoms from start plus high heart rate, and when. i thought it was getting better i got eye and neurological symptoms. doctors found nothing wrong, but now i'm choking and my heart feels fucked. it's probably covid or unidentified infection complications. i prob have weak immune system due to doing nothing and rarely getting sick so it's fucking me up. i hate the feeling of choking, i can't stand it. in hinds
in hindsight, suicide seems like a piece of cake compared to dying like this. i wish i did it earlier and i'll regret it till my grave probably. It's the worst case scenario when something fucks you up and you lose all agency over your life, and u are left to suffer. my brain is already broken from the stress of the past month health problems, i'm starting to lose my mind as well as my health. i can barely think cohesively anymore, yesterday i couldn't figure out how a thermometer is called. i think i'm falling apart.
in hindsight, suicide seems like a piece of cake compared to dying like this. i wish i did it earlier and i'll regret it till my grave probably. It's the worst case scenario when something fucks you up and you lose all agency over your life, and u are left to suffer. my brain is already broken from the stress of the past month health problems, i'm starting to lose my mind as well as my health. i can barely think cohesively anymore, yesterday i couldn't figure out how a thermometer is called. i think i'm falling apart.
MOther fuck I some how got pretty deep scratches on my glasses. No idea when exactly or how it happened.
I want to sleep ever, i don't have the feeling of sleepiness every time so i must endure being awake even if im too tired and don't want to do anything.
>>273610
>wake up
>try to go back to sleep
>sometimes it works
>BUT I will have to wake up
>stay in bed lying with eyes shut
>don't feel like doing anything because I'm depressed and don't like anything
>wake up
>try to go back to sleep
>sometimes it works
>BUT I will have to wake up
>stay in bed lying with eyes shut
>don't feel like doing anything because I'm depressed and don't like anything
>>272304
>make post on public guest wifi
>they add login requirement
>find another wifi
How do I prevent this bros…
>make post on public guest wifi
>they add login requirement
>find another wifi
How do I prevent this bros…
>>272304
I am a disgusting faggot that refuses to stop wallowing in misery. I hate being like this, a momster essentially, worthless in every sense. I can't become satisfied with any state of affairs.
Is the reason that I still haven't killed myself because the pleasure of existing still outweighs the pain of death? I would give anything to pass into an eternal dreamless sleep. Why did I survive? Please bros… I need to rest…
I am a disgusting faggot that refuses to stop wallowing in misery. I hate being like this, a momster essentially, worthless in every sense. I can't become satisfied with any state of affairs.
Is the reason that I still haven't killed myself because the pleasure of existing still outweighs the pain of death? I would give anything to pass into an eternal dreamless sleep. Why did I survive? Please bros… I need to rest…
File: 1678331245473.jpg (479.99 KB, 850x1133, 850:1133, sample_1f1d1ce5fdecc5038cf….jpg) ImgOps iqdb
I'm starting to get high blood pressure from all my anger, stress, depression and revenge fantasies.
It's all not worth it wizards, just give up the hate and move on.
It's all not worth it wizards, just give up the hate and move on.
I dont even know what to do anymore.
Ive been at my own place for a year now and when I first moved I had all these creative endeavors planned for my free time. I just hit 15 years having a youtube channel that never gained any traction. I know if I make something (music, art, whatever) that its not going to get any sort of acknowledgement.
I still cant bring myself to do normie shit like watch reality tv, sporst, and play calladuty all day though. It just sucks when youre in your 30s and still havent found a purpose.
Ive been at my own place for a year now and when I first moved I had all these creative endeavors planned for my free time. I just hit 15 years having a youtube channel that never gained any traction. I know if I make something (music, art, whatever) that its not going to get any sort of acknowledgement.
I still cant bring myself to do normie shit like watch reality tv, sporst, and play calladuty all day though. It just sucks when youre in your 30s and still havent found a purpose.
>>273667
The Revenge Fantasies hits me harder than most, I hate how weak and wimpy I was in my past. Everyone even the nerds themselves bullied and outcast me, I just want someone to actually treat me nice for once, just for a minute.
The Revenge Fantasies hits me harder than most, I hate how weak and wimpy I was in my past. Everyone even the nerds themselves bullied and outcast me, I just want someone to actually treat me nice for once, just for a minute.
File: 1678387171165.jpeg (9.4 KB, 225x225, 1:1, sanu sherpa.nepal.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb
how can I cure my "foolish" craving and fantasies about extreme sports, nature travel, travelling in itself ,etc?
its expensive, risky, I have to wait till who knows what happens because my parents are helicopter parents. Doing any high-risk sport, I will surely have to deal with adrenaline-junkie normogroids who lsiten to techno music. Even travelling within my country (for free,neetbux) will face me with different peoples and foreign costums.
I just want stillness and peace. but I need to validate my celibate manliness and my manly celibacy.
its expensive, risky, I have to wait till who knows what happens because my parents are helicopter parents. Doing any high-risk sport, I will surely have to deal with adrenaline-junkie normogroids who lsiten to techno music. Even travelling within my country (for free,neetbux) will face me with different peoples and foreign costums.
I just want stillness and peace. but I need to validate my celibate manliness and my manly celibacy.
>>273677
just fucking do it what are you even complaining about, do you want quiet solitude or adventure? go do it, you find which one you want more.
its only expensive if you limit yourself to distant, expensive sports, near me the cheap sports include, swimming, walking, hiking, camping, slightly more expensive: rock climbing, mountain biking.
you can cure your craving, by inmh, gorging yourself until you are sick and hate the taste
just fucking do it what are you even complaining about, do you want quiet solitude or adventure? go do it, you find which one you want more.
its only expensive if you limit yourself to distant, expensive sports, near me the cheap sports include, swimming, walking, hiking, camping, slightly more expensive: rock climbing, mountain biking.
you can cure your craving, by inmh, gorging yourself until you are sick and hate the taste
>>273678
you dont understand.I do work,but live with and off my parents to avoid paying ((((rent))). I am bound my parents restrictions.
and I also know my idealised and fantasy idea of going from city to city (within country) doing stuff is…incredibly risky and dangerous
as I said, I can use public-State trains and buses to move to any big city FROM any big city +use public transport for free, within any city.
you dont understand.I do work,but live with and off my parents to avoid paying ((((rent))). I am bound my parents restrictions.
and I also know my idealised and fantasy idea of going from city to city (within country) doing stuff is…incredibly risky and dangerous
as I said, I can use public-State trains and buses to move to any big city FROM any big city +use public transport for free, within any city.
>>273679
and when im not drinking in the woods near a walmart with homeless people, or illegally riding freight trains, im doing you, living with my sympathetic family to save on rent costs
and when im not drinking in the woods near a walmart with homeless people, or illegally riding freight trains, im doing you, living with my sympathetic family to save on rent costs
>>273681
are you not afraid of getting male raped?
My biggest fear if I became a street-wanderer would be rape.
are you not afraid of getting male raped?
My biggest fear if I became a street-wanderer would be rape.
>>273684
I'm not but I would be lieing if I havent felt like I've come close to some dangerous situations. In my experience, you can tell at a distance, malicious intent. Plus, like accepting rides in the process of hitch hiking can be a great way to grow your sense of "can I trust this situ/person". I was more afraid in the beginning of my adventure sagas, but I was also smaller, and probably more desirable looking to human traffickers then.
>>273683
Unfortunately and somewhat ironically, it's a better story at a high level than the more detailed stuff, because mostly, I just spend a lot of time contemplating and waiting, playing in 'nature' (wooded walmart). It's given me a lot of time to slow down, it enabled me to practice socializing with low-cost strangers, that if I ruined the socialization event, it wouldnt matter as I was just passing through anyway. It gives a good view of the underbelly, but maybe it's just me, but the stories of like hanging out in slums and shit while people are doing drugs and shit, is more stressful than most other types of 'people-around'. I've had all my living-possesions stolen a few times, but since I'm not actually homeless I can just head home and restock more often than not. Still, it can be frustrating to wake up without some essential gear. I sometimes carry a pocket knife, but as I don't run drills, I don't think it would be an adequate self defense tool if push came to shove, I mostly rely on keeping my wits, keeping my distance, and awareness of my surroundings. Couple times people have drawn or nearly drawn guns and weakly tried to rob me. Honestly usually the worst things that happen to me, are never individuals or their actions – its always institutions employing workers, or the weather, or the urban design. People are generally very nice to me, and I try to have an uplifting spirit, because frankly, I am doing exactly what I want to be, pissing time away, playing around. I've been brought into peoples houses to sleep, shower and eat, so many, many times, it amazes me. And I've never been axe murdered or male raped in all those times
I'm not but I would be lieing if I havent felt like I've come close to some dangerous situations. In my experience, you can tell at a distance, malicious intent. Plus, like accepting rides in the process of hitch hiking can be a great way to grow your sense of "can I trust this situ/person". I was more afraid in the beginning of my adventure sagas, but I was also smaller, and probably more desirable looking to human traffickers then.
>>273683
Unfortunately and somewhat ironically, it's a better story at a high level than the more detailed stuff, because mostly, I just spend a lot of time contemplating and waiting, playing in 'nature' (wooded walmart). It's given me a lot of time to slow down, it enabled me to practice socializing with low-cost strangers, that if I ruined the socialization event, it wouldnt matter as I was just passing through anyway. It gives a good view of the underbelly, but maybe it's just me, but the stories of like hanging out in slums and shit while people are doing drugs and shit, is more stressful than most other types of 'people-around'. I've had all my living-possesions stolen a few times, but since I'm not actually homeless I can just head home and restock more often than not. Still, it can be frustrating to wake up without some essential gear. I sometimes carry a pocket knife, but as I don't run drills, I don't think it would be an adequate self defense tool if push came to shove, I mostly rely on keeping my wits, keeping my distance, and awareness of my surroundings. Couple times people have drawn or nearly drawn guns and weakly tried to rob me. Honestly usually the worst things that happen to me, are never individuals or their actions – its always institutions employing workers, or the weather, or the urban design. People are generally very nice to me, and I try to have an uplifting spirit, because frankly, I am doing exactly what I want to be, pissing time away, playing around. I've been brought into peoples houses to sleep, shower and eat, so many, many times, it amazes me. And I've never been axe murdered or male raped in all those times
>>273686
money, money makes security guards make me move my spot, weather is chaos and cant be controlled, and urban design is similar to the security guard mentality where if you fail to assimilate and enforce order you may be disposed of yourself. for instance, all low wage retail workers must have a cop in their head or they can get introuble with the boss.
money, money makes security guards make me move my spot, weather is chaos and cant be controlled, and urban design is similar to the security guard mentality where if you fail to assimilate and enforce order you may be disposed of yourself. for instance, all low wage retail workers must have a cop in their head or they can get introuble with the boss.
File: 1678403685131.jpg (287.47 KB, 1200x799, 1200:799, gcr-ncdt2020-lrg.jpg) ImgOps iqdb
No matter how broke I am, I can't help but waste $10 a day at a shop buying a coffee and something to eat. I literally have to be out of money to not do it.
I don't know why I do it, I just do it. The food isn't even particularly nice.
I don't know why I do it, I just do it. The food isn't even particularly nice.
>>273692
I don't have any evidence for this but it feels like a lot of places either became coffee shops or wine bars during/after the last recession. It's possibly because coffee is a low-commitment purchase. As one comedian observed: some coffees are essentially puddings in a cup, so succubi love them as they can have something sweet without guilt or stigma. Coffee shops are disguised fast food places for middle class people
I don't have any evidence for this but it feels like a lot of places either became coffee shops or wine bars during/after the last recession. It's possibly because coffee is a low-commitment purchase. As one comedian observed: some coffees are essentially puddings in a cup, so succubi love them as they can have something sweet without guilt or stigma. Coffee shops are disguised fast food places for middle class people
>>273694
>Coffee shops are disguised fast food places for middle class people
i used to criŋge when people say theres no middle class but now i cant deny it. fast food isnt a middle class thing, lawyers, contracts, and businesses are. those are upper worker class things (cheap, mass produced consumable commodites)
>Coffee shops are disguised fast food places for middle class people
i used to criŋge when people say theres no middle class but now i cant deny it. fast food isnt a middle class thing, lawyers, contracts, and businesses are. those are upper worker class things (cheap, mass produced consumable commodites)
>>273694
It's also an industry where there's a low cost of entry and the job is appealing to bored housewives. There's a reason there's one on every corner, it gives succubi a way to gossip and feel useful.
It's also an industry where there's a low cost of entry and the job is appealing to bored housewives. There's a reason there's one on every corner, it gives succubi a way to gossip and feel useful.
>>273700
do you live somewhere with different coffee shops on every corner? I have to go over 5 miles to get one, and i starbucks.
do you live somewhere with different coffee shops on every corner? I have to go over 5 miles to get one, and i starbucks.
>just started karate
>go for the 3rd time
>drive half an hour
>arrive 3 minutes late
>see through the windows everyone doing their warm ups already
>autism kicks in
>don't want to go in while it's already started
>drive back home
>get drunk and cry
>trip and hit my head on furniture
>now have a big swollen knot on my head
I hate existing. Why even try to improve, much less enjoy my life if everything I do goes totally wrong?
In the middle of writing this, I just got inspired to maybe make my life into a series of comedic skits. The events are kind of funny now that I think about it.
>go for the 3rd time
>drive half an hour
>arrive 3 minutes late
>see through the windows everyone doing their warm ups already
>autism kicks in
>don't want to go in while it's already started
>drive back home
>get drunk and cry
>trip and hit my head on furniture
>now have a big swollen knot on my head
I hate existing. Why even try to improve, much less enjoy my life if everything I do goes totally wrong?
In the middle of writing this, I just got inspired to maybe make my life into a series of comedic skits. The events are kind of funny now that I think about it.
>>273704
i've done this, and i've also not done this and not doing this is way better. you get a few seconds/minutes of shame, and then get the class. it encourages me to be on time, but even if im late and i want to engage I shall. comedy is a good way to do something even if emotionally you cant, and I like it for that, but it can also be a crutch
i've done this, and i've also not done this and not doing this is way better. you get a few seconds/minutes of shame, and then get the class. it encourages me to be on time, but even if im late and i want to engage I shall. comedy is a good way to do something even if emotionally you cant, and I like it for that, but it can also be a crutch
>>273703
Yeah, the local tire place down the road has a succubus making coffees, there's literally another one in a converted shipping container at the bottom of the hill 50m away from my home. Within 100m of those two ones, there's two more coffee shops respectively, one operating out of a gas station.
This is in suburbia btw, every major street has at least one.
Yeah, the local tire place down the road has a succubus making coffees, there's literally another one in a converted shipping container at the bottom of the hill 50m away from my home. Within 100m of those two ones, there's two more coffee shops respectively, one operating out of a gas station.
This is in suburbia btw, every major street has at least one.
>>273674
I don't even have cable. The only things I watch now are Nascar and the odd hockey game I can find online. Watched through every series of Ghost in the Shell so pretty much done with anime.
I don't even have cable. The only things I watch now are Nascar and the odd hockey game I can find online. Watched through every series of Ghost in the Shell so pretty much done with anime.
I live with a senior who I care for in exchange for cheap rent. He is the closest thing to family I have. He has said he wants to leave me the house we live in when he passes away. The house still has around 300k left on it and is now worth over a million dollars. If I can hold a job and remain stable I can make the mortgage payments and end up with a million dollar home. I have no desire to wageslave, or raise a family, or even have a partner. I am only around because the old man relies on me. I only wake up to make sure he has food for the day. I have an amazing opportunity but no drive to seize it.
>>273720
This seems like such a lucky break for a wizard, cool adoptive dad, how long have you cared for mr senior?
This seems like such a lucky break for a wizard, cool adoptive dad, how long have you cared for mr senior?
>>273720
does he have any of his own kids? family might neglect their parents in the twilight years, but they always love swooping in like vultures upon passing and trying to argue that all of the deceased's shit is their birthright.
does he have any of his own kids? family might neglect their parents in the twilight years, but they always love swooping in like vultures upon passing and trying to argue that all of the deceased's shit is their birthright.
>>273721
Over 10 years. When I first rented his room I noticed he was incapable of certain things so I did it for him. As he got older the list of things he couldn't do grew until he became reliant on me. Talk of inheritance is a new conflict I never expected it. I trust him and believe that he wants to leave me the house. But I also don't feel deserving of it when it can go to his extended family instead. Nor do I believe it will happen as much as he says he wants to leave me the house I expect tragedy to happen to stop this beyond my control.
>>273722
His mom just passed and he has a sister, no kids and a few nephews. His sister has a home of her own and they also have the moms house otherwise it would be no contest on who gets it. He knows I would end up homeless without him and wants to leave me something.
Over 10 years. When I first rented his room I noticed he was incapable of certain things so I did it for him. As he got older the list of things he couldn't do grew until he became reliant on me. Talk of inheritance is a new conflict I never expected it. I trust him and believe that he wants to leave me the house. But I also don't feel deserving of it when it can go to his extended family instead. Nor do I believe it will happen as much as he says he wants to leave me the house I expect tragedy to happen to stop this beyond my control.
>>273722
His mom just passed and he has a sister, no kids and a few nephews. His sister has a home of her own and they also have the moms house otherwise it would be no contest on who gets it. He knows I would end up homeless without him and wants to leave me something.
>>273720
Remember you can sell the house for full price and pay off the remaining mortgage if you inherit a mortgaged property, leaving you with 700k or something. So even if you are unstable you will still get a load of money if you inherit it and get a lawyer. Nice he appreciates you though.
Remember you can sell the house for full price and pay off the remaining mortgage if you inherit a mortgaged property, leaving you with 700k or something. So even if you are unstable you will still get a load of money if you inherit it and get a lawyer. Nice he appreciates you though.
>>273723
You should arrange for him to meet with and estate lawyer, you never know when disaster will strike, and heresay isnt enough for inheritance
You should arrange for him to meet with and estate lawyer, you never know when disaster will strike, and heresay isnt enough for inheritance
>>273720
Just drive for Uber and save every cent. Or do Grubhub. You can clear six figures if you devote your life to it, which you should, given you'll be getting a 1 million dollar home for less than a third of its worth.
Just drive for Uber and save every cent. Or do Grubhub. You can clear six figures if you devote your life to it, which you should, given you'll be getting a 1 million dollar home for less than a third of its worth.
File: 1678478457581.png (35.05 KB, 757x398, 757:398, Bandera de la Raza hispán….png) ImgOps iqdb
I want to share that I will risk my life and limb ,to achieve a BRAHMACHARYA of one full year. you may say :"HA! we dont have sex,and nofap is easy! no big deal!"
fair enough…but real brahmacharya is no wet dreams. None, 0, nada. no emission or loss of Sperm. not even while urinating. not even while awake trough sudden intense arousal.
perfect Male Continence ,for 1 year,whatever it takes.
fair enough…but real brahmacharya is no wet dreams. None, 0, nada. no emission or loss of Sperm. not even while urinating. not even while awake trough sudden intense arousal.
perfect Male Continence ,for 1 year,whatever it takes.
>>273733
I applaud your goals but it may not be as easy to achieve. Nofap, noporn? No problem. But to have zero wet dreams you might need to practise lucid dreaming first and do some kegel exercises once in a while. With this you may be able to keep the semen by holding it back, once you feel like it coming out. I've done it couple of times.
I applaud your goals but it may not be as easy to achieve. Nofap, noporn? No problem. But to have zero wet dreams you might need to practise lucid dreaming first and do some kegel exercises once in a while. With this you may be able to keep the semen by holding it back, once you feel like it coming out. I've done it couple of times.
>>273734
Coincidence to read this post. Yesterday I started gooning to witch pics in the hopes of having a wet dream. In my dream I did indeed hook up with a nice 2d, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't cum and ended up losing my dreamboner. I could feel a near orgasm but just couldn't release the pressure.
Coincidence to read this post. Yesterday I started gooning to witch pics in the hopes of having a wet dream. In my dream I did indeed hook up with a nice 2d, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't cum and ended up losing my dreamboner. I could feel a near orgasm but just couldn't release the pressure.
File: 1678482427439.jpeg (92.49 KB, 602x694, 301:347, balkusa.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb
>>273737
Well, that is stretching things, but it can influence (positively) your life. I no longer fear or get anxious around normalfags for starters, and I am not even that far, just a month now without fapping or porn. Its like two different lives, no matter what coomers on here say.
Well, that is stretching things, but it can influence (positively) your life. I no longer fear or get anxious around normalfags for starters, and I am not even that far, just a month now without fapping or porn. Its like two different lives, no matter what coomers on here say.
>Fernando Pessoa
it might be a slight derail but it's also related to the theme so I will say this, I will never read him because too many succubi like his books. I browsed his books online and there's always a swarm of females commenting about how they "found themselves" in his writing. what a joke, normals have an insatiable desire to consume absolutely anything and everything. days of the loser's monopoly over being pessimistic are counted, normals want to be the happiest and the saddest all at the same time. they want to devour the whole world and don't want to leave anything for anyone else.
it might be a slight derail but it's also related to the theme so I will say this, I will never read him because too many succubi like his books. I browsed his books online and there's always a swarm of females commenting about how they "found themselves" in his writing. what a joke, normals have an insatiable desire to consume absolutely anything and everything. days of the loser's monopoly over being pessimistic are counted, normals want to be the happiest and the saddest all at the same time. they want to devour the whole world and don't want to leave anything for anyone else.
>>273737
no matter how balkanized USA gets, the boring middle parts always keep the stars n stripes
no matter how balkanized USA gets, the boring middle parts always keep the stars n stripes
File: 1678484962201.jpeg (206.22 KB, 1280x720, 16:9, maxresdefault.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb
this will sound retarded but this image is one of the single most motivational nofap images iv come across.
>>273746
The boring middle part is pretty unified, it's the coastal elite cities and them that form the bisection
The boring middle part is pretty unified, it's the coastal elite cities and them that form the bisection
File: 1678490131011.jpg (62.66 KB, 561x889, 561:889, renge hm.jpg) ImgOps iqdb
>>273737
WC and NS need to launch a joint attack on what remains of Canada
WC and NS need to launch a joint attack on what remains of Canada
File: 1678494900402.png (27.49 KB, 720x156, 60:13, Screenshot_20230310-213237….png) ImgOps iqdb
>>273419
>Whatever comes next can't be worse than this.
Hate to say it, but I believe that's what they call "famous last words"
>Whatever comes next can't be worse than this.
Hate to say it, but I believe that's what they call "famous last words"
Does anyone else spiral uncontrollably? I think it might be because I have a big ego but whenever it hits, I keep doubling down on my bad state / saying fuck it and ruining everything. I'm lucky i'm too much of a pussy to do much, but i've lost a considerable amount from this. And I get these feelings pretty often too, usually when I don't get any sleep, and until I do. It will start off with something really minor happening to me and all of a sudden I try to ruin my life by doubling down on "being a loser" and purposefully humiliating myself and that feeling bad for myself is the only thing that makes it feel better.
File: 1682112461091.jpg (10.56 KB, 225x225, 1:1, 1678387171165.jpg) ImgOps iqdb
[Last 50 Posts]