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Have you embraced solitude and how did you come about this choice if it was one and what is your story do you think your childhood lead to you being ok with being alone?
As a child my parents were split up a common theme for wizards but I consider some aspects of my childhood to be influential to my preference for isolation as an adult.
I lived with my mother full time as a child until the age of 7 and for various reasons my mother was never home so I was by myself and forbidden to leave the room I lived in.
When I started to live with my father nothing much changed except as he was sick he never got out of bed and was mostly sleeping and we lived in relative isolation away from others so I had the outdoors to explore as a child.
During schooling I was bullied a lot and was always acting up so was in detention every single day for lunch in my elementary school and this meant no other children were allowed to come near me or they would be in trouble I spent my time thinking alone.
I was also not allowed to have any friends as a child if a playmate took a liking to me when I was older my mother would tell me that not to trust the other child or make fun of them and say "wizzie you do not want to be around this child he is a loser" despite me being the biggest outcast. Of note is abuse by my parents in addition to my peers I think that played a part as well.
It is no surprise to myself that when I left schooling I withdrew from all social contact and shut myself away for numerous years and counting but I cannot help but feel that my entire younger days were preparing me to be alone because I do not feel lonely at all.
I used to enjoy talking online to some people from image boards on skype etc but I have now fully realized that there is no point in me trying to make friends with others online because it wont happen even if I wish I could I simply cannot make a friendship as if I never learnt to.
I feel more content now that I do not even bother trying to talk to others even when bored of my hobbies.
What about you wizards also sorry for the blog posting but I want to know if anyone else is similar to me. If psycho babble means anything one of my "mental disorders" is supposedly schizoid.
As a child my parents were split up a common theme for wizards but I consider some aspects of my childhood to be influential to my preference for isolation as an adult.
I lived with my mother full time as a child until the age of 7 and for various reasons my mother was never home so I was by myself and forbidden to leave the room I lived in.
When I started to live with my father nothing much changed except as he was sick he never got out of bed and was mostly sleeping and we lived in relative isolation away from others so I had the outdoors to explore as a child.
During schooling I was bullied a lot and was always acting up so was in detention every single day for lunch in my elementary school and this meant no other children were allowed to come near me or they would be in trouble I spent my time thinking alone.
I was also not allowed to have any friends as a child if a playmate took a liking to me when I was older my mother would tell me that not to trust the other child or make fun of them and say "wizzie you do not want to be around this child he is a loser" despite me being the biggest outcast. Of note is abuse by my parents in addition to my peers I think that played a part as well.
It is no surprise to myself that when I left schooling I withdrew from all social contact and shut myself away for numerous years and counting but I cannot help but feel that my entire younger days were preparing me to be alone because I do not feel lonely at all.
I used to enjoy talking online to some people from image boards on skype etc but I have now fully realized that there is no point in me trying to make friends with others online because it wont happen even if I wish I could I simply cannot make a friendship as if I never learnt to.
I feel more content now that I do not even bother trying to talk to others even when bored of my hobbies.
What about you wizards also sorry for the blog posting but I want to know if anyone else is similar to me. If psycho babble means anything one of my "mental disorders" is supposedly schizoid.
>>178395
I was sheltered and isolated as a kid as well but for different reasons. My parents were religious Boomers so as a result they were selfish and self absorbed. They had me at 35 and had already had a kid at that point so I was typically left to my own devices. I spent most of my time watching cartoons or playing Game Boy, then later on anime when it became more common in the West.
In school I was always really hyperactive like any healthy boy should be, but the public school system didn't like that so they told my parents that I needed to be put on ritalin.
My parents said no and in the 3rd grade they pulled me out and homeschooled me. After a couple years of being home schooled I made the mistake of wanting to go back to regular school.
In the 5th grade I was pretty much Ralph Wiggum so as a result people would take advantage of my gullibule and sheltered nature and pull all sorts of mean spirited pranks on me. On top of that I was very clumsy and due to my isolation I was very awkward so I would accidentally say something stupid in class or find some way to make myself look like a fool.
Due to that I was labeled as stupid even though I received high scores on the bullshit tests they would make us take. Needless to say it only took one year in the public school system to wise up to normalfags and their cruelty.
From there I became a bitter and edgy contrarian teen that hated everyone and everything. The small group of outcasts I would talk to eventually all matured by the end of high school and moved on with life.
By that point after finishing high school I stopped going out during the day and chose to only run errands at night.
I tried and hated college, dropping out only after a year. From there I was forced to rely on mommy and daddy for help paying rent for a shitty apartment while I worked a series of shit jobs.
All the jobs were solitary. I was a 2nd shift janitor and a night security guard. I learned to be content with being alone.
I finally found a solitary career as well driving a truck but life feels extremely empty now as I grow older.
I was sheltered and isolated as a kid as well but for different reasons. My parents were religious Boomers so as a result they were selfish and self absorbed. They had me at 35 and had already had a kid at that point so I was typically left to my own devices. I spent most of my time watching cartoons or playing Game Boy, then later on anime when it became more common in the West.
In school I was always really hyperactive like any healthy boy should be, but the public school system didn't like that so they told my parents that I needed to be put on ritalin.
My parents said no and in the 3rd grade they pulled me out and homeschooled me. After a couple years of being home schooled I made the mistake of wanting to go back to regular school.
In the 5th grade I was pretty much Ralph Wiggum so as a result people would take advantage of my gullibule and sheltered nature and pull all sorts of mean spirited pranks on me. On top of that I was very clumsy and due to my isolation I was very awkward so I would accidentally say something stupid in class or find some way to make myself look like a fool.
Due to that I was labeled as stupid even though I received high scores on the bullshit tests they would make us take. Needless to say it only took one year in the public school system to wise up to normalfags and their cruelty.
From there I became a bitter and edgy contrarian teen that hated everyone and everything. The small group of outcasts I would talk to eventually all matured by the end of high school and moved on with life.
By that point after finishing high school I stopped going out during the day and chose to only run errands at night.
I tried and hated college, dropping out only after a year. From there I was forced to rely on mommy and daddy for help paying rent for a shitty apartment while I worked a series of shit jobs.
All the jobs were solitary. I was a 2nd shift janitor and a night security guard. I learned to be content with being alone.
I finally found a solitary career as well driving a truck but life feels extremely empty now as I grow older.
parents moved around too much so i stopped interacting with people at a really young age. the feeling was basically 'why waste energy on these people when next year ill be moving anyway, ill never see these people again in my life'… so yeah i never had the interest in socializing. i learned to entertain myself and avoid others
I moved around too often with family who was looking for work and developed a severe mental illness that basically led into drugs and alcohol which led into homelessness, jail, and hell.
>>178400
I had been to 10 different elementary schools and anyone I interacted with my age was only passing through and I would always be left alone after always finding kids to play with so can relate to that.
Do you think you were born a wizard or formed into one I am unsure if I am honest.
I had been to 10 different elementary schools and anyone I interacted with my age was only passing through and I would always be left alone after always finding kids to play with so can relate to that.
Do you think you were born a wizard or formed into one I am unsure if I am honest.
I grew up in a dangerous area so my parents never let me play outside with other kids, I used to play alone with my figurines for most of my childhood. My mom was an airhead whore who never really gave a shit about me and she always blamed me for ruining her life. Dad was overprotective, never let me do shit own my own and he was an overly strict asshole, one time he beat the shit out of me to the point of almost killing me because he saw me with one of those temporary cartoon tattoos that came in bubblegum. Thanks to them I'm the failure of a human being that I'm now, but at least they don't judge me much, they know they fucked up.
Got bullied in school and most of Highschool, never went to Uni becuase I was sick of that shit. Had a few friends back in HS but i cut all contact with them as soon as I graduated because they bring me bad memories and because they were moving on with their lifes and I was ashamed of myself.
Never chased succs, grew up with lots of females in the family and I always hated them, I don't have the patience to be around succubi.
Other than that, I don't have much to tell really.
Got bullied in school and most of Highschool, never went to Uni becuase I was sick of that shit. Had a few friends back in HS but i cut all contact with them as soon as I graduated because they bring me bad memories and because they were moving on with their lifes and I was ashamed of myself.
Never chased succs, grew up with lots of females in the family and I always hated them, I don't have the patience to be around succubi.
Other than that, I don't have much to tell really.
>>178395
yes but sheltered by parents which has made me not even want to go on NEETbux (parents arent even rich i just dont have massive wants)
yes but sheltered by parents which has made me not even want to go on NEETbux (parents arent even rich i just dont have massive wants)
and isolate myself because a succubus and bullyng i was coping in thinking life will become better then i become a neet hikkikomori for 7 years
Starting in my mid teens, I developed an animosity toward everyone around me and just wanted to be left alone. I wished for the merciful embrace of death to take me away but it never happened. I'm now in my late twenties and still feel the same as I always did.
Being a kid I was never isolated. I always played with other kids but more or less I always felt uncomfortable around others. I said things I still cringe to this day, I bullied and at some point got bullied by other peers.
I started to distance myself from everyone once I realized I could spend all day at the computer playing without having the hassle of dealing with other people other than my parents, schoolmates and teachers.
This was about when I was 14.
I started to distance myself from everyone once I realized I could spend all day at the computer playing without having the hassle of dealing with other people other than my parents, schoolmates and teachers.
This was about when I was 14.
when I was still in school I had a few "friends" but we only played video games together, I never went to parties with them, we never talked about anything personal, etc
I was only friends with them so I could play multiplayer games, and because I was afraid that if I cut them off they might hate me and try to bully me in school.
After I graduated highschool I never talked to them again. I'm 32 now and love being alone.
I was only friends with them so I could play multiplayer games, and because I was afraid that if I cut them off they might hate me and try to bully me in school.
After I graduated highschool I never talked to them again. I'm 32 now and love being alone.
>>178397
>public school
It’s now confirmed that public schools are nothing but a screen to weed out noncomformists and gifted non-NPC’s and destroy their lives. And I mean really, deliberately and with a full plan, destroy their lives. In the following article, it reveals that schools have been putting together LISTS of students who
>didnt react well enough
>argued with
>were too quiet
>over reacted (faked their reaction)
Literally weeding out the non-NPC’s. This isn’t new behavior from the schools either, from time to time this type of thing gets exposed.
Here is a link to the 4chan thread that I saw it in
https://boards.4chan.org/pol/thread/316990810
And here is a link to the article itself
https://nypost.com/2021/04/13/nyc-teacher-were-damaging-kids-with-critical-race-theory/
Once again, students who were reacting different than the typical “grovelling to authority” behavior that NPC’s are known for were put down on lists for further action. Make no mistake, these kids will be effectively gangstalked by whoever is running this stuff to destroy them as time goes on. Maybe they get put on ritalin, maybe they get grades unfairly, maybe they get sent to “special” remediary schools, maybe they get taken from their parents because the parents disagree with the plans. But mark my words the schools destroy them.
>public school
It’s now confirmed that public schools are nothing but a screen to weed out noncomformists and gifted non-NPC’s and destroy their lives. And I mean really, deliberately and with a full plan, destroy their lives. In the following article, it reveals that schools have been putting together LISTS of students who
>didnt react well enough
>argued with
>were too quiet
>over reacted (faked their reaction)
Literally weeding out the non-NPC’s. This isn’t new behavior from the schools either, from time to time this type of thing gets exposed.
Here is a link to the 4chan thread that I saw it in
https://boards.4chan.org/pol/thread/316990810
And here is a link to the article itself
https://nypost.com/2021/04/13/nyc-teacher-were-damaging-kids-with-critical-race-theory/
Once again, students who were reacting different than the typical “grovelling to authority” behavior that NPC’s are known for were put down on lists for further action. Make no mistake, these kids will be effectively gangstalked by whoever is running this stuff to destroy them as time goes on. Maybe they get put on ritalin, maybe they get grades unfairly, maybe they get sent to “special” remediary schools, maybe they get taken from their parents because the parents disagree with the plans. But mark my words the schools destroy them.
>>178405
My circumstances are similiar, especially the parents. I really wish mine would learn to stop judging me. Do not have much to add to this just wanted to let you know I empathizie with you and hope you can find some happiness.
My circumstances are similiar, especially the parents. I really wish mine would learn to stop judging me. Do not have much to add to this just wanted to let you know I empathizie with you and hope you can find some happiness.
>class was required to sit together during lunch break in elementary school
>always had some blokes to sit with because they were trapped with me lol
>fast forward to middle school
>teens can sit wherever tf they want
>absolutely no one wants to sit with me
>have been a total loner since
>sat alone from grade 6 til senior year graduation
the main reason i never went to college is because i can not handle the embarrassment of going through that again
>always had some blokes to sit with because they were trapped with me lol
>fast forward to middle school
>teens can sit wherever tf they want
>absolutely no one wants to sit with me
>have been a total loner since
>sat alone from grade 6 til senior year graduation
the main reason i never went to college is because i can not handle the embarrassment of going through that again
>>178400
>>178402
moving is a modern problem. we were never supposed to move to (((big cities))) and be forced to socialize with people of different nationalities. especially multiple times as we are barely maturing. since i was a child i found it sad how my classmates were eager to attend a university several miles away and meet brand new people. do normalfags not understand the concept of loyalty and sentiment? i still think about my original internet friends from 10 years ago. their unique personality cannot be replaced.
>>178402
moving is a modern problem. we were never supposed to move to (((big cities))) and be forced to socialize with people of different nationalities. especially multiple times as we are barely maturing. since i was a child i found it sad how my classmates were eager to attend a university several miles away and meet brand new people. do normalfags not understand the concept of loyalty and sentiment? i still think about my original internet friends from 10 years ago. their unique personality cannot be replaced.
>>178450
>be forced to socialize with people of different nationalities
>my classmates were eager to attend a university several miles away and meet brand new people.
Cognitive dissonance there mate
>be forced to socialize with people of different nationalities
>my classmates were eager to attend a university several miles away and meet brand new people.
Cognitive dissonance there mate
>>178455
*Final point is they're your "class"mates because they're forced to be in the same class with you not necessarily real friends. Let them go.
*Final point is they're your "class"mates because they're forced to be in the same class with you not necessarily real friends. Let them go.
>>178395
I had a psycho mom who would emotionally unload on me about the various men she'd sleep with and how she was trying to find me a father for basically as long as I could remember, but I remember it being the most burdensome around 5 years old. I remember finding my moms sex toys, her having dick shaped candles for love and fertility spells. I have siblings by different fathers that she tried to rope commitment from men with. She claims to love us all dearly, and she has spent her life and her every effort on "us" but she's delusional and stupid to think it was ever helpful, and being the first born and the oldest, she had us like 8 years apart, I got the brunt of it. Anyway she managed to secure her desired father figure by the time I was 11, at that point I was already mentally and emotionally independent out of necessity, I never called him dad, I told them to stay married for my little bros sake even though they were always fighting over money, and she was still unloading on me asking a 12-13 year old about if she should divorce. I was conflicted with her husband over his treatment of my brother, his kid. That lasted for about 3 years, each day seemingly pushing me further into isolation. I was 14 when I fought him and he kicked me out of their house, allowing me to return if I ever apologized, I never did but now we have an odd tolerate one another non relationship. Anyway I dropped out of highschool and got my ged asap, and then neeted off and on, neet at the moment as well for the last 10 years. None of that stuff really bothers me, it left me indifferent to just about everything and anything. It allows me to be neutral and analytical, and has left me wanting to keep my distance and not grow too close to anyone. I had been in 5 different elementary schools by the time I got to middle school because all the times mom decided to move for a fresh start
I had a psycho mom who would emotionally unload on me about the various men she'd sleep with and how she was trying to find me a father for basically as long as I could remember, but I remember it being the most burdensome around 5 years old. I remember finding my moms sex toys, her having dick shaped candles for love and fertility spells. I have siblings by different fathers that she tried to rope commitment from men with. She claims to love us all dearly, and she has spent her life and her every effort on "us" but she's delusional and stupid to think it was ever helpful, and being the first born and the oldest, she had us like 8 years apart, I got the brunt of it. Anyway she managed to secure her desired father figure by the time I was 11, at that point I was already mentally and emotionally independent out of necessity, I never called him dad, I told them to stay married for my little bros sake even though they were always fighting over money, and she was still unloading on me asking a 12-13 year old about if she should divorce. I was conflicted with her husband over his treatment of my brother, his kid. That lasted for about 3 years, each day seemingly pushing me further into isolation. I was 14 when I fought him and he kicked me out of their house, allowing me to return if I ever apologized, I never did but now we have an odd tolerate one another non relationship. Anyway I dropped out of highschool and got my ged asap, and then neeted off and on, neet at the moment as well for the last 10 years. None of that stuff really bothers me, it left me indifferent to just about everything and anything. It allows me to be neutral and analytical, and has left me wanting to keep my distance and not grow too close to anyone. I had been in 5 different elementary schools by the time I got to middle school because all the times mom decided to move for a fresh start
I'd say childhood abuse and early adult mental illness from unfortunate genes. Nature and nurture made me a loner wizard. Medication has helped with my anxiety symptoms though and having no anxiety gradually changes behavior too.
>>178440
I really think where the school is located might have something to do with the way the ((curriculum)) is determined. For example, I grew up in a blue collar factory/military town on the outskirts of a major city. As a result I'd imagine in elementary school they were brainwashing us to enter one of those fields. I wasn't aggressive, preferred to be indoors, and did not follow instructions well. Naturally I was fucked from the get go.
I really think where the school is located might have something to do with the way the ((curriculum)) is determined. For example, I grew up in a blue collar factory/military town on the outskirts of a major city. As a result I'd imagine in elementary school they were brainwashing us to enter one of those fields. I wasn't aggressive, preferred to be indoors, and did not follow instructions well. Naturally I was fucked from the get go.
I prefer solitude now. I used to crave being around others all the time, but after going insane many times and losing respect from my peer group, I eventually decided to withdraw socially and no longer put any effort into that. I don't get lonely at all, just being around people tires me out and makes me incredibly uncomfortable, to say the least. I know if I had some good friends I would benefit from it, but I'm doing fine on my own and its safest on my mental health to keep looking after my self without worrying about making any friends for the time being.
Like many other people here, I had a poor upbringin, was fucked up psychologically due to my parents, and they still have a negative effect on my until recently, where I have decided to reject their influence as much as possible.
Online friends are often a terrible idea. If you find someone genuine you get along with, its good to keep that friendship, but there are many people who behave psychopathically online, especially around imageboards etc.
Like many other people here, I had a poor upbringin, was fucked up psychologically due to my parents, and they still have a negative effect on my until recently, where I have decided to reject their influence as much as possible.
Online friends are often a terrible idea. If you find someone genuine you get along with, its good to keep that friendship, but there are many people who behave psychopathically online, especially around imageboards etc.
>>179144
I've learned to distrust people by default. That's the only way to survive. It took me years of trial and error before finally learning this, which is entirely the fault of my parents for never letting me do anything for myself when I was growing up. Things that people typically pick up on in their teens, I had to figure out well into my 20s. My life has been so fucked up.
I've learned to distrust people by default. That's the only way to survive. It took me years of trial and error before finally learning this, which is entirely the fault of my parents for never letting me do anything for myself when I was growing up. Things that people typically pick up on in their teens, I had to figure out well into my 20s. My life has been so fucked up.
>>179145
It took me a long time to learn also, but its definitely worth not trusting people. That doesn't mean assuming the worst in others, but just understandign that a lot of people put themselves first 100% of the time, and won't think about others.
My parents made us do all sorts, excessive house chores compared to what our parents did, we did more. But where it mattered, they didnt teach, they just told. The example I was set was poor.
The good thing is that humans have a maybe infinite capacity for change and self improvement.
It took me a long time to learn also, but its definitely worth not trusting people. That doesn't mean assuming the worst in others, but just understandign that a lot of people put themselves first 100% of the time, and won't think about others.
My parents made us do all sorts, excessive house chores compared to what our parents did, we did more. But where it mattered, they didnt teach, they just told. The example I was set was poor.
The good thing is that humans have a maybe infinite capacity for change and self improvement.
>>178395
I started fucking up in highschool and having trouble waking up in time for class (it was partly my fault since I would stay up half the night on my computer, but I was able to do that freshman year without issue and it was only later that I started having major issues waking up). My school had a stupid fucking system wherein they'd mark you as absent for a class if you were over halfway late to it, then call up your parents with a generic message about how you were "absent from school" that day. It effectively deincentivized you from even showing up to school. My mom was a high-strung schoolaholic who would flip her shit and didn't understand I was late rather than missing school altogether, so I would call up relatives to call me in as sick (sometimes I would even call in myself pretending to be my dad, lel).
Before I knew it, I was on the brink of going to truancy court and my grades were irrecoverable, so I had no choice but to switch over to online schooling. The years went by, and before I knew it, I turned into a total recluse, and later a neet. It's still ironic to me that my school's attempts to keep kids attending school on time, as well as my mom's lunatic approach to my schooling, ended up having the exact opposite effect and encouraged me down the road that led to me becoming a fuckup. I would have genuinely had no issue showing up to school a little bit late, but my options were this: show up to school and get bitched the fuck out later, or stay home and be comfy. Oh well.
I started fucking up in highschool and having trouble waking up in time for class (it was partly my fault since I would stay up half the night on my computer, but I was able to do that freshman year without issue and it was only later that I started having major issues waking up). My school had a stupid fucking system wherein they'd mark you as absent for a class if you were over halfway late to it, then call up your parents with a generic message about how you were "absent from school" that day. It effectively deincentivized you from even showing up to school. My mom was a high-strung schoolaholic who would flip her shit and didn't understand I was late rather than missing school altogether, so I would call up relatives to call me in as sick (sometimes I would even call in myself pretending to be my dad, lel).
Before I knew it, I was on the brink of going to truancy court and my grades were irrecoverable, so I had no choice but to switch over to online schooling. The years went by, and before I knew it, I turned into a total recluse, and later a neet. It's still ironic to me that my school's attempts to keep kids attending school on time, as well as my mom's lunatic approach to my schooling, ended up having the exact opposite effect and encouraged me down the road that led to me becoming a fuckup. I would have genuinely had no issue showing up to school a little bit late, but my options were this: show up to school and get bitched the fuck out later, or stay home and be comfy. Oh well.
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>>178395
When I was a baby I lost a lot of weight because I was such a little retard I didn't even know how to suck. It probably stunted my growth for life, it might explain why I am short. My parents thought I was deaf because I wouldn't respond to anyone so they brought me to the doctor to get my hearing checked and the nurse tested my hearing and she could tell by my eyes that I could hear. Then when I was 1-3 I still wouldn't respond to my name. But I learned to respond. After that I seemed to be somewhat normal, other than some vocal and motor ticks I started doing. I used to get scolded for doing them. Then I went to school at age 5. I got bullied and became an outcast because I was the shortest in class. I remember if I sat down at a table at lunch time they would say "why are you sitting here? What do you want? Go away" so I had to just search for an empty table. But by the time I was 7 they started to like me. I have no idea why the change in attitude towards me but the popular kids decided I was apart of their group. Maybe it was because I was becoming very athletic despite my size, I was one of the fastest and strongest so I earned respect. But the thing is, I still felt like an outsider, alienated, like I could only get so far with socialization and friendships. I never really understood peoples behaviours.
They let me sit beside them, they respected me, they talked to me, they would even stick up for me, but I never got invited to peoples houses or hung out with people after school. I didn't know for a while that everyone was that close with eachother, they were real friends. They got bored of me because I lacked the ability to socialize properly. So I didn't really have friends from there on but most people respected me. Some people would pick on me still but most would defend me. Most people were friendly and got along with me yet never really friends. I really hated school. I hated being there every day 5 days a week, it felt like torture. It stressed me out a lot. The smells and sounds and social pressures and being told what to do, how and when to do it. The stress just snowballed every year and up until I was 10 I could control the tourrettes while in school, I had to or I almost certainly would had been bullied. A few people noticed some twitches and I could hear them talking about it. I had also developed OCD and phobias of mundane things a couple of years ago and it just stressed me out even more. The tics were getting violent and starting to hurt.
At 10 years old I got diagnosed with ASD (Asperger's). I got an assistant for school atleast. However I felt a bit like a spastic and they sat me at the special desk next to a downy. No one seemed to look down on me though. I noticed a succubus in my class and I couldn't help staring at her, then she caught me staring and started teasing me the entire year. Very embarrassing and cringe all around. That year was not fun. So the next year (age 11) was just awful, I was very depressed because as I said, I hated school. It was the last year in that school and I don't think I really gave a shit that I would not see my classmates every day anymore. I just didn't want to be there. I felt like a zombie at days.
When I moved school moving into "first year" at age 12 my mental health was just a mess. My parents and the school let me only go half days most of the time to try and ease me into it. The first day everyone seemed to like me and tried to be my friend. Especially the popular kids. But they too got bored of me, same old. Still couldn't form friendships. Everyone liked me though. I was still the smallest in my year of course. My classmates and the PE coach were all amazed by my fitness, it felt good to be appreciated like that. My mental health got much worse that year and I got pulled out of school halfway through it. At 12 years old I stopped going to school and I never went back. If I continued going to school I do not know where I would be today, most likely six foot under or a vegetable in a nut house. I became a NEET, a shut in. It was such a relief.
I was on medication at this point and I think it really messed me up even further. They made me even more agitated (which was a side effect) and made me like a zombie. I couldn't care if the world fell ontop of me. I had a lot of intrusive thoughts about horrific things and phobias and I had a lot of compulsions and tourrettes. My mind would torture me day in day out, I never got a break only when I was asleep. Living hell. Eventually when I was around 15-16 my parents found the right doctor who seen many cases like myself and he told them how to manage me (basically give me space and control of my environment, don't put pressure on me etc) and gave me the right medication. I was then getting better. It took me my entire childhood to get into such a state, it took me years to get better. At 18 I was relatively better. My tourrettes were not noticeable and I could go out in public and not have metdowns, I could manage myself in public provided I still live like a hermit and don't go out too much. At age 20 I was ok. You wouldn't know I had anything wrong with me, you would think I am a normal person. Still, though, I could and cannot to this day live like a normalfaggot.
At age 19-20 I trained for a year with my fathers friend. He trained me to box and to lift. I got in pretty good shape. Then a wave of depression hit me. I Got so depressed about my life, how it turned out. How no matter how much I improve myself I will always be a worthless sperg that has no life experience, no education, no job, no life. I will never get a succubus, never know what it is like, or what intimacy is like with another person physical or emotional, that I will always be a 5'4 manlet, that I will always be a waste. I couldn't muster the will to do anything. I stopped training, I stopped all my hobbies, couldn't even do anything. It all seemed void of meaning and it all seemed vapid. If I tried to distract my self by watching a film or something I got this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and in my chest. All I could do was stare into space, or at a wall or ceiling. I once starred at a smarties tube for hours until I couldn't see.
I'm turning 25 at the end of August this year. The depression is no where near as heavy as that year but it has more or less stuck with me. I think I might try carpentry as a hobby and see where it takes me, maybe I could channel my autism and frustration into that but I'm not expecting anything
So That is my life story so far thanks for reading
When I was a baby I lost a lot of weight because I was such a little retard I didn't even know how to suck. It probably stunted my growth for life, it might explain why I am short. My parents thought I was deaf because I wouldn't respond to anyone so they brought me to the doctor to get my hearing checked and the nurse tested my hearing and she could tell by my eyes that I could hear. Then when I was 1-3 I still wouldn't respond to my name. But I learned to respond. After that I seemed to be somewhat normal, other than some vocal and motor ticks I started doing. I used to get scolded for doing them. Then I went to school at age 5. I got bullied and became an outcast because I was the shortest in class. I remember if I sat down at a table at lunch time they would say "why are you sitting here? What do you want? Go away" so I had to just search for an empty table. But by the time I was 7 they started to like me. I have no idea why the change in attitude towards me but the popular kids decided I was apart of their group. Maybe it was because I was becoming very athletic despite my size, I was one of the fastest and strongest so I earned respect. But the thing is, I still felt like an outsider, alienated, like I could only get so far with socialization and friendships. I never really understood peoples behaviours.
They let me sit beside them, they respected me, they talked to me, they would even stick up for me, but I never got invited to peoples houses or hung out with people after school. I didn't know for a while that everyone was that close with eachother, they were real friends. They got bored of me because I lacked the ability to socialize properly. So I didn't really have friends from there on but most people respected me. Some people would pick on me still but most would defend me. Most people were friendly and got along with me yet never really friends. I really hated school. I hated being there every day 5 days a week, it felt like torture. It stressed me out a lot. The smells and sounds and social pressures and being told what to do, how and when to do it. The stress just snowballed every year and up until I was 10 I could control the tourrettes while in school, I had to or I almost certainly would had been bullied. A few people noticed some twitches and I could hear them talking about it. I had also developed OCD and phobias of mundane things a couple of years ago and it just stressed me out even more. The tics were getting violent and starting to hurt.
At 10 years old I got diagnosed with ASD (Asperger's). I got an assistant for school atleast. However I felt a bit like a spastic and they sat me at the special desk next to a downy. No one seemed to look down on me though. I noticed a succubus in my class and I couldn't help staring at her, then she caught me staring and started teasing me the entire year. Very embarrassing and cringe all around. That year was not fun. So the next year (age 11) was just awful, I was very depressed because as I said, I hated school. It was the last year in that school and I don't think I really gave a shit that I would not see my classmates every day anymore. I just didn't want to be there. I felt like a zombie at days.
When I moved school moving into "first year" at age 12 my mental health was just a mess. My parents and the school let me only go half days most of the time to try and ease me into it. The first day everyone seemed to like me and tried to be my friend. Especially the popular kids. But they too got bored of me, same old. Still couldn't form friendships. Everyone liked me though. I was still the smallest in my year of course. My classmates and the PE coach were all amazed by my fitness, it felt good to be appreciated like that. My mental health got much worse that year and I got pulled out of school halfway through it. At 12 years old I stopped going to school and I never went back. If I continued going to school I do not know where I would be today, most likely six foot under or a vegetable in a nut house. I became a NEET, a shut in. It was such a relief.
I was on medication at this point and I think it really messed me up even further. They made me even more agitated (which was a side effect) and made me like a zombie. I couldn't care if the world fell ontop of me. I had a lot of intrusive thoughts about horrific things and phobias and I had a lot of compulsions and tourrettes. My mind would torture me day in day out, I never got a break only when I was asleep. Living hell. Eventually when I was around 15-16 my parents found the right doctor who seen many cases like myself and he told them how to manage me (basically give me space and control of my environment, don't put pressure on me etc) and gave me the right medication. I was then getting better. It took me my entire childhood to get into such a state, it took me years to get better. At 18 I was relatively better. My tourrettes were not noticeable and I could go out in public and not have metdowns, I could manage myself in public provided I still live like a hermit and don't go out too much. At age 20 I was ok. You wouldn't know I had anything wrong with me, you would think I am a normal person. Still, though, I could and cannot to this day live like a normalfaggot.
At age 19-20 I trained for a year with my fathers friend. He trained me to box and to lift. I got in pretty good shape. Then a wave of depression hit me. I Got so depressed about my life, how it turned out. How no matter how much I improve myself I will always be a worthless sperg that has no life experience, no education, no job, no life. I will never get a succubus, never know what it is like, or what intimacy is like with another person physical or emotional, that I will always be a 5'4 manlet, that I will always be a waste. I couldn't muster the will to do anything. I stopped training, I stopped all my hobbies, couldn't even do anything. It all seemed void of meaning and it all seemed vapid. If I tried to distract my self by watching a film or something I got this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and in my chest. All I could do was stare into space, or at a wall or ceiling. I once starred at a smarties tube for hours until I couldn't see.
I'm turning 25 at the end of August this year. The depression is no where near as heavy as that year but it has more or less stuck with me. I think I might try carpentry as a hobby and see where it takes me, maybe I could channel my autism and frustration into that but I'm not expecting anything
So That is my life story so far thanks for reading
I'm really glad I had good parents. The state I'd be in without them, or if they were not good, I don't even want to imagine
>>179667
>I will never get a succubus
That parasitic mindsets are not allowed here on wizchan. Reject these toxic desires… for life has two ways of screwing us down: denying our wishes and granting them.
My only remedy for such misery (all that's after, not "tfw no gf" part) is to insist with the warp wanings. for life.
Give void to void.
>booklist:
>healing by fasting, Suvorin
>Mucusless diet, EHret
>The Tao of health, Reid
>One meal, one day, Nagumo
>Grain Brain, Perlmutter
>I will never get a succubus
That parasitic mindsets are not allowed here on wizchan. Reject these toxic desires… for life has two ways of screwing us down: denying our wishes and granting them.
My only remedy for such misery (all that's after, not "tfw no gf" part) is to insist with the warp wanings. for life.
Give void to void.
>booklist:
>healing by fasting, Suvorin
>Mucusless diet, EHret
>The Tao of health, Reid
>One meal, one day, Nagumo
>Grain Brain, Perlmutter
>>179223
The fact that you can get arrested for not going to school proves society is rigged, fake, and gay. School is literally nothing but bullying for many people. You fail anyway because of the bullying stress, so there’s literally no point in going. Imagine running from the cops when they come to arrest you for “truancy” and then getting murdered by them, in your own home, all for refusing to go get bullied.
The fact that you can get arrested for not going to school proves society is rigged, fake, and gay. School is literally nothing but bullying for many people. You fail anyway because of the bullying stress, so there’s literally no point in going. Imagine running from the cops when they come to arrest you for “truancy” and then getting murdered by them, in your own home, all for refusing to go get bullied.
>>179679
I've already accepted the reality years ago. But these were the things weighing on my conscious back then. There is no point in torturing myself over it. I would have liked to have children, to make a family but when I think about it such a disaster like myself would not make a good father. I wanted to be normal and live a normal life, but now I understand that it is not all that is cracked up to be. That life is not for me and I must find my own way of life. But what do I do with myself now? I'm not sure
I've already accepted the reality years ago. But these were the things weighing on my conscious back then. There is no point in torturing myself over it. I would have liked to have children, to make a family but when I think about it such a disaster like myself would not make a good father. I wanted to be normal and live a normal life, but now I understand that it is not all that is cracked up to be. That life is not for me and I must find my own way of life. But what do I do with myself now? I'm not sure
In hindsight I'd say I was a little different from a young age, which might be due to the relationship I had to my parents in my first few years, but who can know? I always felt on the outside of the other students in primary school, not connected.
I was very sensitive. Sometimes, events could make me feel a lot of pain. And I think that's basically it: I didn't connect to others, school got bad around year 5 or 6, at home my parents neglected me, so I was left in pain and alone.
To me man is a manifestation of evil, but I don't pride myself in rejecting myself and others. Suicide is also nothing more than the satisfaction of an own selfish want. My parents didn't need to justify themselves when they didn't help me, because they were in a position of power. Neither does man see a need to justify himself. All that exists justifies its existence solely on its ability to exist.
I was very sensitive. Sometimes, events could make me feel a lot of pain. And I think that's basically it: I didn't connect to others, school got bad around year 5 or 6, at home my parents neglected me, so I was left in pain and alone.
To me man is a manifestation of evil, but I don't pride myself in rejecting myself and others. Suicide is also nothing more than the satisfaction of an own selfish want. My parents didn't need to justify themselves when they didn't help me, because they were in a position of power. Neither does man see a need to justify himself. All that exists justifies its existence solely on its ability to exist.
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the only times in my childhood in which i ever "went out to play" was when i followed my bigger brother around like a puppy, one day though he got into a fight with a guy that was bullying him, and everyone from the neighbourhood in which they fought in supported the bully
we never had any friends or children to play in our "neighbourhood" (our house is next to a forest, we had very few houses around that time), so he became a shut-in playing video games all day, i followed suit since i wasn't comfortable with going out by myself because of bullying (i used to get bullied for having long hair and used to get called "girly boy" and similar insults regarding my androgynous look)
the only friends that i ever had were in school, but i very rarely ever hung out with them after school classes were finished, and ever since i finished high school i cut off all contact with them
unlike other wizzies which were sheltered by their parents, my parents (specifically my father) always encouraged us to go out, also my house being far removed from other neighbourhoods isn't an excuse for me since i have a brother who went out to have a social life just fine, i probably would have ended up an isolated neet no matter what but this is just how things happened
we never had any friends or children to play in our "neighbourhood" (our house is next to a forest, we had very few houses around that time), so he became a shut-in playing video games all day, i followed suit since i wasn't comfortable with going out by myself because of bullying (i used to get bullied for having long hair and used to get called "girly boy" and similar insults regarding my androgynous look)
the only friends that i ever had were in school, but i very rarely ever hung out with them after school classes were finished, and ever since i finished high school i cut off all contact with them
unlike other wizzies which were sheltered by their parents, my parents (specifically my father) always encouraged us to go out, also my house being far removed from other neighbourhoods isn't an excuse for me since i have a brother who went out to have a social life just fine, i probably would have ended up an isolated neet no matter what but this is just how things happened
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>>178395
i grew up in a small town, with a many friends, every day after school i played with them, we had a tree club house, a lake and sometimes we went to other towns just following the canal or the train tracks in bikes, it was the happiest time in my life
the problem started when i was 11 or 12yo, my family decided to move to the city and live in a shitty commiee block, i went from doing things with my friends outside after school all the time, to locking myself in my room to watching TV and playing the same old games over and over again
it was a very traumatizing and depressing experience, that's when i first began to contemplate suicide, i think that's what fuck me brain
but it wasn't until go to high school that i realized i was different to normies, i was very average, good in individual sports(even for a while i thought about becoming a professional tennis player), not antisocial, never was bullyed, but i didn't understand why normies were so obsessed with sucubus, sex, famous people, with belonging to a group, with being popular, with being cool, etc
eventually im isolated myself more and more, to the point that i quit school and lose my "friends"
i remember that every morning instead of going to school i went to the cybercafe to play mmorpgs, eventually my parents noticed, and they forced me to return or get a job
i got a job, i bought a pc, internet, and well, 10 years later here we are
i grew up in a small town, with a many friends, every day after school i played with them, we had a tree club house, a lake and sometimes we went to other towns just following the canal or the train tracks in bikes, it was the happiest time in my life
the problem started when i was 11 or 12yo, my family decided to move to the city and live in a shitty commiee block, i went from doing things with my friends outside after school all the time, to locking myself in my room to watching TV and playing the same old games over and over again
it was a very traumatizing and depressing experience, that's when i first began to contemplate suicide, i think that's what fuck me brain
but it wasn't until go to high school that i realized i was different to normies, i was very average, good in individual sports(even for a while i thought about becoming a professional tennis player), not antisocial, never was bullyed, but i didn't understand why normies were so obsessed with sucubus, sex, famous people, with belonging to a group, with being popular, with being cool, etc
eventually im isolated myself more and more, to the point that i quit school and lose my "friends"
i remember that every morning instead of going to school i went to the cybercafe to play mmorpgs, eventually my parents noticed, and they forced me to return or get a job
i got a job, i bought a pc, internet, and well, 10 years later here we are
>>183026
This, they need to brainwash you into obedience, always doing what those with a higher rank tell you to do in society. And of course you need to learn to "work together" with others :^) Jesus, how great it is to live in a society nobody asked you whether you want to belong to or not. You are born, you are automatically considered a citizen who has responsibilities, duties and laws forced upon him. Life is wonderful!
This, they need to brainwash you into obedience, always doing what those with a higher rank tell you to do in society. And of course you need to learn to "work together" with others :^) Jesus, how great it is to live in a society nobody asked you whether you want to belong to or not. You are born, you are automatically considered a citizen who has responsibilities, duties and laws forced upon him. Life is wonderful!
>>183019
>i grew up in a small town, with a many friends, every day after school i played with them, we had a tree club house, a lake and sometimes we went to other towns just following the canal or the train tracks in bikes, it was the happiest time in my life
Why is /wiz/ home of the failed normalfags now? Is /b/ not enough of a containment board?
>i grew up in a small town, with a many friends, every day after school i played with them, we had a tree club house, a lake and sometimes we went to other towns just following the canal or the train tracks in bikes, it was the happiest time in my life
Why is /wiz/ home of the failed normalfags now? Is /b/ not enough of a containment board?
I would say my mother always had really isolating tendencies and wouldn't let me leave. I can remember having a bike and riding it in circles in our normal sized driveway because she was afraid of letting us leave the house and yard and that pretty much continued until my early teens.
My parents are also the normie version of wizards. My mother doesn't have any friends in a city she's lived in for 15+ years and my father never had friends that I can remember aside from a few co-workers.
My mother was also fond of getting me diagnosed by various psychiatrists. The more normie ones were autism and ADHD but she also had ODD and a few more obscure mental illnesses put on me. I'm obviously a wizard so maybe some of those were accurate.
If it helps any other wizards find patterns for themselves in their upbringings, my father was really just kind of a jerk and seemed to enjoy being unpleasant to me and honestly everyone else. He went off the rails I think because we let him do it. It seems like he'll be as nasty and hurtful as we let him be. My mother believes others are conspiring against her although I think it's just a way of avoiding responsibility on her part.
Succubi have generally ignored me but when I was younger I'd rarely get some brief attention. It tended not to be positive and I think now it was just that they realized they could mess with me and get some entertainment that way.
I can't rely on my parents so I have my own money. I don't currently work but I should be soon enough. Work in a way is better than not working, I've gotten to the point where I'm unable to enjoy video games or online groups. I judge myself negatively enough that it makes being a total NEET difficult.
I drink too much. I don't know why I drink considering I hate it and I hate myself for doing it, but I do drink almost everyday. It's one of the weirder things I've had to deal with.
I guess if I had to make a complaint about life, it is that normies are unbelievably cruel. If I didn't want to work I think I'd never leave my house nor call anyone, I just don't understand why they're so needlessly hurtful.
The future is difficult, there are many things I want to do but it's hard to get the energy to do them. After burning out so many times it's hard to get the spark again.
My parents are also the normie version of wizards. My mother doesn't have any friends in a city she's lived in for 15+ years and my father never had friends that I can remember aside from a few co-workers.
My mother was also fond of getting me diagnosed by various psychiatrists. The more normie ones were autism and ADHD but she also had ODD and a few more obscure mental illnesses put on me. I'm obviously a wizard so maybe some of those were accurate.
If it helps any other wizards find patterns for themselves in their upbringings, my father was really just kind of a jerk and seemed to enjoy being unpleasant to me and honestly everyone else. He went off the rails I think because we let him do it. It seems like he'll be as nasty and hurtful as we let him be. My mother believes others are conspiring against her although I think it's just a way of avoiding responsibility on her part.
Succubi have generally ignored me but when I was younger I'd rarely get some brief attention. It tended not to be positive and I think now it was just that they realized they could mess with me and get some entertainment that way.
I can't rely on my parents so I have my own money. I don't currently work but I should be soon enough. Work in a way is better than not working, I've gotten to the point where I'm unable to enjoy video games or online groups. I judge myself negatively enough that it makes being a total NEET difficult.
I drink too much. I don't know why I drink considering I hate it and I hate myself for doing it, but I do drink almost everyday. It's one of the weirder things I've had to deal with.
I guess if I had to make a complaint about life, it is that normies are unbelievably cruel. If I didn't want to work I think I'd never leave my house nor call anyone, I just don't understand why they're so needlessly hurtful.
The future is difficult, there are many things I want to do but it's hard to get the energy to do them. After burning out so many times it's hard to get the spark again.
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>>184580
>i met some succubus, i dated her
>i met some succubus, i dated her
I was always a socially withdrawn person but when I was younger I could get by sometimes once I got comfortable enough. So in most grades I had a few friends around but often we would be separated by them being in other classes or something so I would just be alone and draw or daydream. I was never friendly with them to the point of actively hanging around with them outside of school or anything though and as I got older the harder it was to be comfortable enough to interact.
Then I graduated highschool and what few social ties I had dried up almost immediately.
That was 13 years ago. I really haven't had much interaction with humans outside of casual greetings, forced workplace conversations and imageboards since then.
Then I graduated highschool and what few social ties I had dried up almost immediately.
That was 13 years ago. I really haven't had much interaction with humans outside of casual greetings, forced workplace conversations and imageboards since then.
>>183054
>I guess if I had to make a complaint about life, it is that normies are unbelievably cruel. If I didn't want to work I think I'd never leave my house nor call anyone, I just don't understand why they're so needlessly hurtful.
Very true, normies get a thrill out of psychologically and emotionally torturing awkward men for some reason.
>I guess if I had to make a complaint about life, it is that normies are unbelievably cruel. If I didn't want to work I think I'd never leave my house nor call anyone, I just don't understand why they're so needlessly hurtful.
Very true, normies get a thrill out of psychologically and emotionally torturing awkward men for some reason.
1-11 years old: nobody ever hung out outside of school. it didn't seem to be just me, it was everybody. i think it was because i went to a private school and we all had helicopter parents, and a lot of those kids were rich and probably had weird schedules and did rich people crap.
they didn't have time for friends in between their yacht club and taekwondo or whatever the fuck. Faggots.
~isolated due to the culture.~
12-15 years old: i had a lot of problems at home my whole life, like watching mommy and daddy get drunk and beat each other up or beat me up. and everything came boiling over all at once starting at this age. i started engaging in extreme antisocial behaviors like burning down the public bathroom, getting into fights with complete strangers for no reason, i had detention literally every single day for all of 7th grade. i even had detention on the very last day of school before summer vacation haha. I vandalized the bathrooms with feces and urine to such an extent that they started having people escorted by school faculty whenever they needed to go to the bathroom. i told classmates i was in a death cult called The Ace of Spades and that i was going to kill them/myself (i wasn't actually, i just wanted to shock people and i was edgy). when possible, i did drugs, any drug.
obviously, i was a scary psychopath and nobody voluntarily spent time with me unless it was to laugh at my bizarre behaviors. Especially the kids in extracurricular activities, they especially avoided me because they didn't want to get involved in my numerous trips to the principal's office, because it could mean getting removed from the basketball game etc.
~isolated due to behavioral issues.~
17-now (26): at this point, being alone is all i know and all i'm comfortable with.
i dropped out of school at 17 and had better things to do than try to salvage any relationships or make new ones. my addiction to dopamine, video games and internet was peaking hard here and all i cared about was, and is, video games.
what good is having friends anyway? really ask yourself that: what is gained by having friends around? all they do is make smalltalk for hours, friends get drunk and eat food together. well i can get drunk alone and eat alone, what do i need people for? if i want to make smalltalk, i just come here or to a Discord server.
~isolated by choice.~
that's my evolution. maybe if i had gone to a normal public school or lived in a neighborhood with other children my age as a little kid, i'd have socially developed more normally. maybe it'd offset the trauma i experienced at home as a kid, who knows. maybe i'd even be a normalfag.
i'm happy for the way i am now and i'm happy with the life i lead, and the only thing i envy about normalfags is they seem to never get stressed out and they all seem to have more money than me. i don't envy their down's syndrome relationships and commitments to their retard friends whatsoever. making smalltalk as a full time job isnt appealing to me anymore, i get enough of it online.
they didn't have time for friends in between their yacht club and taekwondo or whatever the fuck. Faggots.
~isolated due to the culture.~
12-15 years old: i had a lot of problems at home my whole life, like watching mommy and daddy get drunk and beat each other up or beat me up. and everything came boiling over all at once starting at this age. i started engaging in extreme antisocial behaviors like burning down the public bathroom, getting into fights with complete strangers for no reason, i had detention literally every single day for all of 7th grade. i even had detention on the very last day of school before summer vacation haha. I vandalized the bathrooms with feces and urine to such an extent that they started having people escorted by school faculty whenever they needed to go to the bathroom. i told classmates i was in a death cult called The Ace of Spades and that i was going to kill them/myself (i wasn't actually, i just wanted to shock people and i was edgy). when possible, i did drugs, any drug.
obviously, i was a scary psychopath and nobody voluntarily spent time with me unless it was to laugh at my bizarre behaviors. Especially the kids in extracurricular activities, they especially avoided me because they didn't want to get involved in my numerous trips to the principal's office, because it could mean getting removed from the basketball game etc.
~isolated due to behavioral issues.~
17-now (26): at this point, being alone is all i know and all i'm comfortable with.
i dropped out of school at 17 and had better things to do than try to salvage any relationships or make new ones. my addiction to dopamine, video games and internet was peaking hard here and all i cared about was, and is, video games.
what good is having friends anyway? really ask yourself that: what is gained by having friends around? all they do is make smalltalk for hours, friends get drunk and eat food together. well i can get drunk alone and eat alone, what do i need people for? if i want to make smalltalk, i just come here or to a Discord server.
~isolated by choice.~
that's my evolution. maybe if i had gone to a normal public school or lived in a neighborhood with other children my age as a little kid, i'd have socially developed more normally. maybe it'd offset the trauma i experienced at home as a kid, who knows. maybe i'd even be a normalfag.
i'm happy for the way i am now and i'm happy with the life i lead, and the only thing i envy about normalfags is they seem to never get stressed out and they all seem to have more money than me. i don't envy their down's syndrome relationships and commitments to their retard friends whatsoever. making smalltalk as a full time job isnt appealing to me anymore, i get enough of it online.
>>178397
>I tried and hated college, dropping out only after a year. From there I was forced to rely on mommy and daddy for help paying rent for a shitty apartment while I worked a series of shit jobs.
Really relatable that's my situation right now.
>I tried and hated college, dropping out only after a year. From there I was forced to rely on mommy and daddy for help paying rent for a shitty apartment while I worked a series of shit jobs.
Really relatable that's my situation right now.
>>178441
Based.
>>178449
I had a very similar experience. I actually would hide in the back of the school to avoid the other students.
>>178513
>The good thing is that humans have a maybe infinite capacity for change and self improvement.
I realized this and it made me an individualist.
>>183049
The public school system is a disaster.
Based.
>>178449
I had a very similar experience. I actually would hide in the back of the school to avoid the other students.
>>178513
>The good thing is that humans have a maybe infinite capacity for change and self improvement.
I realized this and it made me an individualist.
>>183049
The public school system is a disaster.
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I was bullied as a kid, but I still had some friends. By the age of 11 I learned the bullying would stop if I ignored it and I laughed at the jokes about me instead of getting angry at them. I had a relatively normal life up until I was 15. In those years however I developed pretty severe religious OCD. By the age of 16 even the less attractive or outgoing friends I had started dating. Dating made me feel like I was disobeying god and it gave me anxiety, my friends would also drink every weekend, which I didn't want to do. I started always making excuses when my friends would invite me to stuff and I stopped talking to new people so I could follow the bible more closely. The isolation made me extremely depressed and I started avoiding people for that reason as well. I didn't get bullied thankfully, people tried, but I ignored them and didn't give them any satisfaction so they stopped. In the following years I started doubting my beliefs and I started wondering if the intrusive thoughts and horrible anxiety I had when I disobeyed god where caused by schizophrenia instead of being demonic attacks. At the age of 19 I found out what OCD actually was (I used to think it was only about cleanliness or order). I started not doing my compulsion, which was praying while yawning. I don't know why I had to yawn, but it wouldn't work otherwise. I also started doing things that gave me anxiety on purpose, like saving porn images on my computer. By the age of 20 I had completely gotten over my OCD through exposure and response prevention therapy, but something about me had changed. During those years of isolation I developed pretty severe social anxiety and I had the social skills of a 14 year old. I didn't make friends in university and I've been alone ever since.