I remember a dream my dad had and it scared him. Basically it had me living in a run down apartment eating dog food out of a can staring outside with no thought behind those eyes. With how my life has been so far it doesn't surprise me, failure after failure at this point that dream sounds more like a luxury than a nightmare. If my mom passes what will I live in definitely don't have the ability to get an apartment or pay bills or manage money. Imagine that, your fucking existence WAS planned but to be a fucking subhuman sludge, intentional design. My relationship with my mother is more transactional because I don't know how to connect with people besides live off them. Spiritualists are fucking liars about the universes love, the universe, god, or whatever gnostics like to worship, is a piece of shit. It's like as if God fucked me over and recorded it and sent the porno to my dad for it to be told to me in detail.