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I fucking loathe being autistic, I fucking hate how I can have articulate thoughts in my head yet can only muster and spew out the same few fucking phrases irl because I’m caught off guard and don’t know what to say
I hate how pathetic I am, I’m so fucking clumsy, my hand coordination is awful. Im always dropping shit which only makes me look like more of a retard
Most of all I hate the way other people look at me, there two “looks” I get from people. The first is the pitiful one. They see how pathetic I am, how socially inept, awkward and harmless I am and take pity on me like they would with a dementia patient. The other “look” is the hateful/judgmental one. They assume due to my awkwardness, my uncanny demeanour, ugly face and lack of height that I’m some kind of freak/someone to be suspicious of. They look at me like I’m some kind of sex pest/serial killer when all I’m doing is just existing
I put in the effort, I workout every day, I eat well, I keep good hygiene, I try, lord knows I fucking try, but I have to ask what’s the point? It won’t change anything. I can’t cure this awful plague of the mind I was born with, I’ll never be accepted or even tolerated by normies so why make an effort? Why try in life and work hard when I don’t even get the slightest bit of respect from the people around me? Part of me wants to just stay in my room stuffing my face with junk food and playing vidya all day but if I did that I’d only be more miserable.
Any other wizards have this condition? If so how do you cope with it?
I hate how pathetic I am, I’m so fucking clumsy, my hand coordination is awful. Im always dropping shit which only makes me look like more of a retard
Most of all I hate the way other people look at me, there two “looks” I get from people. The first is the pitiful one. They see how pathetic I am, how socially inept, awkward and harmless I am and take pity on me like they would with a dementia patient. The other “look” is the hateful/judgmental one. They assume due to my awkwardness, my uncanny demeanour, ugly face and lack of height that I’m some kind of freak/someone to be suspicious of. They look at me like I’m some kind of sex pest/serial killer when all I’m doing is just existing
I put in the effort, I workout every day, I eat well, I keep good hygiene, I try, lord knows I fucking try, but I have to ask what’s the point? It won’t change anything. I can’t cure this awful plague of the mind I was born with, I’ll never be accepted or even tolerated by normies so why make an effort? Why try in life and work hard when I don’t even get the slightest bit of respect from the people around me? Part of me wants to just stay in my room stuffing my face with junk food and playing vidya all day but if I did that I’d only be more miserable.
Any other wizards have this condition? If so how do you cope with it?
>Any other wizards have this condition?
Yeah, me and probably most of us.
>If so how do you cope with it?
I avoid going outside and being in any kind of social situations unless there is absolutely no other choice. This gives me some amount of peace from anxiety and depression so I can pursue my interests but I still get flashbacks of cringe memories and it makes me feel so awful and hopeless for a few seconds until I mutter "fucking kill yourself" out loud. I don't know why my brain does this or why acting out this tourette syndrome routine helps, but I've just learned to accept it.
I've stopped caring about the future or catching up with my peers long ago and I've just learned to get through life day by day and find whatever joy I can in my solitary hobbies. There is nothing you can do about it, so you might as well focus on other things. I guess the only hope for an autistic is that they become top 1% in their special interest and this allows them to have some semblance of a career and respect from others, but you have to have some genuine interest, something that genuinely tickles your autism and lets you do stuff that others find boring or tedious. Maybe you can be the next Tetris world record holder or the guy that makes youtube videos about an extremely niche subject or something like that.
Yeah, me and probably most of us.
>If so how do you cope with it?
I avoid going outside and being in any kind of social situations unless there is absolutely no other choice. This gives me some amount of peace from anxiety and depression so I can pursue my interests but I still get flashbacks of cringe memories and it makes me feel so awful and hopeless for a few seconds until I mutter "fucking kill yourself" out loud. I don't know why my brain does this or why acting out this tourette syndrome routine helps, but I've just learned to accept it.
I've stopped caring about the future or catching up with my peers long ago and I've just learned to get through life day by day and find whatever joy I can in my solitary hobbies. There is nothing you can do about it, so you might as well focus on other things. I guess the only hope for an autistic is that they become top 1% in their special interest and this allows them to have some semblance of a career and respect from others, but you have to have some genuine interest, something that genuinely tickles your autism and lets you do stuff that others find boring or tedious. Maybe you can be the next Tetris world record holder or the guy that makes youtube videos about an extremely niche subject or something like that.
No matter how much normal things I try to do and as normal I try to be, I'll always hear this phrase: "this guy is weird". I don't even know if I only hear it in my head or if people really say it most of the time. I do be having auditory hallucinations in the past, and it's always this: the weird guy. I can't do nothing against this. Even just refilling car wash water yesterday, I hear it from people coming along. How can I fucking be more normal than when changing fucking car wash water, like what in the hell.
The worst thing about being an autist for me is that no one ever respected me and never will.
>>302510
since im autistic i never get satisfied due to me being empty and numb from all the corruption from people. i just wish i lived in a different reality where i could start over again..
since im autistic i never get satisfied due to me being empty and numb from all the corruption from people. i just wish i lived in a different reality where i could start over again..
Yea, I became really unfriendly to people and dont bother even looking at people i dont know, especially succubi and succubi. I dont understand anymore how people get so friendly with strangers. succubi never had anything interesting to say, and now that I dont interact with them they say im a weird and awkward person for not wanting to interacting with them. I hate interacting with succubi especialy those in relationships, spewking to them is pure suifuel. I hate strangers.
I wish i lived in a clan so at least the people around me are related to me and can be more accepting of what I can provide knowing my autism except what strangers expect of you which is that you should be a jester, someone who telepathically knows what the other person would be interested in talking about and talk about worthless menial shit like sportsball.
I used to make some friends here and there as a kid and its always such a foreign thing to look back on. How the hell did I do that? People can be such vile creatures
I wish i lived in a clan so at least the people around me are related to me and can be more accepting of what I can provide knowing my autism except what strangers expect of you which is that you should be a jester, someone who telepathically knows what the other person would be interested in talking about and talk about worthless menial shit like sportsball.
I used to make some friends here and there as a kid and its always such a foreign thing to look back on. How the hell did I do that? People can be such vile creatures
>>302510
I work at a remote location, as in "all alone at a small shop".
I simply don't have to deal with NORMIES who chit-chat in person ahaha
I work at a remote location, as in "all alone at a small shop".
I simply don't have to deal with NORMIES who chit-chat in person ahaha
I don't know OP. But I feel you. It really hurts me that normies can always tell.
It's just that faint disappointment on their face when they get a good look at your face or hear you speak, like a flinch? "Something's off." I wish I could banter with and connect to people too, but I just feel like I'm missing something everyone else has got. I still try but it feels like, even at my best, there's still that flinch or double take.
It's just that faint disappointment on their face when they get a good look at your face or hear you speak, like a flinch? "Something's off." I wish I could banter with and connect to people too, but I just feel like I'm missing something everyone else has got. I still try but it feels like, even at my best, there's still that flinch or double take.
>>302510
Again, mask it by wearing funny COVID era stuff.
or sunglasses
Poker face pros love wearing sunglasses to boost their composure/make their "eyes speech" of body language muted to improve their bluff
Again, mask it by wearing funny COVID era stuff.
or sunglasses
Poker face pros love wearing sunglasses to boost their composure/make their "eyes speech" of body language muted to improve their bluff
>>303597
It got a little better after getting older myself, I can bluff most initial meetings if 20 seconds or shorter and people that know me just know I'm quirky.
I still have the middle aged ladies pulling their sweaters over their chest sometimes - no Tina, not checking out your busted tits, I just have trouble communicating.
It got a little better after getting older myself, I can bluff most initial meetings if 20 seconds or shorter and people that know me just know I'm quirky.
I still have the middle aged ladies pulling their sweaters over their chest sometimes - no Tina, not checking out your busted tits, I just have trouble communicating.
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> I fucking hate how I can have articulate thoughts in my head yet can only muster and spew out the same few fucking phrases
I have an extremely imaginative mind that has very deep ontological visualizations and I still struggle so fucking bad converting it for the linguistic (and cultural) hellscape; there's literally no compatibility layer. I can only make the case that it exists… that isn't enough to communicate my cognitive divergence at all. I'm apparently required to reciprocate normie systems of expression just to somehow contribute anything. I've only grasped comprehending language, but it almost exclusively gets encoded into my cognitive model, and there wasn't as much effort for the decoding layer in my years of childhood therapy. Comprehension and mirroring were always the first steps before the ladder, because the second step - decoding - is horridly difficult for any kind of external analysis. There's nearly no form of accommodation for this kind of problem because medical institutions are only concerned with integrating neurological deviants into normative society, and not for the internal configurations they tend to mute.
It's like training AI on specific variables while neglecting other ones that could reward well-being and other efficiencies so much better, but those other variables lie outside the realm of normie potential. There's something deeply fucked up with the way higher-needs autists grow up to have "less" needs in this way, so to speak. It's the deepest form of corruption that autist-supportive normies cannot bear to comprehend. I can only set this precedence for people to think about because I'm not fully there yet with explaining it proper.
I have an extremely imaginative mind that has very deep ontological visualizations and I still struggle so fucking bad converting it for the linguistic (and cultural) hellscape; there's literally no compatibility layer. I can only make the case that it exists… that isn't enough to communicate my cognitive divergence at all. I'm apparently required to reciprocate normie systems of expression just to somehow contribute anything. I've only grasped comprehending language, but it almost exclusively gets encoded into my cognitive model, and there wasn't as much effort for the decoding layer in my years of childhood therapy. Comprehension and mirroring were always the first steps before the ladder, because the second step - decoding - is horridly difficult for any kind of external analysis. There's nearly no form of accommodation for this kind of problem because medical institutions are only concerned with integrating neurological deviants into normative society, and not for the internal configurations they tend to mute.
It's like training AI on specific variables while neglecting other ones that could reward well-being and other efficiencies so much better, but those other variables lie outside the realm of normie potential. There's something deeply fucked up with the way higher-needs autists grow up to have "less" needs in this way, so to speak. It's the deepest form of corruption that autist-supportive normies cannot bear to comprehend. I can only set this precedence for people to think about because I'm not fully there yet with explaining it proper.
>>303604
ahaha my office has TWO 4-lightbulb lights.
Each is a 18W luminescent lamp, comparable to a 75w incandescent lamp - e.g. I have very powerful lightbulbs at work
there are different "indoors", mate, when it comes to the lights inside
ahaha my office has TWO 4-lightbulb lights.
Each is a 18W luminescent lamp, comparable to a 75w incandescent lamp - e.g. I have very powerful lightbulbs at work
there are different "indoors", mate, when it comes to the lights inside
>>303615
It ruined my life many times but at least I'm not a normalfag subhuman, and I think the 'tism makes me immune to propanganda
It ruined my life many times but at least I'm not a normalfag subhuman, and I think the 'tism makes me immune to propanganda
>>303617
>I think the 'tism makes me immune to propanganda
Maybe "you have autism" is the real propaganda.
>I think the 'tism makes me immune to propanganda
Maybe "you have autism" is the real propaganda.
>>303617
I can see that, someone once told me 'the usual tricks don't work on you' with social nudgings and whatnot.
I can see that, someone once told me 'the usual tricks don't work on you' with social nudgings and whatnot.
>>303617
No autist is immune to propaganda, they only evidently have better psychological resilience; that doesn't mean no psychological vulnerability exists. The claim to be immune to propaganda is a very naive and dangerous thing to believe.
No autist is immune to propaganda, they only evidently have better psychological resilience; that doesn't mean no psychological vulnerability exists. The claim to be immune to propaganda is a very naive and dangerous thing to believe.
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>>303621
>they only evidently have better psychological resilience
In the same way a wild boar is immune to the mating howl of a wolf. Autism enjoyers aren't necessarily 'resistant" to propaganda so much that the most prevalent media and propaganda is specifically targeted towards those without a developmental disorder. It's only a matter of making propaganda that targets the distinct brainwaves and interests of those who took the autism pill. And yes that is happening en masse; what's being propagandized is every genre of faggotry known to man. Just about every self-proclaimed haver of autism you can find online is echoing the same few lines of degeneracy that the corporations have tricked them in to believing. LGBT this, men can become succubi that, a little bit of "black lives matter" (LOL!)… This kind if "love wins" propaganda reaches the hearts of the mentally retarded so it is being pushed on to the autistic statistic hard. It's working.
>they only evidently have better psychological resilience
In the same way a wild boar is immune to the mating howl of a wolf. Autism enjoyers aren't necessarily 'resistant" to propaganda so much that the most prevalent media and propaganda is specifically targeted towards those without a developmental disorder. It's only a matter of making propaganda that targets the distinct brainwaves and interests of those who took the autism pill. And yes that is happening en masse; what's being propagandized is every genre of faggotry known to man. Just about every self-proclaimed haver of autism you can find online is echoing the same few lines of degeneracy that the corporations have tricked them in to believing. LGBT this, men can become succubi that, a little bit of "black lives matter" (LOL!)… This kind if "love wins" propaganda reaches the hearts of the mentally retarded so it is being pushed on to the autistic statistic hard. It's working.
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>>303622
False. Low functioning autists are specifically at risk of brainwashing, someone forcing them to become trans etc.
Google the overlap between autism and transsexuality. It is significant. The vast majority of autists are low IQ and not capable of critical thinking.
Far right extremists, trannie, frustrated gamers throwing around terroristic threats - all low functioning autists.
Only high functioning autists are immune to brainwash.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36996732/
False. Low functioning autists are specifically at risk of brainwashing, someone forcing them to become trans etc.
Google the overlap between autism and transsexuality. It is significant. The vast majority of autists are low IQ and not capable of critical thinking.
Far right extremists, trannie, frustrated gamers throwing around terroristic threats - all low functioning autists.
Only high functioning autists are immune to brainwash.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36996732/
>>302510
How can I know if I actually have this or am just misdiagnosing myself? Everything the OP said applies to me. I can't talk normally even to my family members and fuck eye contact. However I don't know if I'm just like this or if it's because I have spent so long isolated from other people that I became this way.
How can I know if I actually have this or am just misdiagnosing myself? Everything the OP said applies to me. I can't talk normally even to my family members and fuck eye contact. However I don't know if I'm just like this or if it's because I have spent so long isolated from other people that I became this way.
>>303726
Your shut-in life makes you less social and more focused on own stuff
This focus make you too focused on "your own world"
so whenever another person throws a question to you, you are likely to go meltdown-like because your little world has been just sapped.
Neuroplasticity can make wonders but it can also be a nightmare if you just seek cozy comfy life.
Had I been full of b-coins, I would probably be a massive awootist now.
Your shut-in life makes you less social and more focused on own stuff
This focus make you too focused on "your own world"
so whenever another person throws a question to you, you are likely to go meltdown-like because your little world has been just sapped.
Neuroplasticity can make wonders but it can also be a nightmare if you just seek cozy comfy life.
Had I been full of b-coins, I would probably be a massive awootist now.
>>302510
I suffer with brain damage from cigarettes (cyanide and arsenic), and from other things. The things you're describing remind me of what the brain damage did to me over time, as the brain damage worsened.
I don't have Autism, and am nowhere on the spectrum.
Your health may have caused you to be able to do certain activities, while making other activities difficult.
>>303911
Thanks for the information!
I suffer with brain damage from cigarettes (cyanide and arsenic), and from other things. The things you're describing remind me of what the brain damage did to me over time, as the brain damage worsened.
I don't have Autism, and am nowhere on the spectrum.
Your health may have caused you to be able to do certain activities, while making other activities difficult.
>>303911
Thanks for the information!
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>>303911
>Demand avoidance describes the urge to resist demands — actions, activities, responsibilities, and tasks that await completion in everyday life. It’s something almost everyone experiences occasionally for various reasons.
Oh my fucking nigger, that is NORMAL. Not immediately wanting to do whatever your retarded teachers or parents tell you to do is NORMAL. It's not a sign of AWTISUM or a symptom of THE SPECTRUM. All kids are defiant against lame authority by nature and it takes years of mental and physical rape to rewire their brains in to uncontested submission. You are not autistic, stop trusting every random flush of bullshit on the internet published by the cult of mental health and human psyche sorting.
I've made a habit of wetting a piece of toilet paper with soap and water from the sink tap to wipe my ass with after I've wiped my ass of shit with the dry toilet paper. Does this mean I have OBSESSIVE WIPING SYNDROME? Is trying to be a little clean in the pants a symptom of PATHOLOGICAL DISINFECTING DISORDER? Do I fall in the SQUEAKY CLEAN BOYZ section of THE SPECTRUM? According to a bunch of tiny-hat faggots who only have their pockets' best interest in mind: YES! I am SPECIAL! Give me ZOLOFT and stick me in front of the computer so I can spend all day convincing other people that they too are SPECIAL and should go buy some Zoloft too! People online always called me a RETARD but now that the doctors said it, I'm a PROUD RETARD! Join me fellow imageboard user for the RETARD PRIDE PARADE. AUTISM IS MY SUPER POWER!!!
>Demand avoidance describes the urge to resist demands — actions, activities, responsibilities, and tasks that await completion in everyday life. It’s something almost everyone experiences occasionally for various reasons.
Oh my fucking nigger, that is NORMAL. Not immediately wanting to do whatever your retarded teachers or parents tell you to do is NORMAL. It's not a sign of AWTISUM or a symptom of THE SPECTRUM. All kids are defiant against lame authority by nature and it takes years of mental and physical rape to rewire their brains in to uncontested submission. You are not autistic, stop trusting every random flush of bullshit on the internet published by the cult of mental health and human psyche sorting.
I've made a habit of wetting a piece of toilet paper with soap and water from the sink tap to wipe my ass with after I've wiped my ass of shit with the dry toilet paper. Does this mean I have OBSESSIVE WIPING SYNDROME? Is trying to be a little clean in the pants a symptom of PATHOLOGICAL DISINFECTING DISORDER? Do I fall in the SQUEAKY CLEAN BOYZ section of THE SPECTRUM? According to a bunch of tiny-hat faggots who only have their pockets' best interest in mind: YES! I am SPECIAL! Give me ZOLOFT and stick me in front of the computer so I can spend all day convincing other people that they too are SPECIAL and should go buy some Zoloft too! People online always called me a RETARD but now that the doctors said it, I'm a PROUD RETARD! Join me fellow imageboard user for the RETARD PRIDE PARADE. AUTISM IS MY SUPER POWER!!!
>>303913
I was also starved by others my whole childhood and kept from drinking properly.
The issues OP has remind me of my own brain damage and general bodily damage.
I was also starved by others my whole childhood and kept from drinking properly.
The issues OP has remind me of my own brain damage and general bodily damage.
>>303914
>[…], that is NORMAL. Not immediately wanting to do whatever your retarded teachers or parents tell you to do is NORMAL. It's not a sign of AWTISUM or a symptom of THE SPECTRUM. All kids are defiant against lame authority by nature and it takes years of mental and physical rape to rewire their brains in to uncontested submission. You are not autistic, stop trusting every random flush of bullshit on the internet published by the cult of mental health and human psyche sorting.
True, modern society is built on matters that go agaist this instinct of an evolved ape called "human" or another. (Context: the "clay" in the WORD, yes, but "clay" may refer to something organic, not necessary the SiO2 * H2O mix known as "clay". Just like the "dust to dust" goes together with known degrading *back* to basic organic matter in the food chain).
>[…], that is NORMAL. Not immediately wanting to do whatever your retarded teachers or parents tell you to do is NORMAL. It's not a sign of AWTISUM or a symptom of THE SPECTRUM. All kids are defiant against lame authority by nature and it takes years of mental and physical rape to rewire their brains in to uncontested submission. You are not autistic, stop trusting every random flush of bullshit on the internet published by the cult of mental health and human psyche sorting.
True, modern society is built on matters that go agaist this instinct of an evolved ape called "human" or another. (Context: the "clay" in the WORD, yes, but "clay" may refer to something organic, not necessary the SiO2 * H2O mix known as "clay". Just like the "dust to dust" goes together with known degrading *back* to basic organic matter in the food chain).
>>302510
>>302510
I think you have a *complex* when it comes to expressing yourself. Not awootimus
>They assume due to my awkwardness, my uncanny demeanour, ugly face and lack of height that I’m some kind of freak/someone to be suspicious of. They look at me like I’m some kind of sex pest/serial killer when all I’m doing is just existing
OK, they *give* you a reason to have a complex. What if it's about them, not you? Try getting a job elsewhere. Also, try learning a quick way to tie a tie: you'll look more "orderly" in a.
>>302510
I think you have a *complex* when it comes to expressing yourself. Not awootimus
>They assume due to my awkwardness, my uncanny demeanour, ugly face and lack of height that I’m some kind of freak/someone to be suspicious of. They look at me like I’m some kind of sex pest/serial killer when all I’m doing is just existing
OK, they *give* you a reason to have a complex. What if it's about them, not you? Try getting a job elsewhere. Also, try learning a quick way to tie a tie: you'll look more "orderly" in a.
>>303622
theres a reason most other autists i know are either hopelessly immersed into useless politics or turn into transformers. Brainrot propaganda as is effective to them as legacy media is for boomers. Very few can escape it, usually by clinging onto their favorite hobby or whatnot
theres a reason most other autists i know are either hopelessly immersed into useless politics or turn into transformers. Brainrot propaganda as is effective to them as legacy media is for boomers. Very few can escape it, usually by clinging onto their favorite hobby or whatnot
>>303930
>most other autists i know are either hopelessly immersed into useless politics
I recognize the politics and internet arguments are kryptonite for assburgers. I'm trying to get myself permanently banned from 4chan in order to break the feedback loop of getting constantly datamined and baited. I fall for it every time.
>most other autists i know are either hopelessly immersed into useless politics
I recognize the politics and internet arguments are kryptonite for assburgers. I'm trying to get myself permanently banned from 4chan in order to break the feedback loop of getting constantly datamined and baited. I fall for it every time.
>>303934
Sometimes, a permanent solution to a problem is the only one that will work. It's either permabanned or rope for me.
Sometimes, a permanent solution to a problem is the only one that will work. It's either permabanned or rope for me.
>>303935
Deciding to not use it is a permanent solution. If anything it's more permanent than a ban because of how dynamic most IPs are these days.
Deciding to not use it is a permanent solution. If anything it's more permanent than a ban because of how dynamic most IPs are these days.
>>303935
You can simply start lurking underground, non-mainstream GPTs like ChaosGPT and such
or straight up launch Gaia LLM on your pc
You can simply start lurking underground, non-mainstream GPTs like ChaosGPT and such
or straight up launch Gaia LLM on your pc