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feeling really lost
especially because i can compare it to earlier times
where things felt more bearable
or at least that i had some bearings to ground myself
school and college, a brief post-graduate unemployment, and then solid employment for many years that led to to a point where i actually kind of enjoyed my life
things felt really stable. i liked the people i had around me every day.
but shit doesn't last, and I have lost everything that kept my mental health from spiraling
and so it's spiraled
addiction and dopamine control my life and I get phases of focus and productivity that quickly fades when I get anxious and start smoking weed from morning to night.
I'm just rambling now because this is my mind these days, just constantly ruminating and unable to find a glimmer of hope to latch onto in order to make sustained gradual change to improve my life and 'return to glory' like I used to experience day to day.
Because nowadays life is uncomfortable
and discomfort without meaning is just suffering
how do i find meaning again after I lost it? Without it I feel so unmotivated to do anything about lacking it.
especially because i can compare it to earlier times
where things felt more bearable
or at least that i had some bearings to ground myself
school and college, a brief post-graduate unemployment, and then solid employment for many years that led to to a point where i actually kind of enjoyed my life
things felt really stable. i liked the people i had around me every day.
but shit doesn't last, and I have lost everything that kept my mental health from spiraling
and so it's spiraled
addiction and dopamine control my life and I get phases of focus and productivity that quickly fades when I get anxious and start smoking weed from morning to night.
I'm just rambling now because this is my mind these days, just constantly ruminating and unable to find a glimmer of hope to latch onto in order to make sustained gradual change to improve my life and 'return to glory' like I used to experience day to day.
Because nowadays life is uncomfortable
and discomfort without meaning is just suffering
how do i find meaning again after I lost it? Without it I feel so unmotivated to do anything about lacking it.
stop smoking weed, retard. also hope is a cope, and meaning is nonexistent, you don't need either to do anything.
>'return to glory' like I used to experience day to day
you're just a retard. there is not former glory. all you achieved has always been meaningless. if you want to like you did, stop being a pussy and go work to earn as much as you used to. back then you did it just because your parents told you that you should, there wasn't any hope or meaning. there isn't now, either. all you need to do is stop being a pussy. get over your failure and go work your ass off again. holy fuck dude are you 20 years old
>'return to glory' like I used to experience day to day
you're just a retard. there is not former glory. all you achieved has always been meaningless. if you want to like you did, stop being a pussy and go work to earn as much as you used to. back then you did it just because your parents told you that you should, there wasn't any hope or meaning. there isn't now, either. all you need to do is stop being a pussy. get over your failure and go work your ass off again. holy fuck dude are you 20 years old
>>304482
not gonna argue, i definitely feel like i have reverted to age 16-20 mentally/emotionally but I was mid 30s when everything fell apart. Gotta rebuild. Maybe the weed is just fucking with my perception of meaning or making me more of a pussy. I guess what i realize is that before when I had more meaning it was easier to work my ass off. Now it's like what's the point? Why not just chill and smoke weed instead of grinding?
not gonna argue, i definitely feel like i have reverted to age 16-20 mentally/emotionally but I was mid 30s when everything fell apart. Gotta rebuild. Maybe the weed is just fucking with my perception of meaning or making me more of a pussy. I guess what i realize is that before when I had more meaning it was easier to work my ass off. Now it's like what's the point? Why not just chill and smoke weed instead of grinding?
>>304483
you really need to quit smoking weed
it fucks with your perception of things it can literally cause you to be paranoid or schizo
you really need to quit smoking weed
it fucks with your perception of things it can literally cause you to be paranoid or schizo
>>304484
in HS/college/employment i could smoke weed to tune out during my down time after class or work. now without the social structures around school/employment (no regular social contact) and without the daily obligations creating my routine/schedule, i just smoke all day every day and i'm just tuning out ALL of my time now. it's starting to feel gross. i'm not schizo but i think schizoid for sure
this is my sign it's time for a change
maybe i cant fix everything in my life but i can at least focus on quitting weed as my next goal
in HS/college/employment i could smoke weed to tune out during my down time after class or work. now without the social structures around school/employment (no regular social contact) and without the daily obligations creating my routine/schedule, i just smoke all day every day and i'm just tuning out ALL of my time now. it's starting to feel gross. i'm not schizo but i think schizoid for sure
this is my sign it's time for a change
maybe i cant fix everything in my life but i can at least focus on quitting weed as my next goal
If you enjoy doing drugs then continue to do so by all means. If you enjoy wageslaving then get back to that. What's even the problem here?
My opinion is that there are plenty of wageslaves in this world, if you can afford then just NEET and do what you like, even if that includes doing drugs. At least that way you at least contribute to the destruction of society in a way…
Also
>college
>solid employment for many years
Can't relate at all. Too normal for me. The most I managed to finish was high school because I lost interest entirely in doing socially approved things at that point and from then on just retreated into my shell pretty much.
My opinion is that there are plenty of wageslaves in this world, if you can afford then just NEET and do what you like, even if that includes doing drugs. At least that way you at least contribute to the destruction of society in a way…
Also
>college
>solid employment for many years
Can't relate at all. Too normal for me. The most I managed to finish was high school because I lost interest entirely in doing socially approved things at that point and from then on just retreated into my shell pretty much.
>>304486
i enjoy doing drugs
i enjoy playing games a lot too
but i do not really enjoy where this lifestyle carries me
when weeks turn into months and months into years
and i realize i smoked so much of it away while feeling anxious and lonely, or i get sick of a game and the rank I worked so hard for doesn't even mean anything to me anymore once I uninstall.
i miss how easy it felt when I was part of a cohort of students or coworkers. Being disconnected from it for years now I don't know how I can ever re-integrate and find meaning in society again
or how do I forget all that and find meaning in an endless video game drug binge? That one i've tried and it can't really be done long term so I just feel like I'm at the end of the road and need to make a change
quitting weed will be a start i guess
i enjoy doing drugs
i enjoy playing games a lot too
but i do not really enjoy where this lifestyle carries me
when weeks turn into months and months into years
and i realize i smoked so much of it away while feeling anxious and lonely, or i get sick of a game and the rank I worked so hard for doesn't even mean anything to me anymore once I uninstall.
i miss how easy it felt when I was part of a cohort of students or coworkers. Being disconnected from it for years now I don't know how I can ever re-integrate and find meaning in society again
or how do I forget all that and find meaning in an endless video game drug binge? That one i've tried and it can't really be done long term so I just feel like I'm at the end of the road and need to make a change
quitting weed will be a start i guess
>college
>solid employment for many years
Been there, did not work out at all, had to take a "warehouse worker" position.
>solid employment for many years
Been there, did not work out at all, had to take a "warehouse worker" position.
Get a hobby. It's as simple as that, something to keep your mind focused and something that will take up time. Read, exercise, write a game design doc, learn a trade, anything is better than doing nothing and doing pot. What's the difference between it and just drinking yourself into a stupor? Both are equally pathetic. You don't have to stop smoking(or drinking), but you have to find something else to do with your time. A normalfag would go out and socialize and have sex or something, but well, you got to find an alternative.
>>305419
>You don't have to stop smoking(or drinking)
thanks for not going judgemental
>but well, you got to find an alternative
As a person whos been hinting everyone here to get cozy - second this
>You don't have to stop smoking(or drinking)
thanks for not going judgemental
>but well, you got to find an alternative
As a person whos been hinting everyone here to get cozy - second this
>>305420
If by "alternative" you mean porn, then no. That shit is just as damaging to your mental health as drugs or alcohol, coomers are absolutely pathetic. Being a wizard is about not falling for temptations of simple pleasures, be it flesh or otherwise, at least the way I see it, when I say "alternatives" I definitely mean finding something actually productive. Find a way to get /fit/ or at least get rich, make that game you always wanted to play or write that book you've been throwing around in your head, that sort of thing. Starting out is always the hardest part, you would be surprised just how easy things get once you get going with anything.
If by "alternative" you mean porn, then no. That shit is just as damaging to your mental health as drugs or alcohol, coomers are absolutely pathetic. Being a wizard is about not falling for temptations of simple pleasures, be it flesh or otherwise, at least the way I see it, when I say "alternatives" I definitely mean finding something actually productive. Find a way to get /fit/ or at least get rich, make that game you always wanted to play or write that book you've been throwing around in your head, that sort of thing. Starting out is always the hardest part, you would be surprised just how easy things get once you get going with anything.
>>305423
yeah the "alternatives" have been absolutely destroying me lately
but here's the thing
im not a full blown coomer/doomer
im productive
just
50% of the time…
how do i break free from the last remaining bit which is holding me down?
it's draining my life force going no where… and i realize this but the cognitive connection is not enough to break whatever is linked to it…
yeah the "alternatives" have been absolutely destroying me lately
but here's the thing
im not a full blown coomer/doomer
im productive
just
50% of the time…
how do i break free from the last remaining bit which is holding me down?
it's draining my life force going no where… and i realize this but the cognitive connection is not enough to break whatever is linked to it…
As normie as it sounds, meaning is what you make it. You literally get to choose what deserves your attention, perhaps you may need to dedicate around 10~50~100 hours into it before it "ignites", but it's up to you.
I say this but my only meaning is maximizing my days off and playing with my arts and crafts if I find the energy. I notice that once I get stuck in, I can have something to work torwards for months or years on end. Haven't worked on any of this since 2020 though, so take it with a grain of salt. It's no silver bullet fix my friend.
I say this but my only meaning is maximizing my days off and playing with my arts and crafts if I find the energy. I notice that once I get stuck in, I can have something to work torwards for months or years on end. Haven't worked on any of this since 2020 though, so take it with a grain of salt. It's no silver bullet fix my friend.
You get meaning from power and control. One-upping other monkey apes in the dominance hierarchy. It doesn't even matter what it is, as long as you win. That feeling of meaning is just serotonin, chemical that gets released when you overcome things or other apes. Your brain outsources when to release this chemical to your perceived status in the group. Everything is derived from that. People want to make money because this gives them a feeling of power and control. They want to fuck and be desirable because that's just another dominance hierarchy. Succubi chase the most powerful Chad and compete against each other to own him. Dumb nerds playing an online competitive video game just want to farm serotonin.
The only problem is that it's a zero sum game and if you're getting your serotonin hit, someone else is losing out and gets to feel defeated and humiliated (depression). Most people win some and lose some, other people just constantly lose and develop "clinical depression" (permanent loser syndrome). If you're really lucky, you win at everything and you seek out bigger and bigger dominance hierarchies.
The only problem is that it's a zero sum game and if you're getting your serotonin hit, someone else is losing out and gets to feel defeated and humiliated (depression). Most people win some and lose some, other people just constantly lose and develop "clinical depression" (permanent loser syndrome). If you're really lucky, you win at everything and you seek out bigger and bigger dominance hierarchies.
>>306393
>You literally get to choose what deserves your attention
you're literally a normie without self awareness. desires precede consciousness, and even then your influence on them isn't that big.
>You literally get to choose what deserves your attention
you're literally a normie without self awareness. desires precede consciousness, and even then your influence on them isn't that big.
>>306414
willpower precedes consciousness, but you're not self conscious enough to see unfortunately
willpower precedes consciousness, but you're not self conscious enough to see unfortunately
You dont hope or yearn for meaning. You discard these things, and pursue what your heart desires without logical justifications for them. Its a principle from ego death, it's helped me in shedding the ego and embrace the self.
>>306426
That sucks. My heart urges me to smash a few skulls and I'm too much of a pussy to do so.
That sucks. My heart urges me to smash a few skulls and I'm too much of a pussy to do so.