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Piss-off-your-mom-being-in-kitchen-all-day-and-not-cleaning edition

Last thread: >>26323

Recipe links:


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Sauerkraut, I've made it a few times before. I wait 3 weeks until its fully mature. I want it to get very acidic then balance out naturally. I think I'll get more jars and more cabbage and make some more while I wait.

Besides cabbage and salt I put carrots, celery, black pepper, white pepper (it kinda makes your mouth numb, it's nice), mustard seed and caraway seeds in this. First you cut up the cabbage, then salt it, then press it down and squeeze it to get the water out which will be your brine, then you put it all in your jar and push it down with something to make it dense and below the water. Perhaps not metal because metal can hurt bacteria, but I doubt it matters. Also you save the first leaf from the cabbage to form a cap for it. Non-iodine salt is better because iodine will inhibit the bacteria, but I've made it with iodine salt once and it didn't matter especially when you're willing to wait weeks.


Enjoying my lime-mint kombucha I made. Previously I had lemon-lime-ginger. Next I think I'll make something with cinnamon.



What do you guys think? Should we contribute recipes here?


General reminder to wizards that a slowcooker is a great investment and will make meeting your dietary needs easier.


last thing I cooked was crabs. It was a messy and teadious experience. even when dead crabs seem to defend well against being eaten. I found out after the fact that the muscles on the inside of the shell that line the sided were the real meat of that species, but I had thrown it awaw thinking it was part of the guts. I got no measure of meal from it all. I've boiled and barbequed lobster before and they yeild much more, maybe I'll try that again some day

>using git to clone updated hotpocket recipes
nb nb


I don't like cleaning them and if I am hungry I want food sooner rather then later.


You can cook a month or two of food and eave it on for a day extra if you cannot be bothered cleaning.


What kind of food can you cook that also keeps for a month or two?


So just wondering, how often do you give yourself food poisoning?

And I swear if you say you freeze leftovers I will smack you through text for total missing the point I made on wanting food sooner than later. Since defrosting and cooking frozen leftovers takes nearly the same time as cooking simple dishes from scratch. Thus not even saving time or effort.


You cook it and put it in the freezer.
I do not get sick from food however am equipped with an iron gut or so I am tod my habits include a total lack of hygiene and consuming foul food stuffs strewn about my living area.
It does not take longer to defrost food than cook it from scratch you only need to take out some days worth and defrost in the fridge or on a counter top.

Throwing food in the microwave once it is defrosted does not take long at all maybe time management is needed by defrosting food in advance but that is all.


I agree that the cleaning part is fuckin brutal, but I love cooking and i make some objectively excellent recipes. Ill share them if anyone asks.


*smacks you in text for wasting my time*


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steak n taters


Is that a bay leaf?


looks great


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I cooked burgers on Sunday. It was my first time and it went great. I will cook burgers this weekend too because of how much I liked it. My one regret is that I did not make chili sauce because I was too tired. I love spicy burgers so I missed the chili.


Should I get an InstantPot?


looks good mate


Try the next way of cooking chips if you feel. I didn't know how to exactly get what I wanted till I knew it with accuracy:

>select young taters, with bright skin

>peel, cut and fit quite a lot of salt AMONG them. Move them with the salt.
>Let 10 min pass away. then retire the exudated starched water that this salt pulled out the chips.
>put an entire glass of oil into the pan. Maximum power by 2 mins at least.
>The throw the chips into the hot oil while being a bit back, you don't want the oil to splash you.
>Keep moving the chips while the oil boils at max power by 4 mins
>after these 4 or 5 mins, reduce the power to 3/4 and cook calmly.
>this oil can be reused: DO NOT THROW IT AWAY.

You shouldn't take more than 12 minutes cooking this.


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I made some pocket pies using this recipe: https://www.thespruceeats.com/traditional-cornish-pasty-recipe-435042 . I used ham and sweet potato instead of beef and normal potato. I think I messed up the dough because the sides wouldn't stick even with eggwash so the pies ended up looking ugly, but they still tasted really good.


i watched a HOW ITS MADE video on traditional cornish meat pies or something and tried to make them following some recipe. couldn't even form the little things shut and ended up raging and just cooking it all up into mush lol. yours look pretty good. it's a shame cooking food takes so much effort


Tried to make a Coq Au Vin from Food Wishes youtube channel. It's the first "proper" thing (ie: not prepackaged/frozen stuff) I've tried to cook in my life and I was told it was quite simple.

The sauce was so incredibly bitter and tasted rotten that it was completely inedible so had to throw everything away. Waste of 2+ hours of my time and quite a bit of money. Fairly sure I didn't burn the fond on the bottom of the pan so I'm not entirely sure why it came out like that.

I haven't cooked for a few months since that disaster, but I'm looking to try something again because honestly, my diet is an utter disgrace and I'm sick of eating the same bland, processed frozen garbage for literally over a decade now.


Maybe start with eggs.
They are cheap, you can learn a whole lot of fundamentals and basics, they cook pretty fast, they can be prepared hundreds of ways, and they are good for experiments with seasonings.

I always start with eggs when teaching someone to cook.
If you don't like eggs then make them for a family member who does if you don't live alone.
Or if you have a dog, skip the seasonings and feed it to your dog, as eggs are good for them in moderation.

Pancakes and grilled cheese are other noob and budget friendly options to practice cooking but they don't teach you nearly as much as eggs do.


Try learning to make curries or normal stews. Those recipes are usually a lot more forgiving than some fancy french shit


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What's funny is that they mean depression as in "the great depression"


Here's my mom's latest recipe in its entirety: stir sauteed cabbage, zucchini, carrot, bell pepper, onion and diced chicken into three packs of instant ramen. Add two flavor packets, chicken broth, parsley and "pirate's bite" spice blend. Exact measurements not known. If you have a vegetable garden, substitute whatever vegetables you have available. Try beef flavor packets with beef broth if your prefer. Quality poverty meal especially if you don't have to buy the vegetables.


Slow-cooked pulled pork and roast beef are great. Chili is great too. You can kind of "doctor" canned chili by mixing in plain canned beans with tomato and onion and letting it simmer. Typical canned chili has too much sodium.

I took slow-cooked roast beef, put in a sandwich with american cheese and grilled it on the stove with butter. It was pretty good but the pieces of beef were too thick and chewy and kept coming out of the sandwich so it was more like eating grilled cheese with a side of roast beef.


My version of omurice
Bell peppers
Tomato sauce

Steam rice, grill bacon, cook sweetcorn and diced peppers
Once all cooked, add all to the rice with tomato sauce
Whisk cheese and egg with some seasoning and cook on large frying pan for a thin omelette
Put omelette on plate, put the rice filling on one side and fold
Draw heart with tomato sauce for final touch.


neglected to mention that there's garlic in this recipe



Serves 4–6

1 cup whole milk
3 eggs
1/2 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 tablespoons butter, melted
1/2 cup all-purpose flour


Preheat the oven to 325°F. In a large bowl, whisk together the milk, eggs, sugar, vanilla, and butter until the sugar is dissolved. Add the flour and whisk until smooth. Pour the batter into a cast iron skillet or pie pan.
Now add your favorite fruit or flavoring (see below). Bake until the clafoutis is beautifully puffed and golden, 35–40 minutes. Serve immediately.
Clafoutis Variations:
Concord Grape Clafoutis: Once the batter is in the skillet, scatter 2 cups slightly crushed Concord or other black or red grapes on top.
Cherry Clafoutis: Scatter 2 cups pitted cherries onto the batter once it's poured into pie plates.
Pear Clafoutis with Pear Eau de Vie: Core 1 ripe pear and cut into pieces. Pour the batter into the skillet and top with the pear pieces. Bake. Drizzle with 2 tablespoons eau de vie and serve immediately.


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This was like oyakodon but with salmon. It's ugly because I don't have a small pan.


You can microwave it from frozen


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Pickled fish, potatoes and sourcream.


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Cooking with depression is hard. Look at this grub, this is the best I can do. Would rather order food instead but I want to stretch my neetdom for as long as I can, so here we are.
I was going to actually prepare some proper dishes for the next 3 days but as soon as I gathered all the ingredients I lost all energy and tossed everything into the pressure cooker without any preparation or care. Just washed the leaves and vegetables a little bit. Thank god for this pot, it can make grub out of anything you put in there. It will soften stones if you really need it, it's nice.

I added collard, rice, tomatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots, chives, garlic clovers I didn't bother to peel first (garlic skin actually gives a nice texture I find), thin sliced beef, lots of chilli sauce, bay leaf and salt. You wouldn't believe it, but it actually taste rather pleasant. It will be enough for the next couple of days, too, which is good.


I would eat your neet feast. Doesn't look so bad.


spaghetti with crackers and popcorn mixed in. the one beef i have with pasta is that it is boring texture-wise, without meatballs or garlic bread, it's just fucking noodles and sauce

thank god you can just add in random hard snacks


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This is pad kaprao. It's Thai food. my mom wants vegetarian but otherwise it would usually be with ground pork.


I love food that looks the same at either end


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noodles in satay sauce
the sauce is mostly red curry paste, coconut milk and peanut butter


Looks good


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Learned how to cook burgers decently last week, from this quick simple video: https://youtube.com/watch?v=Tqx5W9li6WQ
Hope I get so good I BTFO any restaurant. Made 3 so far. The first one I managed to smoke up the whole house just cooking one. Salt and pepper. Out of cheese. Garlic aioli and a few drops of mustard, just what I have. I like the mustard to be a surprise when I taste it.


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My best meals are breakfast


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it's fucking raw


Yes, and?


i guess he meant it's funny to say you learned how to cook burgers when they aren't cooked


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Yeah that's how I like it, blue rare.


Ground beef really isn't safe blue rare. It has to be cooked through, unlike steak.


I'm the raw meat wiz, the ground beef I didn't use for this burger I left out for days and ate as tartare.


That isn't how tartar is prepared either.
You are supposed to use steak meat that has been prepared into tartar. Not ground beef, which beyond just the safety thing, has the wrong taste and texture.

I don't know what you mean by "raw meat wiz" but you aren't invincible. Disregarding proper food handling and safety will catch up with you in truly horrible ways.
To the point that such behavior seems to be a act of self harm.
There are safe ways of consuming raw or nearly raw meat and there are very unsafe ways of doing it.
Ground beef is never safe to eat raw due to how it's prepared and processed. Stop being cheap when your health is on the line.




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now that is real food


Ok, but what exactly is it?
Looks kinda like baked mac&cheese.


looks like lasagna

also just realized thats what parchment paper is for, preventing drips from reaching the bottom of the oven. i have seen it but never once considered its purpose


It's a good trick to know since cleaning the oven is such a pain.


could've just stuck a pan on the rack below


Then you have to clean two pans.
You can just throw the paper away.


big deal


Why work harder when you can work smarter?
I personally dislike washing dishes and cleaning most things. Doing something as simple as putting a thin disposable barrier down can save me unpleasantness later.


It was lasagna


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I pickled some vegetables. I put it in a small cardboard box with a reptile tank heater and just 2 days later it already tastes pickley.

What I pickled:
>cucumber, jalapeno, onion, garlic, pepper, white peppercorns, mustard seed, fennel (mistaken for cumin, should have smelled - my jalapenos tastes too fennely)

I decided to do this because I wanted pickled jalapenos on my burgers. Think I'll start gardening cucumbers, peppers and onions so I can pickle them. I also have mung beans sprouting that are almost complete, gonna pickle another jar of veggies and include them in a day or two. I'm thinking peppers x carrots x mung sprouts x garlic x ginger x white peppercorns

I've made sauerkraut before ( >>57195 )and now I find out pickling is the same thing.


It looked good but I wasn't sure either. Casseroles and similar dishes can look very similar but feel and taste completely different.
Respect for lasagna. My grandma used to make it all the time when I was a child, so I've grown very fond of the dish.


ok…. what is that


A very intense chocolate cake. It's supposed to not be cooked through but I could have left it in for 1 more minute.


Here's a tip that took me two years and about 40 'partial success' cakes to learn. If the dough is liquid, the cake will be liquidy too. Not that much water evaporates out of dough


just made something like that in the microwave. choco cake with coco chips in it. it was actally cooked though except in a few places, i probably could have microwaved it longer. if i can tweak the recipe to produce an actual firm cake ill post about it


Yes that was intentional. There's no water added to the dough though. The liquid is just egg and butter.
100 grams butter
2 eggs
2,5 dl sugar
1 dl flour
4 tbsp cocoa powder
(and 200 grams of chopped chocolate added on top which isn't in the recipe)
Now maybe the consistency of the cake makes more sense


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This cake isn't supposed to be cooked through, it's supposed to be gooey in the center(but it can be just slightly more cooked if people prefer it)
Here's a prettier picture from the internet, it can be as cooked as this but not more


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I made some bean filled bread, using eggbread dough. Pretty good but the filling could be more flavorful. Dough was easy because I found the bread machine a couple of days ago.


Making natto. Not following instructions but I think this will work. Using bamboo leaves and dead grass from my backyard to get the culture. Things like hay, bamboo leaves, banana leaves, ferns, etc Have the right bacteria. I read bamboo leaves make the stickiest natto.

I decided to do this because I let some soy beans soak for about a week last month and they smelled kinda like shit, had maggots in them, had some strings in them (perhaps had some of the natto bacteria). I boiled them after that and made the Most delicious beans and rice I've ever had. The beans were very flavorful. I also put curdled milk on (more after I took this pic).

Other fermentation projects I'm doing right now:
>butter, I made (with raw milk) and mixed some kefir in to ferment. Really surprised how easy it was to make actual butter. It tastes mostly like fresh milk at this point. I have only made about two or three tablespoons
>pickled zucchini with mushrooms, onion, ginger, garlic, pepper, mustard seed. Should be done by


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Making natto. Not following instructions but I think this will work. Using bamboo leaves and dead grass from my backyard to get the culture. Things like hay, bamboo leaves, banana leaves, ferns, etc Have the right bacteria. I read bamboo leaves make the stickiest natto.

I decided to do this because I let some soy beans soak for about a week last month and they smelled kinda like shit (but not offputting), had maggots in them, had some strings in them (perhaps had some of the natto bacteria). I boiled them after that and made the most delicious beans and rice I've ever had. The beans were very flavorful. I also put curdled milk on.

Other fermentation projects I'm doing right now:
>butter, I made (with raw milk) and mixed some kefir in to ferment. Really surprised how easy it was to make actual butter. It tastes mostly like fresh milk at this point. I have only made about two or three tablespoons
>pickled zucchini with mushrooms, onion, ginger, garlic, pepper, mustard seed. Should be done by wednesday morning in my heated box.
>gonna start pickling corn tomorrow. I think this will get rid of the antinutrients


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Didn't like it the first time I ate it, even though I expected to cause I eat tons of fermented things. It tastes like poison. An hour later I tried it again and I had acquired a taste for it, after putting miso on it. Been having it with glutinous rice and miso. I decided to try it with spaghetti today. It was mediocre, too much miso in some bites too. Also sauteed cucumbers and added pickled mushrooms+jalapenos. I'll probably stick to rice for this.


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My lentil/mushroom/potato soup and it's spices.



I cooked this recipe recently and served it over rice and it turned out pretty good. I used extra cheese and substituted white vermouth for the white wine. I also used 60% of the sun dried tomato it called for and it was still a bit too much imo. I thought it could use some more spinach though.


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This is pasta with walnut sauce. It's very easy and good.


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russian vinaigrette and pot chicken:
easy, tasty, and filling.


No image but I just did an easy recipe that may appeal to other lazy NEET.
I butterflyed two chicken breasts and then squeezed all the juice from an orange and put it in a bag with the chicken breasts. I did this because I had no lemon/lime but it turned out very well.
I used olive oil with some salt and nuked some frozen veggies for a healthy yummy dinner.


hey can you tell me how you made that pink stuff

i like to make salads with beets and balsamic vinegar. that looks like it would taste similar and something i could eat wiht a meal


for the russian vinaigrette i used:
4 white potatoes
1 carrot
4 beets
1 corn
200gr of green beans
2 tablespoons of mayonnaise

the beets are the only ingredient that gives it that pink color


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Homemade burgers. Making good patties is easy - Form mince into balls a couple of inches wide. Get the pan real hot with a little oil, put a ball into the pan, then use a saucepan base to squish the fuck out of it onto the frying pan until it's really thin and spread out. Put salt and pepper on the raw side and flip after a couple of minutes. Put cheese on the cooked side and cook for a further couple of minutes. Then put it in the bun and you're done. Or do a second one for a double (pictured).

Pickles, lettuce, tomato, and sauce all enhance it further.


Is that a brioche bun?

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