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Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Thread theme:
https://youtu.be/O1XOuMPFDxM
Thread theme:
https://youtu.be/O1XOuMPFDxM
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this anxiety sucks, I'm afraid to go to sleep, parents are leaving for a few days, I think I'll take the kitchen knife and cut myself up some
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On the way home from the nearby dollar store I screamed at the top of my lungs for absolutely 0 particular reason. I just felt like screaming…maybe it's because of all the pent up rage, anger, and hatred that I've bottled down and tried to keep hidden away from everyone so I don't look like some kind of psycho murderer. Regardless, it's been hard to keep it down. I'm lucky I've had those moments away from my parents, but idk how long it'll last.
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Had my fetish get mocked/laughed at in the fap thread. Why do people have to be so mean….
Better question, however, is why I bothered posting anything in there at all. I just wasn't thinking and, in all ways, I deserved being slapped down. Why do I always have to make a fool of myself and why does seemingly everything, even the most minute bullshit, manage to get under my skin? Even after years of using message boards, I'm still a totally helpless, glass bones riddled, little pansy. My skin may as well flake & blow away with the breeze at the slightest touch. Anyway, I know I made a mistake, and thus brought it all on myself (as with so many other things in my joke of a life), so just leave me alone.
Better question, however, is why I bothered posting anything in there at all. I just wasn't thinking and, in all ways, I deserved being slapped down. Why do I always have to make a fool of myself and why does seemingly everything, even the most minute bullshit, manage to get under my skin? Even after years of using message boards, I'm still a totally helpless, glass bones riddled, little pansy. My skin may as well flake & blow away with the breeze at the slightest touch. Anyway, I know I made a mistake, and thus brought it all on myself (as with so many other things in my joke of a life), so just leave me alone.
>>201012
Shut the fuck up and stop looking for affirmation about you fetishes. Just fap and get over it.
Shut the fuck up and stop looking for affirmation about you fetishes. Just fap and get over it.
Anyone else just not invested in their own life? I just have a hard time caring about what goes on around me.
Feels like a show im half paying attention to. Some keywords and names slip through sometimes but otherwise couldn't really care less if someone walked in and turned it off.
Feels like a show im half paying attention to. Some keywords and names slip through sometimes but otherwise couldn't really care less if someone walked in and turned it off.
>>201012
Why does the fap thread even exist? It's such a dumb idea to have one thread for everyone's fetishes.
Why does the fap thread even exist? It's such a dumb idea to have one thread for everyone's fetishes.
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I'm terrified by the fact that one day I will be approaching my death. Not dying per se, just having to face its inexorable proximity
This picture gives me chills whenever I see it. I don't even know whether I'll be
able to live long enough to become old. Most likely not. Not with my lifestyle
and constant isolation.
What's equally likely is that I'll die of some kind of disease. Imagine finding
out that you have this and this many months left to live. And you could've
prevented it if you ate more healthy, moved more, etc. The only reason you
didn't is because of your mental barriers that aren't even real. This
realization is one of the worst things I can imagine.
And an alternative just as terrifying is living to the old age. You're forced to
watch your body fall apart bit by bit and are unable to do anything about it.
The reaper is taking slow steps towards you and you can feel its presence. And
most of all, you have to live with the awareness of having wasted your life on
unimportant issues. Your live might have gone one of many more interesting
paths.
Honestly I hope I end myself during a wave of depressive mood before I have to
go through either of those things. As much as I hate living like this, most of
the time I'm terrified of being gone one day.
This picture gives me chills whenever I see it. I don't even know whether I'll be
able to live long enough to become old. Most likely not. Not with my lifestyle
and constant isolation.
What's equally likely is that I'll die of some kind of disease. Imagine finding
out that you have this and this many months left to live. And you could've
prevented it if you ate more healthy, moved more, etc. The only reason you
didn't is because of your mental barriers that aren't even real. This
realization is one of the worst things I can imagine.
And an alternative just as terrifying is living to the old age. You're forced to
watch your body fall apart bit by bit and are unable to do anything about it.
The reaper is taking slow steps towards you and you can feel its presence. And
most of all, you have to live with the awareness of having wasted your life on
unimportant issues. Your live might have gone one of many more interesting
paths.
Honestly I hope I end myself during a wave of depressive mood before I have to
go through either of those things. As much as I hate living like this, most of
the time I'm terrified of being gone one day.
>>201028
I'm approaching my 30th birthday and I'm already facing this crisis. Every time I wake up I have to go through the realization that I'm already an adult and I've been one for some time already. I can only imagine what's like to wake up when you're 60 and then realize that your life has come and gone and you're an old person now, all you're able to do is look back at your life.
Being born just to decay and regret.
I'm approaching my 30th birthday and I'm already facing this crisis. Every time I wake up I have to go through the realization that I'm already an adult and I've been one for some time already. I can only imagine what's like to wake up when you're 60 and then realize that your life has come and gone and you're an old person now, all you're able to do is look back at your life.
Being born just to decay and regret.
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>I might have Diabetes
all the symptons point to it.
I am not sure if I should continue with my life.
Food and especially sweet and fried was my only joy left in this miserablel ife.
all the symptons point to it.
I am not sure if I should continue with my life.
Food and especially sweet and fried was my only joy left in this miserablel ife.
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>>199975
This is very good advice. Among the best advice I've ever read. Even though you recommend psychology and then later criticize "dead academics". Say something else. What books do you read? What's after level 0? If you don't say it, it sounds like you're either trying to lead people by the nose or you don't know it yourself. I don't like it when people know something but try to convince me of what they know by using arguments they know aren't right.
I wish everyone was honest. I don't know what to do with my life. An agent in an invisible environment might imagine a small number of possible environment classes and behave in whatever way will give him the minimum accepted performance no matter which possible class is the reality identity. "Contingency" isn't a good word because it describes backup plans and I don't have a main plan. I'm willing to trust and devote my life to a righteous cause but nothing and nobody wants me. Can rational agents define their own performance measures? ""Should"" they?
If one day I'll die and my life is a small speck of dust in the long life of this universe, I think it would be madness to spend it alone, playing games and watching Japanese television shows for kids. A good guiding principle could be that one should dedicate half of his time to his own world, and the other half to the search for something else, to expand the boundaries of his own world. Every mind is a world. It is said that nobody is important, I think everyone is. There should be something like a museum of brains, where a map of the minds of everyone who has ever lived, including their memories, are preserved.
Conditioned taste aversion shows that conditioned responses can have unconscious origins. Whenever I make a post I'm seeking something, but it also makes me feel so anxious that my day is ruined.
Somehow it helps to say I'll stop posting for a while.
I'll stop posting for a while.
This is very good advice. Among the best advice I've ever read. Even though you recommend psychology and then later criticize "dead academics". Say something else. What books do you read? What's after level 0? If you don't say it, it sounds like you're either trying to lead people by the nose or you don't know it yourself. I don't like it when people know something but try to convince me of what they know by using arguments they know aren't right.
I wish everyone was honest. I don't know what to do with my life. An agent in an invisible environment might imagine a small number of possible environment classes and behave in whatever way will give him the minimum accepted performance no matter which possible class is the reality identity. "Contingency" isn't a good word because it describes backup plans and I don't have a main plan. I'm willing to trust and devote my life to a righteous cause but nothing and nobody wants me. Can rational agents define their own performance measures? ""Should"" they?
If one day I'll die and my life is a small speck of dust in the long life of this universe, I think it would be madness to spend it alone, playing games and watching Japanese television shows for kids. A good guiding principle could be that one should dedicate half of his time to his own world, and the other half to the search for something else, to expand the boundaries of his own world. Every mind is a world. It is said that nobody is important, I think everyone is. There should be something like a museum of brains, where a map of the minds of everyone who has ever lived, including their memories, are preserved.
Conditioned taste aversion shows that conditioned responses can have unconscious origins. Whenever I make a post I'm seeking something, but it also makes me feel so anxious that my day is ruined.
Somehow it helps to say I'll stop posting for a while.
I'll stop posting for a while.
I'm plagued by a neurological disorder I caused myself 5 years ago. I keep repeating it, but it simply doesn't get better.
I'm planning to kill myself, but I'm waiting for my parents to die first.
I'm planning to kill myself, but I'm waiting for my parents to die first.
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>>201043
>Even though you recommend psychology and then later criticize "dead academics"
Dead academics can have some good ideas, don't get me wrong. Psychologists don't have a good track record but I believe that you can sift through the pseudo-science and ultimately find some useful ideas that can help you in the areas of the mind. Ideas are ultimately tools and any ideas that fundamentally don't help you lead a "better" life (any way you consider it) should be discarded. Pessimists to me are just too obvious, it's easy to point out the shit on the street, every teenager on the planet probably knows that the world as we know it sucks. "Everything is shit" isn't insightful to me.
>What's after level 0?
Well, it's not a linear path otherwise it would be discovered already and known to everyone. I see level zero as a foundation, you've cleared away all the "spooks" or ideas imposed on you by others, you've finally gotten some freedom and it's fucking terrifying. Nihilism is a call for creation, it is a blank canvas. Some tremble against that canvas, others trace out what they want to believe. Build something of your own or you'll always be a slave.
I know this isn't what you're looking for, but "it's up to you". Stop looking for what's "right" and create it.
>What books do you read?
I used to read mainstream western philosophy, trying to find "purpose" and "meaning". Eventually I gave up on it because they were looking too broadly, too universally, outside of themselves. Ultimately, what I believe is that the mind is the starting and ending point of every man. Instead of looking for purpose, I attempted to understand my emotions because that's what "ennui" and all the fancy french words mean anyway, just icky "absurd" feelings you want to get rid off. You don't need "purpose", you just have to sift through the gutter of your mind and clear it from the abstractions that create your useless reality. Your post is chock full of them, full of wordy words that you couldn't define without more useless abstractions. "Purpose" to me is one of them, "grand cause" whatever the fuck that means, essentially something you use as a substitute for your desired state which is freedom from anxiety, angst and other fancy words.
What does it mean to have "purpose" and "meaning"? It's a state of mind, nothing more. That is why I sift through the cancerous sore of psychology, because they're the closest to anything meaningful out there. The existentialists to me are just failed psychologists, none of them insightful on their own, but as a movement you see an attempt at something better. I have chosen the mind as my object of inquiry and I believe we need a better psychology.
If you're still wondering where to begin, where the first brick should be laid - it starts with your mind. It's nor random biological phenomena, it has parts, it is constructed through experience, it is your fundamental instrument in the world and it has been neglected.
>Even though you recommend psychology and then later criticize "dead academics"
Dead academics can have some good ideas, don't get me wrong. Psychologists don't have a good track record but I believe that you can sift through the pseudo-science and ultimately find some useful ideas that can help you in the areas of the mind. Ideas are ultimately tools and any ideas that fundamentally don't help you lead a "better" life (any way you consider it) should be discarded. Pessimists to me are just too obvious, it's easy to point out the shit on the street, every teenager on the planet probably knows that the world as we know it sucks. "Everything is shit" isn't insightful to me.
>What's after level 0?
Well, it's not a linear path otherwise it would be discovered already and known to everyone. I see level zero as a foundation, you've cleared away all the "spooks" or ideas imposed on you by others, you've finally gotten some freedom and it's fucking terrifying. Nihilism is a call for creation, it is a blank canvas. Some tremble against that canvas, others trace out what they want to believe. Build something of your own or you'll always be a slave.
I know this isn't what you're looking for, but "it's up to you". Stop looking for what's "right" and create it.
>What books do you read?
I used to read mainstream western philosophy, trying to find "purpose" and "meaning". Eventually I gave up on it because they were looking too broadly, too universally, outside of themselves. Ultimately, what I believe is that the mind is the starting and ending point of every man. Instead of looking for purpose, I attempted to understand my emotions because that's what "ennui" and all the fancy french words mean anyway, just icky "absurd" feelings you want to get rid off. You don't need "purpose", you just have to sift through the gutter of your mind and clear it from the abstractions that create your useless reality. Your post is chock full of them, full of wordy words that you couldn't define without more useless abstractions. "Purpose" to me is one of them, "grand cause" whatever the fuck that means, essentially something you use as a substitute for your desired state which is freedom from anxiety, angst and other fancy words.
What does it mean to have "purpose" and "meaning"? It's a state of mind, nothing more. That is why I sift through the cancerous sore of psychology, because they're the closest to anything meaningful out there. The existentialists to me are just failed psychologists, none of them insightful on their own, but as a movement you see an attempt at something better. I have chosen the mind as my object of inquiry and I believe we need a better psychology.
If you're still wondering where to begin, where the first brick should be laid - it starts with your mind. It's nor random biological phenomena, it has parts, it is constructed through experience, it is your fundamental instrument in the world and it has been neglected.
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>parents haven't heard from brother in a couple months
>rightfully worried
>every day i hear the same two or three talking points about it
>they leave phone, text, facebook, etc messages then complain for hours when he doesn't respond
This is getting tiring
>rightfully worried
>every day i hear the same two or three talking points about it
>they leave phone, text, facebook, etc messages then complain for hours when he doesn't respond
This is getting tiring
>>201046
>It's just build your own meaning again.
Every single fucking time. Way to blow your pastime out of proportion.
>It's just build your own meaning again.
Every single fucking time. Way to blow your pastime out of proportion.
>>201048
Well, it's either pre-made or built on your own. If you just want someone to tell you what to do, get a job or a dominatrix.
I'm giving you my answer, I'm not pretending like it's going to change your life or make it "meaningful", nothing outside of yourself can do that.
Well, it's either pre-made or built on your own. If you just want someone to tell you what to do, get a job or a dominatrix.
I'm giving you my answer, I'm not pretending like it's going to change your life or make it "meaningful", nothing outside of yourself can do that.
>>201040
Not a succubus, doubt there are any on here. I saw this comic when it came out and it stuck in my memory. It took some scrolling to find it on artist's tumblr. I didn't know it's popular now.
Not a succubus, doubt there are any on here. I saw this comic when it came out and it stuck in my memory. It took some scrolling to find it on artist's tumblr. I didn't know it's popular now.
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I'm not a coward or a homosexual, I'm just a sensitive man. Can't help it. succubi were born to serve and obey. Men were born to rule and to be the masters; the alphas. I can't be a succubus but I can't be a man either and I'm not gay. The thing is that I feel comfortable the way I am on the inside but I'm not satisfied with it, if you know what I mean.
>>201056
Is this post all about how being a homosexual would magically make you not a wizard? Being gay with a wiz personality makes it even harder to find a partner. Attraction to dick doesnt make you enjoy pride parades and sluts
Is this post all about how being a homosexual would magically make you not a wizard? Being gay with a wiz personality makes it even harder to find a partner. Attraction to dick doesnt make you enjoy pride parades and sluts
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I should have remained closed off and protected myself from others and society. This idea they are unhealthy reactions to a situation is only applicable to some people, the idea that doing so is somehow worse than enduring the world is wrong. It has made me much worse opening myself to the world and considering other people. What use is good intentions if the world destroys your brain so it doesn't respond to intentions. It drains me to interact with people, it drains me to try and discuss my experiences with people, it drains me to participate in the social world. These protection mechanisms exist for a reason and some people need to use them because the world will rip you apart. These supposed better paths do not exist for some of us and trying to implement them only destroys your mind. I am ripped apart and letting others in to my head was a big part of that.
I should close off my mind, close off my emotions, and close off my entire being again. I must actively resist them again and refuse to engage with them. I have no resentment for people, I have no hatred, but they do not bring me anything but negative experiences.
I should close off my mind, close off my emotions, and close off my entire being again. I must actively resist them again and refuse to engage with them. I have no resentment for people, I have no hatred, but they do not bring me anything but negative experiences.
>>201062
How does one build emotional barriers back up to block out the world once therapy has worked consistently to destroy them and making everything worse?
How does one build emotional barriers back up to block out the world once therapy has worked consistently to destroy them and making everything worse?
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>>201097
Just like you did before.
Think about it like having your high level character in Skyrim, Diablo III or someother action RPG that you might like randomly getting deleted because the file went corrupt or a retarded little brother/sibling accidentally or purposefully deleted it, etc.
Yes, you have to start over again if you want to ever gain that high of a level again, but the point is it is possible to get back to said level, even though the long journey back may suck quite a bit to have to undertake all over again.
Just like you did before.
Think about it like having your high level character in Skyrim, Diablo III or someother action RPG that you might like randomly getting deleted because the file went corrupt or a retarded little brother/sibling accidentally or purposefully deleted it, etc.
Yes, you have to start over again if you want to ever gain that high of a level again, but the point is it is possible to get back to said level, even though the long journey back may suck quite a bit to have to undertake all over again.
>>201062
Hope you had an okay day, Wiz. I've wished the same thing. Remembering how innocent I once was and comparing myself to today is sad.
Hope you had an okay day, Wiz. I've wished the same thing. Remembering how innocent I once was and comparing myself to today is sad.
too tired to find a job.
parents moving in a few months and they want me out before then
i guess i'll just be homeless
parents moving in a few months and they want me out before then
i guess i'll just be homeless
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I'm feeling empty. There's no better word to describe what I'm feeling right now. I'm not really sad or angry. I feel empty.
>>201113
I understand and share your frustration but I don't like the way you express yourself because Wizchan is far from being a "white supremacist" website and I believe that there are many Wizzies of different ethnicities among us that might feel uncomfortable. And stop glorying succubi by calling them "goddesses" and stop making these /pol/tier posts. You can express yourself and your thoughts without acting like an edgy child. Behave yourself, please.
I understand and share your frustration but I don't like the way you express yourself because Wizchan is far from being a "white supremacist" website and I believe that there are many Wizzies of different ethnicities among us that might feel uncomfortable. And stop glorying succubi by calling them "goddesses" and stop making these /pol/tier posts. You can express yourself and your thoughts without acting like an edgy child. Behave yourself, please.
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>>201107
I've forgotten what it was like since I've spent many years failing to build "healthy boundaries" and can't remember what I did to build up strong barriers. I am a human puddle right now. I don't know the emotions I used to build them with. Is it misanthropy? Hatred?
I've forgotten what it was like since I've spent many years failing to build "healthy boundaries" and can't remember what I did to build up strong barriers. I am a human puddle right now. I don't know the emotions I used to build them with. Is it misanthropy? Hatred?
>>201133
It's something they try to get you to adopt during therapy and in their conception of the world. Google it. It's mostly norman stuff about setting the limits of how you engage in others emotions, learning to say no etc. It assumes you're a norman when I need a wizardly cocoon that just blocks out everyone. They consider that pathological as you destroy any chance of social engagement for your own protection but I don't care.
It's something they try to get you to adopt during therapy and in their conception of the world. Google it. It's mostly norman stuff about setting the limits of how you engage in others emotions, learning to say no etc. It assumes you're a norman when I need a wizardly cocoon that just blocks out everyone. They consider that pathological as you destroy any chance of social engagement for your own protection but I don't care.
>>201024
then why do you still cut your nails, charge your phone, put on clothes when go outside?
then why do you still cut your nails, charge your phone, put on clothes when go outside?
Although Revolver is all about Kabbalah bullshit, it has some nice thoughts about killing ego.
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All I want to do is draw cool robots and spaceships but it would take me years of practicing drawing geometric objects and practicing perspective using 100 aid lines before I could even begin doing that it depresses me so much. After my money and health problems it's the #1 issue in my life I am not joking. I would prefer being given great drawing skills to millions of cash or good looks or intelligence.
I don't understand why my siblings keep visiting this dead household. This family died a long time ago, because my parents are dysfunctional motherfuckers. Why would anyone visit these people (even travel by plane to do so)? This house has such a dead atmosphere, why in the fuck would anyone willingly come here? I try to ignore them and make it unpleasant for them once they're here, but they keep coming. What the fuck is wrong with these retards?! I will never ever visit these people once I finally GTFO, not even once. I probably won't even attend their funerals. God I just hate this fucking life, why did I have to be spawned into this dysfunctional family. All I've done for the last couple of years is to find a way to leave, what the fuck kind of life is that?
>>201119
I'm pretty much constantly that way - don't really feel anything, I'm not angry, sad or happy, just nothing. Not only that, my memories seem to be gradually fading away. I seem to have forgotten my entire childhood. I tried to look at my old photos trying to jog any memories, but there was nothing I could remember. The last clear memory I have is from around 7 years ago (and even that is pretty blurry), as if there was nothing before that. I've lost any emotional connection to my family and my only friend I'd apparently known since childhood.
I'm pretty much constantly that way - don't really feel anything, I'm not angry, sad or happy, just nothing. Not only that, my memories seem to be gradually fading away. I seem to have forgotten my entire childhood. I tried to look at my old photos trying to jog any memories, but there was nothing I could remember. The last clear memory I have is from around 7 years ago (and even that is pretty blurry), as if there was nothing before that. I've lost any emotional connection to my family and my only friend I'd apparently known since childhood.
>>201148
My memories are fading away too.
Do you suspect any reason?
The only thing I found on the search engine was several accounts of autism causing it.
My memories are fading away too.
Do you suspect any reason?
The only thing I found on the search engine was several accounts of autism causing it.
My father is a member in this motorcycle club and he always invites me to go to their events. Sometimes I do go but it is because of the emotional pression. I know my father likes my company, so I tend to go with him when he asks me, but rarely I'm willing to. I have the impression he will be hurt if I don't want to, and he expresses this hurt feeling in a joking manner sometimes.
Why don't I go there? People, people socializing, drinking, loud music, having to greet everyone there (because I already know them), and now, having in consideration I am studying (Uni, but I don't live in the campus. Not in America either) I have the feeling of being obliged to study always and not have time to do other things, mostly because I procrastinate all the time, so I never feel I have permission to enjoy myself.
When we go together it is easier to greet because I'm kinda just copying and doing what he is doing, but since today he is already there, i'd have to do that myself and I'm insecure.
Other thing is I will probably have to drive his drunk wife and my half sister home, because his car is with me (I don't live with him, but at my grandparents' house in a close location).
I just wish I could die.
Why don't I go there? People, people socializing, drinking, loud music, having to greet everyone there (because I already know them), and now, having in consideration I am studying (Uni, but I don't live in the campus. Not in America either) I have the feeling of being obliged to study always and not have time to do other things, mostly because I procrastinate all the time, so I never feel I have permission to enjoy myself.
When we go together it is easier to greet because I'm kinda just copying and doing what he is doing, but since today he is already there, i'd have to do that myself and I'm insecure.
Other thing is I will probably have to drive his drunk wife and my half sister home, because his car is with me (I don't live with him, but at my grandparents' house in a close location).
I just wish I could die.
>>201156
You're Australian and managed to develop a victim complex despite having strong independent role models and every opportunity given to you. This really makes me feel for 3rd world Wiz's.
I think you should be looking into ways out too; it doesn't get better for you.
You're Australian and managed to develop a victim complex despite having strong independent role models and every opportunity given to you. This really makes me feel for 3rd world Wiz's.
I think you should be looking into ways out too; it doesn't get better for you.
>>201157
I'm Brazilian actually. My father is a strong model, BUT when my mother died, when I was 8 years old, me and my father moved to my grandparents house, so they could take care of me. Other than my grandmother, I lived with a aunt, cousin (succubus) and an uncle that moved few years later.
I'm Brazilian actually. My father is a strong model, BUT when my mother died, when I was 8 years old, me and my father moved to my grandparents house, so they could take care of me. Other than my grandmother, I lived with a aunt, cousin (succubus) and an uncle that moved few years later.
>>201156
Socializing and greeting everyone is so awful, and most people do it for fun. Feels alien to me
Socializing and greeting everyone is so awful, and most people do it for fun. Feels alien to me
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>>201139
Can relate. At this point the only things that bring me joy are daydreaming and art, and I just wish I had what it takes to be an artist from the go. I've been learning to see and perceive properly, exerting myself to abandon preconceived abstract forms and to let my hand move freely when drawing basic lines for more than two years now, but I'm on a level of some snotty brat who happened to be born with all this prewired in his brain.
I fucking hate this. What I'm actually good at has near zero demand on the job market, is awfully paid and will probably be replaced by AI within four or so years, and what I like and want to be good at I have to fight tooth and nail for, while never achieving true proficiency, because I wasn't born with it, and because I got into it far too late into my life.
Can relate. At this point the only things that bring me joy are daydreaming and art, and I just wish I had what it takes to be an artist from the go. I've been learning to see and perceive properly, exerting myself to abandon preconceived abstract forms and to let my hand move freely when drawing basic lines for more than two years now, but I'm on a level of some snotty brat who happened to be born with all this prewired in his brain.
I fucking hate this. What I'm actually good at has near zero demand on the job market, is awfully paid and will probably be replaced by AI within four or so years, and what I like and want to be good at I have to fight tooth and nail for, while never achieving true proficiency, because I wasn't born with it, and because I got into it far too late into my life.
>>201156
Life is not supposed to be enjoyed. We live in a society that praises to enjoy yourself. This imperative is destructive as nobody as a human being is able to fulfill this demand. Yet people present themselves as if they did and make it seem like they are happy. It's a facade of acting happy so everyone always must be disappointed with their own existence which is not that perfect. In short life is not about negating suffering. There should be an attempt to make use of that suffering in your case to stop procrastinate and only then yoi wil be able to enjoy something again. But again that kind of enjoyment might not ne what think it is. It's closer to a feeling of doing the right thing imstead of actually feeling good.
Life is not supposed to be enjoyed. We live in a society that praises to enjoy yourself. This imperative is destructive as nobody as a human being is able to fulfill this demand. Yet people present themselves as if they did and make it seem like they are happy. It's a facade of acting happy so everyone always must be disappointed with their own existence which is not that perfect. In short life is not about negating suffering. There should be an attempt to make use of that suffering in your case to stop procrastinate and only then yoi wil be able to enjoy something again. But again that kind of enjoyment might not ne what think it is. It's closer to a feeling of doing the right thing imstead of actually feeling good.
I noticed that people rarely reply to my posts here. I wonder if it's because I keep complaining about basic unchangable facts of life rather than about actual events from my life?
>>201170
If you mean posts like >>201155 then you shouldn't expect an answer. I appreciate these kinds of posts where wizards simply shout their grief into the scene as it reminds me that regardless of context people feel alike. But what is there to answer to that? Declaring pity? Well we all suffer together in this place so no need to state implied relatedness.
If you mean posts like >>201155 then you shouldn't expect an answer. I appreciate these kinds of posts where wizards simply shout their grief into the scene as it reminds me that regardless of context people feel alike. But what is there to answer to that? Declaring pity? Well we all suffer together in this place so no need to state implied relatedness.
Everyday is the exact same and I'm too much of a coward to kill myself. I get more and more dissociated from it all one day I'm just going to snap
Been a week since i've been able to play a game. slowly rotting away doing nothing but stare at the screen watching videos and streams slowly dying inside and thinking more and more about a way out.Idk how anyone can live life without having something to distract you.
>>201182
It's not really an older generation thing; it's people in general. People have a hard time understanding and empathizing with others the further removed they are from that situation. A guy who went their entire life generally content will just be unable to comprehend how someone could be so lethargic and sad that they can't even leave their bed. It's the reason you get people who say shit like "You wouldn't be so depressed if you started being happy!"
It's not really an older generation thing; it's people in general. People have a hard time understanding and empathizing with others the further removed they are from that situation. A guy who went their entire life generally content will just be unable to comprehend how someone could be so lethargic and sad that they can't even leave their bed. It's the reason you get people who say shit like "You wouldn't be so depressed if you started being happy!"
>>201183
>"You wouldn't be so depressed if you started being happy!"
I'm glad I haven't stumbled into someone who's said that yet.
>"You wouldn't be so depressed if you started being happy!"
I'm glad I haven't stumbled into someone who's said that yet.
More i learn about the world, more i afraid of it. Why the world is so terrible? Lies, violence, sickness. I hope i will find a will to end my life someday to never experience it again pr, at least, becone some sort of a hermit.
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It's absurd that I know that no matter how much effort I put in there are levels and levels of dysfunction to unravel. Years and years of progress are just bringing me up the grades of dysfunctional retard. My entire life is dedicated to getting better and there is nothing to show for it. I will be punished for it by others because I'm still not able to do shit. Another 10 years and its going to be the same. It's just so fucking stupid that a life can be like this.
I thought I wont care but balding hit me pretty hard. Especially seeing those few sorry strands left on my head.
I can't shake this stupid lingering cough from this cold I had a week ago. It drives me nuts and I hope it's nothing more serious than that. I keep thinking it'll be something worse because I am a hypochondriac and a total bitch.
I had a good friend once. We had common interests, had interesting debates about various topics, and enjoyed the same hobbies. He was from a very well off family and I was from the opposite, but we clicked fairly well.
About a year ago he completely cut me out of his life. He stopped going to the usual spots, blocked my number, and didn't respond to any messages I left him.
I'm now working in a dead end job doing literal back breaking labor for below minimum wage because at the same time this occurred, all my options in life dried up at once. I moved to another city, where I've made no friends, just met lots of people trying to get ahead any way they can, even if it comes at others' expense.
I've been thinking about hanging myself. It would be painful for a few minutes and then it would be over.
About a year ago he completely cut me out of his life. He stopped going to the usual spots, blocked my number, and didn't respond to any messages I left him.
I'm now working in a dead end job doing literal back breaking labor for below minimum wage because at the same time this occurred, all my options in life dried up at once. I moved to another city, where I've made no friends, just met lots of people trying to get ahead any way they can, even if it comes at others' expense.
I've been thinking about hanging myself. It would be painful for a few minutes and then it would be over.
>>201199
Why do you think he left you? Do you think you have faults that may lead to this happening?
Why do you think he left you? Do you think you have faults that may lead to this happening?
I had a good friend once. But he decided to become a total normalfaggot and marry a succubus.
Since then i had no friends.
Since then i had no friends.
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I am lucky enough to have a good friend but we rarely talk because out lives are so uneventful that we run out of talking material quickly.
This is what I never get when people on sites like these complain about lack of friends or gf. What would you talk with them about? If you actually are interesting enough to have lots of things to talk about then how come you didn't make any friends naturally in whatever is your area of interest?
This is what I never get when people on sites like these complain about lack of friends or gf. What would you talk with them about? If you actually are interesting enough to have lots of things to talk about then how come you didn't make any friends naturally in whatever is your area of interest?
>>201212
I have two friends I've had for 16 years. I see them once a year, maybe once every two years. We talk for an evening and that's about it really. We live less than 10 minutes drive apart. I'm pretty crazy so they aren't close friends I discuss all my thoughts with or people who can provide support, but, I don't think many people have that kind of friend do they? Maybe they do and we're just oblivious.
I have two friends I've had for 16 years. I see them once a year, maybe once every two years. We talk for an evening and that's about it really. We live less than 10 minutes drive apart. I'm pretty crazy so they aren't close friends I discuss all my thoughts with or people who can provide support, but, I don't think many people have that kind of friend do they? Maybe they do and we're just oblivious.
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>>201235
If they are the appropriate ones they should. The right chemicals are an excellent motivator.
If they are the appropriate ones they should. The right chemicals are an excellent motivator.
God damn I hate stupid people so much, they ruin everything. They should just shut up and defer to people smarter then them, but of course, that would require some modicum of intelligence on their part, no they're just going to latch on to whatever stupid idea they have and ignore everything that runs contrary to that because it hurts their precious little egos to be reminded of how stupid they are so they just go into full denial mode and proclaim themselves to be just as smart and capable of making their own stupid fucking decisions as someone who isn't a fucking retard like they are. Fuck you. Fuck you so much. You ruin everything.
I don’t even know what I want anymore. I used to be focused on improving at my hobbies, but I’m about at the level I want to be with those and starting to increasingly lose interest. I have less interest in consuming media as well.Even focusing enough to watch a movie or read a chapter of a book seems like a pretty big effort most of the time. I’m not particularly excited for any new thing coming up in the future. The days just pass by in routine and I go nowhere.
Have any of you had a conversation/discussion with your mother where you convinced her of something?
I do my best to try to make her understand that she's being illogical and not taking into consideration many things, but she's abusive and disrespectful when she treats with me and all this awful behaviour of hers apparently goes unnoticed or it's not an offense in her eyes since as it turns out she's got this divine right to treat me like a piece of shit and tell me how I should spend my time after work or where to spend it or else I'm a bad son who doesn't respect her. What the fuck, when will this bitch open her eyes and start seeing what an ugly and egotistical beast she is.
She is, again, making threats about kicking me out while criticizing the way I live as always. 'All I want for you is to do something useful for yourself', I already work and she keeps uttering that crap, and now she is telling me to seek for a different job where I must follow a more strict schedule which is another way of saying that I should break my back working full time for no reason at all but to please her and be more 'disciplined'.
There really is no solution to this problem.
I do my best to try to make her understand that she's being illogical and not taking into consideration many things, but she's abusive and disrespectful when she treats with me and all this awful behaviour of hers apparently goes unnoticed or it's not an offense in her eyes since as it turns out she's got this divine right to treat me like a piece of shit and tell me how I should spend my time after work or where to spend it or else I'm a bad son who doesn't respect her. What the fuck, when will this bitch open her eyes and start seeing what an ugly and egotistical beast she is.
She is, again, making threats about kicking me out while criticizing the way I live as always. 'All I want for you is to do something useful for yourself', I already work and she keeps uttering that crap, and now she is telling me to seek for a different job where I must follow a more strict schedule which is another way of saying that I should break my back working full time for no reason at all but to please her and be more 'disciplined'.
There really is no solution to this problem.
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I don't love my family for what they are I love them like they are ghosts. I feel a duty to protect them from my suicide but I can find no energy or positive drive from them or being around them. A father can look at a picture of his daughter and say he does it for her, but, I am just a son in a family of people who bring about nothing inside me. I feel a compassion for them in the sense you would to a struggling stranger because they are trying their best but they are no source of strength or intention. Because of that I have to sit crumbling unable to do the things required of me and I cannot explain what is going on. To explain to them I feel an abstract compassion for their apparitions and that they in this moment can give me nothing is to crush them and leave them feeling empty. At the heart of it is the truth you must keep to yourself that you want to die, you want to protect them, and they cannot help so explaining it just leads to futility and pain. Some of us are just ghosts.
>>201251
>Have any of you had a conversation/discussion with your mother where you convinced her of something?
Have tried that a couple of times in the past, but realized that it was 100% futile a while ago. I recently discovered that I have severe nerve damage in my neck and shoulder, which most likely occured at birth. I don't even bother telling my parents that I have this, and that they cannot expect me to function like a normal human being, because they are too retarded to even comprehend such a thing. It probably also has something to do with the fact that I'm their pet (child) and a basement dweller, so that means everything that comes out of my mouth is a bunch of irrelevant mush, since I'm such a LOOOSER (normie logic). There is no solution to this other than getting as far away from these people as possible and never seeing them again, which in my case is quite difficult since my life has been destroyed already at birth.
>Have any of you had a conversation/discussion with your mother where you convinced her of something?
Have tried that a couple of times in the past, but realized that it was 100% futile a while ago. I recently discovered that I have severe nerve damage in my neck and shoulder, which most likely occured at birth. I don't even bother telling my parents that I have this, and that they cannot expect me to function like a normal human being, because they are too retarded to even comprehend such a thing. It probably also has something to do with the fact that I'm their pet (child) and a basement dweller, so that means everything that comes out of my mouth is a bunch of irrelevant mush, since I'm such a LOOOSER (normie logic). There is no solution to this other than getting as far away from these people as possible and never seeing them again, which in my case is quite difficult since my life has been destroyed already at birth.
I'm failing school again. this is the third time. and it keeps happening. I honestly can't study anymore, I have 9 important exams soon and I'm going to fail again. I tried, I tried. but I'm too tired.
>>201249
That just shows you're not as stupid as you think you are. Stupid people have no idea that they're even stupid because they're too stupid to know it, that's why they're so arrogant.
That just shows you're not as stupid as you think you are. Stupid people have no idea that they're even stupid because they're too stupid to know it, that's why they're so arrogant.
>>201260
I dropped out of college and I do badly in logic based games so I think I am pretty stupid.
I dropped out of college and I do badly in logic based games so I think I am pretty stupid.
I'm disgusted all the time. The first thought I have when I wake up is "this shit again" and then I lay in bed for a few minutes feeling an obnoxious anxiety about what the hell will I do once my parents pass away and about my own health and aging. Since I'm poor, NEETdom isn't an option and so I'm forced to work. The daily route to work is dismal and bleak: the same gray buildings, the smog, disgusting smells, the traffic jams and people everywhere. I feel like a fucking insect trapped in a hole being crushed.
>>200999
I wish I was normal and approachable. I wish my brain wasn't so fucking foggy. I wish I had motivation to improve my life. I wish my parents loved me.
I wish I was normal and approachable. I wish my brain wasn't so fucking foggy. I wish I had motivation to improve my life. I wish my parents loved me.
>>201263
I wish I could in the countryside somewhere in Europe. I wouldn't mind working as a farmer or something like that.
I wish I could in the countryside somewhere in Europe. I wouldn't mind working as a farmer or something like that.
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So one advice you hear is to be mindful. But does it make anyone else depressed? I was enjoying a tasty burger but then I thought about how in a few minutes I will finish eating it and how in a few hours I will get hungry again but won't be able to eat the burger again out of health and financial reasons. And same with many pleasures in life. On a nice vacation? It will end in a few weeks and then it's back to work. How can you enjoy anything with the bleak future ahead? Even the richest and healthiest person can't escape aging.
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Why can't I stop thinking so much?
>>201291
Are you thinking or are you ruminating? Two different things. Whenever I start ruminating I like to repeat to myself "problem solving" like a mantra to keep my thoughts practical.
Are you thinking or are you ruminating? Two different things. Whenever I start ruminating I like to repeat to myself "problem solving" like a mantra to keep my thoughts practical.
>>201263
I feel the same way.
Hey idiots, if the goddamn air is visible, noise is inescapable and there's bad smells in every corner then it means you've fucked up, the place isn't livable anymore. People would realize this and start over if they had any sense.
I feel the same way.
Hey idiots, if the goddamn air is visible, noise is inescapable and there's bad smells in every corner then it means you've fucked up, the place isn't livable anymore. People would realize this and start over if they had any sense.
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I can't stop scratching dandruff off my head. I think I am addicted or have some kind of compulsory disorder. My whole keyboard is full with hair and dandruff. It's kinda gross but so pleasing at the same time.
>>201295
me too wizzie, for me its gotten so bad that I scratch wounds into my head and blood all over my nails
me too wizzie, for me its gotten so bad that I scratch wounds into my head and blood all over my nails
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My depression would be bearable if it wasn't accompanied by anxiety.
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I'm literally addicted to imageboards.
I can stay weeks without smoking cigs, but not even an hour without checking out chans.
I can stay weeks without smoking cigs, but not even an hour without checking out chans.
I'm not interested in anything, so I just sleep all day.
Just got up from a 18 hour nap and when I went to bed I didn't even really feel that tired. I might go back to bed.
Just got up from a 18 hour nap and when I went to bed I didn't even really feel that tired. I might go back to bed.
God, I can't stand the optimist attitude towards life and all the feel good bullshit thrown around by vivacious people. Just now I've seen a motivational post of sorts the point of which is essentially: "Life doesn't end at 30" and that fetishising youth, as a stage in one's life, is bad.
Are they deluded or something. How can a run-down old piece of shit who's past his prime ever compare to a youngster? The so-called "experience" adults are respected for means jack shit now that you have access to Internet and practically any information you want, from practical advice to life stories, even more common and personal ones. Being an adult, and past the 30 year mark, objectively sucks ass.
But there's an another layer to this post that I haven't covered, and it's the number of actual adults who still think they're young that commented the post. It's absolutely pathetic.
"Gonna hit my 20/30th birthday for the second time."
"I'm 50 and I cosplay."
A bunch of grown ups clinging to their pasts or what's "cool with the youth" to pool wool over their own eyes and hammer in the idea that they're still young, that things will look up, and so on, and so on.
God fucking damn it.
Are they deluded or something. How can a run-down old piece of shit who's past his prime ever compare to a youngster? The so-called "experience" adults are respected for means jack shit now that you have access to Internet and practically any information you want, from practical advice to life stories, even more common and personal ones. Being an adult, and past the 30 year mark, objectively sucks ass.
But there's an another layer to this post that I haven't covered, and it's the number of actual adults who still think they're young that commented the post. It's absolutely pathetic.
"Gonna hit my 20/30th birthday for the second time."
"I'm 50 and I cosplay."
A bunch of grown ups clinging to their pasts or what's "cool with the youth" to pool wool over their own eyes and hammer in the idea that they're still young, that things will look up, and so on, and so on.
God fucking damn it.
>>201335
I mean if wizards can have lethargic youths I don't really doubt that people can have energetic elderly years. There are 60+ years olds are becoming presidents and finishing marathons so it's most likely individual differences, both physiological and psychological.
I mean if wizards can have lethargic youths I don't really doubt that people can have energetic elderly years. There are 60+ years olds are becoming presidents and finishing marathons so it's most likely individual differences, both physiological and psychological.
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I've read so many books and tried so much advice that my brain has no idea what to think. It's all chaos because I've tried so many peoples stories of how their mind works and none of it worked for me. My brain is full of fuck and now it doesn't know what is up and what is down. I'm a crazy retard and I'm lost.
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>go to a subreddit about a hobby
>half of the posts are "look what I bought"
I don't get it. Who cares that some person you don't know bought something? It's not even a brand new or rare product but something that has already been reviewed many times.
>half of the posts are "look what I bought"
I don't get it. Who cares that some person you don't know bought something? It's not even a brand new or rare product but something that has already been reviewed many times.
why would anyone open a youtube channel and after having your videos disliked by the small number of people who watch it, and got only 20 subscribers(including myself), keep trying to be a youtuber so much that you end with a channel with more than 100 videos, most of them with zero views, and the few who have views disliked and hated by pretty much anyone who stumbles upon them?
Poor dude.
Poor dude.
>>201340
Loneliness maybe? Or they read some self help book that tells you that you will become successful eventually if you try long enough?
Loneliness maybe? Or they read some self help book that tells you that you will become successful eventually if you try long enough?
>>201340
If you are going to put that much effort in something you should have a plan to promote it. Its not often mentioned but a lot of viral content has PR firms, bots, advertising, etc backing them up.
I saw a podcast rise from nothing to 30k subscribers in a couple weeks, turns out they had an ad plan all along, they were not 3 rando friends hanging out after all, all of them work at ad agencies and had exposure confirmed for their youtube channel before even doing anything.
If you are going to put that much effort in something you should have a plan to promote it. Its not often mentioned but a lot of viral content has PR firms, bots, advertising, etc backing them up.
I saw a podcast rise from nothing to 30k subscribers in a couple weeks, turns out they had an ad plan all along, they were not 3 rando friends hanging out after all, all of them work at ad agencies and had exposure confirmed for their youtube channel before even doing anything.
>>201339
Reddit is all fakery and all corporate or political shilling for soyboys. Only go there if you need specific advice on a subject and there is a clear answer for it, rather than asking for opinions fake anecdotes and shitty jokes
>>201347
Nothing has an organic following anymore, early youtube with true diy content will never be once again.
Reddit is all fakery and all corporate or political shilling for soyboys. Only go there if you need specific advice on a subject and there is a clear answer for it, rather than asking for opinions fake anecdotes and shitty jokes
>>201347
Nothing has an organic following anymore, early youtube with true diy content will never be once again.
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>>201348
>Nothing has an organic following anymore
I wouldn't say that. There still are a few number of good youtubers with a big following that don't get shilled by 3rd parties or do all the stupud YO WHATS UP HIT THE SUBSCRIBE BUTTON AND ORDER SOMETHING FROM OUR SPONSOR HERE shit.
>Nothing has an organic following anymore
I wouldn't say that. There still are a few number of good youtubers with a big following that don't get shilled by 3rd parties or do all the stupud YO WHATS UP HIT THE SUBSCRIBE BUTTON AND ORDER SOMETHING FROM OUR SPONSOR HERE shit.
My mom has her dog barking at her for minutes while she does nothing about it. I can't understand how she can tolerate the noise.
>>201351
i used to follow a guy who bragged about how organic his fanbase was, turns out he was paying for bots and directed ads all along. He trended on tw and it was him paying to bot hashtags and also milking a controversy in a very premeditate way.
I don´t believe people that just say that they have a following just because their awesome like that and only need to upload stuff for everyone to be a fan.
i used to follow a guy who bragged about how organic his fanbase was, turns out he was paying for bots and directed ads all along. He trended on tw and it was him paying to bot hashtags and also milking a controversy in a very premeditate way.
I don´t believe people that just say that they have a following just because their awesome like that and only need to upload stuff for everyone to be a fan.
>>201352
Everyone in my family is like that. All need their own yapping cunts they do nothing with except pet occasionally and take pictures of. It's stuff like this which makes me believe that some people truly don't have any internal dialogue. I can't imagine them having much of one between their dogs, the TV, their phones, and maybe a radio all going simultaneously. None of them value silence at all, they must always be distracted.
Everyone in my family is like that. All need their own yapping cunts they do nothing with except pet occasionally and take pictures of. It's stuff like this which makes me believe that some people truly don't have any internal dialogue. I can't imagine them having much of one between their dogs, the TV, their phones, and maybe a radio all going simultaneously. None of them value silence at all, they must always be distracted.
Going from suicidal with inability to do anything to miserable but able to move around. Progressing through the degrees of suffering. It sucks how many shades of suffering there are.
>>201364
You can eat tasty food instead, anon. Literally, if I had enough money I would be a fat wiz.
You can eat tasty food instead, anon. Literally, if I had enough money I would be a fat wiz.
>>201366
The fun in being drunk is not in how the firewater you chug to get drunk tastes. Eating is no adequate replacement pleasure.
The fun in being drunk is not in how the firewater you chug to get drunk tastes. Eating is no adequate replacement pleasure.
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>>201372
blah blah blah
blah blah blah
>>201378
It means that compared to your average movie that this particular movie is really bad. Are you seriously autistic or something, this is pretty basic figurative speech.
It means that compared to your average movie that this particular movie is really bad. Are you seriously autistic or something, this is pretty basic figurative speech.
I've been trying to slam a square peg into a round hole for the past year by trying to make a habit out of reading books, but I just can't do it any longer. It's not a matter of poor attention span, the issue is I'm forcing myself to sit in place for several hours to do an activity I'm not getting much out of it. My vocabulary's improved quite a bit, but I'll never end up employing all these new words I've learned in conversation without perhaps first consulting a dictionary to make sure I'm using it 110% properly anyways due to OCD. Apart from that I haven't really learned much of worth.. Do improvebrahs actually follow their own advice when they say to read or do they just read bottom of the barrel easy-reading genre fiction? because it's very unlikely anyone possesses the personality necessary to go from spending an entire adolescence not even bothering to do the assigned reading in high school to reading Aristotle and Kant in their free time. Not that I personally didn't do the required reading in high school, but I wasn't at all an avid, voracious reader, and I find it highly doubtful you become someone who reads regularly as an adult if you weren't doing so already as a kid.
>>201389
That's mostly what I do read nowadays. Same thing applies really, I don't get much enjoyment out of it. I know that's a me problem but if I don't force myself to do certain things I'll just be staring at a wall all day.
That's mostly what I do read nowadays. Same thing applies really, I don't get much enjoyment out of it. I know that's a me problem but if I don't force myself to do certain things I'll just be staring at a wall all day.
>>201388
I began reading serious books at 16 wizzie, prior to that I read next to nothing. You shouldn't disregard reading, but rather focus on reading for itself, and for that you have to find the right things to read. You should stay away from genre fiction and everything that's popular or "mainstream". I personally would recommend Essays by Schopenhauer, they're the perfect reading for a wizard; for example:
"In these pages I shall speak of _The Wisdom of Life_ in the common meaning of the term, as the art, namely, of ordering our lives so as to obtain the greatest possible amount of pleasure and success; an art the theory of which may be called _Eudaemonology_, for it teaches us how to lead a happy existence. Such an existence might perhaps be defined as one which, looked at from a purely objective point of view, or, rather, after cool and mature reflection–for the question necessarily involves subjective considerations,–would be decidedly preferable to non-existence; implying that we should cling to it for its own sake, and not merely from the fear of death; and further, that we should never like it to come to an end."
Reading is pretty much the only thing that retains my sanity.
I began reading serious books at 16 wizzie, prior to that I read next to nothing. You shouldn't disregard reading, but rather focus on reading for itself, and for that you have to find the right things to read. You should stay away from genre fiction and everything that's popular or "mainstream". I personally would recommend Essays by Schopenhauer, they're the perfect reading for a wizard; for example:
"In these pages I shall speak of _The Wisdom of Life_ in the common meaning of the term, as the art, namely, of ordering our lives so as to obtain the greatest possible amount of pleasure and success; an art the theory of which may be called _Eudaemonology_, for it teaches us how to lead a happy existence. Such an existence might perhaps be defined as one which, looked at from a purely objective point of view, or, rather, after cool and mature reflection–for the question necessarily involves subjective considerations,–would be decidedly preferable to non-existence; implying that we should cling to it for its own sake, and not merely from the fear of death; and further, that we should never like it to come to an end."
Reading is pretty much the only thing that retains my sanity.
Well, I've just got a call from the vet clinic where they cured my cat. They say that if I don't pay out the debt, they're going to sue me. I have two days to accumulate the money, wish me luck.
>>201428
I don't read genre fiction. I thought I made that clear. Schopenhauer was along the lines of the type of stuff I was reading.
I don't read genre fiction. I thought I made that clear. Schopenhauer was along the lines of the type of stuff I was reading.
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My house is an oasis of peace when I'm alone since I don't like talking, but as soon as any member of my family is in the house, this place becomes a loud zoo. If it's not my literal homosexual brother talking with his homosexual friends on the phone all day, it's my mother arguing with her cuck husband. Why can't these absolute monkeys shut up? I mean, it's okay to engage in conversations once in a while, but these uncivilized low IQ chimps obviously never talk about art, literature or anything interesting. It's ALWAYS gossip or bickering.
What's sad though, is that 99% of people in this godforsaken country are like that.
What's sad though, is that 99% of people in this godforsaken country are like that.
>>201413
Metaphors We Live By- George Lakoff
The Idiot- Fyodor Dostoevsky
Zero K- Don Delillo
These are the last three books I read. I'm kind of all over the place with what I choose to read; there's no single theme or topic I stick to because I just pick books that look vaguely interesting to me at the time.
Metaphors We Live By- George Lakoff
The Idiot- Fyodor Dostoevsky
Zero K- Don Delillo
These are the last three books I read. I'm kind of all over the place with what I choose to read; there's no single theme or topic I stick to because I just pick books that look vaguely interesting to me at the time.
>>201388
>because it's very unlikely anyone possesses the personality necessary to go from spending an entire adolescence not even bothering to do the assigned reading in high school to reading Aristotle and Kant in their free time
I did just that, though, I got sick of being a dumbass (still am), but I feel like I can think clearer a lot of the time and tend to have a deeper understanding of things generally.
>because it's very unlikely anyone possesses the personality necessary to go from spending an entire adolescence not even bothering to do the assigned reading in high school to reading Aristotle and Kant in their free time
I did just that, though, I got sick of being a dumbass (still am), but I feel like I can think clearer a lot of the time and tend to have a deeper understanding of things generally.
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I think I've reached the point where I finally "cured" being depressed, which I man that I've dealt with it so long over the years that the I've effectively become desensitized to the feelings of helplessness and sorrow I felt when I was younger. When shitty things happened in the past it was enough to cause me to stress out and feel trapped for weeks or even months, now there's just disappointment and I move on. I wish I could separate myself from society entirely. I'm just tired of this song and dance.
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Feeling incredibly crabby, it must be the lack of sleep, it's been a day by now. Tomorrow I'll wake up feeling happiness.
>>201476
I forgot, mom called the police on me and made me cry for lots of reasons. It's a lost battle. I can't understand how she's so oblivious, she makes no sense, all she does is babble things that I will eventually forget due to their frantic nature.
I suspect that she has a mental illness. This can't be 'normal'. She can't be normal.
I forgot, mom called the police on me and made me cry for lots of reasons. It's a lost battle. I can't understand how she's so oblivious, she makes no sense, all she does is babble things that I will eventually forget due to their frantic nature.
I suspect that she has a mental illness. This can't be 'normal'. She can't be normal.
I'm sleepy, yet awake. I'm not awake, but not tired. I am in this constant state of exhaustion and mental agony and the only "solution" provided is to not be those.
I got prescribed low dose of Seroquel to aid sleep, and it leaves me just the same. Except now with flu-like symptoms.
Will it ever improve, or am I doomed to be this tired idiot for eternity?
I got prescribed low dose of Seroquel to aid sleep, and it leaves me just the same. Except now with flu-like symptoms.
Will it ever improve, or am I doomed to be this tired idiot for eternity?
>>201478
>Except now with flu-like symptoms.
Do your limbs hurt all the time and you feel weak? That's how I feel.
>Except now with flu-like symptoms.
Do your limbs hurt all the time and you feel weak? That's how I feel.
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Please put me out of my misery papa Guts.
>>201471
>I feel like I can think clearer a lot of the time and tend to have a deeper understanding of things generally.
And I'm the same, but my point is this whole improvebrah attitude towards reading you see online nowadays is grating, same with stuff like nofap and "just lift, bro" which makes it seem like everyone in this sphere of the Internet is an erudite ascetic bodybuilder. If that were the case they wouldn't be so forceful in telling others what do.
>I feel like I can think clearer a lot of the time and tend to have a deeper understanding of things generally.
And I'm the same, but my point is this whole improvebrah attitude towards reading you see online nowadays is grating, same with stuff like nofap and "just lift, bro" which makes it seem like everyone in this sphere of the Internet is an erudite ascetic bodybuilder. If that were the case they wouldn't be so forceful in telling others what do.
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There were posts here in the "starving to death" thread, telling that you feel sick in the stomach only first few days, than it's holy euphoria.
Well for 3 days i was eating only a piece of bread a day and drank lots of water, plus multivitamins i was already taking for a month. I don't think i was even hungry by the end of day1, but every evening i had a fucking crushing headache. On the third day it was too much so i fried some eggs + sweet tea + aspirin, don't know which reduced the pain. Maybe i can't cut out sugar all at once.
Any thoughts, personal experience?
Well for 3 days i was eating only a piece of bread a day and drank lots of water, plus multivitamins i was already taking for a month. I don't think i was even hungry by the end of day1, but every evening i had a fucking crushing headache. On the third day it was too much so i fried some eggs + sweet tea + aspirin, don't know which reduced the pain. Maybe i can't cut out sugar all at once.
Any thoughts, personal experience?
>>201524
Experience? Depends on what you mean by that. I don't really care. Knowledge? The vast majority of the human population is lacking in that department too.
Experience? Depends on what you mean by that. I don't really care. Knowledge? The vast majority of the human population is lacking in that department too.
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>>201527
>Like living on your own, owning a car, getting a college degree, having a decent job, traveling, talking to people… stuff like that.
Booboo knows what you ommited in your post.
Booboo pissed.
>Like living on your own, owning a car, getting a college degree, having a decent job, traveling, talking to people… stuff like that.
Booboo knows what you ommited in your post.
Booboo pissed.
>>201524
sometimes I see people younger than me but they look older than me and they're doing some stuff I've never done and it makes me think for a second, but I don't really care, I say having the least experience is the best because it makes you younger in soul.
sometimes I see people younger than me but they look older than me and they're doing some stuff I've never done and it makes me think for a second, but I don't really care, I say having the least experience is the best because it makes you younger in soul.
>>201524
I think I have experienced too much life. I can't experience any more of it without thinking of suicide all the time.
I think I have experienced too much life. I can't experience any more of it without thinking of suicide all the time.
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>>201533
>>201546
At some point it becomes about keeping your innocence from as many meaningless things can refrain from touching.
>>201546
At some point it becomes about keeping your innocence from as many meaningless things can refrain from touching.
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>get berated by parents for being tired all the time
>just because the tests doctors made didn't detect anything abnormal means I am pretending
>they don't understand that it's possible to have health issues that no current tests can detect
>they think that for whatever reason I enjoy being tired all the time
I don't get it.
>just because the tests doctors made didn't detect anything abnormal means I am pretending
>they don't understand that it's possible to have health issues that no current tests can detect
>they think that for whatever reason I enjoy being tired all the time
I don't get it.
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I hate knowing that the future holds all kinds of meaningless conflicts with other humans in this rat cage society. My ability to be strong and stand up against them is limited and they are naturally obsessed with little tedious shit and it fulfils them intellectually and spiritually to be revenge seeking retards over anything that makes them feel unhappy. It's hard to build up a strong barrier to dehumanize others when you are feeling depressed - I need to use every moment I'm not to not give a fuck about other people.
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had a migraine for like two weeks. had to darken my apartment, zero natural light to torment me.
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I've been ruining my life and body for years on end.
I've become depressed from continually thinking about my academic and other failures in life.
I practically spent 5-6 months inside, seldom leaving my home, my physical health suffered greatly, as I lost weight and muscle, and my brain got duller.
I haven't skipped a day without cracking my spine, got back pains because of that.
I tried jelqing exercises 3 years ago as a way to spice up my masturbation. Ended up permanently injuring my penis, in a way that causes inconvenience even outside stimulation.
I used to play online FPS daily for hours, with time my temper started to change and I became all too irritable.
I wanted to learn to draw, one time I got pissed that I couldn't get shit done so much, I bit on my fucking mobile phone, chipping one of my teeth.
Things have been looking up recently, and my depression takes less of a hold on me now, but in my heart of hearts, I wish I could die. This past of mine haunts me greatly, both mentally and physically.
I've become depressed from continually thinking about my academic and other failures in life.
I practically spent 5-6 months inside, seldom leaving my home, my physical health suffered greatly, as I lost weight and muscle, and my brain got duller.
I haven't skipped a day without cracking my spine, got back pains because of that.
I tried jelqing exercises 3 years ago as a way to spice up my masturbation. Ended up permanently injuring my penis, in a way that causes inconvenience even outside stimulation.
I used to play online FPS daily for hours, with time my temper started to change and I became all too irritable.
I wanted to learn to draw, one time I got pissed that I couldn't get shit done so much, I bit on my fucking mobile phone, chipping one of my teeth.
Things have been looking up recently, and my depression takes less of a hold on me now, but in my heart of hearts, I wish I could die. This past of mine haunts me greatly, both mentally and physically.
I isolate because I hate how my insecurities end up making me act when I'm around people, always so insecure and trying to make myself seem like more of a success by external societal standards that I personally abhor. I just want to tell people I think the entire world is dumb and they're dumb for participating in it but I don't have the balls because of course I know I would be looked at like some sour grapes faggot. Sometimes I dream about becoming a pro martial artist or something that obviously takes dedication and would earn me respect from normies first just so I can tell people to go fuck themselves with more confidence, but in the end I probably am just a sour grapes faggot because I can't even motivate myself to go to a martial arts class much less become successful at it.
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>make a stupid (but not offensive) post in the spur of the moment
>several people call me a retard
>regret making the post and start crying
How do I toughen up? No matter how much time I spend on imageboards I can't get used to the hostility. It hits me into my soul every time.
>several people call me a retard
>regret making the post and start crying
How do I toughen up? No matter how much time I spend on imageboards I can't get used to the hostility. It hits me into my soul every time.
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>>201613
Yep, same here. My skin's about as thick as tissue paper. Years of drifting in and out of message boards and nothing's changed. Just as weak as I ever was. It's like a punch in the gut that resonates with me for hours, or even days, afterwards. The best solution I've found is to just lurk and hope that in the odd times when I do decide to post, that nobody decides to attack/insult me out of arbitrary cruelty or boredom. In some ways, maybe it's a blessing. Whole reason I didn't even bother coming to imageboards for a while was because of how badly I got insulted on a few occasions. I can recall someone here once saying that, "To stare blankly at a wall doing nothing is a far better use of one's time than going on imageboards, Wizchan included". And I mean, honestly, isn't it true? So much mindless, nerve grating stupidity. Desperation for contact/communication is the only reason places like this exist. Anyway, even outside of how much of a pansy I am, I can barely put two sentences together half the time, with practically zero energy to speak of to think of anything worth saying. Even this paltry little post has me worn out. Everything seems to work against me and, in the end, posting will always feel like a risk/struggle to me. Either way, I feel no catharsis. I'm always restless and the pressure of my thoughts never seems to ease. Any expression I make always comes out wrong. Posts a jumbled mess, mental diarrhea in written form. I never feel a sense of release. Like steam caught in a pipe with the gauge on red. That's about where I'm always at.
Yep, same here. My skin's about as thick as tissue paper. Years of drifting in and out of message boards and nothing's changed. Just as weak as I ever was. It's like a punch in the gut that resonates with me for hours, or even days, afterwards. The best solution I've found is to just lurk and hope that in the odd times when I do decide to post, that nobody decides to attack/insult me out of arbitrary cruelty or boredom. In some ways, maybe it's a blessing. Whole reason I didn't even bother coming to imageboards for a while was because of how badly I got insulted on a few occasions. I can recall someone here once saying that, "To stare blankly at a wall doing nothing is a far better use of one's time than going on imageboards, Wizchan included". And I mean, honestly, isn't it true? So much mindless, nerve grating stupidity. Desperation for contact/communication is the only reason places like this exist. Anyway, even outside of how much of a pansy I am, I can barely put two sentences together half the time, with practically zero energy to speak of to think of anything worth saying. Even this paltry little post has me worn out. Everything seems to work against me and, in the end, posting will always feel like a risk/struggle to me. Either way, I feel no catharsis. I'm always restless and the pressure of my thoughts never seems to ease. Any expression I make always comes out wrong. Posts a jumbled mess, mental diarrhea in written form. I never feel a sense of release. Like steam caught in a pipe with the gauge on red. That's about where I'm always at.
>>201615
Your post sounds pretty cohesive to me and I relate a lot. I keep coming back to imageboards and regretting in because I am too lonely.
Your post sounds pretty cohesive to me and I relate a lot. I keep coming back to imageboards and regretting in because I am too lonely.
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Why does my brain always find ways to make me feel bad out of nowhere?
>chill day
>just going out to buy some groceries
>hungry so decide to get a burger
>notice the guy at the checkout is wearing a band-aid
>feel like it would be too awkward to leave at this point
>contemplate if I should eat the burger or not
>I am hungry and don't have a lot of money so I eat it
>then afterwards start worrying that I am going to catch something now
>what was supposed to be a calm day basically ruined
>chill day
>just going out to buy some groceries
>hungry so decide to get a burger
>notice the guy at the checkout is wearing a band-aid
>feel like it would be too awkward to leave at this point
>contemplate if I should eat the burger or not
>I am hungry and don't have a lot of money so I eat it
>then afterwards start worrying that I am going to catch something now
>what was supposed to be a calm day basically ruined
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>>201613
>finally check out old thread I've been avoiding on another board/forum after making a dumb post a while back
>only has two replies, one telling me to just shut the fuck up and kill myself, and another calling me a faggoty retard
>about as bad as I had expected and now feel the sting of insults I could've just kept on pretending don't exist
>can now expect to feel like shit for the rest of the day
Welp, that was needlessly masochistic & foolish. Like slamming my hand down on a red hot stove for no other reason than to see if it hurt. Why do I do this to myself? So many shitty memories I have with message boards, with so many awful, snide, disgusting & hateful people (of which there are plenty to be found, even here). I really don't want to be alive anymore. I'm so sick of all this rottenness, both bearing witness to & participating in it. Just no more, please.
>finally check out old thread I've been avoiding on another board/forum after making a dumb post a while back
>only has two replies, one telling me to just shut the fuck up and kill myself, and another calling me a faggoty retard
>about as bad as I had expected and now feel the sting of insults I could've just kept on pretending don't exist
>can now expect to feel like shit for the rest of the day
Welp, that was needlessly masochistic & foolish. Like slamming my hand down on a red hot stove for no other reason than to see if it hurt. Why do I do this to myself? So many shitty memories I have with message boards, with so many awful, snide, disgusting & hateful people (of which there are plenty to be found, even here). I really don't want to be alive anymore. I'm so sick of all this rottenness, both bearing witness to & participating in it. Just no more, please.
>>201621
Was it a gaming forum? Usually people on forums tend to be nicer. At worst you get some smug admin telling you to read the rules or use the search before locking the thread.
Was it a gaming forum? Usually people on forums tend to be nicer. At worst you get some smug admin telling you to read the rules or use the search before locking the thread.
Nothing brings satisfaction anymore. Sleep leads only to waking, waking only to tedious, exhausting days, the days only to restless sleep.
I feel obsessed with my own death and I relish the thought of a freak accident removing me from life.
I feel obsessed with my own death and I relish the thought of a freak accident removing me from life.
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>feel tired and shitty all the time
>try out some SSRI for a few months
>they make me feel even more tired
>stop taking them
>now feel like I have more energy than before
>try out some SSRI for a few months
>they make me feel even more tired
>stop taking them
>now feel like I have more energy than before
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I'm not scared of dying itself. I'm scared of the moment my depression will create where everyone is dying and screaming at me because I can't do anything. They already scream and shout in every situation because they can't control their emotions, they already blame me while I contain myself. I know we're all going to die and seeing the possible dystopian future only makes it more likely we'll die slowly together. They will scream and shout at me, they will throw things around, they will become animals as death approaches and I am too depressed to move and too useless from all this depression to do the basic things. Too depressed to have the basic vitality for life, the basic desire to live, to have the energy every animal has. That is what I don't look forward to - death itself is not too bad. Having them scream at me like demented animals in the last moments is what I dread - maybe that is just a sad reflection of my weakness but it's the truth.
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>>201615
>>201613
>>201621
I feel that way only when I make a post on /int/ and no one takes me seriously because of my flag and start calling me names based on stereotypes about my country. They keep reminding me of how much of a shithole my country is. That's why I've been avoiding /int/ and post mostly on flagless boards. They make me feel inferior to them. Can't even imagine how bad it is on /pol/, I would never post there.
>>201613
>>201621
I feel that way only when I make a post on /int/ and no one takes me seriously because of my flag and start calling me names based on stereotypes about my country. They keep reminding me of how much of a shithole my country is. That's why I've been avoiding /int/ and post mostly on flagless boards. They make me feel inferior to them. Can't even imagine how bad it is on /pol/, I would never post there.
>>201629
I do it as well, but because I find it easier to be nice to people that don't have it as good. If someone gets upset over someone being nicer to them than they feel they deserve they should rethink what they're actually mad about.
I do it as well, but because I find it easier to be nice to people that don't have it as good. If someone gets upset over someone being nicer to them than they feel they deserve they should rethink what they're actually mad about.
I feel sad right now and I don't really know why. I have a feeling if I got everything I'd ever wanted, I would still be sad.
I lost my temper today. Broke some stuff, said some things I can't take back. Realized immediately how monstrous and stupid I was. They're far better off without me. Thinking about taking the camping gear and fucking off towards the mountains, possibly die there. I know I won't though, it's just a romantic thought.
I laid down in bed to go to sleep, but then I remembered that I will just wake uo as the same person living the same life. The kind of sleep I’m longing for only comes with death
I got prescribed a low dose of Seroquel for sleep and supposedly help with the intrusive fog of thoughts.
Well, it's been a week off flu and feeling more tired and overall worse off.
Same experience as Zoloft, Cipralex and Effexor more or less.
Is there anything that has a positive effect to this mental hell?
Well, it's been a week off flu and feeling more tired and overall worse off.
Same experience as Zoloft, Cipralex and Effexor more or less.
Is there anything that has a positive effect to this mental hell?
It's so fucking shit living with incompetent people.
My mother's room has so much shit piled up in it she falls over shit and breaks things. She's broken glass shit before which means I have to go in and move shit to get the glass. So every now and then I have the energy to pressure her in to cleaning up because she screams at me if I do it and she's not out the house long enough for me to do it. So I keep insisting she cleans this time while she screams it's clean then she relents and tells me to go away while she does it. I come back later and she's got dvd piles everywhere telling me she's ordering them again and insists that's cleaning. She was serious too.
Cut to today she gets the landlord out to fix something while I'm running errands and I tell her and my brother you need to clean the bathroom and kitchen because they're dirty and there's shit in the way of what needs fixing. So I come home and she spent all that time cleaning and scrubbing the sink which is nowhere near the needed spot, and, they hadn't moved or brushed anything else. I'm serious when I say if it wasn't for me they'd be kicked out for being dirty.
It's so frustrating to have to fight to get basic shit done. And if I leave again I have to come home and sort their shit out as well when it builds up. I have inherited the role of father and I just want to blow my brains out.
My mother's room has so much shit piled up in it she falls over shit and breaks things. She's broken glass shit before which means I have to go in and move shit to get the glass. So every now and then I have the energy to pressure her in to cleaning up because she screams at me if I do it and she's not out the house long enough for me to do it. So I keep insisting she cleans this time while she screams it's clean then she relents and tells me to go away while she does it. I come back later and she's got dvd piles everywhere telling me she's ordering them again and insists that's cleaning. She was serious too.
Cut to today she gets the landlord out to fix something while I'm running errands and I tell her and my brother you need to clean the bathroom and kitchen because they're dirty and there's shit in the way of what needs fixing. So I come home and she spent all that time cleaning and scrubbing the sink which is nowhere near the needed spot, and, they hadn't moved or brushed anything else. I'm serious when I say if it wasn't for me they'd be kicked out for being dirty.
It's so frustrating to have to fight to get basic shit done. And if I leave again I have to come home and sort their shit out as well when it builds up. I have inherited the role of father and I just want to blow my brains out.
Being able to watch porn is similar to going to a restaurant where you can order anything you want and eat all by yourself, and if in the process, you forget to eat something, or left something unfinished, leaving is still okay.
>>201657
Mirtazipine works for me. Insomnia and my mind racing. Knocks me out good gives me cool dreams and helps me keep a consistent routine with sleep. Ask for that wizzie
Mirtazipine works for me. Insomnia and my mind racing. Knocks me out good gives me cool dreams and helps me keep a consistent routine with sleep. Ask for that wizzie
>>201663
The Seroquel works, but I'm more tired during the day then I was prior to starting it. It's only been a week or so, but so far, not a fan.
My doctor did mention Wellbutrin for my depression, but that's a more long term commitment I will talk with them in a months time.
The Seroquel works, but I'm more tired during the day then I was prior to starting it. It's only been a week or so, but so far, not a fan.
My doctor did mention Wellbutrin for my depression, but that's a more long term commitment I will talk with them in a months time.
Slowly changing a toilet seat where all the screws are rusted from piss which makes it almost impossible to undo the bolts. It's also stupidly close to the wall so I an only do half turns on a shitty bolt. Covered in piss and shit and barely able to breathe because it's so hot. Fuck the demiurge.
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Fell for the cigarette meme, lads.
Need to smoke at least twice a day now to be able to function.
Need to smoke at least twice a day now to be able to function.
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I hate how on top of already feeling like shit and hating yourself you have to deal with other people treating that feeling like a moral failing. As if everyone was constantly feeling like shit and manage to succeed and retain a positive attitude despite that and somehow YOU, SOMEHOW, CHOOSE FREELY to be too weak to deal with the terrible feelings and succeed despite them.
You can't focus? OMG UR JUST A DUMB MILLENIAL LE ME ME WANT EVERYTHING NOW GENERATION YOU ARE NOT DEPRESSED YOUR JUST LAZY! And if you argue with this you are "just making excuses".
You can't focus? OMG UR JUST A DUMB MILLENIAL LE ME ME WANT EVERYTHING NOW GENERATION YOU ARE NOT DEPRESSED YOUR JUST LAZY! And if you argue with this you are "just making excuses".
>>201674
You people need to get it into your head that nobody in the world will ever accept or understand us. Everybody you meet will only understand his own views and try to browbeat them unto you. Being a wizard means that your internal personality will always be at odds with everybody's else. The whole world is your enemy. Don't try to make them accept you. Don't treat them like some kind of masters you need to get validation from, face them like you would an enemy. Resists them with all your might even as they tear you apart. You won't win against the world but you sure as hell will take as many of them down with you.
You people need to get it into your head that nobody in the world will ever accept or understand us. Everybody you meet will only understand his own views and try to browbeat them unto you. Being a wizard means that your internal personality will always be at odds with everybody's else. The whole world is your enemy. Don't try to make them accept you. Don't treat them like some kind of masters you need to get validation from, face them like you would an enemy. Resists them with all your might even as they tear you apart. You won't win against the world but you sure as hell will take as many of them down with you.
>>201638
What this anon said. Kinda unrelated but I imagine people with fucked up faces (from accidents) get patronized by being called beautiful all the time. The best thing to do is ignore it and try to not mention it.
What this anon said. Kinda unrelated but I imagine people with fucked up faces (from accidents) get patronized by being called beautiful all the time. The best thing to do is ignore it and try to not mention it.
The only thing you can really trust when it comes to mental health issues and psychology in general is your own mind. That doesn't mean that advice, books, external help and medicine is necessarily bad. But all that is worth nothing if you don't learn to know thyself. For example you can take medicine but don't ever listenn to what ither people on thr internet say about it. You have to try and then decide for yourself by reading your personal state of being. This should be obvious but I think for many it's not. Today as all information is avaible on the spot many have forgit how to listen to what there own body tells them what is right and wrong. However science is very underdeveloped when it comes to psychological questioms. Just like the nutrition science bately has any hard facts about right and wrong. It's all estimation and probability but each individual case due to biological conditions is different.
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I don't understand why we must do things in this world, why we must have friends and aspirations, hopes and dreams. Wouldn't it be better to retreat to a faraway corner of the world, where all its noise and complications would be heard no more? Then we could renounce culture and ambitions; we would lose everything and gain nothing; for what is there to be gained from this world? There are people to whom gain is unimportant, who are hopelessly unhappy and lonely. We are so closed to one another! And yet, were we to be totally open to each other, reading into the depths of our souls, how much of our destiny would we see? We are so lonely in life that we must ask ourselves if the loneliness of dying is not a symbol of our human existence. Can there be any consolation at the last moment? This willingness to live and die in society is a mark of great deficiency. It is a thousand times preferable to die somewhere alone and abandoned so that you can die without melodramatic posturing, unseen by anyone. I despise people who on their deathbed master themselves and adopt a pose in order to impress. Tears do not burn except in solitude. Those who ask to be surrounded by friends when they die do so out of fear and inability to live their final moments alone. They want to forget death at the moment of death. They lack infinite heroism. Why don't they lock their door and suffer those maddening sensations with a lucidity and a fear beyond all limits?
We are so isolated form everything! But isn't everything equally inaccessible to us? The deepest and most organic death is death in solitude, when even light becomes a principle of death. In such moments you will be severed from life, from love, smiles, friends and even from death. And you will ask yourself if there is anything besides the nothingness of the world and your own nothingness.
- Emil Cioran
We are so isolated form everything! But isn't everything equally inaccessible to us? The deepest and most organic death is death in solitude, when even light becomes a principle of death. In such moments you will be severed from life, from love, smiles, friends and even from death. And you will ask yourself if there is anything besides the nothingness of the world and your own nothingness.
- Emil Cioran
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I've come to understand that I'm not depressed, and it's not death that I want, all I wish for is to be able to live unrestrained by anything, be it my own physical or mental limitations, or the bounds that society imposes on me, free to do whatever I want, even if that means to squander my time on this Earth away on the most fruitless of pursuits or plain doing nothing.
But then I remember that it's just a fantasy. To be able to do something I can't I need talent and countless years of constant practice. My life of relative abundance and relative nonchalance I owe to the progress society and humankind have made, and to uphold and increase it, one has to work.
It is all so tiresome.
But then I remember that it's just a fantasy. To be able to do something I can't I need talent and countless years of constant practice. My life of relative abundance and relative nonchalance I owe to the progress society and humankind have made, and to uphold and increase it, one has to work.
It is all so tiresome.
>>201679
It took me a long time to get the confidence to do that but I did in the end. It stemmed from being someone who every dismissed or mocked when I explained I was different. People will not let a person they consider low-value be "different", the constant accusations of "oh wow you're so unique, your brain is different huh, fuck off it's just your fault" did get to me. All the comics mocking nerds and losers thinking they had some insight in to their own mind or life that the normans hadn't because the normans could not allow the low-value losers to have something they did not. I had that inner critic in my head repeating their accusations and whenever I thought about it I experienced that learned pain from the social abuse. I guess I was conditioned to have that pain response from the experience.
The things I remember is that I spent a whole life thinking about these issues and other people probably spent less than 5 minutes a year. What has content to you, is just the quickest thought to dismiss it for them. Most human interaction has no meaning or content, it is just people saying what makes them feel better. Think of all the advice you've tried and it hasn't worked like they say - these are objective measures that your experience isn't the same as theirs. Read books of people who have depression and see how your life is different from theirs and you cannot relate to them.
Nobody is going to consent to your identity and if they ever found out how you think of yourself they would mock and abuse you. Build a strong cocoon around yourself and have the confidence to say your experience is not like theirs. Not all experiences are similar despite what modern culture wants to pretend. Psychology and therapy has introduced a kind of groupthink where people with limited experience of their models now claim everyone's mind is doing the same thing, with the average person now using their own limited therapy experience to try and claim authority over your mind. Resist them - and resist the culture that has adopted that view.
It took me a long time to get the confidence to do that but I did in the end. It stemmed from being someone who every dismissed or mocked when I explained I was different. People will not let a person they consider low-value be "different", the constant accusations of "oh wow you're so unique, your brain is different huh, fuck off it's just your fault" did get to me. All the comics mocking nerds and losers thinking they had some insight in to their own mind or life that the normans hadn't because the normans could not allow the low-value losers to have something they did not. I had that inner critic in my head repeating their accusations and whenever I thought about it I experienced that learned pain from the social abuse. I guess I was conditioned to have that pain response from the experience.
The things I remember is that I spent a whole life thinking about these issues and other people probably spent less than 5 minutes a year. What has content to you, is just the quickest thought to dismiss it for them. Most human interaction has no meaning or content, it is just people saying what makes them feel better. Think of all the advice you've tried and it hasn't worked like they say - these are objective measures that your experience isn't the same as theirs. Read books of people who have depression and see how your life is different from theirs and you cannot relate to them.
Nobody is going to consent to your identity and if they ever found out how you think of yourself they would mock and abuse you. Build a strong cocoon around yourself and have the confidence to say your experience is not like theirs. Not all experiences are similar despite what modern culture wants to pretend. Psychology and therapy has introduced a kind of groupthink where people with limited experience of their models now claim everyone's mind is doing the same thing, with the average person now using their own limited therapy experience to try and claim authority over your mind. Resist them - and resist the culture that has adopted that view.
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Why do I keep making the same mistake and going on imageboards?
>share one inoffensive opinion even with a disclaimer that it's just my personal opinion and I am not saying it's a fact
>am always open for discussion
>get 10 replies telling me I am wrong in a passive aggressive or hostile way
I just can't take this hostility on the internet. People insult you over the most smallest things. I just woke up and already feel so worn down I need to take a nap.
>share one inoffensive opinion even with a disclaimer that it's just my personal opinion and I am not saying it's a fact
>am always open for discussion
>get 10 replies telling me I am wrong in a passive aggressive or hostile way
I just can't take this hostility on the internet. People insult you over the most smallest things. I just woke up and already feel so worn down I need to take a nap.
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I've watched my chilhood hero die, suffer in hell and escape from it after becoming a monstority.
But he remained true to himself.
I find that inspiring.
But he remained true to himself.
I find that inspiring.
I hate noisy things, noisy people and noisy places. My goal in life is to escape all this uproar. Move to the countryside somewhere in Europe. I want to be able to fully embrace solitude and live a quiet and peaceful life. I'm not a vain or materialistic person. I just want to live in a place among nature where I can walk and read in peace. I'll have to find a job and save a lot of money to get to that.
>>201738
He talkin' about Deimos, aka Dedmos, wiznog. Madness is the shit, I always loved it as a kid too.
He talkin' about Deimos, aka Dedmos, wiznog. Madness is the shit, I always loved it as a kid too.
had the weirdest dream last night, at least I think it was only last night, the dream had multiple coherent parts and it feels like it should've spanned at least a couple days in real time, in the dream I went through some political scifi dystopia over multiple generations before being left on an asteroid for 60 years before waking up to my dog barking at my door, when I got up I felt confused like I was still dreaming, walked outside and the sun was blocked out by smoke and it was cold, felt surreal, now I feel like I'm back to a nightmare or something, afraid to sleep again too, I don't want that crap
It seems to be pretty certain now that I've been living my life with undiagnosed schizophrenia. Years and years explaining how none of this stuff for depression was working or making sense to my brain and nobody gave a shit, just insisted I was being difficult or lazy. What a joke you cane waste nearly 2 decades trying your hardest and being lead down every fucking gardenpath by people who are oblivious.
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I need to clean up my desk so if I die tonight they don't find pages of writing about depressing shit to remember me by.
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>full-blown psychotic episode and 15 days in a mental hospital
Check.
>depression and anxiety
Check.
>lucid dream
Check.
>hallucinations
Check.
>trying to sleep and waking up every 10 minutes because you have sleep paralysis and it's becoming more and more frequent
Check.
So this is it? I've suffered all my life and my fate is probably rot in a fucking mental hospital at the age of 21?
Check.
>depression and anxiety
Check.
>lucid dream
Check.
>hallucinations
Check.
>trying to sleep and waking up every 10 minutes because you have sleep paralysis and it's becoming more and more frequent
Check.
So this is it? I've suffered all my life and my fate is probably rot in a fucking mental hospital at the age of 21?
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>>201771
>lucid dreams and hallucinations
No that ain't it apprentice wiz.
Why not try breaking out of the collective consciousness? I've set that as my goal (and to get to a level where I can influence it as well).
>lucid dreams and hallucinations
No that ain't it apprentice wiz.
Why not try breaking out of the collective consciousness? I've set that as my goal (and to get to a level where I can influence it as well).
My parents are so disgusting that I can barely stand being around them for ~10 minutes every day during dinner. I always leave the dinner table in disgust, just this brief moment of being around these vile people every day is killing my soul. I just shut my mouth and wait for the day that I finally leave and never see these fucks again. I'm seriously considering moving to another town and changing my name in the future, I just want to erase the memory of this family and my past as much as possible. All I look forward to in life is to finally leave this fucking hell. Is that so much to fucking ask for?
>>201777
Well I'm a very broken, tortured man. I've underperformed in many ways in this life, but I've been doomed to failure no matter what I did, being put in an impossible situation. All my life I've walked around with severe nerve damage in my neck, which has totally ruined my body. I am bitter due to this, because I am talented in many ways. All of my potential was wasted due to this circumstance.
Through studying anatomy on my own I've been able to identify the problem, and miraculously revive the nerve. In a couple of months if not longer, I will finally be able to live the life I was supposed to have. If it weren't for this miracle I would be planning a way to exit this world instead of lingering around. But as it stands now, I will likely be able to escape hell in the future. It's just hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel after all of this pain and suffering, it is hard to imagine a life without torture. Maybe I will be fortunate enough to experience such a life one day.
Well I'm a very broken, tortured man. I've underperformed in many ways in this life, but I've been doomed to failure no matter what I did, being put in an impossible situation. All my life I've walked around with severe nerve damage in my neck, which has totally ruined my body. I am bitter due to this, because I am talented in many ways. All of my potential was wasted due to this circumstance.
Through studying anatomy on my own I've been able to identify the problem, and miraculously revive the nerve. In a couple of months if not longer, I will finally be able to live the life I was supposed to have. If it weren't for this miracle I would be planning a way to exit this world instead of lingering around. But as it stands now, I will likely be able to escape hell in the future. It's just hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel after all of this pain and suffering, it is hard to imagine a life without torture. Maybe I will be fortunate enough to experience such a life one day.
Here's hoping I'll wake up as a different person tomorrow and my life up til now has just been one long and awful nightmare.
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My mother is a fucking whore and she's probably cheating on my stepfather. Not sure if I can really blame her because ALL succubi are whores by nature. She doesn't even have a job and my stepfather is the only one that has a job in this house. I'm taking advantage of him too, but that's okay, everyone is an egoist. I'm focusing on improving myself and I'm not ready for wageslavery yet.
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>>201775
Same.
Can't stand these assholes.
All men should try and find a way to rid themselves of family bonding. Shit's a fucking disease.
Same.
Can't stand these assholes.
All men should try and find a way to rid themselves of family bonding. Shit's a fucking disease.
>>201778
Do you mind telling me the method with which you managed to speed up nerve repair?
I'm genuinely interested, since I have a similar problem, except located in lower back.
Do you mind telling me the method with which you managed to speed up nerve repair?
I'm genuinely interested, since I have a similar problem, except located in lower back.
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Anytime I come to Wizchan nowadays all I feel is anger & revulsion. This site is a rotting carcass covered in rancid filth & loud, annoying horse flies. It disgusts me to the core and, even at the best of times, all I can manage to feel is overwhelming contempt at how loathsome & hollow it all is. I truly hate it here and I really wish it would just fucking die already, mostly just so I'd never have to visit this rotten little pit ever again. Worst part of my day by far is simply waking up. The next worst part is browsing Wizchan. Me persisting in coming here is a real case "Of stop hitting yourself" if ever there was one, I must say.
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>>201804
That's okay, but why do you hate Wizchan? I wanna know.
That's okay, but why do you hate Wizchan? I wanna know.
>>201804
What annoys me is how vague a lot of the posts are. There is barely anything to allow a conversation to start.
What annoys me is how vague a lot of the posts are. There is barely anything to allow a conversation to start.
>>201805
Not him, but this website's general post quality has been nosediving since late 2017. In the past, shitposting and being an asshole was looked down upon because it was deemed as outsider behavior. Now it's a common thing.
Not him, but this website's general post quality has been nosediving since late 2017. In the past, shitposting and being an asshole was looked down upon because it was deemed as outsider behavior. Now it's a common thing.
>>201289
You're not being mindful if you are engaging all of those thoughts. Mindfulness is about entertaining only that which is absolutely certain. In other words focusing only on the present moment and sensory experience without letting yourself be distracted by the spectres of past, future, and fantasy.
You're not being mindful if you are engaging all of those thoughts. Mindfulness is about entertaining only that which is absolutely certain. In other words focusing only on the present moment and sensory experience without letting yourself be distracted by the spectres of past, future, and fantasy.
Fuck, all my life my parents haven't really had much of a social life but now my mom is doing some sort of a chorus and she's bringing people to our house and I hate it. Sometimes they even spend the night. I was just masturbating when the doorbell rings. I ignore it but then a while later it rings again. I don't want to be labeled a douchebag for being there and not letting my mom's friend in so of course I have to get on my pants and go unlock the door for her trying to hide my massive boner when I would have preferred to stay in my room and never see her at all.
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The day I leave this house, this country, these people will be the happiest day of my life.
I can't wait for it to happen and it will happen no matter what. I'm tired of these fucking monkeys.
I can't wait for it to happen and it will happen no matter what. I'm tired of these fucking monkeys.
>>201804
It's a reflection of the hollow out there. You have to want to see substance for it to be there.
It's a reflection of the hollow out there. You have to want to see substance for it to be there.
>>201827
Sounds like absolute misery honestly. The present moment without escapism is rarely worth experiencing.
Sounds like absolute misery honestly. The present moment without escapism is rarely worth experiencing.
why do my parents have to make fun of my anxiety, they were just asking me questions at the table and then they start making fun of my stuttering and short answers, they chastise me just like stupid school bullies "haha, say something else - lmao look he said the same thing hahahah", it makes me want to cry, just leave me alone. all this and then the stupid gay jokes, what is their problem, I'm sorry I'm not normal, but then you ask me why I feel nervous around you
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Being ugly is such a curse…
>>201885
i can relate wiz. My parents never accepted mental illnesses or just basic human reaction that could cripple your day to day life as real even. Not even ridicule but just dissmissal. Ended up with me lashing out on them in the end. I hope you figure something out whether it be ignoring them or working out a truce.
i can relate wiz. My parents never accepted mental illnesses or just basic human reaction that could cripple your day to day life as real even. Not even ridicule but just dissmissal. Ended up with me lashing out on them in the end. I hope you figure something out whether it be ignoring them or working out a truce.
>>201885
My father was at point afraid of talking to me after I lashed out at him every time he ridiculed me. What's wrong with him, why does he continue after the first time? Then he complained that I'm abusive, I then ceased giving him any attetion and we stoped talking ever since although we live in the same house.
My father was at point afraid of talking to me after I lashed out at him every time he ridiculed me. What's wrong with him, why does he continue after the first time? Then he complained that I'm abusive, I then ceased giving him any attetion and we stoped talking ever since although we live in the same house.
my heart started beating prematurely, probably due to anxiety and stress
can't do anything because it's too distracting
have to visit a cardiologist tomorrow
get no sleep
parents wrote up a huge list of chores for me to "get exercise" and "live healthy"
>get up at 9am every morning
>get dressed
>shower
>take out garbage every day
>clean the bathrooms
>search for jobs online
>walk around the block
>work out
>mow the lawn every week
>etc
>etc
>etc
my life just got 30x worse in less than a week
they keep going on about "you need to make changes" and "you don't realize how good you have it"
and i'm just thinking
is this it?
this is what a "good life" is like?
this is what i was born to do?
tons of shitty chores, working a shit job, while being tortured by my own body for not enjoying it enough?
i tried to explain myself to them but my dad replied "this dialogue isn't very helpful" LOL
then they pull out that obnoxious line "at least you're not working three jobs to avoid being homeless"
it just gets worse and worse
i don't get why i'm alive
it's just a sick joke
can't do anything because it's too distracting
have to visit a cardiologist tomorrow
get no sleep
parents wrote up a huge list of chores for me to "get exercise" and "live healthy"
>get up at 9am every morning
>get dressed
>shower
>take out garbage every day
>clean the bathrooms
>search for jobs online
>walk around the block
>work out
>mow the lawn every week
>etc
>etc
>etc
my life just got 30x worse in less than a week
they keep going on about "you need to make changes" and "you don't realize how good you have it"
and i'm just thinking
is this it?
this is what a "good life" is like?
this is what i was born to do?
tons of shitty chores, working a shit job, while being tortured by my own body for not enjoying it enough?
i tried to explain myself to them but my dad replied "this dialogue isn't very helpful" LOL
then they pull out that obnoxious line "at least you're not working three jobs to avoid being homeless"
it just gets worse and worse
i don't get why i'm alive
it's just a sick joke
My mum doesn't even have my phone number in her contacts. Don't think she has ever had it, and I've had the same number ever since I got a phone in 2005. I just don't get why she hates me this much. I even paid for a copy of my birth certificate, but nope - I'm not adopted and she is my birth giver.
I feel like there's something wrong with my brain. I've been having random mood swings, intense suicidal episodes followed by feeling vaguely okay followed by more suicidal episodes, wake up frequently at night, have issues with impulsiveness and self control, and swing wildly between periods of little sexual desire and days long fap marathons. I had a two month long period recently where I had a migraine every two weeks, like clockwork.
I feel like something is off but I probably won't get it checked out by a doctor.
I feel like something is off but I probably won't get it checked out by a doctor.
I just don’t have the energy to do anything. I desperately want to kill myself but if I can’t even get out of bed how am I supposed to do it? It’s just too much effort.
this three times ape fight world champion says that depression isn't real, what do you guys say?
>>201929
Didn't watch the video. I don't care if it's real or not. Sadness, suffering and especially trauma (which is something that requires a lot of effort to get out of) are very real to me and that's enough for me not to enjoy life as much as some people seem to do. I'm not like this because I want to, I'm trying to be improve myself and my life but it's hard, very hard.
Didn't watch the video. I don't care if it's real or not. Sadness, suffering and especially trauma (which is something that requires a lot of effort to get out of) are very real to me and that's enough for me not to enjoy life as much as some people seem to do. I'm not like this because I want to, I'm trying to be improve myself and my life but it's hard, very hard.
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Cigarettes and imageboards are my main and only addictions.
Whenever I try to quit both for at least a week, I end up failing. I have zero friends and no patience to engage in social activities, at least not with my surroundings.
As a temporary NEET/Hikiki I should be studying something useful. I could wake up and go to the gym (I have people who are willing to pay for me). I should read many books in a short period of time because I have free time to do so, but whenever I open 4chan or any other chan, I feel like I can't get out anymore. I close the tabs, clean my search history and then after 10 minutes I'm back on imageboards again. And I usually smoke more than usual when I'm not shitposting.
Whenever I try to quit both for at least a week, I end up failing. I have zero friends and no patience to engage in social activities, at least not with my surroundings.
As a temporary NEET/Hikiki I should be studying something useful. I could wake up and go to the gym (I have people who are willing to pay for me). I should read many books in a short period of time because I have free time to do so, but whenever I open 4chan or any other chan, I feel like I can't get out anymore. I close the tabs, clean my search history and then after 10 minutes I'm back on imageboards again. And I usually smoke more than usual when I'm not shitposting.
>>201936
I wonder if you could use a lucid moment to make it impossible to access those sites. I think you could call up your internet provider and have them block certain sites. Theres probably a good number of other ways to do it too. Not sure how permanent it would be it is probably possible to make it difficult enough so that removing it would be non-trivial and make you think hard about it.
I wonder if you could use a lucid moment to make it impossible to access those sites. I think you could call up your internet provider and have them block certain sites. Theres probably a good number of other ways to do it too. Not sure how permanent it would be it is probably possible to make it difficult enough so that removing it would be non-trivial and make you think hard about it.
>>201942
>dude or dudette
Didn't even bother to find out what kind of site you were on before shilling your shitcord. Very nice.
>dude or dudette
Didn't even bother to find out what kind of site you were on before shilling your shitcord. Very nice.
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>>201942
>dude or dudette
>dude or dudette
Just spent an hour getting screamed at while trying to help my mother do something because she lost the paperwork. Helping involves getting screamed at by barely logical people. Life is not good.
Every book I read by someone who overcomes mental illness seems so alien to me. They have friends who care about them, teachers who take interest in them, multiple lovers, then doctors care about them, and they normally have a functional family. Nobody has ever given a fuck about me and just wants me gone as soon as possible. I've been a depressed loser all my life yet still tried to be as compassionate and friendly to humans as I can be, believing everyone is fighting their own battles and whatever else. But I guess I'm in this seriously alone and everyone else is lying when they say they are too.
I'm at the lowest of my lows, didn't sleep one bit last night, tossing and turning ig agony and torture, stomach feels like it's eating itself, can't stop crying, feel scared and disgusted and horrible, please brain, please bounce back quickly, I feel like death. when I feel like this I always look at my arm, the one big scar I made in middle school straight across with the big chef knife, the one I tell people I got from falling out of a tree, I think about slicing up my arms a lot more, just for attention, maybe make my mom and dad care for a little bit, show them this is how bad I feel
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>>201818
I'm on and off Wizchan for similar reasons. I want to stop devoting time to this place and I usually venture out to other areas of the internet under the delusion I'll find a better community. But during that venture I'm just reminded of why I've become so entrenched in this community for so long. There's truly no other community like Wizchan, barring the offshoots (which are either inactive or move at 5 posts per month, sadly).
This place really ticks off all the boxes for me. A community that isn't hostile towards virgins or in general while also not allowing crabs to take root, general chan advantages like anonymity, a general intolerance for certain aspects of typical chan culture, a pace that isn't fast but not slow, a distinct identity compared to a lot of other chans, and I could go on.
These are elements that I haven't been able to find in no other imageboard, forum, or website period. Trust me, I've been dissatisfied with this place for a while now and if there was a good alternative this post wouldn't even be here. An important part of any online community is obviously the community, and in a lot of these communities I just can't relate to the other users. I lack interest in the vast majority of things the average person is interested in, and I don't suffer from social anxiety or anything like that but when most conversations pertain to stuff you aren't interested in it's difficult to be interested in it let alone engage with them. And when I refer to these people as "average person" I mean in the sense of their interests. An asexual person isn't an average Joe by any means, but the interests/views of most aren't alien compared to one.
I've rambled enough.
So, like the famous line from 4chan: "You're here forever." Because this is the only community where I can relate and talk with the userbase actively. This is the only place I can go after getting mocked at work and by my family. Where no one cares that I have a low libido and have never felt romantic feelings for another human being for the entire duration of my life. In the past I used to mock wizards who said they felt lonely, and I'm sorry for doing that because now I finally understand, after all this time, what loneliness feels like. It's not just wanting social validation and stimulation; it's realizing that you might as well be a separate species from humans. That when you're troubled in life there's no one who can relate to you and there's those who also would prefer you'd just go away because of that. That you have to live in a world where the game being played is antithetical to how you are.
I wish I could live on a planet where there was no one else.
I'm on and off Wizchan for similar reasons. I want to stop devoting time to this place and I usually venture out to other areas of the internet under the delusion I'll find a better community. But during that venture I'm just reminded of why I've become so entrenched in this community for so long. There's truly no other community like Wizchan, barring the offshoots (which are either inactive or move at 5 posts per month, sadly).
This place really ticks off all the boxes for me. A community that isn't hostile towards virgins or in general while also not allowing crabs to take root, general chan advantages like anonymity, a general intolerance for certain aspects of typical chan culture, a pace that isn't fast but not slow, a distinct identity compared to a lot of other chans, and I could go on.
These are elements that I haven't been able to find in no other imageboard, forum, or website period. Trust me, I've been dissatisfied with this place for a while now and if there was a good alternative this post wouldn't even be here. An important part of any online community is obviously the community, and in a lot of these communities I just can't relate to the other users. I lack interest in the vast majority of things the average person is interested in, and I don't suffer from social anxiety or anything like that but when most conversations pertain to stuff you aren't interested in it's difficult to be interested in it let alone engage with them. And when I refer to these people as "average person" I mean in the sense of their interests. An asexual person isn't an average Joe by any means, but the interests/views of most aren't alien compared to one.
I've rambled enough.
So, like the famous line from 4chan: "You're here forever." Because this is the only community where I can relate and talk with the userbase actively. This is the only place I can go after getting mocked at work and by my family. Where no one cares that I have a low libido and have never felt romantic feelings for another human being for the entire duration of my life. In the past I used to mock wizards who said they felt lonely, and I'm sorry for doing that because now I finally understand, after all this time, what loneliness feels like. It's not just wanting social validation and stimulation; it's realizing that you might as well be a separate species from humans. That when you're troubled in life there's no one who can relate to you and there's those who also would prefer you'd just go away because of that. That you have to live in a world where the game being played is antithetical to how you are.
I wish I could live on a planet where there was no one else.
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Googled what this random throbbing in my left ear is. Turns out I have some form of tinnitus. Of course I get hit with a health problem that is severe enough to hamper daily functions but not severe enough to just fucking kill me.
I don't care if I die. I just want my head to fall off so I don't have to endure this horrible feeling anymore.
I had a mental breakdown last night, I just kept crying and screaming all night and keep smashing the keyboard to wish for things to end. My parents heard and almost called the cops on me. All I ask is for death and yet I can't seem to get it, i'm in a downward spiral.
>>202000
You're a drama queen. If you really wanted death you'd be silent and planning. Actual suicidal people become all tranquil the last days before they do it. It doesn't need any attention to go to the train stations.
You're a drama queen. If you really wanted death you'd be silent and planning. Actual suicidal people become all tranquil the last days before they do it. It doesn't need any attention to go to the train stations.
>>202021
I can't you fucking insufferable retard, i'm still somewhat empathetic and have my parents and family holding me back and the fact i'm too pussy to do it anyways cause the brutal ways seem fucking terrifying, only thing I can do is wait and rot, i don't give a shit if im a attention whore, its a crawl thread and i whine whenever i fucking want, sick of this shit.
I can't you fucking insufferable retard, i'm still somewhat empathetic and have my parents and family holding me back and the fact i'm too pussy to do it anyways cause the brutal ways seem fucking terrifying, only thing I can do is wait and rot, i don't give a shit if im a attention whore, its a crawl thread and i whine whenever i fucking want, sick of this shit.
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I finally control depression a bit and I'm faced with climbing up from the bottom of society. All their advice and bullshit doesn't apply when your neighbors are bullying you or coworkers treating you like shit does it, they don't have advice when society is hostile to you and you're a low value 30 year old. They don't really write books for retards from fucked up welfare families. You're climbing and everyone is giving you useless bullshit advice you have to ignore even when they claim to be experts. Your shit isn't working. We're fucking alone in this and it's absurd how far from baseline you can be.
I used to be depressed about my virginity, but I realized that there's nothing to be depressed about. I know people who lost their virginity and traded it for HIV/AIDS. I feel some people don't like virgins because they think that they deter the population size of a society. And because they think that way, we get bullied and harassed. It's unfair when a person is mistreated because he's deemed to have no societal value in a society he can't easily escape from and is seemingly forced to live within.
>>202028
People hate virgins for one of two reasons. The first being they assume anyone who's a virgin past a certain age is some uptight religious nut waiting for marriage with a chip on their shoulder and the second being that the virgin must be some weirdo who has something wrong with them.
People hate virgins for one of two reasons. The first being they assume anyone who's a virgin past a certain age is some uptight religious nut waiting for marriage with a chip on their shoulder and the second being that the virgin must be some weirdo who has something wrong with them.
>>202030
Oh yeah, there's a third reason. They assume you're a crab, which is the worst of them.
Oh yeah, there's a third reason. They assume you're a crab, which is the worst of them.
yes, there's a plethora of reasons why some people don't like virgins. those people make many assumptioms about us, from assumedly being pedophiles to assumedly being homosexuals. I can care less about what those people think, but their thoughts DO NOT give those people any right to harass or bully us. A virgin is someone who hasn't had sex, and that absence of sex can be because of many non-social reasons, including simply being physically disabled or asexual.
What are you supposed to do when nothing you could do seems worth the effort? Like, okay I could learn to draw if I spend 10,000 hours practicing drawing, but why would I want to draw that badly? Literally anything is the same, it's just not worth it.
>>202033
>but their thoughts DO NOT give those people any right to harass or bully us.
I think the reason why people harass or, in some cases, even assault is that virgins don't fit in their view of the world.
This is basically people why killed at any point in time. If you somehow deviate from norm, you remind people that the their worldview or that norm is not all encompassing unchanging absolute, and people don't like that. That is why christians or any religious or ideological people killed heretics and heathens: not only these people don't fit, some of them don't want to fit in. And these facts give them right(in their opinion) to kill, harass, ostracize etc.
So, virgins(crabs excluded) are people who don't want to have sex, children, families in a society that places those thing maybe at highest pedestal. So this gives people moral right to harass virgins.
Thats what i think, anyway.
>but their thoughts DO NOT give those people any right to harass or bully us.
I think the reason why people harass or, in some cases, even assault is that virgins don't fit in their view of the world.
This is basically people why killed at any point in time. If you somehow deviate from norm, you remind people that the their worldview or that norm is not all encompassing unchanging absolute, and people don't like that. That is why christians or any religious or ideological people killed heretics and heathens: not only these people don't fit, some of them don't want to fit in. And these facts give them right(in their opinion) to kill, harass, ostracize etc.
So, virgins(crabs excluded) are people who don't want to have sex, children, families in a society that places those thing maybe at highest pedestal. So this gives people moral right to harass virgins.
Thats what i think, anyway.
>>202044
Even asexual normalfags get shit from the lgbtbbq because they weren't "persecuted" enough in comparison to them. Normalshits think that no one cares if you're a virgin or not interested in relationships, yet the vast majority of them have no problem demonizing you for it when it's convenient. A minority so small the problems go unrecognized because the majority can't even comprehend what it's like to not want to fuck people or be in love with them.
Even asexual normalfags get shit from the lgbtbbq because they weren't "persecuted" enough in comparison to them. Normalshits think that no one cares if you're a virgin or not interested in relationships, yet the vast majority of them have no problem demonizing you for it when it's convenient. A minority so small the problems go unrecognized because the majority can't even comprehend what it's like to not want to fuck people or be in love with them.
>>202077
I remember lurking an asex forum years ago and someone told a story of how their friends kept harassing them about experiencing sex™ and ended up being treated as an uptight asshole before they eventually cut contact with them. It's just amazing how people flip a switch the moment they find out or realize you haven't meatslapped with another human and don't plan to.
I remember lurking an asex forum years ago and someone told a story of how their friends kept harassing them about experiencing sex™ and ended up being treated as an uptight asshole before they eventually cut contact with them. It's just amazing how people flip a switch the moment they find out or realize you haven't meatslapped with another human and don't plan to.
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I feel like my chronic usage of Bluetooth headphones has melted my brain significantly. My memory, different kinds of it as well, is fucked. I realized this just yesterday, when I felt a bit dazed. I removed my headphones, and this feeling started fading away somewhat, even though no music was playing, I just kept them on and on my head. I then read about Bluetooth radiation online, staying away from every blatant fearmongering website, as they're obviously biased. And even then most websites point out you shouldn't be using wireless headphones for 8 hours straight every day, and that "It might just lead to neurologic problems, DNA disruption and higher brain cancer, but we may never know for sure," which is a subtle way of saying "It does".
All of it ties in perfectly. I fucking hate my life. I swear there exists a Demiurge who's targeting me, holy shit. Last Summer I spent obsessing over my mental health and possible issues with its physical substrate, the brain. It was literal hell. I managed to snap out of it at the end of Fall, but hypochondria has never truly let go, and fucking hell it's back again, and just like the previous time it's the head. I'm disappointed and pissed and want to shoot my brains out before I'm reduced to a state that's even sorrier than I am now. I'm less smart than I used to be in school, that's for sure, and I keep losing my intelligence and sanity either due to my own stupidity or by the hand of some cosmic bullshit that I have no control over. Fuck me, fuck life and fuck this Earth, fuck all of it.
All of it ties in perfectly. I fucking hate my life. I swear there exists a Demiurge who's targeting me, holy shit. Last Summer I spent obsessing over my mental health and possible issues with its physical substrate, the brain. It was literal hell. I managed to snap out of it at the end of Fall, but hypochondria has never truly let go, and fucking hell it's back again, and just like the previous time it's the head. I'm disappointed and pissed and want to shoot my brains out before I'm reduced to a state that's even sorrier than I am now. I'm less smart than I used to be in school, that's for sure, and I keep losing my intelligence and sanity either due to my own stupidity or by the hand of some cosmic bullshit that I have no control over. Fuck me, fuck life and fuck this Earth, fuck all of it.
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>>202121
It's alright, we'll all die in no time and all will be rendered void. It will have never mattered and eternal peace will surround us for eternity. Nothing matters, sleep now.
It's alright, we'll all die in no time and all will be rendered void. It will have never mattered and eternal peace will surround us for eternity. Nothing matters, sleep now.
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Christ Almighty. Everything is going fine, have job, making 70k, saving and investing aggressively, no one really bothering me at work, family is being cordial with me and each other, learning to drive, health not great as I'm kind of exhausted, but other than that there is literally nothing more I can do to make things any better or easier right now.
And I still feel like garbage. I actually feel worse now than when I was unemployed. I keep calculating the minimum amount I can retire on if I stay in my parents' house.
And I still feel like garbage. I actually feel worse now than when I was unemployed. I keep calculating the minimum amount I can retire on if I stay in my parents' house.
>>202127
My emotions being untethered to my circumstances is the worst part of depression for me. Unable to feel happiness when I should be happy, and feeling just as awful as I always do when everything is collapsing around my ears.
My emotions being untethered to my circumstances is the worst part of depression for me. Unable to feel happiness when I should be happy, and feeling just as awful as I always do when everything is collapsing around my ears.
I’m so scared, my parents and doctors all think I have a severe mental illness, tomorrow I have to start taking antipsychotics again after avoiding them for a few years. Gosh it makes me feel bad and scared, it’s like I’m helpless now, maybe nothing is wrong with me, I just want to stop feeling so scared all the time but I feel like I just can’t stand on my own, I’m mid twenties but still a child in every aspect and sense of the word.
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>>202030
Very often those who abstain from any and all sexual contact are ostracized by those who have spent their entire life in the never ending pursuit of exactly the opposite.
It's basically like walking up to someone and declaring their life goals are meaningless. It's only natural for any one whos so simple minded to want to defend their lifestyle choices.
Very often those who abstain from any and all sexual contact are ostracized by those who have spent their entire life in the never ending pursuit of exactly the opposite.
It's basically like walking up to someone and declaring their life goals are meaningless. It's only natural for any one whos so simple minded to want to defend their lifestyle choices.
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Went out to buy cigarettes and I feel like dying. This country is an absolute shithole. Everything is so fucking ugly and third world. I HATE this country. I DESPISE its people and I LOATHE its weather (which is very hot most of the time). I feel like dying every time I'm forced to go outside. I mean, life sucks everywhere, but I can't barely breathe in this hellhole. I feel suffocated because of its ugliness. I love art and aesthetics. So going outside and seeing all that ugliness and filth makes me feel sick.
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This place is a goddamn fucking dystopia. I fucking hate this piece of shit country, it's all fucking doomed I tell you. Doomed. There's no hope at all, I want this place to fucking go down in flames and move out of this shithole. I can't fucking take this degeneracy anymore.
>>202149
Your ability to process and perceive any stimuli is tied directly to your brain activity. If it ceases, there's no more you perceiving anything. You perish.
Your ability to process and perceive any stimuli is tied directly to your brain activity. If it ceases, there's no more you perceiving anything. You perish.
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>>202171
Brazil is ugly and inhabited by ape people, but the warmth seems rather pleasant. Being hot is preferable to being cold, but maybe that's just my opinion because half of the year here is dark and painfully cold. It's depressing to walk somewhere and the landscape is always bleak, grey, dark and freezing for months and months. Every single year. But again during summer the normgroids are outside listening to their music, birds being loud and annoying, people hustling around, builders working, mosquitoes biting. I guess there's no real escape. No comfy relatively pleasant room-temperature spring utopia with peace, tranquility, nice comfy aesthetics and a lack of insects and pollen. It's hellish either way.
Brazil is ugly and inhabited by ape people, but the warmth seems rather pleasant. Being hot is preferable to being cold, but maybe that's just my opinion because half of the year here is dark and painfully cold. It's depressing to walk somewhere and the landscape is always bleak, grey, dark and freezing for months and months. Every single year. But again during summer the normgroids are outside listening to their music, birds being loud and annoying, people hustling around, builders working, mosquitoes biting. I guess there's no real escape. No comfy relatively pleasant room-temperature spring utopia with peace, tranquility, nice comfy aesthetics and a lack of insects and pollen. It's hellish either way.
>>202173
>but the warmth seems rather pleasant
It isn't. Unless you're at the beach doing something social but I live far away from the ocean.
>Being hot is preferable to being cold, but maybe that's just my opinion because half of the year here is dark and painfully cold. It's depressing to walk somewhere and the landscape is always bleak, grey, dark and freezing for months and months
But at least you can fucking concentrate to read a book and I assume you have no trouble sleeping.
>No comfy relatively pleasant room-temperature spring utopia with peace, tranquility, nice comfy aesthetics and a lack of insects and pollen. It's hellish either way.
Isn't France comfy? I want to move to France. I'm studying French. Even Paris doesn't look that bad, but anywhere in France seems like a good option. I just want to live a life of solitude. I won't bother anyone.
>>202174
No need to pollute this thread with that garbage.
>but the warmth seems rather pleasant
It isn't. Unless you're at the beach doing something social but I live far away from the ocean.
>Being hot is preferable to being cold, but maybe that's just my opinion because half of the year here is dark and painfully cold. It's depressing to walk somewhere and the landscape is always bleak, grey, dark and freezing for months and months
But at least you can fucking concentrate to read a book and I assume you have no trouble sleeping.
>No comfy relatively pleasant room-temperature spring utopia with peace, tranquility, nice comfy aesthetics and a lack of insects and pollen. It's hellish either way.
Isn't France comfy? I want to move to France. I'm studying French. Even Paris doesn't look that bad, but anywhere in France seems like a good option. I just want to live a life of solitude. I won't bother anyone.
>>202174
No need to pollute this thread with that garbage.
>>202176
European countryside overall is pretty comfy. Cities, not so much tough. I enjoy spending the holidays at my grandmother's house in the middle of nowehere. She bakes me tasty sweets, I get to eat fresh veggies and fruits and as a kid I used to explore the nearby hill. It's beautiful and sparsely populated making it rather comfy in either season. Cities however are normie havens without a second of peace. The only problem is you cannot really live in the countryside without having to commute for work into a city, because there are no employment opportunities.
European countryside overall is pretty comfy. Cities, not so much tough. I enjoy spending the holidays at my grandmother's house in the middle of nowehere. She bakes me tasty sweets, I get to eat fresh veggies and fruits and as a kid I used to explore the nearby hill. It's beautiful and sparsely populated making it rather comfy in either season. Cities however are normie havens without a second of peace. The only problem is you cannot really live in the countryside without having to commute for work into a city, because there are no employment opportunities.
I just can't get over how weird people can be. And not like people with mental illness but (apparently) normal functioning people with jobs and families. It's even worse on the internet where I don't see the face that makes the comment so I can't tell if it's a troll or not.
>>202182
Dunno. "Normal functioning people" seldom manifest any weird behaviour. Pretty much all people whom I've met in real life or on the Internet who acted "weird" had at least one mental health problem under their belt, either diagnosed or undiagnosed.
Dunno. "Normal functioning people" seldom manifest any weird behaviour. Pretty much all people whom I've met in real life or on the Internet who acted "weird" had at least one mental health problem under their belt, either diagnosed or undiagnosed.
Why can I find compassion and acceptance for other people, some of whom I've never met or seen in person, but can't spare some love and understanding for myself, instead chastising myself for every mistake I make?
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Does anyone else's head and brain hurt when they try to change their mental state or try to change their mood? I feel like my mind is breaking in two and my eyes go strange, like a migraine. I feel pain and weird feelings all over like when you life something too heavy and you focus so much your eyes and head start to feel. Trying to move my mind to something else feels like the world ripping apart. I squint, eyes lose focus, my head hurts, my body feels weight.
>>202197
Now I think again maybe it is just a very strong cognitive dissonance reaction. With no continuance between the two mood states you are forcing one out, they cannot co-exist and it creates cognitive dissonance which you must push through. Cognitive dissonance can create pain reactions in the brain and maybe I should visualize the pain instead of having it as a vague thing.
Now I think again maybe it is just a very strong cognitive dissonance reaction. With no continuance between the two mood states you are forcing one out, they cannot co-exist and it creates cognitive dissonance which you must push through. Cognitive dissonance can create pain reactions in the brain and maybe I should visualize the pain instead of having it as a vague thing.
>>202197
I can relate somewhat. When doing things that I normally don't do, forcing myself to think hard or to change my perception of something makes the insides of my head tingle, it almost feels like it's the brain itself. The funny thing is, the brain has no pain or sensation receptors, so it must be blood vessels acting up for some reason. But then again I have shit cardiovascular health thanks to shit genes, so maybe I'll die from a stroke someday when this happens.
I can relate somewhat. When doing things that I normally don't do, forcing myself to think hard or to change my perception of something makes the insides of my head tingle, it almost feels like it's the brain itself. The funny thing is, the brain has no pain or sensation receptors, so it must be blood vessels acting up for some reason. But then again I have shit cardiovascular health thanks to shit genes, so maybe I'll die from a stroke someday when this happens.
>>202197
I definetly feel that but I can't tell if that's normal or not. After all change is unpleasant by default which is why so many normal people like doing familiar stuff. Like a lot of normals complain about how instead of watching something new they will rewatch their favorite tv show on netflix. I can't tell at which point the intensity of discomfort is considered to be a sign of depression/adhd/anxiety…
I definetly feel that but I can't tell if that's normal or not. After all change is unpleasant by default which is why so many normal people like doing familiar stuff. Like a lot of normals complain about how instead of watching something new they will rewatch their favorite tv show on netflix. I can't tell at which point the intensity of discomfort is considered to be a sign of depression/adhd/anxiety…
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