/dep/ - Depression

I feel extremely weary of life too my main reason is partly fear of the pain of suicide and partly a desire to amass more knowledge and experience more art: literature and music the main things that I feel have real worth

>>289084
What's the point in killing yourself? You'll die eventually anyway.

I don't have one really. I shoulda roped years ago.

if you can live in relatively comfortable conditions, life still has cool stuff to offer, even if you are alone, alienated and self-hating.

>>289084
>what's your reason?
I fear to be force-fed if I stop eating so I'm waiting for my parents to die

because you have the luxury to ask why you should continue. That already means you don't have to die. If you can choose to continue or end it.
You think i want to fucking stay alive? I'm rotting alive from countless diseases and my life completely collapsed a long time ago. A choice to die became a necessity a long time ago. My mind is gone.

Life is like a subscription service that auto renews each month and is a pain in the ass to cancel.

How many people truly love life and don't just keep going because of the inertia?

>>289084
>I wouldnt say im actively suicidal
It's very hard to do it, especially if motivated by a solely logical reason.
>why should i continue on?
There is no reason.
If the Futurama booths were a thing, and we wouldn't feel bad for our parents, a lot of us wouldn't be here.
I'm, personally, just waiting to die, passing time as I can in the meanwhile.
t. 35 hikki NEETbux schizo

I missed my chance at the peak of my youth and courage. it might automatically be interpreted as I am coping now but it is not the case. I was very willing to end my life and if I had access to a gun I would've undoubtedly done it. now I don't feel courage to do most things. the older you get the more pathetic and unable you become.

>>289125
If you ever actually get to commiting it, dont be like all those retards. Do some good for this world and take some lying rich piece of shit with you.

>>289126
Nice try, FBI

>>289127
He's got a point, but you could find reason to endure this neverending nightmare called life. Drugs, sex, gluttony, fighting, music and the list goes on. Try to do whatever you enjoy until you die, because there's no amount of money that will let off the hook when it comes to death. Everyone, rich people, losers, kissless virgins, athletes whatever, will die eventually. Even if you turn your life around, get money and met the love of your life, you are still gonna die anon. Sooner or later it WILL happen, so might as well do what you really want in the meantime.

>>289150
because reality is that lots of people even if they do kill themselves they will debate it for decades. if you are going to live in that body you need to live like you're going to keep going even if you arent. because the suffering that awaits you is extreme if you don't.

restraint, living more wizard lifestyle, looking after the body. then if you do decide one day, it will have been a much more pleasant living all those other years. its hard when trying to relate this to apprentices you dont realise how your body will age and fall apart and your life so much more suffering.

if only your 21yr self could speak to 41yr self. keep going because the way it then makes you live leads to far less pain overall, and suic isnt easy even if you have lots of reason.

>>289160
I do agree, but easier said than done, doing exercise and not drinking is hard when you have no reason to live

>>289176
Not drinking is fairly easy.
Excercise during depression and no motivation is excruciating.

>>289176
we have a different perspective and frame. i don't drink, and that has nothing to do with having a reason to live, it has to do with pain-aversion. i dont want to be another 10yr older and my body in even worse condition and in pain and suffering every day because like an idiot i bought into some meme about being a lonely virgin self-destructing with alcohol. am quite certain there are malevolent people that push this narrative in order to induce others to suicide this way. its not wizardly, at all.

when vlad the impaler was sticking dirty old bloody spikes up people and leaving them there to suffer for days as they die from infection and internal wounds, those people want to die as fast as possible, because they are suffering. there is a kind of pain and existence that makes any human beg for death, you dont want to try and approach that by destroying your body.

not drinking for me is incredibly easy, because i know the consequences. lots of apprentices dont understand aging and consequences yet, they dont know disease and injury and extreme physical pain that you cannot fix and must live in a damaged shell.

ive learned from older people, it saddens me that there are people here that will read this and not learn until they are living it then they will feel dumb and be in a lot of pain at the same time. then they won't feel smart at all.

>>289184
yes very difficult, thats why my approach has been to work hard on avoiding bad lifestyle habits, foods, everything from something as seemingly innocuous as exposure to chemicals, to not consuming wheat, vegetable oils, sugar etc.

i force myself to do this because i have lived the pain, so its very very easy for me to only eat basic foods that other people cannot consume. a meal for me, is a few cans of sardines and some broccoli. food is only fuel not for enjoyment i don't care. i only care to not be in more extreme pain and suffering while aging.

as a final thought, the idea of not being able to look after myself but becoming mentally incompetent from disease progression or aging is extremely worrying for me. like many wziards i wont have someone to look after me when im older, i dont have people now that is why i ended up homeless. i could end up a crazy old man on the streets, or in some nursing home being abused by succubi and unable to protect myself on a mental of physical level.

i will do everything i can to avoid that, to the extent that doing things doesnt require effort, which is why i cannot always do positive habits, but i can easily not do the bad destructive ones.

>>289205
You are explaining obvious things that we all know. Problem is, you also have to live the present, you have to go through the day.

Alcohol is one of the things that sometimes allows that.
In those moments, all what you said in your post just has no effect: you have to use your drug of choice to push through, to reduce the present suffering, regardless of the damage that it's going to do to the future.

If you can do without drugs, good for you, you're lucky in that regard.

Not everyone can endure life and the terrible passing of days, especially as a 30+ outcast.

>>289211
This. Discipline is only easy in theory. In practice, when you know things are probably going to be worse in five years, it's hard not to succumb to junk food binges or alcohol.

That is the ultimate reason why obesity is the most common in poor areas, not because they are food deserts void of vegetables.

People need instant, cheap copes to keep pushing onwards in a hellscape reality. You can diet down and suffer, or you can spend $10 on a delicious pizza and flush it down with sugary cola. Not a hard choice when every day is stress and anguish.

>>289213
>>289211
>You are explaining obvious things that we all know. Problem is, you also have to live the present, you have to go through the day.
no what im explaining is escaping you. i will try again. people that comprehend and grasp what i'm saying, dont have the same difficulty not binging and not drinking, because it is a lived experience and very powerful.

the binging to cope is very much a larp, in that those people are very ignorant of reality, and deluding themselves.

>In those moments, all what you said in your post just has no effect: you have to use your drug of choice to push through, to reduce the present suffering, regardless of the damage that it's going to do to the future.

absolutely not. you dont know terrible until you understand this lesson. im sure you suffer and in your mind you think your circumstances are very bad. they can and will get worse, your younger and inexperienced self hasn't learned this. learning is an ingrained experience that takes hold, its not the same as understanding an abstraction and making sense of it.

in short, you don't know what i know. you will only get older and learn yourself if you do these things, then wish you could go back in time. you will definitely look back and see how easy your life was before you made all these additional problems.

comparatively. the human mind doesnt work the way you understand. you dont realise that your suffering can be so much worse and situation so much worse.

it isnt discipline. its knowledge.

if i tell you right now, and you know it to be 100% true and accurate, that if you don't get up and clean your room in the next hr, that you will be put into a torture dungeon and kept alive with various cocktails of drugs, for years, while people take you apart and then let you mend then keep doing it.

you will do it. that isn't discipline that is pain aversion. the difference is you're inexperience and ignorant and dont know any better. i do i came here to warn you, some experiences need to be lived evidently by some. i hope that at least one wiz listens and believes me.

>>289220
>your younger and inexperienced self hasn't learned this.
Yeah, I'm 35 years old and I suffered a lot in my life, I despise pain, but sure, I'm young and I don't understand your posts and your point. Sure.

>you dont realise that your suffering can be so much worse and situation so much worse.
As a pessimist nihilist antinatalist depressed mentally ill dude sure, I don't realize this. Sure. I believe my future will be better. kek.

Don't know what to tell you man.
I see that you mean well, though, and I appreciate that.

But what is going to happen is that my future is probably going to be suffering and while it's true that I could prevent part (and, mind you, ONLY PART) of that suffering, I'm most likely not going to do it because I'm suffering RIGHT NOW, and when you suffer RIGHT NOW, you don't have the motivation to improve the future, you actually look forward to die younger, which guess what, an unhealthy lifestyle helps with that, so since suicide is impossible because it is so hard for most people to commit, some just LDAR and wait for their natural death.

>its knowledge.
Knowledge is why I'm suffering in the first place, I'm not a normalfag because I know too much and I can't stand life.

>if you don't get up and clean your room in the next hr
What's that, Jordan Peterson? The worst living guru of these times, still believing in humanity and bluepill in 2024, and recently even in religion? Anyway, you are overestimating how bad things are here, I drink alcohol sometimes, but my room is perfectly clean and organized.

>the difference is you're inexperience and ignorant and dont know any better. i do i came here to warn you
Get down from your embarrassing bluepill pedestal, light the tone.

>>289233
intellectual understanding of a subject isnt the same as learned comprehension. yes you know how it works, but your brain hasn't learned it yet. this is the level that motivation comes from, learn about your brain and how you have these huge massive trunks going into your more primitive brains for motivation and limbic, and how that branches up into all the little branches in higher brain. you know how the soldiers do the training under high stress, when the pfc is shutdown, to actually learn into their brain what they need to learn to not die in combat. same with the fire exit and people always burning up in night club fires or hotel fires, they panic and they understand but haven't learned and cant execute because it isnt -in- the brain so to speak. if you have a powerful experience it will be in the brain, and i can't get it into your brain it seems without that.

35 is not old it's still very young, not even half way through an entire life, and less than two decades of an adult life lived as compared to six for a senior. that is young.

you didn't address the torture chamber one because it makes the point too well and couldn't be rebutted. never liked peterstein, from the first time i listened to him. still genuinely dont believe that you know what you think you know, which is why the emphasis. i would deter and not have anyone live through certain experiences if they can be avoided.

>>289263
>you didn't address the torture chamber one
I did, saying that the clean-your-room advice is a Jordan Peterson meme, regardless if you like it or not.
In any case, the discussion is probably uselss to have with me in particular, because, again, you're likely overestimating how bad my situation is.

I have a not THAT higher chance of ending up in the "torture chamber" than any other normalfag, really; actually, if you consider that most normalfags smoke cigarettes and I don't, for example, I'm already in a better position than them.

>>289263
35 is relatively young if you use 80 as a general dying point, but quality of life matters too.
Life quality starts rapidly decaying after 50 even if you take better care of your body than Tom Cruise. You start decaying.

As goes the sengoku period poem quoted by Oda Nobunaga the year after becoming Shogun:
“To think that a man has but fifty years to live under Heaven… Surely this world is nothing but a vain dream. Living but one life, is there anything that will not decay?”

You have from roughly ages 15 to 50 to accomplish or do things. Life rapidly gets shittier from that point onwards. No matter how much money, how many titles, offices or properties you get after that.

What good is a life where you constantly forget words, have incontinence, your joints hurt when you get up from bed, you can no longer sprint and run, and explore?
It's a travesty, it's a joke. There is no point living after that.
You still have 15 prime years left at 35. That's plenty, but it does start feeling like there is a timer ticking against you.

>>289305
>You still have 15 prime years left at 35. That's plenty, but it does start feeling like there is a timer ticking against you.

Idk how I can get anything done now at 30+ where I feel this timer. When I was (failing) college I would always procrastinate till the last moment but then when the last moment came I felt too much anxiety to do anything and just ended up failing the class.

I feel the same way now. I have 24/7 anxiety so I can't enjoy escapist activities anymore like in my 20s but I also can't focus on productive things because I feel like shit and my head hurts from all the negative thoughts, regrets and fear of the future.

>>289318
not even joking. life being over and it being too late is not an abstraction for some. some people have it really really really bad, profoundly bad, beyond this point you dont ask a question like this. for some its like being on a roller coaster ride and you've been on it for 3min and you know it's a 3min ride.

>>289097
this one too especially i was going to say something similar. people here dont know how bad it gets. some people have it so bad that they have a hard time even relating to wizards, despite being wizards themselves.

>whats your reason?
Mainly a fear of death and I'm also sort curious to see what'll happen to the world in the next 70 years or so. I'm a low IQ retard with no future prospects so I don't know if those incentives will last, but I guess all I can do is just wait and see.

>>289321
Sort of*

>>289084
Committing suicide is fairly difficult. I don't think this life has anything for me, I could be wrong, so just going to ride it out until I die.

>>289084
Why not? I understand that if your life is horrible then you will want to take a shortcut to the afterlife, but if your life is just boring or joyless, then that is fixable. Myself, I've no real reason to live, I'm just coasting and taking it as easy as I can until my mother dies, then I will likely just check out myself.

FOMO.

>>289086
To not have to suffer for another 40-50 years. That's a start.