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/dep/ - Depression

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File: 1708013021256.jpg (147.37 KB, 505x1280, 101:256, photo_2024-02-13_12-41-54.jpg) ImgOps iqdb


I have no idea who i am and where i belong to. I don't want to be noticed, seen nor do i want to be remembered, i don't want anyone to know i exist, I dont even want to exist. Really wish i could get into a freak accident then get so brain damaged that Iforget everything about my self and past. I'm detached from everyone, the world around me and the body i inhabit. I feel nothing for other people and hold no connection towards them.
I dont have a place I feel connected to. I dont have a home. I dont have parents, I dont have a family, I dont have friends, i dont have a self, i dont have anything. I've been living in a perpetual day dream/delusion for decades and thats the only reason ive put up with existing for so long. everyday of my pathetic life is spent trying to not end it. why am I the way I am?



i havent been tested but i dont think im schizoid because i do crave certain things like a deep connection with someone but i dont like the burden and stress that comes with it. i would much rather have a connection with an imaginary best friend than a real life one.
everytime i tried to form a friendship with someone i felt so uncomfortable and just ghosted them and wanted them to forget that i even existed. i have an overwhelming fear that they will tell other people personal stuff i tell them too.
i really dont like revealing my self to people or talking about my self and apparently this makes them suspicious of me. i also feel like some freak and that everyone finds me repulsive i wouldnt even relate to other social outcasts.


yeah, you're a textbook schizoid.


I don’t like that so I will choose not to believe it


that's alright. nothing more than a label that groups a bunch of similar people together. psychiatry doesn't know what to do with us, there's no cure or treatment, they can't even agree if it's a disorder or just a personality type.

only way i've found to cope with it is through fantasy. a tulpa is a good investment, but also somewhat of a double-edged sword since you will become more aware of what you're missing in the real world and feel some emotions for the first time, particularly secure attachment and love.


I've never been to a psychologist before because my egg and sperm donors refused it. the vast majority of the psychologists where I live are also underqualified anyway so its not worth it. Have you been to any of them? and what was it like(in terms what do you tell them and what do they tell you)? I'm also honestly afraid of going to one. ive been living online since childhood so my verbal expression is very limited and i would probably go mute when trying to speak to a psychologist. (as my parents are also antisocial people so i didnt socialize much either in childhood. its not like i was once normal and well socialized then everything changed but my life was this way since i was really young but it def got worse over the years due to some events.)


i really dont wanna face reality and be reminded of what im missing out on


never been to a mental health professional of any kind. generally you have two types, psychiatrists which are real doctors and can prescribe various pharmacological drugs, and there's therapists which can vary in their credentials, training and which methodology they follow. based on my own research of the literature and other people's experiences, i'd say there's basically no benefit to visiting one. they all tend to be equally useless (see "Dodo bird verdict") and having a diagnosis on your medical record can often be used against you in many cases. at best, if you can find a good therapist that is highly skilled and knows his stuff and you "vibe" well together, they can be a good partner for exploring your own psyche and giving you feedback. most people go and vent out their problems once a week, or get prescribed mind-altering drugs that turn them into sexually impotent zombies.


I agree, why would I need to go to a mental health professional just to get a useless diagnosis that will never bring any value in my life or fix my problems whatsoever? The part where you get to vent to someone and them not getting as annoyed as a person irl seems nice but why would I need to pay someone for that when I can vent to strangers online for free? yeah just coz the therapist/psychologists had an alternative way of calling me a loser so he diagnosed me with a cluster A peronality disorder


File: 1708078571045.png (614.06 KB, 1404x1125, 156:125, psychotherapy.png) ImgOps iqdb

yeah, even the little insight they can provide, you can just get by reading books on the theory and apply it to yourself. spoiler: none of it actually works as reported, the case studies are cherry picked and its really easy to rationalize whatever result you get or don't get.


>yeah, you're a textbook schizoid.
I can confirm.

You're not missing anything. You wouldn't actually ENJOY the things, because your brain and perception of reality are fucked up.


I do enjoy talking to certain people sometimes, like people who are actually interesting to talk to but the discomfort that comes with it makes it too overwhelming for me to form any kind of connection with them so most of the time it ends up with me ghosting them or them blocking me for being too 'suspicious or secretive'.

i also do enjoy going outside but only in places that dont have people or cameras in them like the woods.
i actually hate being indoors all the time. i want to travel one day when im financially stable enough.


bullshit meme disorder


>bullshit meme disorder
All disorders are a meme, in the sense that they are not more helpful than being a categorization. That said, SzPD is a valid categorization, it's just very rare.


How don't you just ghost them for their big noses? Sorry, I don't get what's so wrong about you.

Schizoid is exactly about craving not such things. Not even a bit.

>i really dont like revealing my self to people or talking about my self and apparently this makes them suspicious of me. i also feel like some freak and that everyone finds me repulsive i wouldnt even relate to other social outcasts.

And why would you even want to anyway?

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