/dep/ - Depression

Turned 30 during christian holy week in a moderately conservative christian place. Lost my job after almost two years of stability, lost my rented apartment, temporarily lost my head and sobriety. Family took me back almost no questions asked as if nothing had happened last time I left. Most of my adult holy weeks have been like this. Days of heavy emotional turmoil, days of heavy substance abuse too. I never once "celebrated" holy week, I wasn't raised catholic but protestant, the type that believes in scripture alone.

Returning to this forum after not posting for many months, almost a whole year feels strange. Things have probably not changed much. It's a Succubus that got me fired in the "corporate" world. She wanted me to bow down to her because she was in a position of power. Told her to eat shit, I wasn't playing her game. When I understood she was going to get me fired I accepted it and tried taking her with me, left a huge mess in my wake and left with a decent severance payment. Been spending it on cheap liquor and cheap pills.

I used to really love this site. It was probably years of delusions and mental illness struggles, but I fancied you as my "friends" and I genuinely cared about every single one of you, I read most of your posts and took my time to reply to them. By leaving this site I hadn't realized I stopped loving the last group that made me love. The last year of isolation has really warped my mind, I stopped feeling love. Lived without my family pets and without you. I no longer feel love, I no longer cry. Just a corpse waiting for death.