/dep/ - Depression

>>293659
Relatable. Although it seems to me that you need to find what it is that you lost that made you go in this decline, or at least some form of replacement.

>i feel that i am not very strong and that bad emotions will end up attacking
And they will, indeed, that's a fair observation. What's missing though is that strength is not inherent or gained out of a motivational burst. Bad emotions will be there, but they're also ironically what you need to use to push on. You only gain strength by getting exposed to things that make you uncomfortable, in pain, and makes you want to give up, but that you choose to go on, that's what gives you strength, physically and mentally. There's no real way of getting strong by staying a shut-in, you have to get out of your comfort zone if strength is something you wish. You need to accept that everything is shit and hard, but you also need to crave that it stays that way, to find the gratification of doing hard things and that things do not go as planned, and from that point if you appreciate it being hard, then it becomes easy. No one will save you. Either it ends with you, or it goes on with you alone. Now don't get me mistaken, I only am answering as to what is strength, nothing more. As for is it worth it, that's something for another discussion entirely.

>>293663
Because there's not really any other way to convey it.

>>293662
Sometimes there are periods where I simply shut down for a couple of weeks, without anything or anyone caring. Time passes, and everything continues as if nothing had happened. But suddenly I have moments of lucidity where I want to improve, But I question whether the cure or the disease is better. Withdrawal is terrible, and once it passes I don't know what to do.
I had already done it, a month without a screen, a month without masturbation, the two crosses that I have been carrying for a long time, I did many things that I had never done. But I don't know what happened, I got sick for 4 weeks, and I fell again, and now I don't know how to get up again. The idea of cutting off the internet, anf masturbation has been around for a while, but I don't think I can bear it.
This is not life, one way or another I will have to fix it, so I wholeheartedly thank you for your great message.

>>293662
Life is not only about and exclusively about pain, otherwise the individual will withdraw after reaching his limit of pain endurance.
Life is also about pleasure. Not pleasure in a hedonistic degenerate sense, but pleasure in a constructive way that helps you move forward. Like having pleasure studying, which will enable one to be more knowledgeable about a topic and also indirectly is constructive towards earning a degree.

If life is only about pain, dropping out is a matter of time. It needs to be balanced with moments of pleasure.
Like a pressure gauge, it needs to be balanced. Too low of a pressure and the machine won't start, too high and it will malfunction.

>>293762
The thing is, I don't want to study for the sake of autistically repeating tasks in that specific field for the 40 years.

That's why I'm unfit for society. The only way someone like me can enjoy studying is by inheriting enough wealth to do it out of passion, not because I want to earn a living in the corporate world.
I'm mentally incapable of sticking to one single thing for the rest of my life. The concept itself makes me shudder and feel depressed.

That's why I've had to do all sorts of menial jobs and illegal stuff to earn money despite having a high degree.
I would also die before teaching other students for money. It's just not something I want to do.

There could be a time when I can no longer neetbuck around, and that is when 100 times out of 100 I choose suicide over wageslaving. I'd rather take my chances in the next world than be a worker drone here.

>>293765
My goal was to solve my economic life. Being able to generate income without working or working very little. The problem is when I realized that once I achieved it, everything would remain the same, without change of any kind, and where happiness really was was in going out, learning new things, seeing new places, using money as an end.