/dep/ - Depression

Did you know that 44% of australian adults are illiterate? If you think the normalcattle are dumb in your country try living in this wasteland shithole.
>-I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
You wouldnt be able to deal with the consequences. What you wanted more than anything was social validation.
>-I wish I hadn't worked so much.
But you needed that $50,000 car, yes?
>-I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
what
>-I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Its not normal to be friends with people that you dont see every day. Better off forgetting them.
>-I wish that I had let myself be happier.
You had no control over that. The current century demands you to only be happy when consuming latest slop. Sorry.

The top 5 regrets of late-30s me according to the top of my head:
–I wish I had been far more reactively violent and far more extreme in said violence in more situations against many, many more people, starting much earlier in life.
–I wish I had trusted other people less, not just in some personal way but in terms of trusting them to do their jobs and fulfill their legal obligations.
–I wish I had spent more time gaining technical skills and less time attempting to form personal connections. Yes, I went to college to network. Yes, that was wrong.
–I wish I had started gaining practical and mechanical hobbies such as sewing or vehicle repair or cooking before I moved out of the house instead of trying to develop those abilities while also trying to first secure a job and then work that job while also worrying about how to get any next jobs.
–I wish I had spent less time and less effort maintaining ties with family.

Harder than it sounds in practice. Even if they get a second chance at life with the memory intact they'd have a hard time actually living better. When you're not sitting fantasizing about how you should have been and is actually out there doing things for real, your weaknesses and failings take over.

wizards lamenting about how they want things to be different.
elders lamenting about how they wish things had been different.

there is no difference between the two, neither are living in the moment, kicking back and seeing what comes.

>>300447
>I went to college to network
Why would you ever do that? This is the first time I've heard this and I've rarely heard anything more questionable. Are you maybe from a rich family?

>>300447
>I wish I had spent more time gaining technical skills and less time attempting to form personal connections. Yes, I went to college to network. Yes, that was wrong.
Why? I did the opposite at college and all the technical skills never did anything for me. On the contrary, everyone i heard of that did well succeeded because of networking. Perhaps your approach was correct but you were still unlucky or incompetent. Networking has a lower success rate if you are not neurotypical, confident, attractive etc

>>300450
you must be from a different culture or something, in all western countries it's the norm that the main point of college/university is networking

>>300452
No I'm not, I'm just alienated from social life and people on general. I went to uni without ever realising networking is a thing. Feels good.

>>300447
Extremely great points.
I too wish I responded with disproportionate violence in my childhood and teenage years.
There were no consequences anyways and the abuse stopped after the first instance of "chimping out", which I did far faaar too late.

To add to the tangible skills I'd say taking care of my health and not letting it decline to an insane degree is all I would change if I had a time machine.
Socializing is bullshit and doesn't work for the likes of me anyways. People lied to me saying that hard skills weren't as important as "knowing the right people".
Knowing the right people only matters if you are born a normie. Hard skills are the way of the autists.

I remember posting this image like 10 years ago and still nothing changed. I knew I would regret not doing anything: you may not predict if you will like a certain choice after you made it but not doing _anything_ while my body ages and opportunities decrease will obviously lead to regret. But I feel like I couldn't do anything. Everything feels so difficult. Just basic existance with the constant background anxiety and having to battle my depressing thoughts feels like work. Right now I know that without a doubt I need to eat healthy and exercise. But man it feels impossible to keep that up consistently. But I know once I get back pain I will regret it. I wish I read more books and learned how to draw but trying to focus with my mind being pulled in 100 directions feels impossible.

For me the idea we have control over our fate feels like a way to make the rejects of life feel even worse: we are not magic beings. Genes and our environment determine what we are. Life is so complex while time is linear that it's crazy to expect of the individual to have a "perfect run". Only in retrospect because of survivorship bias we see the few people out of millions who did everything right and feel like morons for failing. We look at the animal world where animals win or lose because of how well their genes fit the environment. You don't blame the animals from running away from a lion instead of fighting back. But we feel like because we are all humans we are on even ground.

Call me defeatist but I feel like I didn't do anything for a good reason. Early in life I saw everyone being superior to me and I had no talent that I could be proud of that gave me confidence and direction. Being socially awkward and unattractive made me isolate myself and avoid situations with people which is like 99.9% of life. I knew I was slow in the head so I knew that if I put myself out there I would only get screamed at as I failed in positions of responsibility. Sometimes I do get a burst of motivation and feel like becoming a protagonist who proves that he can succeed despite his bad genes but then I remember how little you can improve things like IQ. I wish I could experience what life feels like as a successful person. Life can be really fun but not if you can't do anything and are stuck being called a loser and hating yourself.

>>300457
>But we feel like because we are all humans we are on even ground.

Thing is, we aren't. Imagine being a 1300s peasant with a dirty raggedy donkey, who sees a nobleman ride past him in gilded armor on a Destrier steed that took hundreds of years of selective breeding to exist (and could only be afforded by a few hundred people in society), thinking if I just work hard enough, I'll have that one day.

No, you'll never be at that point. You weren't born into the right circumstances and your human body and human mind alone with no resources to back it up have zero chance of altering physical reality to the point you rise up from a dirty peasant to someone whose armor took 130 labourers years of their life to create and rides on a horse specifically bred for nobles for centuries.

A lot of people refuse to accept the fact they are fucked since the day they were born. Depending on how high you set your goals, a lot of things in life are 100% off limits to you purely based on your birth genetics, wealth, luck, location and circumstance.

>>300459
I implore you never to use manga as the bedrock for any of your inspirations, much less philosophical worldviews, for as I have discovered, the relation of optimism in a manga, perhaps all Japanese media, are inversely proportional to the realities responsible for begetting them, such that the happier, mellow, and more relaxing the content in a work, the more certain the debasing circumstances for which their spearhead or spearheads find themselves in, hence why these works assume their shape to begin with: search for repose.
That's to say, fiction is fiction, and Usogui, being so, espouses only a hope, a hope in thinking you have any will, a fiction, a lie.
The author of NHK, even all the way in 2025, is still hiding in a corner of his room, and last I read on a Japanese newspage, was hospitalized for drug overdosing. The man who wanted to escape being a shut in admitted, wrote a work to that end, reduced to being cursed forevermore into its prison.
Similarly, there's another work about a salaryman wanting to live a happy life ( there's sadly a lot of this ) I'm reading, and the author apparently wrote it because he wanted something to cool him down from his, per the words on the blog, 'immensely unfortunate and stressful life'.


No, there's a certainty of the world and all its inhabitants existing in a deterministic state, because the world has been ordained to always operate in pairs. In two's. Cause leads to effect, and the immaterial affects the material, thus the environment affects you, as you in turn are shaped to affect it in accordance to the policies it instilled in you. Human beings are tenaciously malleable. Nowhere was it ever stated man has sovereignty over his will, even in the word of God, but that he could 'choose' his decision in confrontation against God's decree- do or not-
that, therefore, he could operate against or for sin, and nothing else beside. That is its limit. So, his 'agency', while here existent, is an agency enactive uniquely within the codex of a decision making process relative to God's doctrine. Regrettably, all throughout history, a conflation was made directing the scope of this 'independence' into one available and accessible in every part of life and everyday affair. This, a clear error, a product of saints wanting to spread some happiness no doubt. But, reality habitual isn't constantly intertwined with sin, in fact is rather divorced from God. As such, the unlabeled gap and energy as an output of this 'everyday life', must be deterministic, merely shaped by nature, for the possibility of its realization is dependent on the possession of tools in your arsenal, or that you're endowed with, to bring it forth.
Eastern societies, the very Japanese drawing that manga you're probably fond of, divorced from Christian ethos, were afforded liberty against the deception suggesting any notion of human independence in anything. They've got wonderful proverbs in this regard, my favorite being 'the child of a frog is forever a frog', or to extrapolate, nobility is nobility, while refuse is refuse.

Schopenhauer -a great German existentialist- as you point out, was aware of this too -unsurprisingly also terribly fond of Eastern mentality- which is what the world and will as representation is entirely about: existence unfolding in trajectory laid out by the preamble called will.

Any gamble you didn't take isn't a lost one, nor would it have been a victorious one, nor anything beside, beyond that it was a gamble, nothing more and nothing less. Just a gamble, the consequential product of which is one you interpret however you so please.
Similarly, everything being a gamble does not mean everything is a gamble bestowing accession into its output. It just means several options exist. Pathways that you can see, but will never tread.

Having a lot of money, and being incredibly smart, will certainly make life less maddening, as I'm sure any working user here knows.
Your fantasies are interesting anyway, though I understand they're a temporary delusion forged from the malleable psyche of a human as he experiences something he enjoys, and goes on to make several immixes. Manga is great for that. Games too I guess.
All the more evidence for determinism - you love it, by associative thinking you believe its message, and later extrapolate its identity onto matters elsewhere.

What I'll think tomorrow has already being laid out.
How I'll react to what has already being laid out.
My thoughts, my principles, my right and wrong, has already been laid out.

How you'll respond is already laid out.
How you'll think to this is already laid out.
To what extent - that, too, is already laid out.

>>300468
Thankfully, I've no favorite philosophers. I've got a few favorite mangaka however, all which I see infinitely more talented than this guy. Sure. They'd probably lose in a boxing match, but as they're all sword schizophrenics, I don't see them entering any fight without one.

>>300471
I'm glad they didn't waste time on muscle building, choosing to draw more manga instead, for it conferred them the common sense called discernment, letting them plainly see probabilities are largely abstractions captured in conjectural template, and gave me something more to read. That as they were drawing and thinking, a realization was confirmed: while we can learn something new, we don't in turn exercise its content, unless otherwise foredestined. The enormity of the information, in this regard, does little to change that, as evident by the internet being a thing.
No doubt about it, we exist in a fixed state large enough to encompass every determined directive, small to big, we'll ever take throughout life, and the information we learn, sure to be limited, is, too, set in stone. Just another piece. What we know, we're allowed to know, and have come to know, but what we don't know, we don't know, might know, and for certain things, won't ever know.
All the more as every our action is taken hotly pursuant throughout that skill tree holding something about 'beneficiary' this or that to its name, never anything less.
For the next bit, well, the will to power is an expression of the will as-is, a mobility of its own expression, and not yours, and so Nietzsche knew all men except the overman who surpasses mortality and finally breaks free of this yoke (a fantasy which won't ever happen) is little more than pig with lust. He was old Schopenhauer's self proclaimed successor, after all. What else could you expect from him?

That we aren't allowed transparent insight into this reality where each outcome being already evident and made prior thus, doesn't make the concretion of its being, this situation, ontologically, any less what it is.
Get out of the gym, and read a book, Toshio Sako. Tell your followers to do the same, instead of advising them to stick around hollering and cheering about yourself and some strange man punching one another.

>>300468
Are you not supposed to knock people out in a local amateur bout or something? Nahh, I'd beat him.

>>300474
>that face
uh oh

Feeling that you waste your life and not being able to do anything about it, is soul crushing.

>>300478
I would argue the opposite - being successful feeds the ego, but kills the soul. Detachment from earthly sensations, and all that's temporal, brings your attention to the essence of consciousness.

>>300446
>You wouldnt be able to deal with the consequences. What you wanted more than anything was social validation.
I think it's more that they regret choosing comfort over dealing with consequences.
>-I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
>what
I think it's tied to the other one before. there were times during my childhood and teenage years where I felt like lashing out at people for yelling at me, but I held my tongue out of fear for future trouble/retaliation.
But in my mid 20s, I had enough of my boss at work, when he yelled at me, I yelled back louder at him. I was fired but I did not regret it. and I keep this behavior. I think old people who say this are those who always let their fear control their behavior. when they felt like talking back they didn't to appease others. yes talking back isn't consequence free, got fired for it and almost got into a fight with a relative. but I wouldn't go back to being a doormat.
>-I wish that I had let myself be happier.
>You had no control over that. The current century demands you to only be happy when consuming latest slop. Sorry.
They probably wanted to do something else in life, but never tried it or gave up too quickly for whatever reason.
imagine someone wanting to draw comics but held back their entire life because they didn't think they had any talents, too much work to learn to draw or worse scared people would call their creation cringe.

>>300478
soul cannot be crushed
>>300479
soul cannot be killed, but strong ego might as well be considered death of the soul, although ego too is temporary

soul only ever observes

ego tries to do more than that
this is the definition of suffering
doesn't matter if you're neet wiz or billionaire world traveler

Okay, straight to the point, how can i induce a parasuicide? i am thinking though medicine overdose, but i dont know the right pills

>>300495
Suicide attempts are too risky. Could just end up brain damaged but alive and paralysed so can't try again

>>300452

Both technical and social skills are a waste of time. You both should have focussed on mental health. I tried do all three and failed.

Because of the trauma I experienced growing up, including emotional and verbal abuse, I still struggle with feeling safe in environments including workplaces or relationships where criticism, pressure, or conflict are present. Even in supportive settings, my nervous system can become overwhelmed, making it very hard for me to function consistently. Right now, I am focusing on healing and stabilizing my mental and emotional health, and because of that, I’m not in a place where I can sustain regular work responsibilities

Is there anyone who relates to my specific frustration over life?

Our prime years when we have the most energy and learn the fastest we are thrown into the chaotic world and have no clue what to do. You lack the self-awareness and wisdom to make informed decisions. You get influenced by your environment. Even when you turn into an adult and get some self-awareness it's really difficult to change the thought patterns you got in your youth. As you gain experience your body breaks down slowly and you have less ability to really make use of it. Certain paths in life are simply closed off because you're too old. You can't compete with people who got 20+ years of experience on you because they happened to figure out what to do very early.

I just don't see how I could have turned out any other way. My parents and relatives had no cool jobs to motivate me. I had no talent for anything. I was unattractive so being around people felt unpleasant. The internet and video games provided me with endless novelty without having to leave my room and talk to anyone face to face. Sure I should have known this won't last and make efforts to improve but without the perspective of old age I have now it seems impossible I would have found the determination back then.

So to me looking at life as an individual just leads to frustration. I guess consciousness is beneficial overall since it helped humanity thrive but I kinda hate it. You get an unlucky start and then you have to live with this misery with full awareness without getting another chance. "It's never too late" is bullshit.

>>300655
Sure, I relate with everything you said, except maybe the last paragraph. Sound like you got the FOMO and are grieving about things you could have had, dreams you never realized. My way of coping with that is to embrace being a "loser" who's never going to amount to anything. I try not to think about what could have been, where I could be had I done things differently. Right here, right now is where I am and I live in the moment, day by day. Why work hard for dozens years, if I can do the bare minimum, rest and have fun now? Whether I like it or now, that seems to be my life agenda, and I've accepted not being able to do anything about it. Go with the flow, try to have fun with what you have instead of telling yourself "once I achieve this or that, then I will be happy."

I'm sure some discipline sweatlord will say otherwise, that you should man up, stop having fun, and start living the boring "adult" life. Well buddy, that may work for you, your brain may reward you for living this way with a sense of pride or whatever, but other people's brain chemistry might make them predisposed for a different way of life.

>>300466
No, the author of NHK is doing well apparently, walking around Tokyo visiting cafes while writing new stuff on his social media.

>>300466
>Similarly, there's another work about a salaryman wanting to live a happy life ( there's sadly a lot of this ) I'm reading, and the author apparently wrote it because he wanted something to cool him down from his, per the words on the blog, 'immensely unfortunate and stressful life'.
Can you share what this is? I wanna read it as well.

>>300655
oh


Mark Twain said something likecthat - never argue with fools because you will be on the same level as the fool - and that's where fool's experience of being a fool for years will be your vulnerability

>>300442
I can't relate to any of these.

Can't live a life "True to myself" and it has nothing to do with courage.
Didn't work at all
No one gave a fuck about feelings so why bother expressing them?
No friends
>Let myself be happy
What the fuck does this mean?

Oh well