/dep/ - Depression

>'m not sure if it is an autistic trait or a consequence of my reclusive life
You pieced together a concise and thoughful paragraph so you're not autistic. You just need totalk more to learn how to talk better. Speaking is like playing an instrument in that you're not going to get better by listening to others play. You need to play yourself. Nobody is born with the ability to speak and if you spend any time among unfamiliar company you'll find that just about everybody has their own quirks and setbacks when it comes to communication. Stop stressing over things like this. it would also help to stop caring about how others may negatively perceive you after hearing you speak, because you really have no reason to give a shit about what randofags think. Just talk.

>and has also totally ruined my dreams of starting a music project one day
There are thousands of musical outlets that don't require singing. Regardless, a significant amount of people who sing well just happen to sound absolutely downy when speaking conversationally.

>>301831
>Any other wizards here that have trouble with speaking "normally" or pronouncing certain letters?

Yes. It's hard to describe. It's not a verbal lisp, but kind of like a mental block. I'll be speaking normally and then my brain just hits the breaks and I can't talk. I can force individual words out but not long sentences.

>>301832
>it would also help to stop caring about how others may negatively perceive you after hearing you speak, because you really have no reason to give a shit about what randofags think.
I always thought this reasoning was lacking since the basis of human society is built upon reputation and status (aka what people think of you). But even if you wanted to cope it would seem nigh impossible to really detach from everything. As much as being a hikkineet numbs your feelings you can only really reach a certain level of apathy using some more radical approaches like Taoism

>There are thousands of musical outlets that don't require singing
This is true however I once watched one of those youtube videos that give you some basic exercises to check whether or not you're tone deaf and I failed them so my plan became to do some basic three chord garage punk since that basically requires no skill but necessitates vocals

>>301834
>I always thought this reasoning was lacking since the basis of human society is built upon reputation and status
It's not. Mentally ill freaks are obsessed with status and have systematically purported that it is normal do so. Not caring what face passers-by think of you isn't a "cope".

>I once watched one of those youtube videos
Anyone can make a YouTube video about anything. Just because someone filmed themselves saying something doesn't automatically make what they're saying true. Why are you so quick to trust whatever cretin shows up on the top of the results for a YouTube search? Does he really have anyone's best interests in mind or is he just running his mouth of because he gets payed ad revenue to do so? "Tone deafness" itself isn't a genetic condition or something that must be carried around for life. You can learn the subtleties of different notes just as you can learn the subtleties of a different font on your computer screen, or season for your chicken tendies. Again going back to other musicians, and streamers, and voice-over artists: They need to wear headphones with realtime monnitoring from their own microphone so they can hear themselves. By human design our own voices are muffled from us so that we can still hear things while speaking. The industry standard is to correct this with basic headphones.

>basic three chord garage punk
Gross. Punk music is full of transvestites and other queers.

>>301831
I had that when I was a kid, I got dumped into a foreign country where I didnt knew the language and had to pick it up quick. so of course I pronounced words wrong, couldnt really string a sentence together and was made fun of by local normalfags.
then eventually I learned the language and became very good at reading and speaking and writing.
but that didnt change anything at all, normalfags just found other things about me that they could make fun of and I dont really have much to say anyway so I ended up as an outsider that nobody talks to.

after almost 2 decades in isolation I can barely put a sentence together without stuttering or tripping over my words.

I didn't research it yet but recently the idea crossed my mind to learn talking via AI tools. Like, you can talk to GPT and it tracks your words forms a coherent answer and then you can make a follow up in the conversation. But I guess things like intonation, spontaneous communicative reactions, the missing social and cultural situational context, missing emotional tensions and so on would make it a flawed learning option.

>>301835
>You can learn the subtleties of different notes just as you can learn the subtleties of a different font on your computer screen, or season for your chicken tendies
This is true, and I've been trying to train my ear but I still feel like an idiot every time I'm listening to a guitar solo and trying to envision the score just to look it up later and find out that it was nothing like how I imagined it. I've also been scared of using headphones because I had a miserable ear infection when I was young that brought me immeasurable pain and I've read that using headphones can be harmful in that manner. I've come to the point where I bring my ear next to my computer's speakers when I try to actively listen to a record.

>Gross. Punk music is full of transvestites and other queers.
There is no inherent character to any music genre. You can say that breakcore is for trannies or that black metal is for nazis but in the end it's all just organized sound. I agree it's not the most eloquent genre but if I had the talent to become the next Frank Zappa then I probably wouldn't be on wizchan don't you think?

>>301837
>after almost 2 decades in isolation I can barely put a sentence together without stuttering or tripping over my words
I strongly believe that this has affected me as well. My pronunciation abilities weren't always as bad as they are now, I can't remember anyone pointing it out in elementary school or earlier but after that point is when I started becoming more and more isolated. Now at an older age I have to think of exactly what I'm going to say and how to say it or else I will fuck it up by stuttering.

>>301831
pretty much i have things like that, many years of isolation and parental/family neglected caused it

>>301831
i also ended up forgetting a lot of my native language due to spending most of my life on English speaking Internet, this led to a lot of awkward situations with people in real world.

>>301842
Do you also have your internal monologue in English?

I find the sound of my own voice too loud. It's conditioned me to find speaking difficult by aversive feedback.

You should go check your LDLs and UDLs:

- LDL (Loudness Discomfort Level): This measures the sound intensity at which a person starts to feel discomfort. People with hyperacusis have abnormally low LDLs.


- UDL (Uncomfortable Loudness Level): Often used interchangeably with LDL, it assesses the same threshold of sound discomfort.

>>301850
>I find the sound of my own voice too loud. It's conditioned me to find speaking difficult by aversive feedback.

That sounds genuinely terrible anon I'm sorry you have to go through that. But I'm not sure how measuring those values would help with my issue, since I primarily struggle with monitoring the volume of voice even though I don't seem to notice it although I wouldn't say that it makes me uncomfortable. If anything it just creates uncomfortable situations by association when I have to interact with normalfags.

I don't thing I have trouble pronouncing as much as I have trouble keeping my brain in sync with my speech. It's getting so bad I feel out of practice at talking or holding a coherent conversation that I don't feel like a native english speaker any more. Usually it is just best to pause and collect your thoughts, and speak slowly parsing out your words. But I am sure we are all familiar with people who don't have the patience or tolerance to listen to us like that.
>>301831
>totally ruined my dreams of starting a music project one day
I see people using AI to do this so I wouldn't give up. Try some private karaoke with yourself using songs you like. I found it much more enjoyable than the manual labor that requires my hands.

I talk really quietly, but what I'm saying is usually fine. A lot of the time i'll get cut off mid sentence by normies so that they can say some retarded shit.

>>301831
> I've had times when I think I'm talking normally but people tell me to stop yelling, or other times when I think I'm talking in above average volume and people tell me I'm being silent

>yelling
<I undertand, hyperacousia can be hard to endure

>silent
<please take care of your ear hygiene

>>302506
bump

really: assume your voice is normal yet its either a sensitive guy saying "you're too loud" omiting "for my fragile ears" part…


…or a bloke with dirty ears being semi-deaf

Yeah I got a bad retard lisp, combined with an aspie monotone. i got problems with the S, and especially sticking the tongue for the th sounds.

I got sent to speech class since 1st grade, one of the few places where i got professional intervention for being fucked up. but years of it didn't make a difference.

later on when i tried to be a class clown lolcow, kids thought that i was faking a cartoonish voice, and some claimed to have heard my "real voice". As long as I'm stuck with a retard lisp might as well let them think its intentional comedy. I try to talk like a dumb guy like Patrick Star of Spongebob.

>>303188
I got constantly mocked for my lisp or speech impediment as a kid, it leveled off by high school and was never mentioned by college.

But its not like the problem was ever fixed. Adult still hear the same retard I was in 1st grade. So they make the same internal judgement on me. Just without the mean honesty of kids.

All the shit that attracted mockery and bullying of kids was never fixed, and while adults don't openly acknowledge it, they judge it internally. sometimes they think its an accent or something.

>>301831
The isolation, stress, and nerves you carry around with you can betray you, OP.

When I was younger a few years ago, I remember I used to have nervous tics that came and went: Once, while waiting for the bus after classes at my college, I stood next to a classmate. I had been a NEET for over a year before getting into uni and my social skills were shit even before that. I had nothing to talk about and used to made inappropriate comments trying to be funny. That time, while trying to talk to him (he started the conversation), I had an involuntary movement in my lower jaw. It started to shake, and I couldn't control it. He asked me what it was, and I obviously said it was nothing, but I knew very well that it was something mental.

>>303188
>I got sent to speech class since 1st grade, one of the few places where i got professional intervention for being fucked up. but years of it didn't make a difference

you probably have a funny jaw hence lispy speech

honestly

try speaking with Russian accent
you'll end up speaking non-lispy random accent

>>303194
also, coffee and other stimulates


got some nerve-tics over shitty idea to buy 10 cans of enery drinks to avoid coffee.

Ticking eyelid took a month to heal up

>>301831
I don't say many things wrong but the few things I do, it suddenly derails the conversation and everyone acts like it's the funniest thing in the world. Fucking hate normies, they're like a bunch of sharks that bully people at the first sign of weakness.

>>303742
That's your talent. Your weapon to be used without mercy.

Learn to enjoy it before it is too late. They deserve no mercy

I suspect that people around me are put off by my monotonous voice. Maybe they can't really tell how I'm feeling/come off as sarcastic? Or maybe it just sounds bad or annoying to others?

>>301831
My situation is worse. I just straight up forget what I’m saying even when I have it in my head my mind completely blanks out when talking.

I do think I've lost the ability to speak due to extended isolation. Sometimes in simple interactions like at the market, workers ask where I'm from, I probably sound like a foreigner trying to speak my own language.

I have a very specific memory of getting a new game around 2007, playing it on my big TV screen and having so much fun that I was just saying random things and shouting whenever something crazy happened on screen. My brother was then asked to walk into my room and tell me to STFU, and so I did. Even though I listened, I was made fun of at dinner that night for being annoying, and so I gradually became more and more quiet until I would spend entire days in my bedroom not making a peep. Now I only speak when I'm spoken to, and if I ever speak out of turn it always, without fail, feels like everyone around me is cringing internally. I can also count on one hand the amount of times I've screamed before, most of them occurring when I was really young. It turns out that being a problem child who "fixes" themselves doesn't mean anything, because you just turn into a nullified loser who is terminally afraid of any form of self-expression. I can have hour-long conversations with people on a whim but it doesn't matter because practically no one is ever interested in what I have to say or engages with it.

>>301831
i always had trouble with pronunciation when i was younger and thought i was just retarded. i couldn't even pronounce my own name correctly, i didn't realise how to correctly pronounce it till i was like 22, there is an A that i thought was pronounced as in "air" when in reality my parents pronounced it as the the A in "hat." the confusion was because it's a common name and the standard way of pronouncing it is whit the A in "hat" so thats how most people called me.

there were a lot of other examples of certain words i had trouble saying, another big one is the O in words like "hole" and "pole," i literally cannot pronounce it like a normal american. now why is this? well i didn't talk to my father for a period of many years after my parents' divorce, then one day i talked to him on the phone and realised he had an accent. like the time away from him and the vocal isolation of the phone caused me to finally realise this. at that time i thought it was a boston accent that had kind of become more subtle because he grew up in that area, and maybe that was part of it, but then years after that realisation, i dug through my ancestry and found out that our family immigrated to america from yorkshire england and a few generations ago, that my grandfather was the first of our line born in america. so my father woudl have grown up around a grandfather who was born in yorkshire, and his father would have still had that accent and so he too had the accent, though i still think it has been watered down.

so yeah basically i grew up getting mixed signals from my dad's accent and from my mom's and school teachers', to the point where i didn't even know how to pronounce my own name. since i've learned this, i now say certain words with a british accent, such as potato/tomato, banana, many others. it's just how some words come out naturally now, the problem is that i also am conscious that if i spoke like how my brain wants to speak, people would think i'm some kind of larper autist, so i have now added another layer of complexity between the words in my head and the words i have to say out loud, i essentially have to put on an american accent artificially, which i guess i've kinda been doing forever but now it's harder.

moreover, it's not farfetched to think that many other americans have a similar experience and that the "neutral" american accent is just a disharmonious agglomeration that scores of various english accents are trying to conform to. my case moving from england is definitely an outlier but there are for example millions of italian immigrants who have only been here for a few generations that probably have a similar problem. add this on top of retard-tier social skills, as well as the fact that normies are spiritual foreigners to "us" who have an experience of life that varies as much from ours as does a sentinel islander's, and communication becomes nearly impossible.

Yes, wiz. Can relate to this shit, I either mumble to the point when my speech becomes unintelligible and barely audible or speak loud as fuck. Also stuttering and poor wording that have actually become memes amongst my small circle of friends. Tfw.

>>301831
>Any other wizards here that have trouble with speaking "normally"
Very much so
School was the only thing keeping my speech coherent, half the things I say in my native language nowadays can be defined as "incoherent word vomit"

>>304139
Same. I have so many thoughts in my head, but when I’m supposed to join a conversation, my mind goes completely blank.

>>301831
>Talk problems
I dont know much about these talk things.
I read somewhere of selective mutism, social anxiety, avpd, avoidant behaviour and avoidant attachment can fuck you even at the most simple socialization things.
But accent problem sound strange to me.
>Also
Maybe you need some form of language and talking training or check your face-checkbones or so to know if there some problem.
I know a guy that after a face operation of the nose, some mouth muscles and teeth started to talk very well (as kid speaked very bad)
>Autistic trait
The Autistics guys I know doesn speak cringe, even one. They speak very well and fluid (and at times have more vocabulary than the common normie with pure 4chan-tik tok retardation meme language)
>Reclusive life style
>Anxiety in public
Check some help for social anxiety, selective mutism, etc. Maybe ask a IA sometimes they have good suggestion for these things.
Social exposure help sometimes but if you're too avoidant or have some social problems this not help much sometimes and induce more anxiety.
You can check this thread and link for some help tech for anxiety and social things >>303467
Sorry my shity engrish.

>>304175
You don't know any autistic guys then, you know people that call themselves autistic to gain some sort of social special scores.

>>301831
Yes.

I am convinced that I have some kind of partial paralysis of my mouth muscles, or a nervous system issue. (The latter being likely because I suspect my hand coordination is very sub-normal too).

S and Th are both hard, neither can form really well. I struggle with long vowel sounds too, particularly with difficult consonants like L or P. Sometimes too when I try to initiate speech, things just don't move, like I have to actually fire that "go" signal several times before it takes. These problems persist no matter how carefully and intentionally I approach the speech. It's a physical issue.

Everyone thinks I'm some kind of downy by default. Never had an inability to control my volume though, unless you count naturally having a very soft speaking tone due to a lifetime of people literally visibly recoiling in disgust when I speak.

>>304177
>You don't know any autistic guys then, you know people that call themselves autistic to gain some sort of social special scores.
I know one guy who said he had Asperger's, although they don't use that definition anymore. If he hadn't told me, I wouldn't have noticed, and I know another guy who has all the traits of having something unusual that maybe sound like autism to me.
It's more because of his behavior than anything else. He wouldn't fit in with normies if you compare him to the first one, although the first one doesn't fit in with normies either, except for pretending or hiding certain behaviors.
>Also
And yes, this was before all that bullshit about inclusion, diversity, and neurodiversity became fashionable, as if it were an umbrella term, and even for everything weird, due to embarrassment or lack of interest in having to know or be overly specific and explain every damn personal problem on the part of normies or educational authorities or other idiots just to reduce the term to neurodiversity or wathever.

>>304493
yeah the Th sound is hard, I remember getting sent to speech class from K-5, never fixed it. its crazy u got to stick your tongue between your teeth everytime.

well these days i dont even use th when typing, its always about dis and dat

some have compared my weird flat voice to Walken, so he's my role-model, he makes it cool