No.302233
All my life I believed that studying guaranteed a future, a job, comfort, and a certain circle of good people from a certain social class that was educated and maybe healthy and more good compared to the environment I was born into (I saw this with other people and i knew this vision was true)
I am in my first year of college studying to be a teacher, and the people I have met here are not exactly nice to me. I am not interested in being social, but I still feel like an outcast. I no longer have the motivation to study and the idea of getting a degree is… lost.
>but why anon?
I joined a group here out of a mixture of obligation and necessity, I've seen that the people in my group interact, talk, converse, and get together, and I can see perfectly how everything flows naturally for them, as if there were some kind of magnetic attraction between them. they even interact with each other to form romantic relationships, they share personal things and I feel that they empathize with each other.
>And anon? just ignore it a do your things
I feel so fucking out of place like a alien around humans. It's as if I were cursed and i know they know and are paranoid know it. The truth is that pretending to be sociable no longer works for me. It's as if they knew that I wasn't normal. I noticed them saying too much to me things like
>you're very serious and responsible (when I asked someone how they saw me)
>you're very quiet (when the others wouldn't stop talking, I just listened because I didn't have anything… to say)
>Why do you isolate yourself so much from others? (when I was honest and refused to have a picture of me taken, i dont like photos)
and I thought I could ignore it, but I can't And I swear that every damn time they ignore me or say something like this to me, it hurts.
I was doing well with my studies, but those last few weeks I had to interact more socially with my group, and I realized that I'm awful. I don't know if I don't have a personality, but that last thing they said about me isolating myself from other hurt me so much because I don't know how the hell to act. It's as if I had dehumanized myself, automatically becoming an outcast, a gypsy, or the Jew of the group. Maybe I messed up my teenage years and didn't have normie experiences like everyone else.
I screwed up my grades bacause of how bad I felt and now I have to study more than I would consider healthy, but the truth is I feel so disappointed just by myself that I want to quit my degree and study other thing or I don't fucking know what to do now.
and yes, Lately, I've started to wonder if I'm not surrounded by assholes or if I'm just paranoid and it's just low self-esteem and anxiety.
I don't know how the hell this social stupid thing affected me so much when I never cared about it before, but I think the fact that I feel dehumanized and out of place messed me up mentally. Everyone seems perfect and has a bright future, and I feel like shit.
>Also
I know I could isolate myself completely and just focus on my studies and do really well, but I know that in the long run I'm going to need to socialize. and when I start working, what the hell am I supposed to do? I seriously don't know if it's a social anxiety or if I have some kind of mental disorder or some magic cursed shit.
No.302234
>>302233>when I start working, what the hell am I supposed to do?There's the problem. Maybe the people in your major are particularly social (I'd imagine you need to be to become a teacher) but the truth is that in all likelihood, no matter where you go next it will be a similar experience. Learning to navigate and deal with normals is something that a lot of people here have/had to learn since it doesn't come naturally to them. That being said, maybe changing majors might be an idea, to something you could imagine being interested in but that requires less social contact. That way you could gradually build up your tolerance and skills instead of being thrown into the deep end right away.
From the way you describe what they are telling you, it seems that they tolerate you as the orbiter of the group, being willing to keep you around for now at least but not really knowing anything about you. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You're learning to live in a social landscape that wasn't made for people like you.
No.302235
Teachers, along with nurses, are notorious for being the most normie piece of shit professions. They even have a horrific reputation among normalfags as self entitled whiners.
Teachers are normalfags anon. I grew up close to one who would sadistically talk shit about her students she didn't like while I was around. Maybe like 10% of teachers are good, 20% are actively harmful, the rest just phone it in.
Get a teaching job and just keep to yourself. They can't really touch you once you have employment. You don't have to go to lunch with them or even talk to them.
No.302236
>>302233You sound like you haven’t really hit the alienation phase yet in its full intensity. But you are in risk of experiencing all the dissociation our brain has to offer. Better to act now and change your education and social surroundings than regret not doing anything later.
No.302237
>>302233Studying doesn't make you any better than manual labour workers, my suggestion is to drop college and only do what you actually like
No.302238
>>302233Youngwiz here. I'm going to begin university in a month or so, on an IT-related course. It seems that getting ANY job is impossible. Even the shitty bottom of the barrel jobs are all taken by third world immigrants. I know that the IT situation especially is fucked because of AI and "AI" (Actually Indians), so I don't expect to magically get a job even if I get the degree. I don't really know what I'm doing with my life.
I don't expect anything out of the social experience. In high school I was always alone and even when I tried to be more social I was rejected. I know that university won't be different, and if anything, it may be worse and have more obnoxious oversocialized wokie types. My best friend in uni will certainly be my handheld game console (lol).
No.302240
>>302238Oi, m8
From my thirties, I agree with your vibe.
When I was a youngwiz, I somehow never grasped the idea it _seems impossible_ but requires trying. In fact, I always had this "fallacy of honesty" - as if the job can either earned honestly or solely by being a cunning weasel with no real skill.
Of course I was in the "honest" team!
>Even the shitty bottom of the barrel jobs are all taken by third world immigrantsYou know, yeah!
Besides, the job I have now was advertised in a funny way. It is a decent-paying white-collar@computer job with various responsibilities, yet it was advertised as a "warehouse worker" job.
So I took it thinking it's a bottom-of-the-barrel job and somehow managed to keep it.
No.302241
>>302233OP, here's my experience.
I used to try more than one uni, alright.
I enrolled a program with a decent score, alright
THEY ALWAYS HAVE SOME ARCANE 8001SHI7 THAT WONT LAND YOU A JOB!!!
Say, DOS stuff, that won't run on my laptop. DOS - freaking - CONSOLE commands also, frick gui, we're old school here.
So, expect to fail you uni days not because you're not smart, but because you're /wiz/-class clumsy.
No.302242
>>302233>teacher<an alien among people
Wrong pick! Try a different job.
Say, a dentist. Or a civilian pilot (ironically, since flyboys are known to be massive storks; yet you'll be a flywiz without all that stress).
No.302244
>>302238bro in todays modern times unis often have video recordings so you often dont even have to go unless its an exercise. Forget about the social life or whatever and focus on studying. I wish I did.
No.302247
Why would you even go to college for such a crappy dead end job like teacher, this would be understandable if it was some actually difficult STEM major or some shit
No.302259
>>302247Teaching isn't really "dead end". They can become professors, deans, principals, faculty heads, superintendents, etc. Also considering how they get around 3 months paid vacation time and are highly respected members of the commmunity (whether you agree with it or not), it's a really good job
No.302352
>>302233> studying to be a teacherjesus fucking christ dude, are you insane