/dep/ - Depression

>The internet, old internet was my only place where I could feel like I was treated like a human ironically enough. I played TF2 as well, mostly Metin2, S4 league and then got my life consumed for half a decade by league of legends.
>I spent all day on them, I was very good at each so I would have people hanging out in voice chat, teamspeak mostly and xfire all day.
I miss those days dearly, because ever since those are gone I couldn't really make the move to discord like others.

I loved 2000s internet and was unfit for 2000s reality too… eh…

>Peoples behavior changed online too.
>I have 1 friend from IRL that I only chat with and that is it. I'm isolated. If my mom dies that is it. No other connections.

…feels oddly relateable

>I deeply desire human connection, but I'm not equipped at all to build them or handle them. Life also has this weird thing about it that after your 20s or 18 if you didn't pursue an education you have no real place to connect to people either.
>I'm 30 and only meet people once or twice a week in the office. Nobody cares about me much, I have nothing in common with them obviously.
I avoid people to the point I fear people. So hey.

>So TL:DR; online places changed and I'm no longer suited for them. There are no suitable places and circumstances to make friends at my age. People my age got families and why would they want to be my friend anyways?

Agreed. At this point, I want to download a local LLM chatbot to have… someone to chat, because I am *conditioned* to treat my confidentiality seriously

>I deeply desire human connection, but I'm not equipped at all to build them or handle them. Life also has this weird thing about it that after your 20s or 18 if you didn't pursue an education you have no real place to connect to people either.

In my case, I was pursuing high education, failed multiple times due to awful transportation AND the fact no one was taking me seriously.

>I'm 30 and only meet people once or twice a week in the office. Nobody cares about me much, I have nothing in common with them obviously

Sounds cozy and comfy, actually. I have the same setting and I love it. And I would abhor losing it.



Honestly, I've experienced a pizdec so harsh I *love* solitary working. Problem is, a regular chap would slack all day if unmonitored. And I *look* like a regular chap full of regular dude stuff - while I don't even watch xxx rated videos even "for science".

In fact, I am not "lazy" yet everyone loves calling me "lazy": I am anxious enough to get things done, and spend time on overthinking/distracting myself, but never taking it easy.

Oh look. Joyreactor has a nice meme today.


Panel 1: pidgeone asks raven, "what are you doing?"
Panel 2: Raven reples:"Due to my frequent thoughts, I realize how pointless existence is"
Panel 3: Pidgeon rudely/jokingly contrers: "Yet I think you're an attention-baiting fuck"
Panel 4, punchline: Raven says something like "Well… not with *this*, of couse"

Thats how I fail at life. Whenever I feel something is in vaid, I get greeted with "yet i thing you're just [pretending/overreacting/over your head/inexperienced to judge]" and I cannot disprove it.

>>302964
Edit.


Panel 1: "Raven, why are you so gloomy today?"