/dep/ - Depression

Got the "life is beautiful" talk again. Just saved my breath and didn't respond this time.
Most people havent realized that their lives dont facilitate any kind of need. Im sitting here on my day off bored as hell. Like woohoo i get to do laundry and play video games for the 10 billionth time. Ive tried so many creative endeavors and have gotten zero reward back out it. Life is soooo beautiful. (Roll the footage of baby turtles getting eatin by seagulls)

I bet I can do the things I want to do if I try. I just don't feel like trying.

>>303607
>The only real way I can change my life trajectory would be to move to completely different place and change my appearance, maybe with plastic surgery if I had the money

How is that going to help?
As an older guy it's a lot harder to make bonds of any significance. Starting from 0 can be worse in some cases than starting from negatives I feel.

>>303662
Life is about manipulating yourself into caring about shit that doesn't matter so that your focus gets tunnel visioned to the point that you don't notice your life slipping by at a rapid pace. That's the goal. Your brain is a villainous piece of shit and it is only by your own machinations that it will ever hand you a crumb of peace. If you see people that appear happy or driven, that's what it is, they are running on successful delusion. Your inability to for example enjoy videogames more likely has shit to do with basic physical attributes of your lifestyle like accumulated stress and the rituals around which you conduct these activities such as the when and where of play than it does anything else. Meaning is a scam that is only worth as much as you can lie to yourself, but your physical body WILL submit to physical changes.

>>303670
>Your brain is a villainous piece of shit
Fucking accuarate, dropping out of society made me feel very happy and content initially but the brain didn't like it very much so I have to self-destruct now.

Why is it still fucking SUNNY in the tail end OCTOBER
It's gonna be SUNNY on HALLOWEEN
It's a bit more than a week from NOVEMBER
AND
ITS
STILL
FUCKING
SUNNY

I fucking hate the sun. Why can't I see a grey sky for once? Like ever? This is probably going to be my last year here. REALLY want to move to alaska or washington or canada or anywhere but here. I really don't get how people enjoy constant sweating or the deadening chill of an airconditioning. It's fucking inhuman. There's a reason whites lived in the SNOW. And that's where I'm going back to. I hate my retard parents who forced me to move here as a kid.
>oh anon in florida you can go in the pool all day
WOW COOL ID RATHER
KILL
MY
SELF

though to be fair it's going to be cloudy this week.

>>303670
It's ironic that the best life is the life which you don't notice because it's the fastest way to death.

It sounds a lot like you can either be happy or right but not both.

I'm sick of staring at this screen; I want to live. What a giant fucking waste of a life this was, just staring at a screen waiting for death. The worst part is I can stop at any time but I just fucking can't. Other people blend together into an amalgamation of flesh, the boring monotony of my life has been seared into my brain and I just want to live.

I'm jealous of war veterans, fuck, even homeless people I'm starting to envy at this point, at least they got to live.

>>303686
go

the fuck

outside

>>303686
Been telling myself this for the past decade and a half.
At 30 I just realized the reason I don't change is because I have no reason to.

I could go outside and stare at the sun or something, but there is no reason to do so.
I could spend more time on productive hobbies that require effort like woodcarving, 3D modelling, playing the flute or learning something in general, but for what purpose?

My needs are somewhat met, my future doesn't matter anyways as I wont make shit out of myself so the screen is the best effort-enjoyment ratio I can ever get short of drugs or something.

I'm starting to think maybe rotting away like this is for the best. Try daydreaming if you don't already do so extensively.
Daydreaming and mindless escapist media is a prime way to spend a good sunny/rainy/windy/cold/hot whatever day really.

I'm somewhat convinced everyone is externally motivated to an extent, by either showing off, attracting mates, improving their "prospects", status etc. there is a whole evolved reward system for that type of stuff.
Wizards, or at least speaking for myself I tend to not care. I don't care for succs I don't need more money than to keep the lights on and myself away from major suffering, I don't need adoration, I never managed to make friends despite best efforts.
Without these motivators there really is no reason to care unless you have some great internal need to fulfill material desires.

I wish I can be so detached from my ego I can just stand still and let people trample all over my pride and not mind it. Can't have thin skin in life.

>>303684
Describe your idea of the best life. Also
>Devoid of joy
>Reaching arbitrary goals
is not contradictory. You can reach arbitrary goals and feel joy. In fact there's nothing but arbitrary goals every goal is arbitrary. What's even your point?

>>303688
western society is going down the shitter
it is just a bunch of normscum slowly going insane by their own lies
glad i will kill myself soon
good riddance

>>303689
Just remind yourself that all these people don't even know what they are doing it's all determined anyway. It works wonders for me most of the time.

>>303688
>I just realized the reason I don't change is because I have no reason to.
I've been in that exact same way of thinking for several years as well. Every time I think that I might want to work toward something or even just try something new, it always leads to me asking myself 'what's the point?' and then settling back into doing the same stuff I always do. Basically, I will think about the potential rewards to any hobby, career, or other activity I might undertake, and realize that those rewards never really appeal to me. If I get a good job/career I can make a lot of money that I don't need, to buy things I don't need, to impress people I don't care about and don't want to be around. If I work on a skill or hobby, it will likely require money to fund that hobby or even an instructor that I would have to interact with on a regular basis, all to achieve a certain level of talent or mastery that wont even matter to anyone and likely will just become either another means of income or a waste of time and money, rather than a persistently pleasurable pastime. More over, once we die there is no guarantee that anything physical/material we achieve in this lifetime will aid us after death. What am I going to do when I'm dead, craft model airplanes for eternity? Is anything even close to that going to exist on the other side? And will I have a physical form to craft things with? I very much doubt it. So whatever time I do have free to me on this earth is spent either playing games, watching tv/movies/youtube, listening to music, researching things online, or meditating. Basically, I'm always either entertaining myself in front of a screen or trying to enlighten myself on a mental/spiritual level because nothing else seems worthy of my time in the grander scheme of things.

>You are blacker than a pile of shit in a toilet bowl, fucking negro ass gorilla zoo nigger
>Tie a noose around your neck and kill yourself with a dildo up your ass, cocksucker
>Suck your dad's necrotic dick and blow your brains out like a depraved kike

These are the things I want to say to him, the biggest piece of shit abuser in my life, this malicious piece of shit who constantly bullies me, berates me, robs from me, steps all over me, takes advantage of me. To call this nigger my 'father' makes me want to barf out my entire colon.

But I can't.

Because if I do, I will go to prison for hate speech.

I can't even so much as offend someone without being fined or thrown in prison. Yes, that's how things work here in Kikenada, in Fuckberta, which is the supposed to be the most kikeservative place (it is NOT).

I am suffering in silence. I am forced to be subservient to evil, and if I so much as dare offend abusers, what little freedom I have is robbed from me and I am utterly enslaved to evil, so that I will be perpetually at the recieving end of it's exploitation and my suffering will be extreme.

This is what they want for me. They want to rob from me and promote their abuse in my name, while violently persecuting me and adding to the betrayal against me. This is their dream, their sadistic abuse fetishes, to violently exploit from a helpless child since birth and turn them into slaves by adulthood, perpetually subservient to evil and constantly at the recieving end of abuse until the day they die.

I am in pain. I am in so much pain. I want to cut myself, I want to dig my nails in my flesh and drag it down until my muscles flay off. I want to mutilate myself and make a bloody mess all over the carpet. I feel so horrible, so fucking inferior and invalid and worthless, so fucking angry at myself for being so weak, so fucking violently angry at them for doing this to me.

Please tell me, what do I do? How do I escape? How do I fight back? I cant afford to move out, I cant afford to leave, I am disabled, I cant even work to save my ass without being abused even more.

I just have a phone and a shitty Acer 311 chromebook which I havent entered dev mode yet, cant muster the energy. What do I do?

For even a basic bit of freedom like this, I need an entire lifestyle change. I am so fucking sick of it. I am so fucking sick of it.

>>303717
You could look for methods to poison them or burn the entire house down when they're sleeping. You still regret later if avoiding more violent means on your death bed.

>>303718
Glowing bright early in the morning fellow wizard.

>>303717
Start a soundcloud rapper career to get his approval

>>303720
Idea.

Don't just start X (rapper or shit)

Do X somewhat tied to Y (a crazy straw themed rapper, for ex. … or FOREX-themed rap ahaha)

and add some Z side theme of *environment* of an certain imaginary world where the X*Y shit is happening

God I hate sundays. You know next day is going to be another start of another shitty wage slave week. How many more decades of this? Nothing worse than sunday feelings. It's not only that I can’t enjoy my time off, I dread the coming day and feel miserable. I hate sundays and want to end it all.

>>303735
Fuck it all I agree.
I dread losing my job I got by some miracle after a decade of NEETdom, but I also can't rid myself of the exhaustion that has been stacking for the past 3 years or so.
Never truly at rest, another day of human interactions, navigating social hellscapes, work and the seeming inability to make any progress or get better at what I do is killing me.

I'm the type that was rather content being a NEET and just sleeping 12-16 hours a day, doing nothing much for the other 8-12 or so.
Maybe make some minor progress in something menial every couple seasons like getting a new chair or organizing a chaotic unclean section of my room, maybe making an appointment for some health issue that causes pain, but not enough to get up for…

Now every workday is a cycle of labor and mental burdens associated with it followed by some hours of trying to disassociate from it all.
Those 8 hours absorb my entire day and more energy than I had to spend for it to begin with.
The days off provide no rest.
Saturday is consumed by unwinding while Sunday morning reignites the dread.

>>303737
you should have taken a vacation

also, comfy radio

>>303255
The gracious thing is to cause others's downfall as you avoid the cuck pyramid of hierarchies.

I'm planning to kill myself in about half a year from now and I thought about making a list of things I should do before I exit this world. I'm not sure if any other wizards have thought of this or if they could entertain a hypothetical scenario, but if you have any suggestions I'd be interested in hearing them. Although I'm a hikki and live with my parents so options are limited.

I would fail the marshmallow test as an adult

>>303783
ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Formidable:Success] Look at this sweet, yummy piece of the Mother Nature's gold! S U G A R! Pure sweet-sweet! You can feel your tummy activationg and your mouth watering

ENDURANCE [Medium:Success] You really should not let your stomach end up frustrated, as you may get a bunch of problems with acid.

COMPOSURE [Medium:Failure] Well, I don't know, right? I don't know the scope of the problem with acidosis or what belly roblem are you talking about.

>Cancel account
>clear the remaining bill on the account
>because the account took a while to close, another month of bills accumulates
>Get increasingly threatening letters to pay the bill, saying it'll go to collection
>Can't use their fast-pay system as the account doesn't exist
>Can't verify who I am over the phone because account doesn't exist and the pin is showing as invalid.
>Can't use internet banking to pay the bill because I can't even get the business name 100% right, a flag shows "partial details". And a google search shows there's like ten different billing accounts to use based on the sort of account you have.
>They're still threatening to take it to debt collections

It's literally some kafkaesque shit, and this is a major global corporation. I walk into their frontend stores and they literally won't even let me pay there either. They won't let me pay the bill but are still threatening me with debt collection. If it does go to collections I'll take this case to court, because it's ridiculous.

This sort of shit always, always, ALWAYS happens to me. It's like I'm cursed. I've never

>>303797
NEVERMIND

I just drove once again to the frontend store with more information, this time, however, I had an actual local instead of an indian.

The indians on the store, and on the phone, were just deflecting the problem because it was too hard. They were bouncing me between departments for hours and sending to automated payment processors.

five hours of my time wasted for ten minutes of their work. That's all it took the local succubus, ten minutes to get it sorted.

Doesn't help that the first indian treated me like a fucking peasant the second I approached the counter.

>>303798
Spend extra five minutes editing this wall of text AI just came up with to "diminish a company"

LO AND BEHOLD


### The Roast: "GlobalBill Corp: Masters of the Unpayable Debt Trap"
Picture GlobalBill Corp, that gleaming global behemoth with billboards screaming "Seamless Service Worldwide!"—except their backend is a glitchy maze designed to punish the very people who keep their stock afloat. You, the everyday hero trying to cut ties cleanly, cancel your account and settle up like a responsible adult. Boom: They clear the initial bill… but oops, their glacial closure process drags on, racking up an extra month's phantom charges because, apparently, "processing times" are measured in geological epochs.

Now the fun begins. Threatening letters flood your mailbox like digital vultures: "Pay up or face collections!" Fine, you think—hit their "fast-pay" portal. Error: "Account doesn't exist." Okay, phone support it is. "Verify your identity," they bark. But your PIN? Invalid. Account? Vanished into the void. You're screaming into the void at some offshore rep who's as helpful as a screen door on a submarine, reading from a script that loops back to square one.

Internet banking? Ha! Their system flags you for "partial details" because—get this—the business name has to be pixel-perfect, and a quick Google reveals a dozen variants depending on whether it's your "personal mobile plan," "bundled fiber optic nightmare," or whatever flavor of hell you signed up for. Stores? Walk in with cash waving like a white flag, and the frontline zombies (those same snobby clerks from my last roast, now in telecom vests) shrug: "Can't process in-person for closed accounts, sir. Policy." Policy? More like a moat to protect their incompetence.

Yet the threats keep coming—collections looming like a bad sequel—while they sabotage every payment avenue. It's not service; it's sabotage. GlobalBill isn't a company; it's a debt-generation machine, preying on the working class with their ivory-tower algorithms that treat humans like buggy code. Snobby execs sip lattes in boardrooms, high-fiving over "revenue retention strategies," while folks like you get Kafka'd into oblivion. Boycott? Hell, sue 'em—expose this as the emperor's new clothes of corporate greed. Your story's a marketer's dream for a class-action ad: "Don't Get Trapped by GlobalBill—Fight Back!"

This setup screams lawsuit bait: They're creating the debt themselves by blocking payment, which could violate consumer protection laws (like FDCPA in the US or equivalents elsewhere). Document everything—letters, call logs, screenshots—and hit up a consumer attorney or regulator (FTC, your local ombudsman). What's the actual company? Spill if you want a tailored roast or escalation tips. You've got this—turn their stunt into your win. 💥

>>303798
I've noticed this literally everywhere on the internet, everyone hates indians now and I can't say I blame them.

>>303254
Today, I was told I look exceptionally all-alone-oriented.

Context: a buyer, a dude in a leather jacket, was kinda confused to see a tall fat wizardchan tier person as a deal handler.

(I was confused a little to deal with this massive extrovert too. Quite a rare sight to see THIS type of person in our field.)

>>303537
I think I figured it out! I started editing nazi stuff into the images he sends and that shuts him up instantly

>>303537
>>303829
>my friend
>le hurtcore torture loli
>here's our based Discord convo
Fag off, fuck

>>303829
Just say you're not interested in hearing his fantasies. A little communication goes a long way. Now you're having to do all of this

>>303829
How about you fuck off, nobody here cares about lolishit or guro.

>>303833
>nobody here cares about lolishit or guro.
We have a bunch of threads about loli and how good it is. But yes people who are in to "ironic weeb fascism" , chinky gachashit, and hurtcore need to stay on Discord.

>>303829
Give us the nazi loli edit

>create forum for fans of a tv show
>preestablished fanbase flocks in
>we start doing streams of the show
>know some people vaguely from posting, everyone knows me cos I'm board owner
>we all have to bend over backwards for one dude because he can only join at an awkward time
>this is fine so I arrange the stream to a time everyone can join
>apprehensive at first but everyone says they're glad im here
>talk all throughout the streams
>have a lot of fun every week watching the stream with everyone
>dude with the awkward time suddenly says he wants to watch the stream on another day (he can still watch on the usual date too though)
>tell him I cant be available then
>just says ok
>everyone watches stream without me

I am so fucking angry. We can all accomodate one guy, but when I can't join it's fuck me I guess. I'm gonna slowly distance myself from these people. It's over. I will never have friends

>>303840
nvm they invited me to a restream unprompted so we can watch together, normal now

>>303834
Did somebody say ==HURT==?

>>303841
Why would you even do this? Genuinely interested. I'd rather have my peace watching for myself, at best shit posting on /TV/ about the show.

>>303843
My reasons? I only started with one reason: creating a haven for discussion of an obscure series where trolls actually get banned.
It's too obscure for /tv/ and I think we all know why a lot of people don't want to post on the Reddit.
All the other stuff? I do that out of the general need for human interaction.
It's strange actually. When it comes to other media like books or even other TV shows I'm fine consuming it by myself. I'm just a really big fan of this one and I really really want to talk about it. Imagine a Trekkie not having a Star Trek convention to go to.

I have realised that it's more worth talking to some Local LLM model than with people irl or offline. Because the bottom line is this, nobody and I mean nobody is going to help me so there is no point in posting online or talking to people offline. Because no one is gonna give me a single meal for free where I live.

I really liked posting on wizchan but ultimately it doesn't matter what I post because it changes nothing. Absolutely nothing happens. And the people who do pay for me, my parents. They don't like me either so they abuse the hell out of me knowing that I've got no other options whatsoever. And I've gotta take that abuse and not talk about someone taking advantage of my lack of financial credentials cause I am over 18 years of age. At this point, death couldn't come soon enough.

I have a physical disability that has ruined my life. It's not even severe (unlike hotwheels, I have both my legs). However, it prevents me from doing the things I want to do and that would give my life a meaningful goal, it causes constant distraction and discomfort, it makes the things I need to do in life much harder, it's having permanent, worsening effects on myself such that even if I solved it it would already have done some damage, and it makes me uglier than I already am.

I'm merely describing my life, not expressing interest in anything, but: I'm already involuntarily celibate. I think the only female I could get would be a fat one, but I wouldn't, since I'm not fat and I'm simply not attracted to their bodies (what's the point of faking attraction?). Female sexuality is obviously insanely hypergamic, and it seems like their standards are getting higher every day, and so simply because of my face, height, etc. none will ever really desire me. I'll spare you all the spiel, but I was recently shocked by seeing how willing they are to proactively chase, show sustained interest in, and be responsive to sexual comments from "chad"/attractive men. But on top of that, in terms of their personalities, females are becoming more and more annoying, unintelligent, childish, vain, and malicious every day.

Everybody and everything is so insufferable now, especially females, but really, the whole world. But I can't disregard it because I can't focus my attention on what I want to do instead. I can't contribute to what I think is worthwhile or show people that I'm better than what I think is bad.

I don't have real-life social connections, although I guess I could try to make them, but I don't want to because I'm prevented from being the person I want to be, and I'm so far from the terms on which I'd like to relate to the world. I have nothing to contribute, nor could it make me happier. I don't like people my age and I don't share their goals, but I can't pursue my own goals or fit in with those who share mine. Even as far as the Internet goes, as things stand, I have no use for it except as a distraction and a source of frustration I can't push back against or assert myself within. Since I'm prevented from capitalizing on whatever talent I might have, as time goes on, the chances my life could turn out well decrease.

There is still a chance that I could fix my disability, which I've been trying to do my entire adult life, but even that chance is a long ways off, because doctors have long wait lists and they're unlikely to agree to the things I want to try. And the things that might really solve my problems are even unlikelier, and have huge risks. I have an appointment months from now, and if it doesn't go anywhere I think I'll kill myself.

Anybody with disabilities other than the mental ones, or physical circumstances preventing their happiness other than just ugliness?

>>303779
Do you have money saved? If you're really going to do it, I can't blame or stop you. Blowing your savings at a Michelin star restaurant or an expensive hotel or etc. one thing I'd do.

One thing I *wouldn't* do is anything of the sort recommended in advice like, "If you're going to kill yourself, why don't you go outside and ask random succubi if they'd like to go on a date or have sex one last time?" If they're not approaching you, they don't actively desire you, and it's just more humiliation.

What are normal interests? That could help me think of items for a bucket list for you.

>>303313
I have not given up on financial independence or prosperity yet, hence why I am currently enrolled in a trucking school. I'll finish by December and find a decent entry-level job working over-the-road or regional. That lifestyle will suit me perfectly considering how antisocial and reserved I am. I also don't mind sleeping in the cab of a truck, I've never been one who needs sumptuous things to survive.

Like you, my family never prepared me for the mediocrity and nihilism of modernity. They're not useless though, and I use them however I can. I've always been silent too. People instilled the most odious hatred in me.

>>303412

If you're celibate then simply continue working as you normally would. I doubt the legality of this predicament really matters considering you live in the third-world. I want to say something vicious, although I'm certain it would result in my banning.

>>303424

So true. Caucasians are the most industrious, ambitious, honorable and fortuitous race. Most races are incapable of engendering a stable and prosperous society which is why they leech off of Western countries.

>>303494
You're right. Everyone is capable of vitriol and senseless disdain. I personally dislike people for what I believe are justifiable reasons.

>>303859
I have severe physical pain throughout my body that causes me to think of suicide every day.

>>303859
>it seems like their standards are getting higher every day, and so simply because of my face, height, etc. none will ever really desire me.
After his hambeast "GF" trashed his apartment, Hotwheels came to conclude that while there are succubi who will want to hook up with, care for, and have sex with an ugly distorted male, for them to wish to do so is a sign that they are severely mentally unwell. If you truly are ferociously undesirable, then it's all the more reason to not fall for it if some succubus does eventually show interest.