/dep/ - Depression

>>303537
I think I figured it out! I started editing nazi stuff into the images he sends and that shuts him up instantly

>>303537
>>303829
>my friend
>le hurtcore torture loli
>here's our based Discord convo
Fag off, fuck

>>303829
Just say you're not interested in hearing his fantasies. A little communication goes a long way. Now you're having to do all of this

>>303829
How about you fuck off, nobody here cares about lolishit or guro.

>>303833
>nobody here cares about lolishit or guro.
We have a bunch of threads about loli and how good it is. But yes people who are in to "ironic weeb fascism" , chinky gachashit, and hurtcore need to stay on Discord.

>>303829
Give us the nazi loli edit

>create forum for fans of a tv show
>preestablished fanbase flocks in
>we start doing streams of the show
>know some people vaguely from posting, everyone knows me cos I'm board owner
>we all have to bend over backwards for one dude because he can only join at an awkward time
>this is fine so I arrange the stream to a time everyone can join
>apprehensive at first but everyone says they're glad im here
>talk all throughout the streams
>have a lot of fun every week watching the stream with everyone
>dude with the awkward time suddenly says he wants to watch the stream on another day (he can still watch on the usual date too though)
>tell him I cant be available then
>just says ok
>everyone watches stream without me

I am so fucking angry. We can all accomodate one guy, but when I can't join it's fuck me I guess. I'm gonna slowly distance myself from these people. It's over. I will never have friends

>>303840
nvm they invited me to a restream unprompted so we can watch together, normal now

>>303834
Did somebody say ==HURT==?

>>303841
Why would you even do this? Genuinely interested. I'd rather have my peace watching for myself, at best shit posting on /TV/ about the show.

>>303843
My reasons? I only started with one reason: creating a haven for discussion of an obscure series where trolls actually get banned.
It's too obscure for /tv/ and I think we all know why a lot of people don't want to post on the Reddit.
All the other stuff? I do that out of the general need for human interaction.
It's strange actually. When it comes to other media like books or even other TV shows I'm fine consuming it by myself. I'm just a really big fan of this one and I really really want to talk about it. Imagine a Trekkie not having a Star Trek convention to go to.

I have realised that it's more worth talking to some Local LLM model than with people irl or offline. Because the bottom line is this, nobody and I mean nobody is going to help me so there is no point in posting online or talking to people offline. Because no one is gonna give me a single meal for free where I live.

I really liked posting on wizchan but ultimately it doesn't matter what I post because it changes nothing. Absolutely nothing happens. And the people who do pay for me, my parents. They don't like me either so they abuse the hell out of me knowing that I've got no other options whatsoever. And I've gotta take that abuse and not talk about someone taking advantage of my lack of financial credentials cause I am over 18 years of age. At this point, death couldn't come soon enough.

I have a physical disability that has ruined my life. It's not even severe (unlike hotwheels, I have both my legs). However, it prevents me from doing the things I want to do and that would give my life a meaningful goal, it causes constant distraction and discomfort, it makes the things I need to do in life much harder, it's having permanent, worsening effects on myself such that even if I solved it it would already have done some damage, and it makes me uglier than I already am.

I'm merely describing my life, not expressing interest in anything, but: I'm already involuntarily celibate. I think the only female I could get would be a fat one, but I wouldn't, since I'm not fat and I'm simply not attracted to their bodies (what's the point of faking attraction?). Female sexuality is obviously insanely hypergamic, and it seems like their standards are getting higher every day, and so simply because of my face, height, etc. none will ever really desire me. I'll spare you all the spiel, but I was recently shocked by seeing how willing they are to proactively chase, show sustained interest in, and be responsive to sexual comments from "chad"/attractive men. But on top of that, in terms of their personalities, females are becoming more and more annoying, unintelligent, childish, vain, and malicious every day.

Everybody and everything is so insufferable now, especially females, but really, the whole world. But I can't disregard it because I can't focus my attention on what I want to do instead. I can't contribute to what I think is worthwhile or show people that I'm better than what I think is bad.

I don't have real-life social connections, although I guess I could try to make them, but I don't want to because I'm prevented from being the person I want to be, and I'm so far from the terms on which I'd like to relate to the world. I have nothing to contribute, nor could it make me happier. I don't like people my age and I don't share their goals, but I can't pursue my own goals or fit in with those who share mine. Even as far as the Internet goes, as things stand, I have no use for it except as a distraction and a source of frustration I can't push back against or assert myself within. Since I'm prevented from capitalizing on whatever talent I might have, as time goes on, the chances my life could turn out well decrease.

There is still a chance that I could fix my disability, which I've been trying to do my entire adult life, but even that chance is a long ways off, because doctors have long wait lists and they're unlikely to agree to the things I want to try. And the things that might really solve my problems are even unlikelier, and have huge risks. I have an appointment months from now, and if it doesn't go anywhere I think I'll kill myself.

Anybody with disabilities other than the mental ones, or physical circumstances preventing their happiness other than just ugliness?

>>303779
Do you have money saved? If you're really going to do it, I can't blame or stop you. Blowing your savings at a Michelin star restaurant or an expensive hotel or etc. one thing I'd do.

One thing I *wouldn't* do is anything of the sort recommended in advice like, "If you're going to kill yourself, why don't you go outside and ask random succubi if they'd like to go on a date or have sex one last time?" If they're not approaching you, they don't actively desire you, and it's just more humiliation.

What are normal interests? That could help me think of items for a bucket list for you.

>>303313
I have not given up on financial independence or prosperity yet, hence why I am currently enrolled in a trucking school. I'll finish by December and find a decent entry-level job working over-the-road or regional. That lifestyle will suit me perfectly considering how antisocial and reserved I am. I also don't mind sleeping in the cab of a truck, I've never been one who needs sumptuous things to survive.

Like you, my family never prepared me for the mediocrity and nihilism of modernity. They're not useless though, and I use them however I can. I've always been silent too. People instilled the most odious hatred in me.

>>303412

If you're celibate then simply continue working as you normally would. I doubt the legality of this predicament really matters considering you live in the third-world. I want to say something vicious, although I'm certain it would result in my banning.

>>303424

So true. Caucasians are the most industrious, ambitious, honorable and fortuitous race. Most races are incapable of engendering a stable and prosperous society which is why they leech off of Western countries.

>>303494
You're right. Everyone is capable of vitriol and senseless disdain. I personally dislike people for what I believe are justifiable reasons.

>>303859
I have severe physical pain throughout my body that causes me to think of suicide every day.

>>303859
>it seems like their standards are getting higher every day, and so simply because of my face, height, etc. none will ever really desire me.
After his hambeast "GF" trashed his apartment, Hotwheels came to conclude that while there are succubi who will want to hook up with, care for, and have sex with an ugly distorted male, for them to wish to do so is a sign that they are severely mentally unwell. If you truly are ferociously undesirable, then it's all the more reason to not fall for it if some succubus does eventually show interest.

This sounds retarded but I've noticed now that I am almost completely numb and unable to cry until I listen to certain music.

>>303878
yeah i need to listen to this aggressive phonk music to really wake up in the morning

Volunteering for charity helps as a NEET. Charity volunteers tend to be nicer people, and because they actually need you and it's for free, you're less likely to be treated like shit. Like how you get treated at a wagecuck job.

It's my secret for trying to be normal with NEETbux.

I need to believe in something

>>303881
Seconding this.
Although the first time I volunteered at one they asked if it was because I was sentenced to community service and that was awkward.

>>303881
I'll try charity next week for the first time. I've never worked in my 26 years of life. I hope it's true and they won't be too hard on me.

>>303882

If you're white, look into National Socialism, lifting, and getting a job so you can make money and invest.

Czech these trips

I keep feeling more and more lethargic after my 34th birthday. I can't lay down on a bed unless I intend to fall asleep during the middle of the day.

Tried having a journal. Useless. I don't have much to write about, especially about my daily life. Nothing happens in a life of a waggie wiz: wake up, work, sleep, repeat. I don't have much interesting thoughts either. At least, I don't have those Whoa! thoughts that I just NEED to write down. My mood is stable too. Stable as in constantly low.
I don't know what journaling can help with, if you are emotionally stable and don't have racing thoughts to unload. My life and my inner world are nothing.
Maybe journaling is only for writers/philosophers etc.
Or maybe it's spiritually feminine hobby where you just NEED to put your oh-so-important """thoughts""" on paper and think they are worth being written down.

i have schizophrenia from xanax withdrawal and nobody even cares enough to see it. absolutely retarded clueless people and thats your medical staff.

I envy people whose "problems" are solvable and contribute to their personal growth or reservoir of soul. They are almost never,
>You need to be Superman to fly out of this ever deepening hole
Which is what I seem to be stuck with.

I sometimes like to browse through those subreddits where people post weird shit they found or weird things that happened to them, or chronicle annoying stories, and I get so envious and sad and full of "love" I guess for the grit of human experience. I want that… I want risks and opportunity and not this soul numbing dead-end, every single day life I've always lived. I'm just so blasted out and tired every day, I really am tired. I hate that I can only do what I must and I hate that I feel that way, why can't I be grateful for what I have and stop looking outward? It feels so cheap when I tell anyone else.

But I guess I want to reach a point in my life where I feel like I'm present, actively alive, and not just bearing it and waiting for shit to pass/going through the motions. Wish I could live in a nice, big city that doesn't need a car, and go see a movie every now and then. I wish I didn't live in the Southern US around a bunch of retarded hicks, or that I didn't have to confronted with the reality that maybe where I'm at is as high as I can go? That hurts the worst.

>>303893
>nobody even cares enough to see it
Nobody should care. You signed away your potential sympathy and help from people when you picked up your first prescription. You chose drugs over humans.

I remember when everyone was freaking out about AI taking over social media (yes, fuck you, imageboards count as that) a few years if not months ago. During a posting drought it made perfect sense. Now I see nobody complaining and an uptick in posting rate.

Really makes you think doesn't it? Who the fuck comes and writes walls of text as if anyone is actually going to read them when the organic trend was a natural decline in activity and posting quality.

I guess my biggest fear has finally come true, well not in the exact way I expected to but it's pretty much the same. Everyone is gone (no clue where) and I never made any friends, acquaintances even. Literally nothing. And now it's too late.

>>303899
>Who the fuck comes and writes walls of text as if anyone is actually going to read them
I do, and you did.
>the organic trend was a natural decline in activity and posting quality.
These two characteristics are in a constant state of ebb and flow. Sometimes slight changes in quality posting interest align with global post frequency interest. There's no single or even quantifiable reason for why post rates may be slow or why post quality may be high. "It's all robots" is definitely not a reason for any of it.

>guess my biggest fear has finally come true, well not in the exact way I expected to but it's pretty much the same. Everyone is gone (no clue where) and I never made any friends, acquaintances even. Literally nothing. And now it's too late.
If you hoped to make friends on social media and imageboards, then you'd be doomed regardless of the circumstances relating to post frequency and quality. Friends are earned through experiences, be it through video games or spending time working towards a common goal. Dudes you meet on a 4chan spinoff Discord server can never be called a friend. There are no bots in team-based multiplayer video games, virtual social hangouts, or hobby forums. Have some self-respect and cut out this "it's so over for me" shit. Go make friends.

>>303899
As opposed to normalfags, culture war tools or low iq emotional retards taking over social media? Even if AI doesn't exist you'd still be complaining.

We are only a couple years, at most, from digital ID being forcefully implemented around the world. Whether its going to stay or not we don't really know but just knowing that it will happen dissolves the motivation that I have to develop a career. I could try to get somewhere but if Im going to have to drop it all in a year to keep myself from being tracked and tagged then what is the point. It's probably worth it for the money before it happens but I don't feel ready to deal with this when I am still a meek retard in 2025

>>303907
I already don't have social media, but the current state of the internet makes me want to use it less and less. At this point, I don't even care about Digital ID, but the time it's implemented, I will probably go offline.

Are there any other suicide forums than Sanctioned Suicide? I got banned for "fetish content" for discussing hanging yourself while watching porn and jerking off.
Also that entire site is so damned cucked. Got warnings for stupid stuff before.

I was murdered by necrosis and amoxicillin; every part of my body was damaged, and lost cells. This started in 2018 or 2019. Since 2019, I've been too dead to live, but I still haven't managed to escape this horrible deadman prison.

This is what it means to become a devil.

I'm waiting to finally lynch Satan (Jesus Christ). Then I can finally be done with this bullshit.

It's been almost 7 years of my life being over. I've tried to come back from the damage, by always taking good care of myself. But there's no escaping this dead state. I can't give myself the livingness I need to live and be alive. Livingness has been absent from my life for all these 7 years, nonstop.

Satan is one of the murderers responsible.

I really fucked up this time, in fact, wasn't even that bad, but it came on the worst time possible.

OD'd and gave my self brain damage
Severe back and leg pain
No GP will accept me in my area
Next to zero experience with any kind of non-familial relationships
Zero friends or avenues to make them also lacking the drive to want them
No job
<1 month of money before I have nothing left
My place is a fucking mess
Dad wont talk to me
Realising Mum has actually been an awful influence on my life
Grandparents mental decline is really noticeable now

Tell you what lads, that exit bag is looking real fucking sweet

>>303945
with your last strenght, say something nice to Jesus in a final prayer
like
Jesus Christ I want to be useful to you!

>>303946
I'd sooner wager my after life via undying loyalty to Cthulhu rather than any abrahamic religion.

I hate how people have exploited my autism. I really regret giving effort in life at all, I was too stupid to realize that anger is an expression of dominance, not that I was doing things wrong.

I feel like family and others have just spat in my face with their anger my entire life, and what makes it so fucking disgusting is that the reason I suffered so much is that I tried. I got shamed into working, shamed into living above my means, shamed into doing certain tasks. If I wasn't pro-social I would've been fine living on welfare in a fucking piece of shit apartment in the countryside, and never would have experienced this misery.

I only felt misery after school, I was really happy until I left. At school people were indifferent to me and left me alone. Then just the constant anger I got from family and people at work after leaving school has broken me.

Autism isn't a fucking hard thing either. Just give us NEETbux and leave us the fuck alone. Why the fuck are social workers always trying to push me into work when it's obviously fucking me up, obviously has fucked me up, and clearly does people with this disorder no good.

>>303898
>you choose drugs over people

Anon, you are a fucking asshole and I hope you will burn in hell for saying this to that poor wiz. You probably haven't even been bullied yet. Fuck off.

>>303891


…


I think you should try taking a day off and sleeping through the day

Studied a business degree on a whim and two weeks before graduating I realized I don't want anything to do with business. Thought about a bit and I think I might like working at a library. But do I really want to go back to school *again* for a few years and spend another thousands for it? I wish I could just take a volunteer position to get a feel for it but the thing is, it's basically impossible to get one in my country unless someone can get your foot in the door for you. Of course, if I could just back in time I would, so I don't really know what I should do. I feel so stupid for wasting all that time and money on that stupid degree.

>>303990
>business degree
It was a waste of time before but it's even more useless now that people just use LLM for it. It's useless outside of making connections or providing formal qualification to get a job where the employer already likes you anyway.

>>303362
Please refrain from performing this strange roleplay from now on. RCM has indicated that you might have forgotten to take your meds, and have played to many video games.

>>303992
>making connections
>just use LLM

Hmmmmmm…
"How to use LLM as a substitute to having an MBA myself?" would be quite a prompt.

>>303992
I felt that I had to study something as I was only working dead end jobs, and nothing else at the time really interested me, so I applied for it 2 weeks before the semester started. If I gave myself more time I never would have went for it. My only grace is that since library work consists of a lot of administrative work maybe the business degree might give me some sort of leverage. Maybe not I really don't know

>>303990
Lmao i studied a bookkeeping certificate online. Even while i was doing it i could tell it was an utterly pointless scam. At least it didnt cost me much.