I don't want to die

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I don't want to die Anonymage 02/19/26 (Thu) 01:49:14 No.305937

Every time I think of death, the end of my self I can feel my brain fighting it, pretty much actively trying to shut down.
It's a weird sinking feeling, thinking of the unimaginable.
People have died around me and I felt nothing, but then again I'm not an overly emotive or emotional person.

I still can't cope with death as a concept. I don't want to cease experiencing. I'd genuinely prefer hell to oblivion.

I screwed myself, my health because of a lack of attachments and care for things in general and I'm at the age where recovery is getting harder even if I try.
Mitigation is a more realistic goal if I don't already have something terminal, hopefully. (29)

How do you guys cope? I see so many people here talking about suicide and I just can't fathom it.
I suffer from many chronic ailments, pain, tinnitus (really severe) and much else. I had many absolutely horrid experiences during childhood and youth.
I have no real connection to my broken family, no connection to pretty much anyone or anything. Never loved or felt loved by anyone, not even family.
I don't pursue hobbies I'm a man of inaction. I can't even force myself to do things I supposedly enjoy.
I have one friend I talk to online exclusively in text and meaningless time wasting activities, consuming media, manga/manhua mostly.

It's a pointless life. Wasted.

Based on all of this I should probably be suicidal, but I'm the opposite. I'd be content being a specter just observing things too. I just want to persist.
I don't want this to end, I don't want to end.
I'm terrified. Sure I'm sick, in pain, constantly depressed or anxious, generally a failure, but I don't want to be gone.
How do you deal with the inevitability of death?
Honestly I'm not convinced about any kind of afterlife. The more I read about any religion the harder it becomes to put any stock into any of them.
I just don't get this "I'm exhausted… I'm in so much pain… I've suffered enough.. It won't get better… I just want it to end" kind of feelings many have.
Maybe everyone here is some enlightened Buddhist without an ego or something. I really can't fathom it. Or maybe some just want the comfort of being able to end it anytime?

Share your thoughts please.

Anonymage 02/19/26 (Thu) 05:58:13 No.305941

>>305937
>I still can't cope with death as a concept
I kinda disagree with your concept of death, I dont believe that you live only once, then die, and thats it for all eternity.
I think its the other way around…
you die, you instantly "observe" the universe from some other new point of view as some new lifeform and this goes on for all eternity.
so "death" is just the moment between respawns.
>It's a pointless life.
if you think about it all life is kinda pointless, if life forms naturally as part of whatever process the universe goes through then this means the game is everywhere the same.
>I'm terrified.
both concepts are shitty in their own ways, not existing forever vs. endless existence. sucks both and it sure doesnt look like "life" is voluntary no matter how you look at it. suicide is also not a solution, its a reroll but the reroll can and most likely will be worse.
to me this endless existence version seems overall more likely. I know my story isnt much proof but even as a little child I kinda felt old, it was as if I knew this is not my first time being alive and I still feel that way.

Anonymage 02/19/26 (Thu) 06:13:51 No.305942

Part of growing up is experiencing loss and the inevitability of death. I like to think most people are afraid of death because it can be sudden. You never know when your day comes.

Anonymage 02/19/26 (Thu) 06:35:11 No.305943

IDK how can you be scared of death, it is literally the condition you were in before you were born

I'm scared of life, of the endless pain and torture taking place on this planet, it just seems absolute hell to me, I know you said you prefer hell to death but perhaps you don't suffer enough to say that

The very fact that you have this survival instinct while being mortal is another part of the torture

Anonymage 02/19/26 (Thu) 10:52:41 No.305945

>>305937
The only cope we have is denial, whether that's belief in an afterlife or, what I do, just trying not to think about it. I probably won't die tomorrow anyway, right? That's how I sleep at night. There's absolutely nothing to be gained by worrying about death, no secret knowledge or esoteric wisdoms, only the endless abyss. Not that you just stop yourself from thinking about it when it's bothering you. Eventually the fear trained me not to look there anymore, so maybe it just takes time. Thankfully I'm pretty content with my life, but I figure severe pain is the one thing that would make me wish for death. I'd hope so at least. My wish is that, in our dying moments, we reach some kind of acceptance. I've seen people die though, and the only emotion I could sense was fear, so we probably aren't that lucky.