/dep/ - Depression

The day of Armageddon has inched towards me in just 2 hours. I completed a worthless degree in IT, by completed, I mean gave the final exams of the final semester just 2 hours ago, and I returned home, which is in a third world country. And the results are as I expected, as a matter of fact, when I came back I could literally feel the tension inside my house mounting.

I was expecting one day or another, for this to happen but it's surreal how quickly it has happened, my parents had a massively heated argument with me, and honestly, it took me a few years back when my parents used to abuse the hell out of me, I can for some reason, literally feel the terror of abuse in the lower half of my spine and in my kidneys.

The question is obvious, which is what will I do next? Because I am about to graduate completely unemployed, in this little third world country, and of course the parents aren't happy, as it is in the nature of everyone maybe mine as well to be pissed seeing a man wake up at 9AM and ask for breakfast, and take it back to the Air Conditioned room, the resentment is off the charts for obvious reason of what my parents would consider "stealing" from them because I am not paying back in any meaningful labour, seems like I will have to wake up at 6AM in the morning tomorrow and not use Air Conditioner at all.

It was honestly, a massive argument, I just few hours ago got back to my house from a scorching 42C temperature and now I am being cooked internally. At this point, I have started to prepare for the worst, any day in "my" house could be my last, I am trying to gather all the IDs, gather all the documents for eventual kick, and a kick in a country like this is extremely close to death. Certainly slightly different from other countries where you can live in your car, given that in this country the car ownership rate is 8%. So there goes living in a Honda Fit out of the Window.

I must get a job, I have tried getting a job online, from microtasks, to annotation for OneForma, to trying to act like an agent for PornStars online, to chat on their behalf, and I have earned no more and no less than 0 in any currency of this planet. The jig is coming to an end. While I am not familiar with the thoughts of life in the Christian Theology because I wasn't born in a Christian Family, but my Judgement, rather Execution is near. Fuck me. There is very real chance that I will have to take a permanent dip into a Holy River. I mean, damn this is what the terror of being kicked out feels like.