/dep/ - Depression

>>310483
We're not talking about the workplace though, are we, you were replying to a neet

>>310484
same thing
if you're afraid and ashamed of being a neet then just literally lie about it or downplay it as you being recently unemployed you can even make up a story where they unjustly fired you because some HR foid didn't like the way you looked, etc.

real life interactions aren't imageboards, you don't have to tell the truth all the time or be accurate in your rendition of every single event
most people dont give a shit and wont try to dig out that much about you or your past so you can make up some stuff or tell a little lie
it's not a world ending thing

it's like if someone asked about your dad and your mom divorced your dad because he beat the living shit out of her and was a drunk
and you dont wanna have to talk about him cause it's shameful and embarrassing
you just say he works abroad since you were a kid and sends money
blah blah blah

I mean, I've had normalniggers in the past when I was unemployed asked me if Im working just randomly and I just literally lie to their faces saying "yeah, still at the same job"
and that's it change of topic lol

>>310471
hey I'm your wizfriend

>>310472
Somebody I could just enjoy talking with and who would be willing to keep each other motivated to work on creative projects.

>>310474
Well I have searched for them all over and I have yet to find any.

>>310478
Relatable. I hope that one day things will be better for us.

>>310486
Can I talk to you anywhere?

>>310491
english is not my first language and I don't use microphones, but if you want we can exchange texts over emails however I am not sure it is allowed to post personal details here

>>310486
>>310491
>>310492
i posted my mail here in the past without getting banned, but of course it was cock.li, not gmail. i don't think anyone particularly cares. have fun i guess, though i personally find it exceptionally hard to talk to strangers on the internet, there's normally just no common topics. it's especially bad when you're from different countries.

I seem to have contracted some form of the Flu. I do not think I have ever felt more sick than now. Terrible aches in my body, I feel both too hot and too cold, my throat is sore, sleeping is a challenge. Fuck having a human body.

I hate myself so much. I have UTTER and complete HATRED for myself. Why does all entertainment have to be going down the gutter. I wish I had the courage to kill myself right this instant.

>>310509
me too wiz, i have been dealing with some ear infection from hell since last month and it only has gotten worse since technically it has "resolved" but now i have ETD (eustachia tube dysfunction), and i am terrified of it being permanent. i have not been able to enjoy any of my hobbies due to the constant discomfort and anxiety. knowing my luck i will probably have permanent tinnitus and ETD. might be ready to finally anhero

>>310518
sorry for the double post but not only that, just going outside and being forced to deal with normalfags in order to go to the doctor/get my medication has increased my misery tenfold, even after i am finished with it i feel exhausted, everything around me feels satanic. i just want to fucking be able to lay down without some kind of noise or physical discomfort that feels like it's trying to burst out of my ears. at this point i would even take just having the relatively minor tinnitus in comparison to both of these things. what's next, am i going to go blind too?

I feel empty and alienated. Nobody else is like me
>>310511
Why?

Damn, my misanthropy is acting up.
I hate people so much sometimes, it's legitimately painful
The pain would go away if all the awful people just died

>>310518

>and i am terrified of it being permanent.

My Wizzo,

You need heat and steam. You need to cause your head to sweat. I've dealt with a similar issue before. Find a sauna and allow your entire otolaryngological system to drain itself. Your doctor should have suggested directed environmental steam/vapor as an additional layer of treatment secondary to antibiotics.

>might be ready to finally anhero

You also need rationality. Laughable that this could bring you to thoughts of suicide. I have chronic pain and I am still here. We must always try to advance.

>everything around me feels satanic

This is what it's like living under judeo-masonic rule. We are under an active (((communist))) dictatorship. What did you expect? Jewish pharma just faked an entire pandemic against the world's goyim with perfect impunity. And now it seems like they are going to fake a "cyber pandemic" aka Cyber Polygon because they need a plausible excuse for shutting down the internet and rebooting it with higher levels of control. The world is not doing well right now.

But in the meantime try to relax by watching this wizardly longplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M74z_BEGl_c

>>310526
>living under judeo-masonic rule
Been that way for decades, why is it only a problem now

Well yeah I know why, they're broke and are squeezing the tax payer more than ever, and they own nearly all the property and farmland, in other words labour is becoming nearly worthless and they remind the cattle of course that they're replaceable every chance they get, ai robots you name it

>>310526
thanks wiz, your reply brought me a bit of comfort in my isolation. i've been laying my head on a heating compress for about a week, and i try to take hot showers (avoiding getting liquid in my ear of course). i was prescribed prednisone and flonase, but haven't started those yet. i have also been drinking hot green tea and honey and trying to avoid any kinds of foods that might be inflammatory. when i lay on the unaffected ear it feels like some of whatever liquid is in my head drains and there is slight relief but it is short-lived. i should mention that this morning for a few hours i didn't feel much liquid in my middle ear but around the evening it came back which was depressing.

i'm a bit less panicked at the moment, but still afraid of it being chronic. i know it was irrational of me to react the way i did but i often seem to blow things out of proportion and i get a lot of anxiety over health related issues. though i am terrified of having this feeling of constant pressure and ringing forever. i really just want to go back to being able to sleep comfortably and distract myself.

>I have chronic pain
if i may pry, what is it in your case? did you ever have thoughts of trying to escape it?

>cyber pandemic
yeah i've noticed they are definitely preparing for something especially with digital ID faggotry in full force and constantly trying to rush out laws to restrict access to information. it's a bit odd how people don't seem to notice it but i guess that's why it's being done while all of the other theatrics are happening, like a jewish magic trick.

>wizardly longplay
cotton is a good choice indeed, good taste wiz

>>310478
people don't tend to ridicule and scorn in one to one convos. you can not increase your status before others if there's no others.

>>310526
>>310528
my tinnitus got louder and i feel like i am going to have another panic attack

went for my usual nightwalk and unlike normal it was strangely busy. loads of cars, some blasting shitty music. some cool kid going somewhere. a succubus standing in the middle of the road on her phone talking to some dude followed by a cat sitting dead square in the middle just behind her. i stopped to look at the cat and tried getting closer, but then a car came and it ran away. thanks, dickhead.

ive got so depressed i can barely tolerate being outside anymore. cars, dogs barking, slow walkers, schoolkids, succubi. it all pisses me off. its not simply a matter of "sensory overload" as much as existential grief that every single thing offends and upsets me in a hundred different ways. no thing is just a thing. theyre more clusters of associated symbols representing omnipotent badness. like depression granola.

wish i could teleport to areas of natural beauty each night then teleport back. get out my wand and draw a circle like in runescape, spell book and all. conjure up some elementals for company. cast light_rain and sfx_asmr_sleeping_sounds. fuck this gay earth.

>>310528
>what is it in your case?

Back and shoulder and related tension headaches.

>did you ever have thoughts of trying to escape it?

If by this you mean suicide – yes, of course I have. In fact the first time I dealt with chronic pain issues (very late teen years), being that I had no prior experience with them, perhaps the very first thought that then entered my thinking was suicide. Obviously much time has passed since I was that age (and by evidence of my writing, I am still here).

>>310533

Have you told your doctor about the increased pain?

Have you had the chance to use a sauna yet? A good quality sauna wherein you can relax and sweat at length?

How intense is the pain? Is it enough that you are crying? (I don't mean to become too personal, but if it is truly great, ideally you should find someone who can remain with you (that is, physically near you), who will help you to retain a rationalist perspective until the pain has subsided).

But remember tinnitus incidental to an ear infection is 100% resolvable/curable. Be thankful you don't have actual chronic pain (lasting for a minimum of 1 year's time without clear medical means of treatment). You will get through this, wiz.

Hates it when my parents force me to lie to obtain some pittance of benefits for the family. I am not the thick skinned sociopathic normalfag here.

I keep randomly crying lately, almost every night I sit at my desk and cry for no particular reason

>>310540
Ive felt that way when I was sleep deprived

>>310535
>cars, dogs barking, slow walkers, schoolkids, succubi. it all pisses me off. its not simply a matter of "sensory overload" as much as existential grief that every single thing offends and upsets me in a hundred different ways. no thing is just a thing. theyre more clusters of associated symbols representing omnipotent badness. like depression granola.

I know this feeling completely. The linguistic categories of things melt away and I am left with the terrifying and overwhelming felt reality of perceiving the oceans of never ending objects around me that continually assault my sensory system. In such a state of a mind a "tree" assumes its true form as a towering and insanely complex and strange alien edifice.

>>310539
It is hard to be moral when you're poor

>>310540
What pills are you on?

>>310538
>Have you told your doctor about the increased pain?
i did, and was prescribed prednidone and flonase. i think it got worse after taking one of these things, i feel like a fucking idiot for trusting them and not just waiting it out. i'm scared i permanently fuckrd myself.
>Have you had the chance to use a sauna yet? A good quality sauna wherein you can relax and sweat at length?
no, i haven't. the closest thing i have is a hot shower which of course won't be the same at all. i'm scared to leave my house long enough to go to one anyhow.

>How intense is the pain? Is it enough that you are crying? (I don't mean to become too personal, but if it is truly great, ideally you should find someone who can remain with you (that is, physically near you), who will help you to retain a rationalist perspective until the pain has subsided).
it isn't so bad sometimes but other times it feels like burning, right now it is not so bad but the tinnitus is screeching loud in my ears, i can barely think. it physically hurts.

>But remember tinnitus incidental to an ear infection is 100% resolvable/curable. Be thankful you don't have actual chronic pain (lasting for a minimum of 1 year's time without clear medical means of treatment). You will get through this, wiz.
i might have made everything worse. sorry my reply is so poorly written right now, i can hardly focus. i am using a noise machine and its not even helping at this point its so loud. i'm really sorry, i am a complete retard.

>>310546
i took the prednisone again, im a fucking idiot, i shouldnt have taken it, i am probably going to make everything worse, i took ot because i was scared of it not healing on its own, now i dont know it it would be a bad idea to stop. 2 20mg tablets for 2 days, idk if its safe to stop. fuck i am a retard

what are you guys eating today for lunch and dinner

>>310546
>>310548
>i'm scared i permanently fuckrd myself.
You certainly have not done this, wiz. Just try to calm down.

>fuck i am a retard
Not even close.

>i did, and was prescribed prednidone and flonase.
This makes sense. He (your doctor) is taking a very typical approach: (1) reduce inflammation (prednisone) and (2) clear out your sinuses (flonase).

But if these things are not working, and you are still in pain, I would suggest again firstly to inform your doctor that your pain has not abated but has only differently worsened and increased. If you have a good doctor (most of us do not however), but if you do — I have no doubt that he will be able to think of a proper solution to your continuing symptoms. Though in the meantime, be knowledgeable that there are other ways of reducing inflammation and causing your sinuses to clear, apart from oral steroids and nasal sprays.

Firstly then regarding the inflammation: I would suggest the complete immediate removal of both dairy and wheat from your daily diet. There are many reports in proper medical literature and on normal blogs of dairy products contributing to ear-related disorders like otitis media. Dairy promotes mucus production, which can only complicate the clogging and pressure someone suffering from an otological problem would be feeling. While wheat by its own right is a nightmare for your pancreas and overall metabolism, converting quickly into glucose, promoting immune imbalance and bacterial growth. Remove both for a week and see if you experience any improvement.

Regarding your sinuses: bring a large pot of water to its boiling point. Turn off the fire. While standing over the pot, wrap a large towel behind your upper back and head, so to form a sort of simulated heat dome. Then place your face close to the water and breathe the steam in deeply, sometimes alternating with inclining your head toward the side having the affected ear. This should be a much more directed (effective) way of clearing your nasal passages than standing inside a hot shower stall.

>it isn't so bad sometimes but other times it feels like burning, right now it is not so bad but the tinnitus is screeching loud in my ears, i can barely think. it physically hurts.

I’m sorry to hear this wiz. But remember your problem is not a permanent one. This will pass.

I'm not the wizard you guys have been replying to but I also have a mild case of ETD, I'll try some of these. It is very nice to see kindness and care showing up in such a place.

>>310545
Nothing

>>310550
thank you again for your replies and reassurance wiz, it means a lot. i have read that about dairy/wheat being inflammatory, and i've been reducing the amount i eat and i've been trying to increase my intake of fruit like berries to help with it, hopefully. for now i've completely dropped the medication but i haven't informed the doctor since i can only go to urgent care. i feel like both choices can potentially make things worse and i am stunlocked by it. i guess i don't really know what i'm doing at all, and i don't know how anything in life works and it complicates things a bit, i am entirely dependent on my parents for help with my life as pathetic as that is. i'm pretty scared that i've been doing things entirely wrong and have messed things up, especially by suddenly stopping the medication but i really don't want to deal with any of the potential side effects, and i don't really trust doctors, not to say that i think i know any better.

i will be sure to try that trick you mentioned with the boiling pot of water soon. my tinnitus doesn't seem so bad right now, but that's how i often feel early in the day and it gets to me later. sorry for shitting up this thread with my whinging.

>>310552
i'm curious how long have you been dealing with it, and do you also experience tinnitus?

>>310550
i think it's going to be permanent. i no longer feel liquid or pressure in my head but the ringing in my left ear is constant, i'm too scared to go to a doctor and i want to die. i can't enjoy anything anymore

>>310556
>i'm curious how long have you been dealing with it, and do you also experience tinnitus?

It has been a few years for me, but my case is quite mild and I am very lazy, and so I have not properly pursued a solution. There is just always a slight blockage in my right ear but 99% of the time I don't pay attention to it. If I am sick or full of mucus it will cause a little bit of tinnitus, or perhaps if I am in a dead silent space, but once again 99% of the time I don't notice it.

>>310557
It is not an incurable illness. It would not make sense for the tinnitus to be permanent from a temporary condition. Just give it some time. You might eventually have to go to a doctor.

what are you guys eating today

Well Astral projection *does* exist:
It would actually make sense if the song "Room to breathe" by You me at six didn't exist in this universe…

>>310578
I went to my favorite mexican restaurant and got a molcajete with beans, cheese, chorizo, beef carne asada, chicken, cactus, cucumber, radish, and oaxaca cheese

>>310578
Rockstar Energy and instant ramen

>>310590
>>310591
really good shit, mein mages
love it when I read people enjoying a nice meal!

The only change age brought in me was an ever more present fear of death. Fuck my nigger faggot life, just what I needed, attachment to a worthless existence.

>>310616
what are your favorite meals? I'm thinkin about goin to a mc donalds today and order 5 big macs

>>310617
None. I'm dead inside. I do enjoy coffee and raw cacao either in powder or nibs, with a generous spoon of cinnammon, all mixed in a milk banana smoothie and oats/granola or cookies, either coconut or pecan flavored, Oreos are cool too.

Fuck man if I had money for 5 big macs you know what I'd be eating? Shrimp, but I haven't had shrimp easily in over 15 years, I just remember them as tasting really nice.

If my dad wasn't a faggot boomer obsessed with health despite being a fatass himself, and I wasn't such a poor useless nigger, I'd be having a nice thick fat and juicy steak with cheese. Instead my main protein source is canned tune and sardine. I'm ok with tuna but sardine kinda fed me up

>>310626
>If my dad wasn't a faggot boomer obsessed with health despite being a fatass himself, and I wasn't such a poor useless nigger
sorry wizanon im dead inside too but this sentence made me laugh - thanks

>>310626
yes, you do
you had a childhood so you have favorite meals or comfort foods

my tinnitus seems to have become reactive to sounds in my right ear and i can hear it over a shower or brown noise and i also hear ringing when i move my body and its beginning to make me feel hopeless

>>310239
>i still cant ride a bicycle
yo same *fistbump*
>dad wants to teach 8 year old me how to ride a bike with no training wheels because lol fuck logic
>does the run while holding the back of the seat thing
>I start getting the hang of going straight but live on a narrow street and have to turn back around
>think i have to lean and put my foot down like motocross
>completely eat shit
>dad can i get training wheels?
>lolno
>after several days of this, i completely throw a tantrum, dad gives up

>>310236
holy shit I went through this too
>parents buy me a car in senior year of highschool (99 elantra in 2009 lol)
>hey dad can we go out driving? no
I shit you not this car sat for two years in the driveway untouched like a total cocktease, I could have had my license in high school and had social opportunities but fuck me yet again

>>310644
Why didn’t you make a driving license? Don’t need parents for that. Should be glad they bought you a car, you fucked it up.

Take your entire body and soul to try to even become below average when you're born a defect.

>>310578
Only faggots wear black gloves for cooking. Just wash your hands!