/lounge/ - Lounge

i am so miserable, and i would like to speak of why and how my severe mental imbalance came to be. little about me: my mom was born in sweden in sweden half swedish and she is/ was pretty, nice facial structure, good cheekbones and extremely smart, she learned four languages before turning 20. and here comes my idiot father whom a part of me despise. idiot iranian with 90 to 100 iq, my retard mom decided to go for some fucking moron instead of aiming high like the bitch she is not thinking. fyi she also suffers from soe sort of mental imbalance which could have aided her idiot choice. the only good genetic properties my dad has is he is a mindless twerp at times which is not entirely his fault and he is relatively tall 5.10. he comes form a shit hole in iran from some bum fuck village where half the dudes probably are inbreed and all looks the same except varying heights. well, anyway, a good thing about him is that he carries tall genes which is nice his brother is 6.5 plus, which is the only good thing i can think of right now ,hes not directly dumb but miles from my mom or any higher thinker. and i am 6.3 which is the only daving grace i have. back to what happened, these two idiots decided to have three fucking children me included like the absolute mindless dogs they are (i would never have chiildren with a idiot like my mom could have gotr a smart rich whiute guy but instead she chose some fucktard miles below her). yea, and my father growing up in iran where he most likelyt went through hunger and just messed up crap at times didnt really se the need to be super much in his kids lifes, and by the way did i mention how my mom was twenty and my dad was like twenty nine when he impregnated her, or even thirthy that fucking bastard. if i could i would travel back in time and clobber him in the end with a hammer so he never ruined me myt siblings and my mother. and yes i know that would remove my exicstens which i would gladly accept. well however these years where actually great, and i remember how i truly during that time loved my father like crazy. i would also like to add how i was born truly pure which most children are but i was born a little bit more sensitive than others, i was very shy and recluded and just needed a little bit more guidence. well these times as i mentioned where uneventful. but we moved to another city which i didnt think much of and already then i started to see my father less, he still lived in the original city, and such so alreayd ant like 5-6 years old i wasnt seeing my dad often, neither was my mom and my idiot fucking dad often refused to send money to my mom for childsupport so my mom took on massive debts at time not when i was six but like from six to 12, which i already despise him for, and its not like he wasnt working and didnt have money. guess fucking what he sends all his earnings to his fucking family in iran, which is fucking dumb, so my mom is constantly stressed out and she already have a bad psyche, which basically made her go in to the wall which was wonderful to see when i was six, she still loved me tho which is more than most. yea and they ended up divorcing too at this time. and i already didnt even know what that ment because i was rarely seeing my dad, so i was like huh. i remember them telling me that they werent going to live togheter anymore which i thought was strange because they didnt. yea and my father also spend like all our money buying like car and car parts. I have one memorie where i accidentally touched a hot iron where i burned my hand extremely, and i rember how like all the family was there even my dad but he left and i was pretty sad about that, but he came back after i burned my hand which was super confusin g for me, because in my mind it thought he had to leave for his job or somethhing important. which he definitely cared but not as a whole, he cared like how a hamster cares for its pups, its like, if i can be there sure but im not doing anymore than that. well yea, and he basically spent all the money except giving it to my mom who cared for us. i remember when my mom had her third and final child and she told me and my sister how she was waiting a child i wished for a brother. but i had a sister four years younger then me. and during this time, i remember that i started school at six in like half kindergartan, where i met one of my best friends to be for the next years. i remeber whe saw echother in class and once when walking to school and i lived just above him, so there sparked a friendship that would last many years altough, we kind of lost touch. well, he was kind of an asshole, which is strange because his parents where litterary the kindest people i have ever met, they where the perfect whites, super kind, exactly how a parent should be, oh and did i mention i was kind of slow when growin up and my friend was a fricking genius for his age which might be a reason why he wass such an ass. deeper in to him, our dynamic of super shy kid and like intelligent kid made him the sort of leader, i was to shy to even speak at times, like i was so shy. but he just to beat me, like punch me at times, sometimes even in front of his parents, and they very very softish so the never really told him off. i remember one time we where walking to school and he was bicycling behind me, my mo was there and booth his parents and he ramed in to me with his bike, now i dont know if this was on purpose but i remember his parents angerly calling him his name, so i persume it was no accident. but he wasnt all bad we had good times he just had little sympathy and a temper. and i also remember him showing me porn on my moms laptop at the age of fucking six wit hmy three year old sister next to us, and i remember how that gave me my first ever boner and how it felt like we had to go pee. i even remember the godamn video it was two lesbians in a bar having sex, doing the six nine. yea and ther estemmed my forever ruining of my innocents. after that i went on my dads ipad to search up pornhub which he found out later and got pissed at but nothing came of it, what he should have done is told my adolesence what it was and informed me about it, but no, ofcours, he is a retard iranien he was introduced to the internet some years after i was born. and a funny storie, when he came here he became addicted to that card game where he would play it for hours nonstop until he stopped, its called like passad or something. and another thing i rember is that i went on i think pornhub, and back in the day everything was less cencores so i stumbled on some cp i think, it was like this content is illegal in your country. remember cp it will show up again. well yea i even remember the image is was like a scrawny teen with some bald fuck behind her, she had a lose top on and such, not even certain if it was cp but i think. yea and at tis time my friend was also super into xbox and such which we played every time i was over at his house which was nearly everyday. sometimes we played with the neighbours kids whihc i disliked because i was so shy and one time we went to a part in on his street and i remember crying becaus i didnt know anybody except my bro, and he actually was super kind and was like we can live if you want and i said yes and we left he told me back to his house how he missed the juice there, it was super good i remember. i also remember a storie he told me when his parents where on some trip he was going to sleep over at. worse is to come but its late and i am very tired.