/wiz/ - Wizardry

it seems that im finally going through the mid 30s crisis, exposing some thoughts might bear some fruit

i remember being worried about having the groid hability of speaking and connecting to people with ease more for the sake of survival, to have a good life than anything, my hands sweats around succubi to this day so i don't see myself fit for such creatures. i also expected some happiness to come from a few friends irl because i have really strong avoidant tendencies (we often equate it to autism), if it was possible for me to stay within a bubble for the rest of my life, i wouldn't be happy, just like i am not happy now. as part of all this process i was exposed to this avoidant tendency being talked about in imageboards and how there is a bunch of lonely men fapping to loli, yuri, ponies and what have you to cope with the loneliness that accompanies it and how religious communities are the ultimate medicine against all of this. i later found out that people can be assholes to you, which i brushed off as some paranoia, until i was also exposed and learned about the quality of people who actually works in such congregations, it is an universal phenomena, their hypocrisy (which is a given) does not affect me, but i am thoroughly disappointed about the fact that a community of anything will never bring the potential to gather likeminded, sane individuals not to flaunt their superiority, but simply to enjoy and cherish the company of each other, to retreat from the insanity of this modern hellscape. or at least a community of people who improves themselves as people and im not talking about improvebrahs although it is a close concept. if there is anything good that came out of this illusion is my control of the urges towards the succubic body, i always felt shame about getting hard and i would fap like a maniac to make sure it never gets up at inconvenient times, nofap has zero benefits other than that. i cannot befriend anyone because eventually i will find that friend a nuisance or some other kind of craze will strike my mind. i had momentaneous joy when i was stuck in my bedroom with no job, wailing only about my excessive computer usage because i thought this brings me a lot of sadness. computer usage doesn't bring sadness, it is the existence of shitty people that does. i should have never left the bubble i found myself in, back to the bubble it is, despite the world shouting at me how evil such individualism that harms nobody is (except me, according to them). back to the bubble it is.