No.219584
I woke up this morning with a nagging question: why life turn out that way to me? I'm a 30 something NEET, virgin, recluse, living with my folk. The question bothered me, went for a walk couple of house later, and saw a young couple making out in the park, not me, I never had that in my life, walking more I passed a bus top where bunch of wagies were dropping off from the bus coming from downtown, it's was evening, still seeing those suit up dudes and succubi, make me wonder why I'm not a wagie too, but something recoiled inside of me, wagiedom? No, I don't like the petty power plays between people, the pressure to perform, the gossiping, nah NEET is alright for now. Went back home, turned on my PC and surf the web, watched some anime and read some manga, later I will read some books in enjoy, life can be good somehow, but the nagging question of why I didn't become a normal wagie still brothered me, I'm in the wrong? Making peace with that fact that I live an "alternative" lifestyle can be hard sometimes, the question and looks from people wondering why I'm the way I'm, well, the answer is: I don't know, life happens and I end up here the way, people for the most party are trouble, few people in my life I remember are genuinely good and nice, I cherish those few they keep faith that mankind in someway can be good, but the majority of people maybe are morally grey, or predatory giving the chance, who knows. Life can be ok, or a pain, it depends on myself and my luck, funny thing.
No.219586
your are not living an alternative lifestyle you're living a failed lifestyle that awaits all losers. life is definitely meaningless and it consists of unending pain and it doesn't depend on you. that's what happens when you get the short straw. but no need for grief as it is predetermined. you could not have changed too much. considering your age it's too late at this point anyway. attaining money and society's approval (not being a loser) depend heavily on how you look, how you act act around others and your IQ. you have close to zero influence over these things.
No.219589
i got diagnosed with 90 IQ (80 IQ practical) yet i can read fast, write wordy if i feel like it, understand philosophy and math
but the moment i need to "solve" some problem i go blank and don't know the answer or can't answer the question
No.219590
>>219584Some people try to take the well worn path laid out by society. And it seems to work for them, at least for a while. Honestly it seems that most people hit that midlifecrisis-point where they wonder what they're doing with their lives and see it for the sham that it is. Some people try to walk that same path and it just doesn't work out for one reason or another. Maybe you tried your best, maybe you could've done more but your capacity to try itself is largely determined by genetics too so on some level you always just did the best you could, maybe it just wasn't enough. At the end of the day I'm not sure that most normies have it better than you. It's just different flavors of regrets and sadness. There's no rhyme or reason to any of it. I'm just happy I get to live comfortably with my folks, in a relatively safe and stable country and have a few things that I sort of enjoy. Perhaps that is enough for the likes of us.
No.219591
>>219586You're neglecting environnement which is arguably the most important factor.
No.219593
>>219591if you're referring to the environment you spent your formative years in, I agree it plays a small part. it still doesn't change the fact that it was predetermined. you have no means of changing your environment when it affects you the most which is when you are young and pliable.
there is no point in trying to fill in the cracks I've left intentionally because it's impossible to list every single thing that affects the forming of identity of somebody. do I need to respond to someone else coming and saying the parents you get matter too? it's all based on luck and nothing can be done about it.
No.219594
>>219589can you express your thoughts well? can you put thoughts into words and form coherent sentences with ease?
the reason im asking is that a psychologist concluded i have a "above average" iq based on some tests, but i feel like a caveman when speaking with other people irl, but i can solve problems well, so the opposite to you
my raw thoughts are a retarded goulash of single words and grunts
it took me some time to translate "ooga chaga me smart but speak bad" to what you are reading
im just curious how other people view the world and im trying to imagine what it would be like
>>219589 No.219602
>>219587You can laugh at the truth, it won't make it go away
No.219655
>>219594i have 160 iq and same as you in that "explaining myself" thing.
No.219704
>>219584So, it's true: outer energy conditions us through our undefined chakras. Yeah, it is another Human Design stuff again.
>undefined centers No.219706
>>219655Complex thoughts need structuring. You cannot just spew it like so and hope them for making sense
No.219712
>>219584idk if this helps but all I read was your title. I'm a late twenty something vol-cel who is practicing and studying the occult.
This shit is real and you can do it. Bleu Eisenhower November
No.219714
>>219712You can perfectly be a real witch looking for prey with interest on the occult.