/wiz/ - Wizardry

They are not perfect but I'm grateful to them for giving me a place to stay even though I'm well over 18, any fellow NEETs should feel the same way as your parents are not obligated to take care of you when you're an adult.

Stepfather was completely absent even though we lived in the same house. Literally never talked to him apart from forced "good mornings" and then as I grew older arguments about having to get a job.
My mom is a nice lady, very caring but also a complete pushover, non-assertive, avoids confrontation to a pathological extent, etc. and she projected a lot of that shit onto me growing up which took a lot of time to undo.
My relationship with my mom improved when I realized she was a typical feeble-minded succubus and couldn't be relied on for any help other than the basic nurturing aspects and I had to be an authority figure for myself. Seems obvious in hindsight but because I didn't have a father figure I had to learn it on my own.

My dad's been an alcoholic before I was even born to give you an idea of his personality. He grew up in poverty but now has a good job as a supervisor at a local hydraulics facility. Unfortunately he was absent for most of my formative years in my life, and when he was present in my life he was always drunk and berating me and my sister. Calling her a bitch and me a parasite. Much like Adler, he believes depression and trauma are not real and that it's something people (me and my sister) should just get over. "You're just thinking about it too much! You want to be a victim!" That type of thinking.

My mom is better. I wouldn't be a Christian without her. Her Protestant beliefs, however, keep her tied to my dad out of some strange obligation - even though she's seen him physically and emotionally abuse myself, my sister, and her. But at the same time she was the one who raised us when dad was absent and neglected us… I really want the best for her, but there's definitely some past trauma and a need to "fix everything" that I think is holding her back.

I'm still living with them, can't afford to move out and live on my own. Mom's just happy I went back to school and working.

>>223994
The most NPC family ever.

ive ranted in past, but:

Dad was a absolute mental case. my uncles, his bros, tried, unsuccessfully, to have him committed. If succeeded would of prevented at least 2 new generations of misery and poverty.

My dad, if were a young man today, would be the shut in Neet boasts in places like said about: Not Left Basement in 3 Years!! was able to, while bein forced to be out try and work and school meets my mom.

Mom: in a perfect world would of been quiet librarian lady. should of hooked up w/ any normie dude besides my fuckin dad. today, my mom would be standard normie feminist lady.

today, people like my mom and dad, dont even talk or interact on line, wouldnt ever meet in person, in a school, workplace, in public. No one would try to make ppl like my mom and dad meet in person today. But back when yea, and here i am for it, unfortunately,

i cringe when im in some Neet space, and i will see some dude, reminds me of my dad, oooo i wanna a succubus, i wanna relationship? for wat? to make a kid like me w/ absolute dumpster fire genetics

OP your story makes me feel even more that broken people can only create more broken people…

For me both were fucked in different ways, my mom less so.
Grew up in a rural village. Father was an electrician by trade, but never really had a proper job for long "hustled" aka. worked for free so people would outwardly approve in the village.

He was often drunk, a typical "manly man" image, hunter, always on the go.
He beat me often, most of my major holidays like birthdays and Christmass are filled with these beatings because usually those were the days he would be home for the longest.
He had high expectations for me, but clearly favored my younger sister, probably because I wasn't like him at all super outgoing, knows everyone, talks to everyone, I'm like my mother, extremely introverted.
He would drag us around all the time to show us off, show how "good of a father" he is, everything done for outsiders approval.
I was literally starving at home alone when my mother was in the hospital about to give birth to my sister…
He would also spend the money mother earned on cigarettes and his phone bill, because for whatever reason he would be on it 24/7 with other village folk or buddies. This was at a time where you paid a lot per minute and sms.
He likely had some sort of ADHD, probably the only thing I inherited as he had a lot of things he would do, but never complete.

Two major events that warped me greatly are related to this loser as well.
I was always a bullied kid, you know being malnourished leaves you looking like a skelly with skin on and you also tend to be smaller overall, I to this day look weirdly underdeveloped in some ways.
The bullying was harsh, to the point where even teachers started doing it to gain the approval of the class.

At one point after a session of humiliation going home some giant gypsy kid smashed my head into the wall.
It was bad enough, I was crying real loud, end of school in the yard, basically the entire village worth of kids there, father shows up…
Ends up telling the entire school and the bullies that they did a good job and should continue to do so. Congratulating them in front of everyone.
Even the teacher was astonished, shocked even. It was the first time that teacher ever cared for me too, took a 180 in her behavior afterwards.
This event warped me to an insane degree. I was never the same after. It to this day feels like most of my emotions aside from anger, hate and sadness got muted almost completely since that.
A core memory for sure. The feeling of absolute betrayal… Not like I expected much, but this was beyond anything.

The second major life event was a couple years before the divorce. My parents once again had a nice loud argument that ended up with my father holding a knife at my mothers throat.
Me and my sister begged him not to do it and since he was sober he relented.
I had some sort of PTSD as a result of all this I think, barely could sleep alone, afraid of the dark until my mid 20s I had images of my father coming to kill us all in my mind every night even after living further away.
I mean he was armed and did shit like shoot our dog in front of us because it had poor behavior (as a result of frequent beatings…)

This fool lives for the outside while viewing his family as a set of tools even later in life. Somehow reconnected with my sister and she has been a thrall ever since. Rather hilarious seeing him use her despite warnings.
Based on what I know and he told about his childhood this personality mostly stems from an inferiority complex instilled by his father.
He hated him so much yet still slaved for approval as the old fart was dying.


My mother was basically peer pressured into this marriage, had been brought up neglected and poor, but "face" mattered in a village.
Mom often mentioned he liked some other guy, but it is what it is. She was abused by the extended family on my fathers side a lot, she had to work harsh jobs to make ends meet.
Also beaten sometimes, not as often as me. She had a horrible childhood honestly, maybe worse or equal to mine, despite being a succubus.
Has a lot of trauma, repeats things a lot, but as a result of not wanting us to suffer she self sacrificed a lot, too much even for us.
Often would sperg out and throw the martyrdom at our head, but then would regret it later. Honestly I'm surprised she didn't break from all of this. Only reason she didn't kill herself was for us.
The problem is that this is not healthy for a child on any level.
As I could never do wrong, yet she often berated or nitpicked my sister to insanity.
I wasted a decade "going to college" (pretending basically) like the Welcome to the NHK guy and I was still the golden child. My sister finished college on a scholarship and whatnot.
She would also nitpick my one and only friend in the village at the time, alienating us forever after one instance where my friend "failed to greet her" (read… she didn't hear it because my friend usually muttered to himself)

Anyways after the divorce she provided me with enough comfort, so I don't really hate her.
I still live with her, I'm fully taken care of, can keep my entire pay for myself and she has mellowed out a lot too.
I think she sees herself a lot in me. I look a lot more like her than my dad too.
Maybe motherly instincts and this sense of comradery of the broken is conducive to enabling a manchild.

TL:DR; I legitimately regret not killing my father by taking one of his guns from the perma-open safe when I was a kid and I'm somewhat grateful to my mother for letting me be what I am undisturbed for the most part.

>>224088
Wow, you really had it rough, but you survived it and kept going, much respect.

>>224088
congrads on being the village clown you fucking loser

>>224093
thanks wizchad

Mom comes from bad social environment, poverty, she had crazy and violent parents. She has schizophrenia, takes her meds so she is okay. Doesn't have opinions about anything, does whatever my father or me or others tell her to do most of the time. She is a nice person overall but she was way too overprotective and still is.

Dad was the local tough guy around here, doing security jobs for bars and shit like that, he was on good terms with local cops, he was a biker guy. He dropped out of high school and went to work hard manual labor all his life pretty much. He used to have fascist views but then calmed down and became a christian, now he is a conservative. Led the family in an authoritarian fashion and so brainwashed me into Christianity. Managed to break free from the brainwashing though but Christianity and christian guilt messed up my whole teenage years and childhood. Dad is the kind of guy who thinks the world is black and white and that of course his "side" is always right. Very moralizing kind of guy, also likes to be pretentious and play the "guilty sinner who is feeling bad because of his sins" role. Likes to play the saint too in general. But under all the christian facade he is still a very angry and bitter man who cares way too much about money and what others think about him and his family. Thanks to his fanaticism he also idealizes catholic priests, monks and the church overall. He is a zealot in short who is also a hypocrite at the same time. Lets me NEET and live them so he is okay I guess.

>>224097
Forgot to add: we are basically the eastern euro version of what mericans call white trash.

>>224033
>>224097
Christianity really seems like a double edged sword.
It amplifies both the bad and the good.

The one turbonormie I met in a dorm I stayed at for half a year had a Christian family upbringing and he had absolutely no issues in life.
They loved and supported each other dearly regardless of the issue.
He was the only normie I ever truly envied.

I wondered if his personality and relaxed demeanor was a result of Christianity at the time so I tried going to church and assimilating to the lifestyle if that makes any sense.
Didn't work. Only realized that the environment shapes the man and it shaped him into what he is.
Being Christian alone was not enough, not enough to uplift the dreg into something more normal at least.

I wonder what you twos experience is with Christianity on a personal level. Based on what you two wrote I expect it to be vastly different.

>>224112
I'm >>224097.

I absolutely despise Christianity because it always ends up as a pretentious show. All the christians I ever knew were assholes as far as men go and whores as far as succubi are concerned. The first priest we had was a turbo Chad in catholic priest clothes, everyone knew he had a harem of ladies made up of the church-going succubi and their daughters. It was pathetic to see how everyone always tried to please that shit-eating bastard. The men were smiling at him and did everything he said to them and the succubi were competing with each other for his attention. Of course, this guy bullied almost everyone and talked shit about everyone behind their backs, except for the rich and powerful people with whom he tried to be on very friendly terms. He bullied me too, I was forced to assist him during masses near the altar as kids are forced often and he always made sure to verbally bully me because I was a shy and clumsy kid. This priest made me disillusioned with Christianity completely. After he was moved from this place others came, some of them were okay but generally I can say that priests are rotten sons of bitches most of the time. They are money and power hungry and of course use their power to manipulate others.

To me Christianity has always been a ridiculous shitshow. After I discovered how the Church condemns you if you masturbate I started to hate the whole thing even more. As a depressed teen I didn't have much joy in this existence except for masturbation/porn, more or less. So that was the last straw for me.

And I could mention the "average" christian too. Rich or middle-class snob who plays the role of something that he isn't. All these pious church-goers are horrible persons in daily life who treat their workers like crap.
But really the part that gets you is the sexuality part. Nobody actually keeps those rules at all, only some losers like me struggled to even try. But obviously I failed too. This is the most annoying, you see all those church-goers living like the average normalfag and they don't even care about the morality of the whole thing. They are so two-faced that it's completely natural for them to play a role and be someone else entirely at the same time. Nobody actually turns the other cheek. Nobody actually loves their enemy. Nobody actually keeps the strict laws about sexuality. It's all a play. I fucking despise Christianity and its whole idealist bullshit about what humans should be like. Yeah should be, but we aren't. Let's face it. Humans aren't different from other animals that much, we are just smarter.

>>224120
Are you American? It sounds more like a local problem with the culture surrounding Christianity, or maybe the church is a little corrupted. Sounds like people there go to church mostly to keep up appearances. That's not the case everywhere in the world, so I disagree that Christianity as a whole is inherently corrupted like that.

>>224120

Interesting, I expected such an answer of course. You brought up some points that seem to map onto my experience as well.
Disillusioned by the behavior and wealth hoarding of the priest in my village back during my youth, ended up being exiled if that could describe it.
Basically told not to show up again after I made a clumsy mistake that ended up embarrassing the priest.

The two-faced nature you describe is also something I experienced and once again reaffirms my thought process.
Good people are good, perhaps even better when embracing the spirit of Christianity, shitty people just amplify their worst traits.
Either due to some self-righteous arrogance or as a result of the cognitive dissonance between the projected aspirational image and their real world behavior.

As for the masturbation point I have to say the degeneracy I consume as entertainment and for pleasure is something that has been with me too long to give up.
I also didn't have any real alternative. Not thinking of sex, just doing anything as a hobby or whatever in general to occupy/use the energy.
What made me hate this part the most is that the denominations I consider worthwhile both demand confession.
Confession to a man, not to God.
The above combination was like the final nail in my coffin. I gave up.
It was either give up something I have zero intention of giving up, or go confess that I jerked off all week every weekend.

All in all I guess being serious about religion in our already overly busy world is likely caused by some underlying unaddressed issues. Basically it's a cope.

To stay at least somewhat on topic I wonder how much of our relationship with religion is dictated by our parents.
Mine were very lax, believed to an extent, we've gone to church on major holidays, but nothing was really enforced.
I wonder, despite your overall negative experience from your parents, what led you to rejoin? Nostalgia? Seeking comfort in an alternative "family"?

>>224121
I don't think this is an American exclusive issue. This is a modern society issue if anything.
Corrupt priests exist everywhere. We just got a CIA pope for what it's worth.

>>224121
No, I'm from Hungary. The supposedly last bastion of Christianity in Europe. Most people don't even go to church here except for the big events yet there is a very loud minority of conservative and religious roleplayers who are dead set on preserving our christian values. What a joke.

The problem with Christianity and similar things like Buddhism for example is that it sets an ideal before people that is absolutely contrary to human nature. And if you fail to live up to that ideal you get blamed for being weak and not trying hard enough. "Comeon bro, Christ never even jerked off. Can't keep up with the man? L-O-L loser"" is basically what ascetic roleplaying comes down to. Christ never committed any sin and you as a human should somehow magically be expected to follow his example. Even if you take official christian teaching seriously about how Jesus was both God and human, even in that case the question is needed to be asked: Why are we expected to literally try to live up to someone superhuman? The Son of God never masturbated yeah and he could go without eating for weeks but come on, he was literally God. This is why I hate this kind of idealism. I hate any ideology that is focused on asceticism and/or ""love"" for your fellow human beings. That's not how life works at all and you will make yourself miserable over failing to reach your goal that is impossible to reach to begin with.

>>224123
Yeah, confession is total bullshit, I agree. One priest once told me when I mentioned jerking off in a confession that "you should try getting some exercise or something". That was his "cure" for masturbation. The reality is that the Church doesn't care about your sexual frustration at all nor about your struggle. They just continue demanding the impossible of you, knowing that you will fuck up either way sooner or later. And then of course it's your fault again for "not trying hard enough"…But let's not delude ourselves. Do you honestly think the average christian confesses his or her sexual sins? There is no way. At church I see young married couples with kids taking the body of the Lord like it's nothing. Do we really believe these healthy young men and succubi don't live any sexual life at all except for procreation? Come on. Again, nobody cares. Except for us losers who are too naive and fall for this shit and feel guilty. The normalfag church-goer is smart enough to read between the lines and to recognize from the beginning that Christianity is about pretending to be something. My sister and brother who are older than me both lived the normalfag teenager life when they were young, partying and having boyfriends and girlfriends and casually having sex and all that. They didn't feel any guilt about this not matching with their christian upbringing. It was only me, the dumb idiot retard that I was, who took this crap seriously and tried to adhere to these fairy tale ideals about chastity.

>rejoin
I never abandoned the faith on the surface, I always went to church. You see, in my family this is taboo. We can have arguments about anything except for religion. Religion is the sacred cow of our family. When I was a kid I told my grandma that I hated going to church and wouldn't want to go again. She asked whether I was an atheist, told her no, I just don't like going to church because I dislike the people there. She said "forget about it, your father wouldn't allow that ever". And that was it. This is how it is in my family. My father is a religious zealot so everyone has to pretend they give a shit about his religion. I was always forced to attend holy mass by my dad. He raised me quite liberally in other things but religion? Son, you gotta go to church. So I went.
Even now that I'm almost thirty, I still go to church on every Sunday because I still live with my family and Dad's house, Dad's rules…They let me be a NEET so I gotta play the good boy at least in this thing. One hour per week aint that bad and at least I see some people because otherwise I never leave the house for like 8 years now.

Also might be interesting to mention it, when I was a teenager I practiced some self-styled Satanism secretly. Guess that was my way of rebellion. I masturbated while pushing a crucifix up my asshole or took out my dick and slapped it against the statue of the Virgin Mary we have at home or used a rosary and wrapped it around my penis during masturbation periods. I also used a Bible for masturbation purposes, like using it like some artificial vagina and well, I fucked the Bible so to speak. I also destroyed it later with my teeth, that Bible I mean. Yeah I was kind of crazy but I just hated the whole thing so much and couldn't express my thoughts or feelings to anyone. Thanks Dad, I guess…

>>224130
I'm also from Hungary.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts in such detail.
People rarely engage to this extent, but I like reading what others have to share as I gain no real value with my own walls of text.
I also said we only really went to church during major holidays, I guess it really is the norm for most.
Good thing you at least get to stay a NEET for now, despite all the pain.

As for the last part, I'm not judging. Did my fair share of screwed up things myself.
Sometimes you have to release things and I don't just mean sexual frustration. The overall sense of helplessness I assume is part of most wizards lives.
Reclaiming even a bit of control is necessary to maintain sanity. Even if this is what it takes.

Mom was a pretty average succubus. Father was an alcoholic. I think him being an alcoholic is pretty much what ruined my childhood and why I am the way I am.

My father is sober now and everyone acts like the tumultuous youth didn't happen. They ignore the fact that I have no idea how to connect with others and praise what is good about me. I can pretty much count how many times they inquired about my wizard status on one hand.

>>224112
I'm >>224033
I should've mentioned in my previous post that my mother is a Protestant and my dad is an atheist/apatheist for clarification. I converted to the Catholic faith back in 2020 after some soul searching and digging into church history and questioning my Protestant background.

>Christianity really seems like a double edged sword.
>It amplifies both the bad and the good.
This is true. I have an analogy I like to use where the Bible is a loaded gun. In the hands of someone like a law-abiding cop, that gun is merely a tool used for the safety and protection of that community. In the hands of a criminal, that gun becomes a weapon used for power and murder. Are there bad actors in the Church? Absolutely, but that doesn't invalidate the Church. I'm not a Donatist and I think everyone should be rightly aware that attacks on the Church are to be expected. That said, I understand when scandal causes someone to leave the faith - especially when said scandal is personal. It's unfortunate and that's why we have to keep guard of not only ourselves but of each other as well.

>>224130
They have known for thousands of years human are just base animals who do animal stuff.

Then they shame you for doing that stuff and demand payments and confessions to get a leg up over you.

It's nothing but a psychological con. A trick.

>>224088
>The feeling of absolute betrayal…
I know what you mean, though in my case it was my mother who disappointed me. Many times. I don't even want to search for those memories, I hope to forget them. One time during summer vacation my parents went to a party and took me with them, I guess they didn't want to leave me home alone. My dad is no party man, but my mom, even in her fifties would tryhard to act like a 20-30 year old and seeked excitement. It was a party for adults so I had absolutely nothing to do there, was bored out of my mind. I asked my dad to go home, and he told me to find my mom and tell her we're going home. So I looked for her on the dance floor, and found her dancing with some man I never saw before. I approached her and she just shoved me away with her hip, didn't even look at me, like I was some annoying piece of trash. I guess she was pretending I wasn't hers in front of that man. Repeated it a few times. Don't remember if that was the first time, but it was one of the strongest times I felt rejected.
Other than that, she would often tell everyone things I told her in secret, didn't keep her word, mislead me, tricked me, and generally had no respect at all for me, like I was some nuisance that just didn't want to fuck off. She'd balance these negative experiences out with hugs and other forms of affection, but it wasn't real love.
At some point I became emotionally numb, and stopped trusting anyone. I started seeing emotions as weakness for other to abuse. And if I can't trust my own mother, then how can I trust anyone at all?
♫ twenty first century schizoid man! ♫

>>224139
I really have to wonder what goes through the minds of succubi especially who carry their spawn for 9 months, give birth and then have to basically be attached to said spawn for a good 3 years minimum.
Then they proceed to do shit like this or worse…
The bribery with love and stuff you mention is something I also experienced later on.
My father came back and paid for all kinds of shit I never asked for to "reconnect", but I just can't undo what already is.
There is also this weird expectation attached that you should somehow forget what happened just because "here you go, now you get what you want so it should be fine"… I don't know how to describe it better.
Like even the things given are one sided and are not done so with the intent of making up, but to ease their own conscious.
To me it feels insulting. Worse then if they never reached out at all.

>And if I can't trust my own mother, then how can I trust anyone at all?
This is one of the big issues I have as well. Even the psych (male) told me flat out they can't help me and I should consider embracing a hermit like lifestyle if I can.
If your behavior is completely rational, there is no talking you out of it and that's basically all they can do. Experiences and environment shapes the person.

>>224133
That's surprising, I knew of course that some hungarowizards were here but it caught me off-guard. I always just assumed that I was pretty much the only hungarian using this site, as egoistic and delusional as that sounds.

Well I don't have anyone else to communicate with so I put some effort into my replies or at least try to. I only talk with my parents or my sister who still lives with us. That's all my communication in life plus this site. But I've been gone for a long while from wizchan for certain reasons and I've just recently come back. But as I see nothing has changed. Also, it's true: Once you are a wizchan user you will always be so. You are here forever.

>despite all the pain
I'm trying to get over it. There is nothing to gain in this life by embracing the role of the victim, I learned that quite late. Honestly, the reason I ended up as what I am isn't just because of outside influences. I chose to be this way. I'm a schizoid asshole with narcissistic traits who doesn't crave human connections and a normal life. Nobody forces me to live this way, nobody put a gun to my head and said "don't leave your house for 8 years". I chose this life so whatever. Might as well enjoy it while I can.

>>224138
Yeah. I also hate any ideology that preaches brotherhood and love and stuff like that. I just don't have the patience for these childish ramblings anymore. Nietzsche was right, Christianity is kind of the lowest point humans can sink in a way.

>>223989
Pretty sure both of my parents have BPD. Still have no idea how to even bring this up to anyone, family or otherwise.

>>223989
I dunno.

I grew up with a massive weight of expectations, since my parents were:


a) highly educated
b) so full of passion they weren't interested in a proper decades-long marriage


C) I am a prowler now. A proletariat. Not complaining.

dad worked allot
mother chilled lazy