/dep/ - Depression

I have no friends and I have no one to talk with. I only have internet forums to interact with people but I'm getting bored of them. 4chan is pure schizos and degenerates and other forums that I visit are similar. I don't know what else to do to talk with someone.

>>289648
unironically you can go outside and start helping a charity and you will feel better about yourself, have people to talk to, and other things will will help with your mental state. you can also use the ai to make the chatbot you can talk with but the going outside would be the best option. there is nothing normal about giving your time and energy to a charity, normal people don't do that.

>>289649
not him but what prevents me from helping people is my ineptitude. Like I sometimes see someone needing help carrying something up the stairs and I dont help because I worry with my weak clumsy arms I will drop it. Even with simple tasks I feel like I will fuck up somehow and just because its a charity I don't think they will have patience with me. If anything it could even be more stressful because there will be a lot of needy people and its going to be chaotic as people in need of charity also tend to have behavioral issues of some kind.

>>289648
I literally just laid down after waking up and having my coffee because I got so exhausted from loneliness. I wanted to discuss something but one site is so slow it will take 1-2 days for a reply so I went to 4ch*n and I got a headache from how little thought and sense goes into the posts. That may sound dramatic but I have no one else to talk to. It's like I'm in the desert dehydrated and when I finally see some water I start drinking it only to realize it's dirty and I get sick.

>>289648
I hate 4chan now. Or well I have for years at this point but any time I revisit, I'm reminded of just how awful it is and it always seems worse than I remember. Likely because it is getting worse. The "quality" of discussion is so low that it really is just 99.99% shitposting at this point. Last time I tried to talk about Morrowind and Tamriel Rebuilt I received a barrage of posts calling me a discord tranny groomer. It's not even mental illness. People just put zero thought into anything they post. I've considered trying to use /a/ again but I stopped visiting there around 2014 in disgust and I highly doubt a decade later that it'll be much better for anime discussion and frankly I enjoy anime more (as hard as that is) by having nobody to talk about it with.

On a related note I also hit up the Yume Nikki Online Project thinking that it must surely attract likeminded people. Instead I walked right into a middle school filled with depressed children talking about the mean kids at school and One Piece.

Where the fuck is there to fit in on the internet anymore? Seriously?

>>289665
The internet has always been an amusement park in that it caters specifically to children. The only adults who hang around are those responsible for keeping the children from mooning people from atop the ferris wheel, and adults who wish to exploit these children.

>>289665
Most people posting there today are very mentally ill zoomers with awful parents. These kids grew up watching an iPad and have little to no critical thinking ability.

They have been reduced to bots that regurgitate caps lock memes, cat pictures and African-American slang despite being pasty as snow.
I don't know if they can be considered real humans at this point.

>>289676
Humans have always been a product of their upbringing. People don't really change. The bullied kid at school from a broken household is always going to behave oddly and never feel like he fits in anywhere. The dumbass kid raised purely on the post 2008 internet is going to be a fucking retard with no capacity for thinking for himself and nothing will ever change that. We just now have an entire global generation of those kids growing up and unsurprisingly they ruin everything they infest because they are impossible to engage with or take seriously.

Wouldn't it be better if humans had the ability to kill themselves once their life reach a point of total suffering and desperation?

So much suffering would be saved.

>>289678
We technically do if you're man enough.

>>289678
Suffering is life though, the more suffering the better. Didn't you know your first action in life is to cry and be in distress?

>>289685
Yeah but that pain ended after some minutes. The problem is the suffering that doesn't end and is constant.

>>289687
Yep if suffering is constant, what's the point of even being alive? Mostly to satisfy stimuli like hobbies, sex, learning, working and so many other things that keep people living. What a strange creation the universe has given us.

Gasp.
Another variant of Emimin's cleanin out my closit.

My nightmares sure do give me nightmares..

>>289699
Emimin?

I'm not allowed to do anything. This life is a prison.
I wish there were something I could do.

I hate phone calls do much wizbros, really over for us non verbals.

>>289701
wait for VR brother, it will change everything we know

Anyone else feel so incompatible with society? I always tried to do good unto others even resorting to people pleasings and have tried to be productive through so many creative endeavors but nothing I have done has ever illicited any positive feedback. It feels like the only times I ever existed in my life were when I either did something wrong or embarassing. The isolation and feeling like an alien on a different planet is growing old. My sphere of influence even in regards to my job is so small anyway, like a grain of sand in a desert. So whats the point if all you get at worst is negative reinforcement and at best you get ignored?

>>289706
If you don't have anything valuable to offer to people, they won't give you the time of the day. For females you don't exist under a certain point, and for men, you're just competition or sadistic entertainment.

OOF

It hurts realizing that I was lying to myself.

I told myself that once I am done with my backlog of games, tv shows and movies I will be free of distractions and focus on studying. Well here I am at last. There is nothing I want to play or watch. Nothing I want to see on the internet.

And still I can't bring myself to do anything. All this time the distractions were not a problem and I was just using an excuse for procrastinating.

I legit thought that without distractions my goal will be clear and that I will turn into a workaholic who does nothing but study and eat.

When all it does is just make me more depressed and demotivated. The real answer was to split the day into work and leisure like normal people do it. This way I would have something to give me pleasure each day and I could also enjoy it more after being productive first.

>>289708
Yes this is true.
Ive been a fan of the phrase "take my ball and go home"
If my hardwork, patience, and time are not going to be appreciated by braindead normies, then fuck em. They can have fun dealing with their own garbage.

i wish i could communicate but im not good at communicating in this format.
im just not allowed to do anything, theres nothing i can do with my life anymore, its already over, im going to be homeless, its just a matter of time.
i wish i had had a chance like everyone gets one. i wish i had a childhood and adolescence. i wish i had gone to school and that i were a good student and i wanted to go to an university and become an academic and learn a lot of math and write a lot of it and maybe one day draw and make music as a side hobby. thats what my ideal life would have been like. i would never waste time with things like w0men or fri3nds or things everyone else does just to spend more time with those things i like and get better at them.
i dont know how to describe this but ive been a person different from what i think i am or from what i think i can be. i dont understand how. but i think its not my fault. if i felt like it were my fault i wouldnt want to still do it, i would feel like i dont deserve it and its not meant for me, but i still want to do these things, its proof i genuinely feel like its not my fault. i lost 25 years of life. i wish i had that time back. i just wanted to have spent that time productively, be allowed to think about what i want to be when i grow up, be allowed to choose how i spend my time and that sort of thing. it was just a prison.
anyways theres no point in doing anyhting anymore. my life is finished. i wish i could die but im too much of a coward and too stupid to kill myself. its just a prison. im not allowed to do anything. im just waiting to die.
sorry for making a repetitive post. i feel a lot of pain. sometimes it becomes unbearable and typing is the only cope i have. ive cried practically every day for the past several years. im in a very horrible mental state and i cant fix it. and even if i could fix it it would be pointless because someone like me wont be allowed to go anywhere no matter how good i get at something. i wish it would just end already. i wish i could reincarnate after i die, i wanted to live properly and do things properly and be different and have my small lonely happiness but i didnt. maybe i wish i were never born, ive always felt a longing and an urge to do something nice and be creative and aim very high, do something really, really nice, but i never got to so it was just pointless and would have been better if it never existed.

The past year, spread over the whole of 2023, I have found randomly small amounts of money laying on the ground more than 40 times. Always like a small bill of 10 or 5 euros, sometimes coins. What the fuck is this shit. It's like the universe is fucking with me. It didn't stop this year either, found another 5 euro bill yesterday

>>289703
I wish I was as positive as you or reki kawahara about the future of VR but unfortunately I don't think we'll be alive when the technology will be sufficiently advanced for us to be able to make all of our wishes come true.

>>289720
if you become homeless please tell us about your experience

The only thing worse than a nightmare is a dream that becomes insufferably futile when you wake up (meaning it feels like a nightmare eitherway - -)..

lack of stimulus is killing me. i have almost no memorys from the past 5 years and i have nothing to do all day because im a shut-in in the middle of nowhere.

I don't think my life is worth living. But with escapism, I can make it seem like I am living a life worth living. The problem is that there is a finite amount of escapist materials, and all the new slop that comes out is woke zoomer garbage not worth consuming. So I think I will spend the rest of my life consuming all the good media, and once it runs out I will do myself in in Minecraft xbox edition.

>>288662
Dude, my mother ws the same. I think you're right that she's extremely selfish, and these anons telling you to just help her and quit bitching don't get that she's using this merely to dominate you, to keep you around. It's got nothing to do with her needs and not being able to fulfill them herself.

My mother would tell me that I will have to support her financially in her retirement even though my parents are very wealthy and they are legally married, so everything is split between them. When I didn't want to do something with her like going cycling (when I was 20), she would just go to her room and violently cough, all to make me feel guilty. She would call me whenever I was out of the house, telling me that she feels so lonely without me, all the while coughing. She was fucking fake coughing.

She would talk shit about my brother's girlfriend, because she was jealous of her. She's a violent, selfish, disempathetic excuse for a human.

I just like math, drawing and music. I wish I had devoted my entire life to at least one of those things. I wanted to get really, really good at at least one of those things. I think I could have done so if I had had enough time.
My life sucked a lot. It wasn't a normal life. It was very weird. I wish I had lived my life. I wish I had had a chance. There's nothing I can do anymore. I'm not allowed to do anything. I'm just a bad person with a sh*t life. I think it could have been different, I think I could have been different, but it was just hopeless.
I wish I could communicate properly. I'm going to die without doing any of the things I wanted to even though they're very simple cheap things that everyone else does, I wanted to at least make a post about how I feel and what I went through but I don't know the exact words, I'm not good at communicating like this, it's very complicated and I don't understand it well myself. I'll just go.

>>289751
>I just like math, drawing and music
Then why don't you do any of those things?

More than a week ago I read a fanfiction of 160k words from a friend I lost touch with 7 years ago.
All I could do was leave a somewhat anonymous review.

To make a neverending story vague she was a fan of certain video games and most likely acknowledged that I knew it in that story after all these years.

ones which, tragically enough, are best left off forgotten (even if people do still talk about them) for me now..

>>289763
>friend
>she
>embedding what is probably some tranny emo music from a VEVO channel

Delete your own post right now.

imagine having a mother that won't let you use the washer and dryer without a fight. so you can wash your shit and go to work smelling alright. i wish she'd been neutered or spayed or something, she's really fucking awful and shouldn't have been a mother. can't really complain about my father to this extent because even though he was a piece of shit too he at least gave me basic human decency. fucking cunt

>>289775
Laundromat

>>289776
no car, can't drive, bus stop is a 1 hr 24 minute walk away. six mins away by car, but my mom isn't keen on driving me there whenever i want to launder. even if i pay her for gas (which i do – i get paid tomorrow so she'll get a cool 100 for the month, to start with), there's the "wear and tear" on her vehicle to deal with. she's already very angry about driving me ~12 miles up town to my job every other day (i work max 4 days a week).

>>289794
DBZ creator just died btw

my life is just a decades long string of failure. complete genetic waste.

>>289761

It's too late. I can never master anything. My brain has developed. I am dying every day, declining, dying. Not growing and plastic. Trying now would be slamming my head against a brick wall.

Sorry.

movies and shows are just low entry requirement immersion providers
Immersion away from life
Games have higher entry requirement
Creative hobbies have real high entry requirements

At some point the immersion you get is too few and far between because you barely get to do the activity, or it requires too much motivation

I reject the whole "immediate gratification is bad" talk that normies give
The only exception is if you do something like fap to porn or eat fast food. The immersion ends very fast and very abruptly once you are done (which is in 5 to 30 minutes)

>mother: NOOOOOO YOU DON’T GET IT I’M DEPRESSED THAT IS WHY I AM SMOKING WEED AND DRINKING AGAIN IT IS OKAY FOR ME TO DO THAT!!
>also mother: what do you mean you’re stressed? about what! you live here rent free (you can’t do laundry, the place is a mess because i’m a sloppy cleaner who just tosses trash somewhere else, you can’t cook anything because you haven’t bought it — and what you DO buy i’m going to gobble up because it’s my house, i yell at you over dumb shit that’s my fault, and i don’t flush the toilet regularly so the bathroom and outside hall always smell like piss) but you don’t have to pay rent or bills ;) and watching chinese dramas is bad, you can’t speak the language you don’t know what they’re saying and you’re also a weak idiot who can’t handle anything. younger generation is so weak and pathetic. i’m going to get drunk now
i want to say i’m at the end of my rope now that she’s picked up the bottle again but i don’t have any choice but to tolerate this. i have roommate ads posted on roomies, craigslist, etc. but of course nobody wants to room with a guy working a shitty retail job in his mid twenties. it’s all teens and young people here. i hate being back home so much. i really never meant to come back here. if you told me bright eyed hopeful me at 17 when he left home he’d just end up there again i wouldn’t have believed you. but holy shit this is fucking torture day in and day out

>>289878
i have this naive vision that, if for some ungodly reason i have to move back home, i will just take my camping equipment and travel, until i run out of money, to then just off myself

>>289878
also hate how expensive shit is. when i left in 2017 a studio, in my poor southern state, went for $500ish. now it’s $900ish but menial wages haven’t increased at all. it’s all so goddamn frustrating, i didn’t even sit on my ass and fuck around pointlessly i genuinely tried. i’m just angry and scrambled and exhausted of going to take a piss or shit and having to scrub her slime off of. disgusting pig succubus

I'm in a really rough spot in life. I don't know what to say. It just sucks.

Dear Oscars

I wish I could (finally) say something positive, but I am still devastated by AT's passing.

So congrats and fuck off
,-_-,

>Movie is coming out on a certain day in March
>K, its juat coming out in March
>not coming out at all

Whatever dementia induced shit this is it's sure af making me immune to whatever's hip rn :>

>>289880
I kept telling wizards it's only going to get worse and worse as capital keeps accumulating to the same 0,2% of owners while everyone else has to pay more & more with wages staying stagnant.

Arrogant young apprentices said life has to turn out for the better eventually. It doesn't. We are at a point in history where if you weren't born rich, you need to prepare for decades of hell and struggle.

That $900 apartment will be $1300 in a few years and wages wont go up a cent.
The brutal reality is you can stay with your mom or live in a forest or the streets. You have no other options. Life is hell.