/dep/ - Depression

>>308473
>I feel like such an imposter.
Same here. It's incredible how hard it is to find a job but then when you do you get paid to do absolutely nothing all day. I'm by no means complaining, but I can't quite wrap my head around how I'm getting paid when I provide nothing of value.

Everything is just one big farce.

>>308480
Life is a series of playing pretend. Why else would actors be so highly esteemed?

I'm fiyad, brews.
What's left for me? I have no skills, no talent. Idiotic-autistic, can't fake happiness.
Should I look into any religions before I blow my head off? I was raised christian and I'm retarded so I'm still kind of scared of eternal suffering

>>308484
tell mommy you love her and you need to move back in? that's what i did.

>be dad
>quit his good job when i was in middle school because he didn't like the way they talked to him
>we grew up in poverty
>he easily could have went back to work or searched, literally just chose not to
>fast forward to now
>he's still fucking poor
>i have a shitty little office """"""tech"""""""""" job doing spreadsheets, baby tier sql slop, and support both of us with it
>he calls me a lazy faggot daily for hating my job and being mentally exhausted by it
i want to Leave so badly but I know when I go it has to be to a better city than this. I refuse to pay 2k in rent in a shack in this shithole

>>308587
Your dad should shut the fuck up and be coherent with his life choices.
I wish my dad would quit his job to take care of me and my mom but he only cares about money.

>>308592
>I wish my dad would quit his job to take care of me
Oh great, age regression baby play fetishists are here.

>>308587

sounds like my dad. My boomer, actual boomer, dad, decided to be a neet before concept existed. People were tryin to talk em into jobs would pay equivalent of 80K USD in todays money. Nope, dumb fuck needed to hide in a room all day listenin to Am radio, and doin schizo crap. And, no wasnt into computers, was scared of computers, lol. No clue what spent all day doin, didnt work, listened to Am news radio, no cable, no satellite, no internet. Just hiding.

Holy fuck the insurance provider with my job is so fucking bad

>Need to go to doctor
>Try to login to insurance site to make sure hospital is in network
>Wants to send code since it doesn't recognize device
>Wants to send text to old number
>Try THREE (3) different times to get number updated
>"I am sorry saar there is error plz keep lines open for 24 - 48 hours"

So a spaghetti coded app by Indians has a safety feature to prevent Indian scammers that the Indian run help line can figure out how to work.
I fucking hate them so much. I hope India burns and all Indian """wizards""" here please do the needful and jump in front of a train.

>>308604
The funniest thing, I best the safety features can be completely bypassed with basic coding magic. I doubt anything coded by poopoo is good.

>>308601
You sick fuck, me and my mom are both disabled and need to be taken care of, my dad doesn't want to admit we could survive off disability and he wants to work until retirement age.

>>308613
What disability? And don't say 'fat'.

>>308614
I have bipolar and dystonia
My mom can't walk properly

Any ideas on how to get my shit together anons?

I have started this gig 2 years ago assembling cable harnesses. It consists of sitting on your ass for 8 hours and doing the same thing repetetively. It's things like:

Plugging a cable into a socket 8 hours long
Cutting a cable for a specified length measure
Removing insulation from parts of cables
Other easy repetitive stuff
Keeping a paper trail of all these activities for quality control

It's easy manual stuff that pays minimal wage and functions at all because the company does so many varied orders that it's not profitable to buy lots of machinery. The problem is, I am fucking retarded and even after doing something for 100 times I keep making mistakes which makes me slow as hell due to being overcautious. It also doesn't help that this job is full of succubi who don't mind me (at glance) and just keep to themselves blabbering about stuff like boyfriends and vacations.

So anyway, aside from being slow and making mistakes endlessly, I am incredibly forgetful. For example I forget to fill out a quality assesment page which I should do after finishing working on some product, and my boss is whiny about that since nobody else has problems like that. Is there any way to get around such forgetfulness/clumsines? I once got myself some ADHD pills which made just toiling 8 hours easier on my mood but I don't think that it actually made me keep all the procedures in mind. It's a perfect wagie job where I don't have to work hard and make more than I spend but I have reputation of being clumsy which gives me unwanted attention too often which in turn makes me hate this work to the point of wanting to quit at times. Should I try other ADHD pills? Or what the fuck causes me to be so absent minded?

>>308617
I know this sounds really basic, but:
How much sleep do you get each night?
How good is the QUALITY of your sleep? Obviously being woken up in the middle of the night by loud noises or bodily functions is bad, but even if you sleep for 7-9 hours uninterrupted, having lights in your room from computers or other appliances can have a negative effect.
Is there a proper checklist for everything you need to do? Even if you have to write it up yourself (which means your boss has dropped the ball because he should be sorting out the paperwork/documentation), having an itemised checklist will make it much easier to remember what you're supposed to do.

>>308618
I am careful about my sleep almost to the point of being pedantic about it. I always go to bed 8 hours before having to wake up, put a blanket over the window curtain and tell my mother to turn her fucking TV off. I think that I might have a problem due to having to wake up around 5-6 am these days though. It used to be easier when I had to wake up at 7 am.

Do you mean a checklist just as a piece of paper where I can cross out things? There's nothing like that, we just get informed about whatever policies the boss came up with and have to stick to it. Again, the succubi don't seem to have a problem. Perhaps starting one could help a little, I have some sort of such a checklist in my head which I made with mnemonics but it doesn't help when I forget to use the list itself which also happens.

>>308603
I wonder what % of us were fucked over by their parents to start with. I highly doubt the average wiz comes from a good family with parents who had their shit figured out, are we all accidents?

>>308621
i think a lot of wizards are the result of weak or mentally ill men reproducing that probably shouldn't have, with horrible succubi that gave them a chance for whatever reason. my uncle died as a wizard neet, but my dad somehow cope'd with alcohol and managed to get married to my mom and create a lil freak of nature that's a combination of both their worst genetic traits.

dying as a wizard isn't the worst fate. trust me, wizzies, the worse fate is some trash succubus giving you a chance to carry this curse into the next generation and you get to see your shit spawn grow up to be the same failure as you. honest to god, i'll cut it off before i bring another soul into this hell world.

NEVER FUCK

>>308621
>>308622

my dad, Mr. Am radio above, was a complete fuckin mental case, bein forced to be out to work and try to do school stuff. At said time, meets my mom, and yea for whatever reason im made. Mom realizes my dad is a lunatic, and a bum, doesnt want to work ever, divorces.

So heres me. Unwanted by either of my parents, after divorce my dumb ass dad disappears for about a decade. Mom tries to leave me w/ my grandparents. And, decades of misery and poverty followed.

All these weird stories as a kid, my dad sendin me like 5$ for Xmas. People askin me if my dad was a homeless person, dude turns back up, im like 10, im like who are you? lol why dont you work? Why do you hide in a room all day listenin to Am news radio? you never leave your room, what does news matter. lol i remember one time, i was a kid, dumbass takes me to a mall, it was around X mas time, i dont know wy we went cause my dad , zero money EVER. Anyways, we see radio shack, and im like yea, i want to play w/ electronic toys and stuff. Scizo is like nooooo theres computers inside, im like yea, so, like freaks out about early 1980s computers LOL.

I find out later, way later, like my 30s. I try to connect w/ my dads side of family. And, o was it interestin. Found out, and mentioned in other threads. My uncles tried unsuccessfully to have my dad permanently committed. My dad was apparently hoppin trains and wander around, they believe was committin crimes around country and comin back. Dads side of family basically disowned my dad. And, assumed id be like him. Tellin me, wow , umm you re a normal person? lol Yea, everyone disowned your dad. My uncles, totally normal, successful, normal jobs, nice families, raise kids normally. And, Just Me, totally fucked from day 1.

i always get pissed when i see some Neet rant about wantin a succubi, like yea, nice, make a kid like me,

>>308622
>>308623
Life is inevitable, consciousness precedes material reality and it will always come and go. Those with fortunate genetics will inevitably create those with less fortunate genetics in the grand scheme, due to entropy. In the end, resentment against life, parents and such is no different than the resentment of blacks against whites, succubi against men, etc. a better way to look at it is to be thankful there are better examples of humanity that exist at all. Lest the world be entirely comprised of the stupid, the weak, the unhealthy, etc.

>>308615
None of those things prevent you from taking care of yourself. You being emotionally immature and having occasional localized muscle spazms doesn't prevent you from washing yourself, preparing food for yourself or your mother, or doing pretty much every other basic household task. Have some self respect. If I was a dad who had a son who considered himself too "bipolar" to take care of himself, I'd probably try to spend as much time at work as I could too. Why don't you get disability for yourself? Assuming you live in a California or someplace that considers emotional instability to be a disability, you're an adult so you can just get the paperwork and tests together yourself without your father's help.

>>308624
>resentment of blacks against whites

do you have to shoehorn your dogshit racism in every thread?

>>308623
>freaks out about early 1980s computers
The Commodore 64 was pretty cool.

>>308617
1. Keep paper tablet handy. Ideally - tied to hand. Checklists save time and stress capacity alike

2. Background music (AI generated copycat of 1970s Muzak?)

3. Wear some funny badges if theyll make you comfier

>>308617
>absent-minded
Been here. (And I still am, ugh)

Besides. Does your job allow you to put bluetooth earbuds into ears to just listen to workout music? You tell them you use "focus playlist" on an mp3 player; and youll listen to the music to avoid overlapping with succubi discussing boyfriends

>>308625
I've already been recognized as a fully disabled person I have 100% disability, so if a commission of doctors that don't even know me acknowledged my impairment why can't my dad be as mindful as them? Both me and my mom need support in every daily task, you say I should make food I don't even know how to do that, I can't go to the supermarket without feeling extreme fatigue, I can't drive and I don't know how to talk with people.

>>308635
>I've already been recognized as a fully disabled person I have 100% disability,
Then what's the problem? Why can't you make some phone calls and get on Disabilitybux? Why do you, as an adult man, need your father's approval to conduct business that is strictly between you and your doctors?
>I don't even know how to do that
>I don't know how to talk with people
Then learn. Practice. Going your whole life and not picking up on basic human skills is quite shameful. Your emotional instability isn't a barrier to learning how to cook, and there's no "right" way to talk to people unless you have some sort of egotistical false vision of yourself that you'd like strangers to adopt too.
>I can't go to the supermarket without feeling extreme fatigue
Your dad shouldn't have to pick up after your refusal to maintain a minimal level of physical ability. Go out an build your strength.

It's really starting to sound as if you're simply lazy.

>>308636
I get disabilitybux but my dad says they're not enough to survive, I cannot simply do what I want because of complete and total inability to conduce a normal life by myself. If one day my dad dies everything will rot away and they will find me among trash waiting to die from starvation. There is no coming back from thirty years of isolation and decay.

>>308635
If your dad was mindful, he wouldn't have had you in the first place. Education and distance from you allows doctors to be dispassionate about your weakness. Ignorant people who are close to you and close-minded are never going to be able to accept objectivity.

>>308638
I tell him everyday he shouldn't have made me and he agrees with me, he sentenced himself to a life of wageslavery just to feed me and my mom, not a great move.

>>308587
I have 2 uncles that were older gen X, but had AMAZING job offers, they knew all the right people. Nope they became party boys and got drunk EVERY DAY. They were on the type of money that both of them were able to buy brand new flagship cars imported from the USA. Now one is dead, the other is basically homeless and travels on his broken bike everywhere. Abusing everyone he finds. Calls me a lazy loser for working and not being able to afford a 200k+ car

>>308628
They let me have one because they think I don't listen to them when I have them both on. I don't mind it though.

Again, I am not sure that the checklists would help since I am not sure if I'd even check them. It is also a problem with complex procedures when I'd have to make really advanced checklists to cover all possible mistakes.

I thought that I might be spacing out simply because of anxiety over wasted time and people watching me. Perhaps I'll try to drink some mint or whatever when I'll be at work next time. At least I'll be less upset when I'll fuck something up.

>>308642
People back then thought the good times would last.

>>308637
What's ur endgame when your parents die? Why not just skip to the chase and go live in a retard home

>>308655
Community homes are hellish, you don't have privacy and you need to follow rules, also you don't have air conditioning and computer usage is limited. I want to remain at home in my bed which is comfy and large. So my plan when my parents die is to sell through an administrator every inherited property of my family and to pay a caregiver to make food and clean my house and do laundry and buy me stuff until the very end. I calculated tbat I will need €2000 monthly to cover the costs, my disability pays €942, so €1058 will be from savings, when money runs out I will die from starvation while sinking in the garbage. My future depends on how many money my grandparents will leave us.

Another development on the clumsiness front.

When I was labeling some cables I recalled that I didn't get the quality control form filled out (and it had to cover like 1000 labelings). Since it was already done I decided not to risk making it up all from scratch and left it alone hoping noone would notice. Of course my boss had to ask about it the next day while he almost never does that. Once he found out that it's non-existent he forced an awkward interchange that went somewhat like that:

>Why did you not fill out the form?
>Well, I forgot
>…
>Why did you forget?
>????

We stared awkwardly at each other for like 5-10 seconds and he went away telling me that I'm starting to act like a retard.

Later he told me that if some sort of auditor or a client would notice that workers miss out filling these forms this way the company could lose the certificate and generally be in deep shit so I MUST stop commiting fuck ups with these forms.

Then he proceeded to complain that despite of working there for two years I am incredibly dependent on others and keep asking silly questions like where to put random shit (I genuinely feel confused and do have to ask such stuff) that has a specified place to be put that I was told about a month before. Then that I am getting late a couple of minutes every day and that I am painfully slow, finishing that in case of any bonuses or god forbid firings I will be at a huge disadvantage.

The thing that pisses me off is that I literally didn't think of that form, it didn't exist until I randomly realized that I have to fill it out. Only reasons why that might happen is that I am so spaced out that I work on some sort of vague auto pilot and keep doing mistakes because of that. Other than that I don't know. Maybe I should try to get an ADHD diagnosis or something? Perhaps a tax cut would make my employers less whiny if disability would grant it…

I need a good, lengthy bout of escapism, but I got to wage. Sucks.

any freeter?

>>308647
Just in case; the advice on productivity playlist is real.

I wonder if smartphones are banned but regular mp3 players are ok in your place…

I'm only 23 but I feel so burnt out and depressed, not even from working (anymore) but from life in general.

I have pretty bad imposter syndrome, I'm somehow relatively successful compared to all the low IQ retards I grew up with, it's surreal knowing how fucking utterly stupid those guys are, they all just smoke weed and do nothing with their lives completely content like actual cattle but the weird thing is they're all generally satisfied with life and happy.

I feel uncomfortable and depressed constantly meanwhile all the white trash types I grew up with all seem to be relatively happy and content despite doing and accomplishing nothing; not even being able to keep their own living space tidy.

I think the jewish meme about goyim being literal cattle holds some truth.

Pic is from a nightwalk some time ago.

>>308723
One vote for maintain course: just be 10% more mindful of documentation and job performance. Any wild swings will wreck your mental state and work won't appreciate it anyway (after working somewhere a while, bosses tend to cast us in a bracket you can't escape from).

>>308764
on the odyssey of a wizard, one shall be handed : The Tao

https://ia800507.us.archive.org/33/items/TaoTeChing/Tao_Te_Ching.pdf

>>308764
No one has ever achieved anything, whatever they did will be erased forever soon, people only think it matters because of the limited existence of humanity, but truly there’s nothing you can do with your life, “achievements” are a lie.

>>308771
>No one has ever achieved anything
You don't actually believe this.

>>308764
>23
you're still a toddler

Currently doing an IT internship on some government office.
Coming from having very tight schedules on previous jobs, two breaks of 15 mins and 30 mins for lunch, to a very fucking lax atmosphere is really shocking, as if my mind can't be convinced jobs like this really exists.
Guess that's government jobs for you, they don't last when administration change tho.

>>308775
seethe kekeke

>>308774
i do believe this, you can’t achieve anything because life itself is worthless, it’s simply a mistake, for you to be able “achieve” something first you must live in a world that makes sense, has an objective or a goal or any direction at all, but that’s not the case, life is nothing so you aren’t required to do anything with it and shouldn’t be praised for using your worthless time towards some meaningless objective that doesn’t truly matter in the end.

how does heat affect your wageing? it probably sounds inane, but i really have a very hard time moving when it's too hot and i absolutely can't think for the life of me. no matter how hard i try i just can't adjust. this affects my affairs in a very bad way.

>>308764
>23
You are very young. Things can get so much worse.

>>308820
>it probably sounds inane
It only seems "inane" because the kikes have programmed you to think that way. They don't care if your body is destroyed as long as they get value from it.>I'm only 23

>>308829
damn kikes and their eugenics.