/dep/ - Depression

I stand at*

Sorry my brain is completely melted today.

That ugly thing
Crouching on the chair
Clutches close yellowed skin
And greying hair
And sighs:
In pallid light of soul's waning flame,
Off bone candle-waxing flesh drains;
Brains and guts alike rejoin the shit they spawned:
Ceaseless floods of waste nourish the fronds,
Which also never die

I need to do lsd

>>306284
thank you. the voices constantly hurl abuse, and try to manipulate me by mimicking my thoughts. I really can not do this anymore

>>306327
I consider myself as a manchild in some ways. It is clear that I am somewhat stunted physically as well, but I don't think most of the listed things apply to me for the reasons whatever normie psych thinks they would.
Not to the extent it describes at the very least. I'm not overtly emotional in the way described (I'm generally deadpan), but I do think a lot of my decision making is based on whims.
I tend to over-analyze, get paralyzed because in this world such a thing as optimal doesn't really exist if you think about it long enough, and then after a long long time I get a burst of energy/frustration and take action in some direction.

>External locus of control Believes life “happens to them,” lacking agency or responsibility over choices.
This though for sure. I'm a big determinism believer and have made many posts using a galton board as an analogy to that.

>Avoids difficult conversations Prefers to ghost, stonewall, or shut down rather than communicate openly.
Another thing that you develop once you realize that people have no desire to engage in good faith about anything.
I don't care for politics etc. I have no skin in the game as the "dead end" of my family tree branch anyways, yet people are always super hostile if you don't just nod along in.
If you give your perspective, further gaslighting or dismissals based on some trait you have idk.

>Struggles with boundaries Either imposes rigid rules on others or ignores boundaries entirely.
Yeah maybe to an extent. Mostly the second part. I gave up on dealing with any of it and I have zero expectations for people, but I hold myself to a strict set of them.
Again developed due to experience, I know people care a lot how they are treated, but give zero shits about how they treat others. So it's reasonable to not expect anything from others, while acting in a manner not to offend.

>Avoids accountability Blames others, external situations, or makes excuses rather than acknowledging personal responsibility.
This is also true externally. I take a lot of responsibility at work whenever I make a mistake, but I also always make "excuses" in that, I justify WHY the mistake was made.
If I fuck up it's usually not out of tardiness or lack of care, it's either a lack of knowledge, ability or I simply wasn't given the tools to perform.
Making this clear is important to me, which usually comes off as some retard making excuses.
I always try to make it clear to normies that I 100% accept that I was at fault, but I need to be understood that it wasn't due to some moral failure on my part.

Therefore:
>Defensive when criticised Cannot tolerate feedback without becoming angry, dismissive, or self-victimising.
This is true from an outsider view too. I often try to JUSTIFY myself because I feel like I'm constantly misunderstood.
But then again, I was limping and a doctor sent me to a psych for "pain syndrome", had to pay out of pocket for a private doctor to get an MRI to prove I had a herniated disc…
So is it a surprise that I'm constantly defending my viewpoint when even pain I clearly experience is denied?
I criticize myself much harsher than a normie ever would. It's just that the 99 times I've gone above and beyond is never noted while the 1 time I fuck up is treated as some great moral failure with a whole humiliation ritual attached.
Which again, punishment, blame, "talking to" all fine, as long as it's not put in a way that makes it look like it was some moral failing.

>Sees relationships as transactional Only invests when they get something back, viewing love or care as currency.
I don't think I ever felt loved or felt love for anyone else. Mostly due to shit life circumstances.
Might be true, I always try to be the one to give more, because I assume normies keep track. (Life experience shows they actually do view things this way… so)
I "invest" without expectation though, because I have no expectations from others. For the best probably.

>Difficulty empathising Struggles to understand or care about how their actions affect others, even when explained.
I understand. I often try to get out of the way of others sometimes at personal cost.
>Seeks immediate gratification Acts impulsively, prioritising short-term desires over long-term well-being or relationship health.
Not for the gratification, but as describe, paralyzed by indecision and often unable to act even for my own self benefit (ie. go to a doctor when in pain) so the only times I do act is when I get the impulse.

TL:DR;
I feel fairly justified, but having written all this down I guess the trope fits. I just disagree with the presumed "why".


I believe normies live in a consensus reality, every unit beyond the self is some fairy tale that the masses have agreed to.
Society and all it's little aspects is like some warp entity made manifest that then in turn twists the normies further. It's like a bunch of monkey agreed to become fish, the world turned into an ocean and they in turn came to more deeply embody a school of said fish in self-reinforcing cycle.

EQ is a retarded cope in such a world. In nature, in reality, empathy is reserved for KIN, your kin, your family, or to an extent your tribe.
In an atomized world things can only be transactional.
A lot of the "be a man" "grow up" "be an adult" bullshit is the normie fish expecting you to throw yourself at the shark to save the shoal when you, atomized, have no skin in the game and they would never do the same for you.
It's just part of the mass delusions being forced on you like some cultists trying to give you some chaos god "blessing".
Go work overtime, pick up the slack of others, take another shift because Johnny needed to take their spawn to the doctor for the 10th time this month etc.
All of this is completely reasonable if it's done for kin.
Do you have any? People are just shaming us into a social contract that only ever benefits them.

>Frankly, it's a bit like a punch in the gut to look real hard in the mirror so to say, and realize that you are really a little immature narcissist who has arrested development
Again, fellow immature narcissist I guess… You have the symptoms, but you aren't diseased.
A lot of what is considered "adulting" or being a grown man is just molding yourself into a system you were never meant to function in.
As a wizard, having your own family to take care of, chasing sex, status etc. is just pointless.
Without the #1 imperative of reproduction why would people meaninglessly grind themselves down and adapt to the mass delusion of society normies manifested as I described?
There is simply no reason to.
If you make enough money to sustain yourself and whatever meaning and joy you can find in your life then that is more than any one of us here can hope for.
Which cattle aside from the human cattle is expected to provide for themselves, make themselves the fattest and most desirable, work themselves to death for the privilege of being slaughtered?


This whole post is longer than what is worth reading. Full of contradictions and pointless rants.

>>306335
Very good wizardly wizdom, wiz.
Really, this mature-immature dichotomy is just a way to filter out undesirables. When I skimmed through r*ddit to find this list, I've found a lot of comments from people who accused their parents/exes/bosses of being immature. Heck, I remember there was a book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. It's more of a way to point fingers and call other people immature because… Uh, because they are, okay!?
I also can't help but find that dichotomy similar to empath-narcissist one. People do like to accuse their parents/exes/whatever of having NPD traits, but really this point is moot in our highly individual society.
For example, take Instagram. It's really is a the vanity fair of 21st century. I decided to make an empty account to see what my schoolmates were up to these days. I was quite shocked to find that even the ugliest succubi in our class had thousands of photos of their stupid faces, their greasy food, their flabby tits out on a beach, every minuscule thing they did on full display. And it's a normal practice. In fact, I was considered abnormal for not having Instagram with a profile full of pictures of me doing random shit. If it isn't a society of rampant narcissism, what is it?
Then what is a pathological self-importance? I was accused of being a self-important know-it-all by my immediate family only because I don't like people that much. Apparently, there is an approved way of having an unwarranted self-importance which is celebrated in society, and a negative one. The negative one is considered "immature" and the approved one is "celebrating yourself and knowing your worth."

>>306336
>Apparently, there is an approved way of having an unwarranted self-importance which is celebrated in society, and a negative one. The negative one is considered "immature" and the approved one is "celebrating yourself and knowing your worth."
Perfect summary.

>People do like to accuse
Like on the list, shifting blame etc. It's fine if they do it in the "acceptable" way.
The book you mention, the title alone, putting the blame on the individual, be it parent or child instead of calling out the greater causes.
A broken system, because it's easier to blame the homeless bum since tackling the grand delusion of society is akin to fighting god.

They can feel good about themselves since everything they got must have been earned, everything someone else suffers must have been deserved.

I just don't have anything to look forward to.
I'll never be happy.

Just want to share my three cents to the topic of emotional maturity and emotional neglecting parenthood rising up in /dep/ recently. I thought about this time and time again in the past whether I'm affected by it, if I'm a victim of neglecting parents, if this made me who I am, if I suffered from it and if it negatively influenced and hindered my personal development. And a few times I concluded that this must be the case and that even if I can't blame my parents or not even make them responsible for living in a purely random or deterministic universe (which from a practical point of view is the same) I now have a reason to not care about them anymore and dislike them. Well it turns out that these kind of conclusions and the thinking about these topics in general mostly was caused by literature regarding these topics, Reddit tier posts or youtube and social media gurus and influencers who want attention, and overlapping of feministic-psychiatric-therapeutic centred views which are destined to make a human spirit mentally ill as they interpret everything in a way that makes you ill and others responsible for your shortcomings, so as a reaction they can take your money and time to 'heal' you from this phantom pain.
In short I realised that there is absolutely no value to give in into this frame of emotional immaturity caused by other people. It's completely pointless and doesn't solve anything. If you want to seclude from your parents, that's fine; if you want to keep contact with them, that's fine, but don't waste time questioning your emotional capabilities. I think one has to find some kind of a attitude to go with the flow regarding emotions. The concept of maturity really is very important I think but it's not primarily emotional maturity which seems to be a rigged and harmful concept producing humans that are not okay with how they are. Maturity should rather be a general attitude of personal detachment from practical and social nuisances by realising that it never ends and trying to stay calm. We are never finished. It's not like well I finished school, finished uni, have a job, now I'm done, why the fuck am I still not happy yet and don't feel like I achieved anything? Instead it's a never ending process of dealing with what you are surrounded with, the objects, the people, the thoughts and emotions, the inner and outer world.

>>306340
Yeah at the end of the day endless analysis and debating causes isn't that useful. Only to the extent where it can help free oneself of self imposed shackles of (self)blame.
I too could blame my parents for a lot, quite rightly, but I've since listened to both their life stories and they too had harrowing experiences that shaped their person, their actions and reactions.

As you said, I decided to cut contact with one parent, and only have moderate interactions with the rest of the family. Endlessly dwelling and going back and forth is a waste, but "fixing" things isn't something worth pursuing in my life.
I don't know if this was part of the point you are making, but emotional maturity is a lot less important in my eyes as well compared to "maturity" of general ability if that makes any sense. The more things I'm able to handle IRL, the calmer I feel in general and the better I feel about life.
I have no appreciation towards stoicism, but the older I get the more reasonable part of it seems.
Emotions are fine, experiencing them as they come is fine, but I really need to keep working on ways to return to a baseline calmness once said emotions are processed.

I hope I'm getting my thoughts across on the last part. I just mean emotions need not be dug up over and over if a memory pops up again.
People get hung up on this with nostalgia too I feel, like trying to or digging up positive emotions instead of making and experiencing new ones.
A lot of depression is just an "evil" version of nostalgia where one, or where I can not let go without some magical, dreamed up and desired closure. A lot of bad experiences will never have a moment of catharsis and will never get neatly packaged and tucked away. One needs to grow beyond it I guess.

Would this align with your understanding of maturity here too?
Sorry if I completely derailed what you were trying to say. I just felt like writing down the thoughts your post sparked.

>>306338
this basically

>>306340
it makes sense to question yourself so you can figure stuff out over the years. what doesn't make sense is trying to fit your mind into the jewish rape frame that, as you said, always makes you seem mentally ill in comparison to their nonexistent reference. this is basically reinvented christianity lol.

>>306338
Yup. Was given the advice randomly to make longterm goals by a doctor, at length…
That is probably what I really need.
But I just don't have anything like that. I tried to come up with random stuff and force it, but nothing. No real desire or drive.
Wish I had some autistic obsession like so many others do.

>>306340
I gave it some thought, and really, I think parenting is not the cause. I think blaming everything on formative years, what experiences you've had, or which you didn't have, and so on. It's quite a neurotic way to look at life, and quite honestly, a faulty one.
You can have a perfect childhood and turn out a weird shut in, or you could endure abuse and neglect and still be able to fit in in the neatly placed boxes enforced by society.
Abuse and neglect, at their core, don't make sense and they are quite modern inventions. There is some truth to it, of course, I don't deny it. Beat a dog every day and the dog will turn out in a scared, shivering mess. Same with humans.
But! What makes it so ones can live through one minor trauma and get PTSD, while others can go through literal war zones and turn out fine? Modern psychiatry gives an explanation that the difference are expectations. If one is used to life of hunger, poverty and violence, more violence would hardly traumatize him. Meanwhile, if a secure person experiences grieve betrayal from the closest ones, he will be traumatized. Which is a weird way to look at things.
But it doesn't explain how some people can fit the society's norms and others act barely human. Maybe it's all genetics then? It might be so.

>>306346
Your genetics and how the machine they produce react to your environment, be it the literal material one or the people and experiences you have throughout time.
You have a default build and then slowly change and adapt.
Each adaptation then influences how you react to the next thing and then the next and so on.
Some things are called maladaptive for a reason. Only the extremely dumb normies are shocked if a beaten abused dog snarls or bites at a helping hand.

Suffering too is relative. This is why I don't outright dismiss "first world problems".
To some guy figuratively stubbing his toe might just be his equivalent of absolute misery while to you it's a non-factor.
Like a wizard wouldn't be pained by crab bullshit, but to the crustacean a dry pp is indeed a hellish existence.

Little metal ball goes tick-tock against the wooden pegs in the galton board.

hatred feeds hatred. pain multiples pain. this spiral permits no escape. "good" feelings exhaust themselves on their own, but hatred needs no source, it exists implicitly, waiting just there is the shadow. there is no escape. i'm going to meditate on suicide again.

>>306348
have you ever lost your thoughtfulness
into a cloud of hazy memories?
>>306356
i sometimes meditate on losing ones mind
what it's like to lack intelligence
or to lack awareness
what is really going on in the mind of a dog or a pig?
We just project our own perspective and try to imagine shrinking it down… but it's impossible to truly comprehend, the mind of a fly… unless you are a fly…

but so many of my own thoughts often fly away, caught in a web of fatal atrtaction…

it's inevitable, i'm losing my mind…

>>306357
>have you ever lost your thoughtfulness
>into a cloud of hazy memories?
I don't know what you mean. If you clarify I'm more than willing to engage as I've nothing better to do.

I often feel like a soulless NPC the more I reflect on my actions and behavior patterns, lack of desire, aspiration etc.

>>306357
>i sometimes meditate on losing ones mind
i needn't bother 'cause i've already lost mine. nihilism shattered me into digestible pieces, not hatred, rage and pain are making a porridge from the remains.

the only wish i have left is to fucking kill, murder with utter inhuman violence, to see them lose their voice screaming in agony. but a loser like me can't harm anyone.

i guess the my conclude in somewhat this way, i'll write some revenge healer tier power fantasy then hang myself like a sexually confused soyboy. everybody's gonna have a laff and then it'll be over.


i'm so fucking angry

>>306364
>digestible pieces, not
now
>i guess the my conclude
i guess my life will conclude

belated proofreedin

i've been lying on the floor for 3 hours, head completely empty. not even doom scrolling.

>>306367
I noticed in the past years since I lost my NEETdom I started to not even scroll or watch anything, but often just stare at nothing in particular for long stretches of time.
I used to be a "maladaptive" daydreamer, but my fantasies went from vivid to grey to nothing as well.

>head completely empty
At least that is an upside for the most part, is it not?

>>306368
yeah. i sometimes have dreams that are more vivid than reality. they're like nails in the coffin. had just one today. felt so much real than life i'm still completely befuddled.

>>306369
Can definitely relate to that too. Sometimes I still have insanely vivid dreams where I wake up and I'm shocked by the contrast of my reality.
At least it reminds me that the spark is not fully gone yet.

>>306370
>At least it reminds me that the spark is not fully gone yet.
this is so very relatable

Had a nightmare where I was trapped in a room full of huge worms. I tried to avoid stepping on them but I couldn't as the entire room was filled. I couldn't stop feeling them with my feet and underlegs. So gross.

Has anyone here been overly sheltered and protected by their parents to the degree they don't know how to do anything by themselves or take care of themselves whatsoever?
I still have not learnt how to tie lanced shoes despite pushing 30s

>>306386
30, mom still cooks, washes my clothes and pays the bills.

>>306386
Yes.

>>306386
Probably a lot of people here. Me included. But you should not worry since most of the basic stuff is pretty easy to do. I spent 24 years doing nothing by myself (Mom even went with me to pick up groceries around the corner). But i finally moved away october last year and had no other choice but to learn. I am pretty stupid, but was surprised at how fast it was for me to learn how to do the basics (laundry, food, cleaning, subway travelling, etc.) 1 month max I could do all that by myself with no help and minimum effort and anxiety. Most sheltered people should be fine I think. If you have the option you should milk it for all its convenience. Enjoy your parents while they're around. I read about parents that throw their kids out when they become legal adults and I feel pretty lucky in that regard.

Hadn't it been for my iniative I'd still have my ass wipped after a shit and spoon-fed.
Some things I still don't have the know-how, though.

>>306386
It's not the lack of knowledge that hold overprotected kids back. The knowledge can be learnt. What hurts us is the anxiety and self-doubt everytime we had to step out of what we are used to and in my case, depression and avolition that makes me feel too tired to try. A sheltered but highly motivated, resilient person can adjust easily.

A few days ago a forum I have been lurking for 12 years shut down. The whole time I lurked while watching people form friendships and lift eachother up. Even though I hardly posted at all, I felt like I knew them. Multiple times I wanted to join in but always stopped myself, I'm not really sure why. I don't understand myself or why I do things, I never intended to be a NEET but now I am one. The site has died but I will still be here confused, and just being an observer of my own life and those around me

>>306394
It's enviable to me when someone says they grew up in forums or chatrooms and can tell you about the interesting history and memes there. The first time I found a forum I was interested in as a kid I just lurked and never participated. After growing up I still barely participate in the stuff everybody in the chans were doing. I didn't consume the essential media. I didn't take part in the dramas. I browsed the same site as everybody else for just as long but I was never one of them.

>>306394
At least you got the memories of better times online. It's something.

I also regret never really contributing.
For some reason I have no issue writing insanely long word vomit posts here that nobody reads, but on sites with names attached I always super self moderated.
Usually typed out my thoughts and deleted it midway thinking "who cares what I have to say anyways".

Insecurity and shame stopped me from ever enjoying my life, youth etc.
I had my reasons sure, but eventually the reasons were insecurity from the past, trying to prevent further embarrassment or full on pariah status, so I left voluntarily in most situations or refused participation to prevent rejection.

This really shaped who I turned out to be.
I regret not participating on the early 2000s internet, I could have been creating stuff too, sharing stuff. I was always there.
I always had the opportunity. I always had the idea, dreaming of doing stuff, but never did.
I regret my inaction and withdrawal from life because there are never going to be opportunities like those ever again.
I'll never be young again. Fuck being 30+. A middle aged man. Mirrors are quite harrowing.

>just being an observer of my own life and those around me
I wonder how many wizards end up like this too. People like us escaped to the internet, but I feel like this trend of voyeurism is also likely really prevalent.
Social event, experiences, adventure, porn. All just watching others do such through a screen.
Hell you don't even need to play video games you could have just watched lets plays, those were popular too, though I preferred to play myself.

Did you only isolate yourself on this forum? I mean, ever had an online friend group or something that you were a tangible part of?

Lucky for you, I guess. I couldn't belong even on imageboards, even though I tried my beest.

Has anyone stepped aside from christianity?

>>306399
I did. I joined the Orthodox church when I was an adult on the advice of my religious dad. I was in a bad place then and thought God would help me.
I joined the Orthodox church since it's the most popular one in my country, but I was more drawn to Protestantism tbh.
Anyway, I left because I got really disappointed in it. I always doubted my faith and had a lot of questions that needed answering. My dad was very joyous to explain to me the basic rituals and customs, in fact he was beaming with happiness when he had a chance to explain to me which prayer to read in the morning and such.
But when it came to any question related to the dogma, both he and the priest got oddly defensive.
Either my dad or the priest, if I ask them something related to theology, they'd furrow their brows and got oddly defensive. Additionally, I tried reading the New Testament and I had some questions, but my priest just made an annoyed face and told me I'm being ridiculous and shouldn't read the canons, and just pray, pray, pray.
And it's like that with EVERYTHING. I once got confused on the purpose of prayer and asked around, since I didn't get why the prayer is important, if God is all-knowing and all that, he already knows what's on my mind and that I cherish Him every waking moment of my day. So, what's the purpose of prayer? Nooo, don't ask questions, your head will hurt!
I then decided to read the Bible on my own (I, in fact, never read the Bible before getting baptized) and was left even more confused, I guess that's why my priest discouraged me from reading it. I had so many questions, in fact, that my faith was gone.
I don't blame my priest, the parish people LOVED him and he was a good, patient and kind man. And I don't know what's other wizard's experiences were, but it was like that for me, and it wasn't for me. Unfortunately, I have a habit to ruminate on stuff and doubt myself, which led me to doubting my faith. It has nothing to do with the Bible or whatever, but how my brain just latched on every possibility to undermine my endeavours, even spiritual.
My dad said that sloth is the gravest of the deadly sins, and he is right. I'm slothful (as in, anxious and depressed) and it led me away from Christ.
I don't regret it, actually. Well, I made a fool of myself by getting baptized in the first place, but what's done is done.
I'm always happy when other anond and wizards get closer to God and join the church, it brings them purpose, but I myself, I guess I don't have a single religious bone in my body.

>>306400
I'm a Christian and if he really said you shouldn't read the New Testament something is really wrong.
Anyway if your faith is really gone maybe try to find peace and happiness in a different way. That is what this religion does to me.
>>306399
I don't think atheists really can live on their own. I once took a look on the atheism subreddit and literally every post was bitching about Christianity in some way. No theories about evolution or simulation, just endless complaining about religion, which is what atheism really is about. (I'm not saying you are an atheist)

>>306399
I've always believed in my own gods. If a nigger in a white apron is entitled to conceiving deities, so am I. My gods are more fun, though.

Though I can't deny the christian influence on me.

this is an old topic, but still. how the fuck can you believe in god in this world. are you nuts

>>306396
I'm sorry for not replying sooner, I used to have an internet friend group but just stopped going online after I couldn't shake the feeling I didn't belong. Social connection did not come naturally for me compared to everyone else and eventually it painful for myself. Nobody had conflict with me, it was just too much after struggling to speak every time. Most social interactions today are gated behind voice chat, I can't help but being reminded of who I am listening to myself.

>For some reason I have no issue writing insanely long word vomit posts here that nobody reads, but on sites with names attached I always super self moderated.

It feels nice to hide behind anonymity. Even with an alias people form a perception of you, and eventually a reputation. Then it just feels like real life again.

My dad was diagnosed with cancer. His insurance doesn't cover it. We'd have to wring out all the money from this household and more for treatment. I am a 27 years old NEET who never worked and have no skills. I don't know what to do now. I don't have any future. I never had any but I think before I had some faint dream of taking my time dealing with my mental issues or discovering my calling and I'd emerge as someone completely ready to face the world and find my happiness. But I ran out of time. There is no more hope for me or my family. We are just destined to be unhappy. The hell am I supposed to do now? I am supposed to get a job but I know that I just don't have it in me. The world is too painful for me. I can't face the world and I lost my refuge from the world. I deserved it too. My own dad got cancer and I can only think of myself. It really is over. Things getting better is a lie.

>>306428
this is only a beginning. get your shit ready for a storm, wizbro.

You know what's one of the most prominent problems of being mentally ill? When something goes wrong, your anxiety triples as you vainly try to figure out if it's your fault, or theirs. How could I know? I have so little agency and my memory is so bad it's totally possible that I was the cause. Or maybe not, after all I'm not completely degenerate and more or less understand the causality of events. Fuck.

>>306431
I'm schizophrenic and when I try to think clearly about people's behavior these voices interrupt my thinking and try to make me believe delusions. like they claim they have manipulated other people's thoughts by hiding and subtly pretending to be their own thoughts, forming a hivemind. So sometimes I see someone doing something, I wonder why or how they are doing it, and the voices shout I AM DOING THIS. pure delusion ofcourse. this condition is hard to live with, it gets hard to think with these voices constantly interrupting me. i don't know what illness you have but the only way out is trying to gain some clarity

>>306431
>How could I know?
Why should you care?

>>306433
there goes the way to domination. i shall never yield

>>306431
>You know what's one of the most prominent problems of being mentally ill?

The biggest problem with being mentally ill is I have no initiative whatsoever. I can't start tasks. I just sit completely inert for hours doing nothing but thinking about doing things but never actually doing them. I tried drugs but they do nothing but make me jerk off for hours.

Let's say I was dealt a blow like, figurately speaking, twice the impact I originally striked, that I had coming what I got, that I had already foreseen the consequences and still acted insolently on people that never did anything to me but whom are bastards and deserve to rot in hell for being a bunch of fucking edgelords/clout chasers (at least from my point of view).

Should I act upon and take revenge or "take it like a man" and move on? I could say it's petty nonsense but stills hurts my pride.

Of course, I would have to bid time and resources I don't have yet to pull something like this off, they live a thousand miles away but my senses tell me I would feel way more calmer.

Lesson here, I shouldn't have never tried to engage with people in the first place…