No.308343[View All]
The Time God does not forget nor forgive edition. You will do this again.
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>>307210 No.309646
>>309645try joining some club of sorts
chess club
literature club
art club
fighting club
or follow a course
maybe you derive motivation from the group and progressing along them
you dont have to seek for meaning
you just live and do whatever you find interesting
could even be cooking or going outside for a walk
listening to music
watching some silly video
etc.
you can try swimming
get good at something
anything really
develop a skill
fix your health
there's no pressure to live
No.309647
>>309646Thats the thing, i fell like nothing is interesting anymore
No.309648
Everything seems so difficult and boring as hell
No.309652
There is something elevating about laying naked in your bed and playing with your chinchin.
No.309654
This is completely unrelated to depression but I just remembered that a few months ago an indian wizard made a thread, didn't disclose he was indian, then a westerner wizard who was very well versed on third world social dynamics came and chimmed in. I need to reead again some things there but I cannot remember or find the thread, can anyone help me out?
No.309669
>>309645I want a puppy but I can't have one living with my parents. That gave me a goal to be able to move into my car and sustain living in my car full time. This is my current purpose in life. If I can figure out how to get enough money to afford to get a puppy, then my life will be complete.
No.309670
>>309669Just take one from the streets and when you're not at home let him go around outside, they're used to it, so you won't have any issue
No.309671
I have consumed a bottle of wine each night for the last week. I feel so fucking awful. This must stop. I'm such a fucking retarded waste of oxygen. The funny part is that I do not even particularly like alcohol. It is not a very good drug. It is just the most readily accessible one.
No.309672
>>309654i remember reading that thread. i did a brief search of the catalogue but could not find it, although I may have just missed it. Maybe try combing through the way back machine.
No.309673
Seems like normalniggers can sniff out weakness in me and they love to hit it.
It ruins me that how weak I am.
No.309674
>>309673gotta get strong, wiz
No.309676
>>309673Social predation is the same as normal predation. Fall below a threshold and you're consumed.
No.309677
post fap lethargy. darn it.
No.309678
>>309674I am lost and defeated. I cannot help myself.
>>309676People just want you to be like them. Eccentricity is like a smell of prey to them.
I wish I was normal not because they're happy but because I hate standing out.
No.309680
>>309678accept your circumstance, detach from it, look at it as another person, deconstruct it, and find a way out. it'll only take you like 5-7 years.
No.309681
>>309678Think of why Elon Musk is so hated. He's a trillionare autist with no social skills. Envy is actually adaptive in a sense in that it motivates unproductive loser normalfags to loot those they can socially ostracise, all while feeling good about themselves.
I don't even think being successful wards it off. Really the happiest I ever was was just not playing the social game at all.
No.309682
>>309681>Really the happiest I ever was was just not playing the social game at all.I actually do feel happy. But normalniggers do their best to make me miserable and ruin my happiness.
No.309685
>>>308343
I'm basically just waiting to die. When you pass the age of 30 without a wife or kids, it just becomes increasingly more meaningless.
if i go outside and sit at the park and stare out into the city, i feel no different than if i was just sitting in my room. always alone.
a lot of my friend OD'd on heroin in the past 5 years and im kind of envious. they got out at the right time. im 35 and i have no future, nothing to look forward to, and i feel nothing. there's nothing driving me forward. i only work because being homeless and broke is a shittier existence than what i have now. but then i have to ask myself, why am i keeping myself alive if this is already a shit deal and has been for the past 10 years?
No.309691
>>309685now that you realized that life is void, and have nothing left to lose, find a way to save up some bux and move elsewhere. another city. a village. a farm. it does not matter.
No.309694
>>309691Rural homes in Japan are pretty cheap nowadays
No.309696
I jerked off around 14 hours ago and still feel bad and drained. What a life.
No.309706
>>309691How would that make life any less void? I assure you it doesn't.
No.309707
>>309706maybe you'll find something worthwhile to do eventually.
No.309708
I feel like the older I become the less I am thinking. I resort to existing in the environment I'm in and sort of just live with it. Everything else doesn't seem worth it. This is the start of the end game I guess. Kind of like being a normie without any social backup I suppose.
No.309709
Only some art projects and curiosity for knowledge is driving me forward. I don't get the normie way. I think they're very miserable. They are just good at hiding it and busy themselves with bullshit.
Whole world is just larping anyway. Try to become a politician, a philosopher, a cult leader etc. just for shit and giggles. But then I get these huge bouts of depression when it's hard to even get out of the bed. Life is funny. I would like to remember certain conclusions at all times. But this isn't how our brains work.
A universe of unbound transformation and yet it still remains same.
No.309710
>>309706>>309707ive spent time overseas and its more or less the same. i don't feel any connection to the external world
No.309717
>>309710i'd like to live like a hermit tending to plants and an animal or two. don't give up wiz.
No.309719
>>309718Sometimes, yes, but I don't think it's a specifically American thing. Banh mi have pickles. Shawarma has pickles. Sour flavors just pair well with fatty flavors.
No.309726
I wish I had enough money to live on my own. I'm sick and tired of still having to live with my parents at 24.
No.309729
fuck the sun. its hot again. go away. cant even go for a walk without burning up. cant wait till night. embrace me in void.
No.309735
I have no evidence for this but I think the decline of socially arranged marriages and instead free dating has lead to more extreme personalites and bifurcating family structures.
Similar people pairing up exacerbates certain personality traits across generations the same way incest exacerbates genetic disorders due to repeating genes. I've witnessed three generations of low IQ mean spirited criminals in a family in my area and I think after that much compounding those traits are heavily locked in genetically. Same with STEM families now shitting out so many autists because none of the math nerd succubi are dating extroverted normies, they're dating other nerds.
No.309745
I have ringing in my ears that started before I tried going to bed and it has lasted all night and is so fucking loud that even when I try to tune it out with ambient or noise it seems to overpower everything, including my thoughts. I don't even listen to loud music. It is going to drive me insane.
No.309750
Jesus christ the infighting about inheritance disputes has already started and he's not even dead yet.
I've actually decided to ghost my family because I cant handle this shit. I feel the more i get involved the more my mental health problems will be weaponized against me.
No.309752
i wonder if it's better to overdose deep in the woods
No.309757
>>309751Are you glad that you survived?
No.309777
it's depressing to think about spending your entire life suffering anxiety and hyperfocus. i can't tell which is worse. anxiety kills your soul, and hyperfocus kills what remains.
No.309781
>>3097453 days of this and I don't know what to do. I know I am a pathetic coward for this but I am too afraid to even go to a doctor as I have not left my house in years and I also fear that the doctor may make it even worse. But I'm also afraid of not going because I fear it being a very time-sensitive thing that could get worse if I don't. I don't know what to do and I don't know how to get myself to leave my house, and I feel really afraid. I feel an impending sense of doom as if this is going to be the final straw for me.
No.309782
gotta eat liver and eggs but too lazy tbh
No.309787
>>309782liver is full of post processed body junk. just eat meat bro. don't be a veggie
No.309802
>>309787proof? I eat liver, steak, chicken, pork, duck.
Liver is great really
No.309804
>>309802idk i don't like liver and my explanation of why it's bad aligns with my taste perfectly, smh
>proofplz read biology or sth
No.309810
>>309804>liver is full of post processed body junkprove it, faggot.
No.309817
i'm thinking about all those graduates i've seen when i was in college, and what i remember is that all of the basically suffered. maybe it's just that i only paid attention to them, but it's almost like not suffering before you turn 30 is physiologically impossible. you just suffer by definition, without reason. angst? anxiety? fear? burn out? i don't care. all i care about is that's it's utterly unbearable. i don't know what to do.
No.309819
I have some doxxers living rent free in my head. How do I kick them out without payback? Not because I don't want to but because I can't reach to them.
No.309843
>>309746Glass of water and a muesli bar.
No.309845
I've felt suicidal since 14 years old high school was so miserable and dark for me, I had social anxiety and hid in the bathroom I never made eye contact with anyone I always looked at the floor. I believed that I would kill myself before high school ended but I had no method and just thinking of suicide made me scared. Now I'm 25 I never attempted suicide I don't even own anything to do it with. I worked a menial soul crushing job for a while I felt getting a job and being a adult might be what I need but I detested working and went back to neeting. I feel hopeless I never want to work, my brain is foggy, I'm tired all the time. I have anhedonia, I feel like I'm in a dream, I'm not scared to kill myself anymore just too lazy too comfortable rooting away. I feel guilty that I'm just a burden to my mother and that I will hurt her when I kill myself. Depression use to have a comfortable melancholic feeling for me, I loved listening to music which reflected my mental state. That comforting feeling does not exist anymore, I always feel restless every dream I have is a nightmare, I know it can't go on like this, as much as hate myself I really don't deserve to live like this I enjoy nothing every day I just surf the web trying to make the hours pass, I don't play games anymore my attention span is too short. my mother does not deserve to have a leeching son. I wish I lived in America so I could just shoot myself that seems so easy. I wish for a heart attack or something