/dep/ - Depression

Misunderstanding at work, coworker thought I was staring at her but I was just zoning out like I always do. She did some crazy harassment dance for the cameras and people nearby and everything. I'm just hoping the cameras back me up as buzz lightyear'd out and I don't get sent to harassment class or something. It's getting me down, lost some sleep. I know it shouldn't, I wasn't in the wrong. I don't need this.

>>308670
I hear you. Been there.

>>308672
It'll be alright. Fired or not. Whether they side with you or not. Hated or forgiven in the end nothing matters.

I'm schizophrenic and hear voices and have minor hallucinations (for the past year). These voices lately have started straight up turning into a metahallucination saying things like:
'we are schizo voices'
'i am a hallucination'
'i was birthed from your mind'
'i will make a certain noise which will disrupt your heart rhytm and give you a heart attack (followed by loud banging noise)'
This condition is so weird and trippy and I doubt anyone will even believe me if I tell them.

>>308687
Welp, I can believe that.

>>308687
schizos are a lot less mysterious when you realize 99% of them just have brain damage from drugs/alcohol/psych meds.

what was your substance of choice, sir?

>>308670
Happens. That's how demiurgus produces slaves for his empire of sin. I hope you weren't damaged too much.

>>308654
Whenever I think about that I yell in my head. It kinda helps. After all I don't really want to live.

thanks to mom i'm now sentenced to several months of profound social exposure. it's wizchan time huh.

I feel really sad today because I talked to my older brother and he is having a lot of health problems. He got some rare chronic nerve disorder and will probably be partially disabled for his entire life. He's one of the only people in the world who are nice to me even though I'm a fuck up loser. It would be better if I got sick instead because I barely go outside or do anything anyways. I don't know what to say to him and I hope I didn't say anything wrong because I don't understand social cues. I hate being autistic so much because I'm scared I will say something wrong or be rude and I don't understand what to say to comfort someone or cheer them up.

How do you survive summer heat? The world is going to burn this century

>>308716
Move north.

>>308717
Where wizbro?

>>308716
I'm from the UK and i'm dying -_- Can't wait for this to get even worse!!

>>308720
This is so bad wizzie, Starmer did not do a thing to guarantee the wellness of the population during heatwaves

Nothing happened
Nothing learned
Nothing changed
Nothing mattered
Nothing remembered
Nothing loved
Nothing hated
Nothing felt

>>308698
>claims SCH is substance-driven
Did I get your point right?

>>308692
okay
>>308698
no clear connection to any drug here
it's more like 50-50, you have the ones who fried themselves on stims or weed and the ones who just started hallucinating one day with no clear reason

Smells like a shonen story, in a sense

I'm normally lazy about brushing my teeth and had random awful teeth pain. Ever since I've started taking high dose D3 + K2 every day the pain has completely subsided and my teeth feel stronger in general. Obviously, avoiding sugary drinks also helps.

One less thing to be depressed about I guess.

>>308741
Similar notion from me, too. Ive found out drinking energy drinks gives me weird toothache, but quitting the energy drinks makes my teethache go away.

I do consume D3 viramin, and I have finished a bottle of 5-HTP this spring, but my K2 viramin is mostly untouched, waiting for me to finish it.

>>308687
The voices are real beings. They just only lie and make up shit in order to harass you.

When I started ignoring mine completely rather than entertaining their shit they lost their mind and started screaming and repeating the same sentences over and over. Like a robot that glitched out.

Anyway, normalfags will never entertain these ideas because The Science(tm) says it's not possible.

>>308761
my voices don't seem like a coherent being at all, while I sometimes get this unexpected stuff like this metahallucination, they mostly deliver this unbelievably disruptive and lame commentary upon my thoughts. Any attempt at interaction I get these annoying lines like saying one thing then the opposite the next. Sometimes replying to themselves.
I understand our voices can be very different and it's a big mistake to just assume other schizos have similar voices

>>308715
>I don't know what to say to him and I hope I didn't say anything wrong because I don't understand social cues. I hate being autistic so much because I'm scared I will say something wrong or be rude and I don't understand what to say to comfort someone or cheer them up.

Made me reflect on my own behavior because I often feel this way, but is it "autism" or just a lack of social experience of not being in contexts where you can emote and also genuinely not knowing what to say? What can you even say to someone with a chronic, debilitating condition like that? I'm sorry? That's horrible? Would a real person hug them and say something like "We'll get through this."?

I usually default to logic rather than emotion and try to ask questions and problem-solve; not that I can as they're mostly unsolvable. Most guys do this because we're told to not show emotion and experience situations where doing so usually backfires or effects no response so we stop, or like most wizzies never belonged nowhere and never had an environment where they could open up, so you don't learn, or unlearn, that feature.

Put any prototypical person in that context and they'd end up mostly the same, displaying "neurotypical" traits like a cold, flat affect and awkwardness. This isn't necessarily "autism". And this isn't related to anything you wrote, just that it's a pet peeve of mine. I hate the catch-all frivolous labelling of anyone slightly socially maladjusted (which can be attributed to all kinds of 1+1=2 type scenarios not necessarily some neurotic condition: a bullied kid will naturally be quiet, a friendless loner will naturally be uneasy around people). Othering people who naturally behave in certain ways due to their own particular lived experiences making them behave that way as neurodivergent alien-people is ass backwards imo. Imagine telling some young kid who didn't get a good start in life he's officially a broken weirdo down to his very genomes and he should expect a life of alienation and social faux pas for the rest of his days - how encouraging! Why not give him some ADHD meds too?

If you genuinely can't read social cues then maybe, but clearly you can, as you're concerned enough to write this post and didn't want to say the wrong thing and display enough empathy to worry if you offended him, e.g. you're not broken, you just didn't know what to say; even normalfags find dealing with chronically sick people difficult.

>>308761
>The voices are real beings.
You claiming this is an even bigger sign of schizophrenia, if you keep feeding these delusions it might get worse before you realize so cut it out.

The weight of subjectivity is too much to bear. The indifference of objectivity offers no support to carry this weight. The cruelty of reality (vivid connection of subjectivity and objectivity) pushes the weight and repeatedly crushes it on a cemented surface.

>>308716
I got out of my 37°C bedroom and slept on the ground floor of the house for the past four days.

yeah well it's a little too warm to be honest. i don't normally have much awareness of things around me, but with all this heat and lack of air conditioning anywhere in my life it feels like… you know what it feels like. it's hard to move and i am absolutely not capable of thinking whatsoever

at 34, i have accepted that there is nothing left for me but to rot and pray my psych meds keep me sane enough to not go on a psychotic rampage. i will regret every opportunity i fumbled, every relationship i sabotaged for the rest of my miserable existence.

If they remade It's a Wonderful Life for modern times, it would just be George Bailey's job getting replaced by some indian guy from Blackrock. His wife would have met some other guy on tindr and the town would still go to shit anyway.

>>308810
Is your back okay?

never been so hopelessly depressed. its one thing to feel shit and at least hope for something, to have a potential route out. its another to get there only to lose it. like the train arrived at the platform but broke down 1/8th the way there. sometimes i think im the most miserable person in the entire world.

>>308343

I made it to 34 boys, I couldn't feel more left behind. I bought a bottle of whiskey but I hardly even get drunk anymore, often I'll just fall asleep before feeling anything. It's over, isn't it?

mom forced me out and now i spend a lot of time slaving at a place with too many females. some of them are young which has been driving my chinchin crazy as of late. i try to fap it away but it doesn't help. so that's it, i see. year ago i was thinking about ways to lower my depression so i could do at least some basic thinking, but now i understand that was a mistake. being a depressed retard with avolition beats being a less depressed retard with dick craziness. now i'm thinking of ways to make myself depressed again. i'm not sure how to do it properly though.

>>308889
If you're young enough to have that much of a sex drive and your co-workers aren't even creeped out by you then you might as well leave this place and work on living a normal life, trust me you'll be better off.

>>308889
It’s immoral to have sex outside of marriage. Men and succubi should not work together unsupervised.

>>308889
Read Onanie Master Kurosawa if you haven't

I don't think I understand this thread, but I'll post this as anyway. Ban me, if you want.

I wasn't made for this world. I just want to make people happy. Because that makes me happy.

But they want misery. It makes them feel secure in their pessimism. And the powers that be are more than willing to sell that security to them.

I don't understand. Why buy pessimism when optimism is free? Why assume the worst when it's so expensive?
They claim to be outcome-orientated, but this fundamental belief is so counter-intuitive.
Is advertising that powerful?

I don't know.
I can't understand desiring to be miserable. Maybe that's what makes me a wizard.

>>308896
It is always immoral to have sex, especially if you reproduce

>>308901
pessimism is a personality trait, besides, if aren't skeptical about the optimism/pessimism thing, it means life didn't rape you hard enough.

>>308902
>It is always immoral to have sex
What?

>>308892
you'd think i should do that given i have ok looks, huh? i can tell you lookism is only the tip of the iceberg. sex drive for me is like another form of suffering, i don't perceive as anything other than another thing to endure.
>>308896
i don't believe in morals. since you brought it up, i doubt anyone would care to fuck me even in marriage and i'm definitely not getting married in this life.
>>308902
antinatalist bro?

Profound spiritual and physical fatigue

>>308906
Yes I'm antinatalist and I agree with you sex drive is just additional torture to endure, my dream is to see all life ceasing to exist

I'm just a fucking nigger

Lol I just realized that my family isn't abusive. They're just super bitter they couldn't do more than raise a retard, so they take it all out on me, even though it's too late for them to change anything in me. It's like, they really thought they could, and now they can't face the simple reality they shouldn't have ever married.

>>308927
And when I told them that they were pretty honest saying "I was never part of the deal". Making children is something normies do simply to feel good about themselves, they don't actually care about all of nurture stuff. Bringing up a child for them is kinda like sport or entertainment or some fucked up self validation technique. They do it for themselves. They don't really give a shit about what you're going to experience.

>>308928
>nuclear family wizard is mad at both parents

Been there.
Still stuck with them. However, the knowledge on serial monogamy among our cavemen ancestors - as opposed to the "cereal monogamy" of our farmer ancestors - helps me to realize my parents' marriage was the chemistry thing, not the having each other's back thing AS OPPOSED TO MY EXPECTATIONS