No.308343[View All]
The Time God does not forget nor forgive edition. You will do this again.
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>>307210 No.309544
Honestly I am at my limit. This anxiety is a mind killer. No effort of will can overcome it. I desperately want somebody to tell me that I can't just use chemicals as an excuse, so I can fucking smash that person to pieces, beat their fucking head against a wall until their skull breaks into a thousand sharp shards that I will use to turn their body in such a fucking macabre pool of mush that once I get in hell, the devil will hire me without an interview.
No.309546
>>309545I envy you. Whenever I go outside I just hate everything around me. Not because it actively affects me, but because it is extremely bleak and boring in a passive way. I look at things and I see them stare back at me with maddening irrelevance. The only thing I like is secretly ogling cute succubi, so maybe that's the problem and I should just cook out and become a crab. I'm so desperate for some peace of mind.
No.309547
>>309546you can go on a walk and actively listen to music or exercise in a park or go sit there and read
No.309550
holy mother it's been a while since i felt such terror
No.309551
i so fucking hate my fucking stupid fucked up life. i may be forced to live with a gay relative and he's only happy for it to happen. i am so completely fucked. never in my life have i wished so strongly i wasn't a fucked up retard and could do a fucking job. god i would do anything, i would live in someone's fucking 1x1m2 attic and receive nothing but food as a payment. this is such an inhuman cruelty i fail to fucking compute this stupid situation
No.309552
i am so fucking stressed right now
No.309569
>>309546I can get the same sort of enjoyment from going out and seeing things as that anon, but only if there aren't any people around and what I'm seeing is the natural world. Around people I just feel constantly ill at ease. I sweat and sometimes shake like I'm shivering from the cold only it's from anxiety instead. Just thinking about interacting with people makes me break out in a sweat.
No.309576
>>309573I'm a good fighter. I don't fear physical harm, rather social consequences.
No.309594
>>309573It'd be much more simple if the government would just allow us to carry guns for self-defense. I always carry a sharp weapon when going out even if it's illegal, that still makes me safer than taking MMA ever could.
No.309596
>>309594> I always carry a sharp weapon when going out even if it's illegal, that still makes me safer than taking MMA ever couldsure, if you can actually stab and cut people with no problem
No.309600
>>309596It's mainly about intimidation, actually using it is just a last resort. I don't see how learning MMA would help me when most physical altercations I can imagine would be with packs of feral browns/niggers, in those cases a small knife is more intimidating than punching and kicking, which has little chance of being lethal, they won't mind taking a hit or two knowing they'll end up surrounding you and then stomp your head until you're braindead. With any sharp weapon though, either I go to prison for defending myself or I die, and if I die at least one of them will come with me. Casually being caught with a sharp weapon by the police is no worry, here it's just a small fine first offense.
No.309602
>>309600if a nigger saw you knocking out with one punch another nigger from his pack he'd run away like a nigger bitch
No.309605
>>309600>I don't see how learning MMA would help meThere's degrees to it. Learning MMA purely in a gym/sporting context (IE: 1v1 in a controlled environment) won't help you much in a street fight. But learning any non-bullshit form of martial arts will give you a decent understanding of range and positioning, so you're better equipped if you do find yourself in a situation where you suddenly need to use your sharp implement for something more than intimidation.
>a small knife is more intimidating than punching and kicking, which has little chance of being lethalAgainst an untrained fighter, you can land a good punch to the chin or even throat that will incapacitate them temporarily (or permanently if you hit their throat or their head hits concrete hard enough). But that falls apart if the other person has even a little experience in fighting. And yeah, if I had multiple people after me, I'd rather have a knife on hand than rely solely on my fists.
All this being said, your first tool should always be situational awareness; you can't lose a fight if you never fall into one to begin with.
No.309611
>>309551 why do you have to go live with a gay relative? is there nobody else?
No.309645
It's killing me inside the fact that I've no passions in life, i tried to have hobbies, but none of them stick with me, for many years people have asked me what i want in life, but the response whas aways the same: nothing. Nothing seems to give me a motive to wake up of my bed, im tired of this, im tired of felling boredom and having no meaning in life
No.309646
>>309645try joining some club of sorts
chess club
literature club
art club
fighting club
or follow a course
maybe you derive motivation from the group and progressing along them
you dont have to seek for meaning
you just live and do whatever you find interesting
could even be cooking or going outside for a walk
listening to music
watching some silly video
etc.
you can try swimming
get good at something
anything really
develop a skill
fix your health
there's no pressure to live
No.309647
>>309646Thats the thing, i fell like nothing is interesting anymore
No.309648
Everything seems so difficult and boring as hell
No.309652
There is something elevating about laying naked in your bed and playing with your chinchin.
No.309654
This is completely unrelated to depression but I just remembered that a few months ago an indian wizard made a thread, didn't disclose he was indian, then a westerner wizard who was very well versed on third world social dynamics came and chimmed in. I need to reead again some things there but I cannot remember or find the thread, can anyone help me out?
No.309669
>>309645I want a puppy but I can't have one living with my parents. That gave me a goal to be able to move into my car and sustain living in my car full time. This is my current purpose in life. If I can figure out how to get enough money to afford to get a puppy, then my life will be complete.
No.309670
>>309669Just take one from the streets and when you're not at home let him go around outside, they're used to it, so you won't have any issue
No.309671
I have consumed a bottle of wine each night for the last week. I feel so fucking awful. This must stop. I'm such a fucking retarded waste of oxygen. The funny part is that I do not even particularly like alcohol. It is not a very good drug. It is just the most readily accessible one.
No.309672
>>309654i remember reading that thread. i did a brief search of the catalogue but could not find it, although I may have just missed it. Maybe try combing through the way back machine.
No.309673
Seems like normalniggers can sniff out weakness in me and they love to hit it.
It ruins me that how weak I am.
No.309674
>>309673gotta get strong, wiz
No.309676
>>309673Social predation is the same as normal predation. Fall below a threshold and you're consumed.
No.309677
post fap lethargy. darn it.
No.309678
>>309674I am lost and defeated. I cannot help myself.
>>309676People just want you to be like them. Eccentricity is like a smell of prey to them.
I wish I was normal not because they're happy but because I hate standing out.
No.309680
>>309678accept your circumstance, detach from it, look at it as another person, deconstruct it, and find a way out. it'll only take you like 5-7 years.
No.309681
>>309678Think of why Elon Musk is so hated. He's a trillionare autist with no social skills. Envy is actually adaptive in a sense in that it motivates unproductive loser normalfags to loot those they can socially ostracise, all while feeling good about themselves.
I don't even think being successful wards it off. Really the happiest I ever was was just not playing the social game at all.
No.309682
>>309681>Really the happiest I ever was was just not playing the social game at all.I actually do feel happy. But normalniggers do their best to make me miserable and ruin my happiness.
No.309685
>>>308343
I'm basically just waiting to die. When you pass the age of 30 without a wife or kids, it just becomes increasingly more meaningless.
if i go outside and sit at the park and stare out into the city, i feel no different than if i was just sitting in my room. always alone.
a lot of my friend OD'd on heroin in the past 5 years and im kind of envious. they got out at the right time. im 35 and i have no future, nothing to look forward to, and i feel nothing. there's nothing driving me forward. i only work because being homeless and broke is a shittier existence than what i have now. but then i have to ask myself, why am i keeping myself alive if this is already a shit deal and has been for the past 10 years?
No.309691
>>309685now that you realized that life is void, and have nothing left to lose, find a way to save up some bux and move elsewhere. another city. a village. a farm. it does not matter.
No.309694
>>309691Rural homes in Japan are pretty cheap nowadays
No.309696
I jerked off around 14 hours ago and still feel bad and drained. What a life.
No.309706
>>309691How would that make life any less void? I assure you it doesn't.
No.309707
>>309706maybe you'll find something worthwhile to do eventually.
No.309708
I feel like the older I become the less I am thinking. I resort to existing in the environment I'm in and sort of just live with it. Everything else doesn't seem worth it. This is the start of the end game I guess. Kind of like being a normie without any social backup I suppose.
No.309709
Only some art projects and curiosity for knowledge is driving me forward. I don't get the normie way. I think they're very miserable. They are just good at hiding it and busy themselves with bullshit.
Whole world is just larping anyway. Try to become a politician, a philosopher, a cult leader etc. just for shit and giggles. But then I get these huge bouts of depression when it's hard to even get out of the bed. Life is funny. I would like to remember certain conclusions at all times. But this isn't how our brains work.
A universe of unbound transformation and yet it still remains same.
No.309710
>>309706>>309707ive spent time overseas and its more or less the same. i don't feel any connection to the external world
No.309717
>>309710i'd like to live like a hermit tending to plants and an animal or two. don't give up wiz.
No.309719
>>309718Sometimes, yes, but I don't think it's a specifically American thing. Banh mi have pickles. Shawarma has pickles. Sour flavors just pair well with fatty flavors.
No.309726
I wish I had enough money to live on my own. I'm sick and tired of still having to live with my parents at 24.
No.309729
fuck the sun. its hot again. go away. cant even go for a walk without burning up. cant wait till night. embrace me in void.
No.309735
I have no evidence for this but I think the decline of socially arranged marriages and instead free dating has lead to more extreme personalites and bifurcating family structures.
Similar people pairing up exacerbates certain personality traits across generations the same way incest exacerbates genetic disorders due to repeating genes. I've witnessed three generations of low IQ mean spirited criminals in a family in my area and I think after that much compounding those traits are heavily locked in genetically. Same with STEM families now shitting out so many autists because none of the math nerd succubi are dating extroverted normies, they're dating other nerds.