/dep/ - Depression

>>308956
I'm kinda hoping I can do this until I lose enough weight to lower the odds of dying on the operating table.
Do you do anything special to prevent it from getting worse? Got one of those belts or something?

>>308966
No mine is so small you can't tell something's there at a glance. I also have very low bodyfat so it helps. I do feel that it has grown bigger since months ago though but it hasn't really inconvenienced me. I just have to kneel on the floor and crunch my abs when I need to sneeze and stuff.

Saw an fanart of an anime/manga series I used to read as a teen but forgot the existence about and immediately got sucker punched by nostalgic memories of permanently lost youth and innocence followed by seething rage and despair at the fact. Do I really continue living like this? With the color and hope of youth taunting me from my dreams, accentuating the bleakness and hardships of adulthood by contrasts.

>>308980
haha yep.

>>308980
I let things slip by and similar realizations torment me every night.
Knowing that this moment is about as good as I'll ever have it and that the future holds immense pain and further physical/mental decline.
All my struggles will amount to mitigation without any real gain.
Only to die anyways…

I'm just waiting for the end at this point

>>308987
The problem is how that end will come

>>308987
so does everyone

I kind of forgot I was suicidal. I miss it. It's like I said some threads ago. Wallowing in depression is the only place I feel at home.

>>308990
so true. i hate not being depressed enough, because being energetic is just another form of suffering.

>>308989
I don't think so, I see people outside leading active lives.

>>308992
some are lucky, yeah

>>308991
Contra intuitive but true.

>>308990
I finally hate the world more than I hate myself and my urge to an hero went away (for the most part).

My libido reached an all time low due to magnesium supplements, like i force myself to goon to porn once a week yet i still fucking hate it. think i'm gonna quit for good and just jerk off without it if the need arises. Also i think this shit is just poison for your soul and mental wellbeing.

I am not a sensitive young male. I am just a defeated weak male. I am not morally better than my tormenters. I would also try hurt people when I am given the slightest opening.

>>308991
Being energetic makes me feel like i'm falling for something i intuitively know is wrong. I hate it too.

>>309012
I like it better during low libido periods. Getting horny all the time sucks and just wastes me away. I can't concentrate on anything at all. When my libido gets lower I can find at least some time, though not much, to dedicate to something mentally demanding like pet projects or whatever. When it surges up I basically spend all my free time jerking off and doing erratic activities like playing for twenty minutes each game I have until I must fall asleep. And I don't get that much free time anyway due to wageing. I really hate this libido stuff. It really defeats my every notion of rationality, since I basically can't dedicate myself to anything at all because all I do is think about fucking some hot succs from whatever hot anime/manga I watched/read last.

>>309020
>>309012
Thanks for the reminders to take my magnesium pills and to discuss my { libido | gooning}. As for my libido, it's very low. I don't visit sites with "xxx" or "porn" or "[fetish reference here]" in their names. Thanks for reminding me I am not alone in that trait.

fuck everything

>>308343
A sickness is setting in. My thoughts sink towards decay and the biological inevitability of such. It is likely I will get cancer of some kind and die in a hospital bed.

>>309040
i feel like a buoy that can't decide if it's sinking or not. neuroticism is a death sentence

>>309039
agreed

i feel fucking disgusting
i wish i could overdose on heroin and die, i wouldve mentioned overdosing on
dmt but your body does that anyways so it would be counterproductive
i want a release from all sociability, i know i thought about how i would miss
that, the tiny and unimportant details in the big picture im chasing, but i
honestly, really wouldnt, id miss it for the fomo factor, the factor of holding
out until something better comes along. im so tired of waiting for it, for
something good to finally happen to me, something purely, unabashedly,
selflessly good to happen, directed at me specifically. there is no use in
waiting. my vessel will not change. this soul will not change. my
environment will not change. nothing will change, and everything will stay
as bad as it always was. i cant force my way out. nothing will fix my
problems, not revenge, not rehabilitation, not discipline, not
communication, not redirection, not anything. nothing will fix my problems.
nothing will. not even i can. and if i cant, hell knows who the fuck can.
i cant wait to have to talk to another person and put up a front as if
everything is fine. i miss when i was 13 and could be as depressingly
monotone as i pleased. the same problems plagued me then, now its just
expected of me to deal with them on my own terms and not bother anyone with
them, directly or indirectly (though that was expected of me at 13 too
anyways). i cant force my way out. i cant wriggle my way out either.
i cant ease out. i cant push out. i cant talk my way out. i cant
fight my way out. i cant shove out. there is nothing left for me
to do.

my ego died once again moreover, and now all i have left are scattered
fragments i am now meant to collect and piece together and proceed to
move on with my life as if i have not seen the signs and seen the proof
of god's disdain towards me, openly, everybody's contempt towards me,
my own hatred reflecting back at me, abusing my own self, raping my
own self, torturing my own self.
and this will happen again, all over again.

>>309053
did you write it in vim

>>309057
just in regular windows notepad, i had textwarp on that's why the formatting is retarded

I cannot tell if dementia is worsening my porn addiction, or if it's the porn addiction that's worsening my dementia. Either way I'm unironically a shell of a man right now, I literally did nothing for the last 12 hours apart from edging, watching porn, downloading porn and regretting all my life choices. Please send help I cannot function like this.

>>309059
Are you me?

>>308741
Haven't brushed my teeth in decades, not counting a few instances. Toothbrush leads to blood. Lost my first tooth, the last on the right side at 33. The root was all black. It's been months, I didn't go to the dentist and somehow it's tolerable. Although my nightmares about losing teeth increased in quantity. Who knows, if I hadn't eaten a crunchy baked open sandwich with cheese, it could be there for some time still.

Is it rude to say that all wmin should be crucified? Besides our mom's of course…. Like imagine if Forrest Gump crucified every single one if them in his neighborhood, in a movie, …… I'm sorry I already regret…. Posting this, but . I tried playing Tony hawk again but I don't have my controller, thosx2 for Xbox. Hopefully it won't lag too bad. It's for nostalgia….. Obviously plus it's good game probably the new remakes area too expensive…. Tear them all limb from limb, only men are chill, we are the fair sex the smart sex the all powerful, I'm going to read the most depraved grimoires of all time I will be the biggest god ever EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>309059

I've done that before too but now I'm getting weird symptoms like my hand and feet don't want to move their muscles and are fighting me to only be lazy and sit down 24-7 otherwise extremely tired just trying to use muscles very strange if I'm not sitting down, extreme fatigue from sitting pc while life idk

I'll never be happy but it's probably important that I maintain hope for a better life, I think.

>>309075
Yeah, if you're feeling bad about not fucking prostitutes, you probably have.

>>309078
Bro how is that faggot still here, thats a blatant violation of wizchan rules >_>

I haven't felt /dep/ in a long time, months even

The last thing I felt somewhat down about were the less than perfect results I got on a test, but I reminded myself that I didn't care and after that I stopped putting any effort in, meanwhile I completed the course and I got good results even though I hardly studied, I skipped a lot of days of class too

Somehow not caring made me more successful and confident than the people who were overly invested and stressed

That's what I took away from it, stop caring about jumping through retard hoops in life

>>309082
yeah being a neet is way superior

Brushing teeth is a habit you must develop as a child. By the time you grow up you do it unconsciously.

>>309095
I wonder if that's how normies do bullshit like socializing, working or positive thinking too. They've been doing them forever the idea of them being something to struggle with don't even cross their mind.

>>309095
I brushed my teeth regularly up until 18

I have a lot of pain every day surviving has become a struggle

>>309063
this sounds counterproductive, but the more you brush your teeth regularly (no toothpaste needed, that's just for bad breath) the less it will hurt and make you bleed. one thing i do if i cant will myself to brush my teeth is to scrape them on a towel, at least get some plaque out

You dense motherfuckers. BRUSH YOUR DAMN TEETH!

Tooth pain is one of the shortest paths to hell on Earth. And don't just brush them, learn how to do it properly, and learn how to floss correctly. The sooner you start the better.

Yes, your gums will probably bleed the first few times you floss, but that's because they're inflamed from all the plaque, food debris, and bacteria that have built up over time. Healthy gums don't bleed due to flossing, sick ones do. Proper oral hygiene is cheap and easy. Dentists are insanely expensive, and living with a toothache severely affects the two best things in life: sleeping and eating.

Believe me. I know.

BRUSH YOUR DAMN TEETH!

I live brooding over past confrontations and aggressions I didn't have the balls at the time to stand up for. I think about getting revenge all day which is almost impossible since I don't have the physical and mental attributes yet to pull it off.

>>309117
yeah. you still can try gym, though

>>309113
this is a very good advice, people who have never visited the bottom of tooth rot don't know what they sing up for. it's horrible.

>>309113
Just eat and drink zero sugar. Problem solved.

>>309131
not really, but sugar is really bad for teeth, yeah

ALL human behavior, every single moment and action of the day, goes like this
If I do this, then that happens
If I do this, then that happens
If I do this, then that happens
from smoking a cigarette, every thing at work, any interaction or conversation with other people
reality has to be some kind of computer program or deduction

>>309144
Yeah really. How are you getting cavities without eating sugar? Smoking? Not brushing your teeth once a day for 30 seconds? I haven't been to a dentist in a decade, have crowded wisdom teeth, have crowded front teeth, they're yellow, but I avoid tooth aches primarily by not consuming sugar.

Thanks for the condescending comment anyhow! I recommend smart people follow my advice instead. Cheers

>>309180
Principle of cause and effect. let me guess, just by saying this alone, you are 23?