/dep/ - Depression

>>309039
agreed

i feel fucking disgusting
i wish i could overdose on heroin and die, i wouldve mentioned overdosing on
dmt but your body does that anyways so it would be counterproductive
i want a release from all sociability, i know i thought about how i would miss
that, the tiny and unimportant details in the big picture im chasing, but i
honestly, really wouldnt, id miss it for the fomo factor, the factor of holding
out until something better comes along. im so tired of waiting for it, for
something good to finally happen to me, something purely, unabashedly,
selflessly good to happen, directed at me specifically. there is no use in
waiting. my vessel will not change. this soul will not change. my
environment will not change. nothing will change, and everything will stay
as bad as it always was. i cant force my way out. nothing will fix my
problems, not revenge, not rehabilitation, not discipline, not
communication, not redirection, not anything. nothing will fix my problems.
nothing will. not even i can. and if i cant, hell knows who the fuck can.
i cant wait to have to talk to another person and put up a front as if
everything is fine. i miss when i was 13 and could be as depressingly
monotone as i pleased. the same problems plagued me then, now its just
expected of me to deal with them on my own terms and not bother anyone with
them, directly or indirectly (though that was expected of me at 13 too
anyways). i cant force my way out. i cant wriggle my way out either.
i cant ease out. i cant push out. i cant talk my way out. i cant
fight my way out. i cant shove out. there is nothing left for me
to do.

my ego died once again moreover, and now all i have left are scattered
fragments i am now meant to collect and piece together and proceed to
move on with my life as if i have not seen the signs and seen the proof
of god's disdain towards me, openly, everybody's contempt towards me,
my own hatred reflecting back at me, abusing my own self, raping my
own self, torturing my own self.
and this will happen again, all over again.

>>309053
did you write it in vim

>>309057
just in regular windows notepad, i had textwarp on that's why the formatting is retarded

I cannot tell if dementia is worsening my porn addiction, or if it's the porn addiction that's worsening my dementia. Either way I'm unironically a shell of a man right now, I literally did nothing for the last 12 hours apart from edging, watching porn, downloading porn and regretting all my life choices. Please send help I cannot function like this.

>>309059
Are you me?

>>308741
Haven't brushed my teeth in decades, not counting a few instances. Toothbrush leads to blood. Lost my first tooth, the last on the right side at 33. The root was all black. It's been months, I didn't go to the dentist and somehow it's tolerable. Although my nightmares about losing teeth increased in quantity. Who knows, if I hadn't eaten a crunchy baked open sandwich with cheese, it could be there for some time still.

Is it rude to say that all wmin should be crucified? Besides our mom's of course…. Like imagine if Forrest Gump crucified every single one if them in his neighborhood, in a movie, …… I'm sorry I already regret…. Posting this, but . I tried playing Tony hawk again but I don't have my controller, thosx2 for Xbox. Hopefully it won't lag too bad. It's for nostalgia….. Obviously plus it's good game probably the new remakes area too expensive…. Tear them all limb from limb, only men are chill, we are the fair sex the smart sex the all powerful, I'm going to read the most depraved grimoires of all time I will be the biggest god ever EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>309059

I've done that before too but now I'm getting weird symptoms like my hand and feet don't want to move their muscles and are fighting me to only be lazy and sit down 24-7 otherwise extremely tired just trying to use muscles very strange if I'm not sitting down, extreme fatigue from sitting pc while life idk

I'll never be happy but it's probably important that I maintain hope for a better life, I think.

>>309075
Yeah, if you're feeling bad about not fucking prostitutes, you probably have.

>>309078
Bro how is that faggot still here, thats a blatant violation of wizchan rules >_>

I haven't felt /dep/ in a long time, months even

The last thing I felt somewhat down about were the less than perfect results I got on a test, but I reminded myself that I didn't care and after that I stopped putting any effort in, meanwhile I completed the course and I got good results even though I hardly studied, I skipped a lot of days of class too

Somehow not caring made me more successful and confident than the people who were overly invested and stressed

That's what I took away from it, stop caring about jumping through retard hoops in life

>>309082
yeah being a neet is way superior

Brushing teeth is a habit you must develop as a child. By the time you grow up you do it unconsciously.

>>309095
I wonder if that's how normies do bullshit like socializing, working or positive thinking too. They've been doing them forever the idea of them being something to struggle with don't even cross their mind.

>>309095
I brushed my teeth regularly up until 18

I have a lot of pain every day surviving has become a struggle

>>309063
this sounds counterproductive, but the more you brush your teeth regularly (no toothpaste needed, that's just for bad breath) the less it will hurt and make you bleed. one thing i do if i cant will myself to brush my teeth is to scrape them on a towel, at least get some plaque out

You dense motherfuckers. BRUSH YOUR DAMN TEETH!

Tooth pain is one of the shortest paths to hell on Earth. And don't just brush them, learn how to do it properly, and learn how to floss correctly. The sooner you start the better.

Yes, your gums will probably bleed the first few times you floss, but that's because they're inflamed from all the plaque, food debris, and bacteria that have built up over time. Healthy gums don't bleed due to flossing, sick ones do. Proper oral hygiene is cheap and easy. Dentists are insanely expensive, and living with a toothache severely affects the two best things in life: sleeping and eating.

Believe me. I know.

BRUSH YOUR DAMN TEETH!

I live brooding over past confrontations and aggressions I didn't have the balls at the time to stand up for. I think about getting revenge all day which is almost impossible since I don't have the physical and mental attributes yet to pull it off.

>>309117
yeah. you still can try gym, though

>>309113
this is a very good advice, people who have never visited the bottom of tooth rot don't know what they sing up for. it's horrible.

>>309113
Just eat and drink zero sugar. Problem solved.

>>309131
not really, but sugar is really bad for teeth, yeah

ALL human behavior, every single moment and action of the day, goes like this
If I do this, then that happens
If I do this, then that happens
If I do this, then that happens
from smoking a cigarette, every thing at work, any interaction or conversation with other people
reality has to be some kind of computer program or deduction

>>309144
Yeah really. How are you getting cavities without eating sugar? Smoking? Not brushing your teeth once a day for 30 seconds? I haven't been to a dentist in a decade, have crowded wisdom teeth, have crowded front teeth, they're yellow, but I avoid tooth aches primarily by not consuming sugar.

Thanks for the condescending comment anyhow! I recommend smart people follow my advice instead. Cheers

>>309180
Principle of cause and effect. let me guess, just by saying this alone, you are 23?

>>309185
It's really subtle but this fixes something in my perception of everyday life.
Makes my lived experience seem more orderly and have a particular format.
I don't get why I didn't see this before.

im so fucking depressed i cant stand it. i always said id never take antidepressants, and i wont, but i can see why people do. i used to actually feel better going to work because i have an easy part-time job and i would feel good talking to people sometimes, now i cant even have that. i cant put up a front anymore that everything is fine. talking to colleagues is like putting coins in a vending machine that has no merchandise. im wasting my energy for no reward. i feel like i need to pack my belongings in a little table cloth on a stick like in those old movies when a guy leaves to go on a journey to find himself across the frontier, but i cant do that. i dont even know where id go. i need to completely 180 everything in my life but i never developed any agency or belief in myself or my ability to do that. i feel absolutely nothing towards anyone anymore, just tedium. even the people i like ive pushed away with my terrible attitude. or did i even really like them or were they just kind to me? i couldnt repay the kindness, im a piece of shit. im just a catatonic energy vampire. im sorry everyone, you shouldve never tried to help me, im a sentimental idiot who holds himself back. i hate everything but most of all i hate myself. i hate the sun. i hate seeing people. i hate everything antithetical to my bottomless misery which is everything. im in hell and have nobody to blame but myself. im sorry.

Annihilate boomers from the face of the earth.

Turned 30 recently and was reflecting on what I've been doing this entire time, and it turns out that I don't even really remember. There's not a single significant event, experience or achievement worthy of note that I can recall from neither childhood nor adulthood. I never took risks, never had a passion for anything, never dreamt of becoming or doing anything. I never even failed at anything since I never dared to do anything that could result in failure. I just lived a static existence of dopamine dependency, slowly withering away and feeling less human as the years passed me by.
I distinctly remember making a promise to myself when I turned 20 that I would commit suicide if I turned 30 without having done anything with my life. Now that the day came and went, I'm mostly just left with emptiness. I lack even the motivation to take my own life since I never really felt alive in the first place. The only thing I've ever wanted in life is to have a passion or a goal in life, but I never did. I was always just a prey animal, meant to be chewed up and spit out by the world and then fade away without a single good memory of being in this world.
What a pathetic, miserable and disappointing life I've lived, if you can even call it that.

Havana syndrome

I’ve been on meds for close to 9 months now, my anxiety and rage outbursts got better around 4 months mark, but now I feel that gnawing around my chest area and that deep hole in my stomach back. I can feel these feelings coming once more. I don’t know how I’m to go on living the remaining years of my life, if most I get out of drugs is 6 months tops.

These hot summer days make me feel anxious all the time. Something about the heat makes it feel hard to breathe, like I'm choking on the air

>>309239
Are you fat?

it's so hot that the air conditioner keeps turning off and other breakers are also tripping. living in the south is genuinely hell on earth. i google temps in coastal cities and feel such envy

>>309242
they predict that august will be warmer

>>309240
What a rude question. Are you a nigger?

>>309248
It's a perfectly reasonable question. Obesity directly contributes to overheating. As per its rules, this website accommodates adult men only. To take offense to an inquiry regarding body fat in an open discussion about debilitating heat is childish and feminine. I believe you are fat too.

Every time I come to a point in my life where I start seeing people around me as normal, they do something to destroy that. I have been proven countless times to be the only one with any morals. It sounds like I am exaggerating but I am not, Im the only one I fucking know IRL who has a semblance of a soul and for example, didnt become a covid cultist in 2020

It would seem that PMSing suckassbi, with a corrupt/favoritist workplace (given *my* experience), may as well start calling me a nigger nowadays (since its giving them a slaver mentality anyway -.-)…

At this point even if I get the discipline to self improve there's no way out anymore. I already ran out of time for a while now.

i hate being retarded

>>309251
>everyone who disagrees with me is a soulless "NPC"

Ironic

I'm so young why am I going bald already? I don't want to spend a lifetime rubbing some shitty ointment in my scalp, potentially fucking up my health with this pharma scam. I guess it's just fate.

>>309299
just shave it off, it's not a big deal. it's not like you were getting pussy before this lol

this is going to sound retarded but trying to progress IRL in any meaningful way feels like trying to progress solo in a dead MMORPG that has already seen years worth of expansions and feature/power creep. the veterans and whales that have already made it don't care to try to explain anything to the noobs and expect you to learn the mechanics which are constantly deprecated/nerfed or even broken, while there are bots running around crashing the economy

>>309302
the cool thing about the game is that there are no fixed objectives. you can just go to a cave and level up random auxiliary skills and chit chat with other cave dwellers.