No.290009
I wish /dep/ didn't exist. It's a worthless board.
No.290010
>>290009It's a pointless board, just like all things, it always come to a pointless end.
No.290011
>>290009It's the best board of wizchan
No.290012
hearing a female voice is painful to me in music i just know they are singing about fucking chads
No.290014
>>290012just imagine the lover they're singing about is actually you.
No.290017
>>290012It's weird how it's become normal for music you hear in a store or something to be extremely sexually explicit. Licking pussy seems to be the number one song topic in 2024 normie music as far as I can tell.
No.290019
>>290017Yeah its really weird and messed up. These whore rappers always rap about sucking dick and getting fucked or licking ass and pussy in explicit ways and those songs are always on top of the rap charts and get played in public. It feels kinda dystopian in a way just like modern movies and shows having almost full blown porn scenes and showing guys dicks all the time.
It's a display of this shitty meaningless time we live in, pure nihilistic perversion. Sometimes I wish we could just have wholesome media that doesn't require something to be fucked, killed or degraded.
No.290025
>>290019Don't know what you expect, that's all humans are good for anyways, we will always be animals in our core. Mindless beasts wanting social status, sex and having kids.
No.290027
At the risk of peeking inside Pandora's locket, hey:
At least I'll know when people I used to like from foreign countries will be gone..
No.290031
being alone for 10+ years gave me brain damage and i dont know how to undo it
life just seems so strange to me now after years of solitude gave me the time to reflect on it in abstract ways instead of just intuitively living life being part of society like everyone else and worrying about practical matters
now from this spot a happy life with a good job and hobbies doesn't even sound that appealing
No.290032
it hurts so much that i think about dying 24/7 but i never do it, even though i can't fix anything. it makes me sick to think that tomorrow i will do all these things again and suffer again and things will get worse again. i have infinite diseases, infinite debts, stuck with my piece of shit useless family without a room of my own for nearly 30 years. this is not a life, it's just suffering in hell for the sake of suffering. Pointlessness. I can't do anything because all the possibilities are gone already.
No.290033
>>290032>stuck with my piece of shit useless family without a room of my ownSame. I don't even have my own room. I share it with my brother. I'm 26.
No.290037
>>290032I have three good reasons to not kms, I'm lazy, a coward and I don't want my mom to cry.
Add my ugliness and health issues and you have pretty much all the reasons why my life needs to be ended.
No.290041
>>290032>>290033Have you ever confronted your parents about this? Sticking multiple people in one room sounds like neglect
No.290043
I'm gonna skip work and kill myself this week
No.290044
>>290042kill your coworkers
No.290045
>>290042Hey, you are learning to summarize
No.290047
i eally dont wanna become homeless but no matter how much fear i have for it, i cant get myself to go to work on time or anything
No.290048
>>290046>theres nothing i can do.You could learn to laugh, and elate at the absurd hysteria of it all
No.290050
>>290041theres no point, my parents wont even bat an eeye if i tell them im going to kill myself, or im so sick im dying, or im in so much pain im crying, they wont ever do anything. they are stupid useless pieces of shit, nothing more. this is not my house, this is not my family, i was done with it for a long time. they will all die miserable deaths from old age soon but they are too dumb to understand that.
No.290052
>>290051Your true potential will soon be revealed. All of your suffering will be worth it in the end, just stay strong and believe in yourself.
No.290053
>>290051what do you do in life?
No.290054
>>290051Life begins at 30. You're only 2 years old.
No.290057
>>290053i can't even answer it myself
it's surreal
i'm self-aware, I have interests and yet somehow I wasted every day doing absolutely nothing
even people who suffer from depression and adhd seem to be able to do stuff
i feel like the modern internet fucked me up in a unique way. back then if I was a slacker I would have played video games, watched tv, read books, hang out with people… but the internet allows me to consume endless bite sized pieces of content that keep me engaged but don't leave me with anything to remember
in just 18 years I will be 50. That is going to happen without me noticing it. I am basically already 50. This makes me so anxious. Life is so fucked up man. We live deceptive 80+ years but only 20 of these years you are in your prime. And that is also the time where you have the least experience and self-awareness. If you mess these years up you dont get them back.
No.290063
>>290051The weirdest thing is seeing people younger than you with children aged like 8 or something and it hits you that most people have been grown adults for a decade by now.
No.290065
>>290063yeah I constantly read stuff like "as a 32 year old father of 2 I have no more time for video games" and stuff like that while I live with my parents and never had a real job lol .oO(FUCK)
not that I want these things before someone chimps out it's just that I can't even take care of myself still
No.290070
Well the good news is that collabs are fun.
Bad news is that people who want their obvious event crashed probably even again are not.
Sheesh!
No.290077
>>290057Human male prime is around 16-35.
It gets progressively worse from 40 onwards, people underestimate just how old 40 is.
It's old as hell and you start having all sorts of cramps and problems young people don't even know exist, no matter how healthy you eat and live.
You may as well not be alive past 50, it's not life.
Forget Hollywood or 80 year old demented presidents.
Life ends when you start having cognitive decline, huge erection issues, your back hurts the moment you rise up from bed and you can't even take a 200 yard hike without major chest pains.
No wonder boomers are so grumpy all the time. I'm 41, reasonably fit, eat healthy and I feel like shit compared to age 21.
No.290078
>>290077You just have shitty genes or fucked up your body during your youth.
I'm 38, I've eaten healthy all my life, exercised, and always got enough sleep. I also never took drugs like booze or weed because I am not a braindead normalnigger. I still feel like a teenager, I have no erection problems like you claim, in fact, I can masturbate for up to 5-8 hours if I feel like it. Go on 1-2 hours walk without feeling tired or any pain, and do the same intense workout routines I'm used to since I was 20.
You must have done something wrong and now you think everyone is living the same.
No.290081
>>290078how do you eat healthy with depression?
I know I need to improve my diet but it's so difficult to find the energy to cook and with healthy food you really need to put in the effort to make it taste good and not bland.
No.290086
>>290078every boomer thinks they feel and look like a teenager but the mirror tells the ugly reality
No.290087
makes me depressed knowing animals are being slaughtered in order to feed me
No.290090
>>290087it actually makes me happy knowing animals die so I can have tasty meat on my plate and get nutrients that will help me survive
No.290092
i feel bad knowing poor latinos work slave labor hours just to grow and pick avocado for my avocado "scrambled eggs" substitute. at least the animals aren't suffering 😤 🙏
No.290093
>>290092>avocado "scrambled eggs" substituteWhat kind of slop are you indulging in? A crappy avocado can't ever be a substitute for an egg which contains every nutrient necessary to build an entire bird
No.290094
>>290091>>290087I'd kill animals myself and enjoy the hunting like all my ancestors did. What exactly is there to feel depressed about it?
It actually makes me feel happy that someone else is doing it while I enjoy the product of his work without me having to sacrifice my time.
It's all benefits that animals get slaughtered so that I can eat.
No.290095
>>290086I still can do the same routine and I'm actually growing stronger, the weight I lift proves it and I don't even take supplement or vitamins or any of that snake oil. Don't feel tired either in the morning or have any back problems.
Not everyone has shitty genes, my man.
No.290096
>one of the rare days when it's actually nice temperature outside
>open my window
>remember I am crazy and can't control my random crazy outbursts of muttering
>realize the neighbors will be able to hear if they also have the windows open
>shut window
No.290097
>>290096What are your neighbors going to do if they hear you?
No.290098
>>290097Probably nothing, but I still don't want them to know just how crazy I am.
No.290099
>>290087It also made me depressed, so I stopped eating them. Simple decision, really.
No.290100
>>290099meat is tasty and makes me happy and it's what my body asks me after I train. Good source of protein
No.290101
>>290100I'm not an activist, but you can't have your cake and eat it. Being depressed about something you're choosing to partake in is just senseless.
No.290109
>>290099how did you do it?
do you take vitamin B supps?
No.290110
>>290087I am not a vegan but this is how I kinda feel about life.
Imagine you are vegan and you can feel how much animals suffer being crammed into small cages and allowed to get sick with no one caring for them.
You cook using a lot of spices, a variety of vegetables and you prepare you vegetables just right so your food has a nice flavor and texture and you never miss meat.
You can't understand how people keep tolerating this treatment of animals just for taste. It feels so unnecessary to you. Even people you respect, seemingly intellectual and empathetic people eat meat. There is this sickening "food porn" culture where people glorify meat eating. You share videos of sick animals being trapped in small cages on farms and you think that this will change minds only to see these seemingly nice people not let this affect them. You construct careful arguments for veganism only for someone to answer with "meat is tasty u mad?".
This would feel so alienating and lonely.
I justify eating meat because the meat I buy has already been prepared. My consumption has no effect on this huge industry. If animals were slaughtered on demand for me I would be vegan. And I do have to admit meat tastes better. You can make vegetables tasty but it takes more effort and we are on the depression board where you might understand having no energy to cook something elaborate.
No.290118
>>290077You gotta excercise if you don't want to age like that. All the people who still look and move good up to their 50s and 60s are staying active or they even put extra effort into nutrition and excercise. Its just still a fact that most people don't really excercise and that's why most people age in a similiar way.
I'm not that other guy who replied to you but he's right about the excercising stuff despite coming off as quite arrogant otherwise. Sleep, excercise and proper nutrition are essential after 35. If youre still in your 20s you hardly notice changes in your body but at some point you need to take extra care of yourself or you will feel your body change faster.
No.290119
>>290078He said from 40 onwards. You're 38. Just wait. There are top tier athletes at 38. Basically none at 41. Three years sounds like nothing but you'd be surprised.
No.290121
>>290081NTA, but the key to cooking in my experience is to just follow good recipes. Take your time to research good recipes that seem tasty and worth the effort. Then you should start craving the shit enough to motivate you to cook it, especially after your first few successes. Following recipes is completely brain dead. The most difficult part is creating shopping lists and getting the groceries. I shop online and do pickup orders to make it easier. Shopping list is created from looking at the ingredient list for all the recipes that I want to cook that week. This avoids any waste. Unfortunately there are a lot of bad or mediocre recipes out there, especially ones claiming to be quick and easy, but there are also good ones. Use sites like reddit where people can upvote posts so you can get a good idea of what recipes are well-liked. Read comments and see if people are raving or not. Sometimes they have a top rated comment feature or something like that with good tips or alterations to follow.
For years I assumed cooking would be much harder than it actually is. You can just follow a list a written instructions without really doing anything beyond that and if you have a good recipe it will be delicious 99% of the time. It's not hard at all which makes it kind of comfy and the end result is delicious food better than what you get in most restaurants, and you can explore a lot of different ingredients and cuisines that you might not have access to in your local area or for simply much cheaper.
Another key is to make your healthy ingredients delicious by using small quantities of unhealthy ingredients. For example, put oil and cheese on broccoli, or cook your veggies in butter. This will make them delicious enough so that you eat more of them. Don't try and go too healthy, rather target getting lots of veggies and other healthy foods. Vary shit up, cover your bases, don't leave anything out. As long as you avoid eating foods that are formed from processed nutrient slurries like most packaged garbage you will be alright.
No.290122
>>290110It's because they're letting their superego guide them when it is in direct opposition to the id and most people just listen to their id telling them that meat is tasty. I know I do. In most people the superego is weakest to start with, then you want to extend it out to not only other people but to non-humans? That is in direct opposition to people's instincts. You need to be very out of touch with your instincts and very in your head. Not many people are like that, mostly just vegans. Ultimately I don't expect people to be anything other than what they are. You might not like reality but it is what it is.
No.290126
>>290119Top tier athletes quitting at 40 years old doesn't mean they are not healthy, and you ignore the other factor which is money, they are already millionaires some even billionaires from being worth a fortune most of their youth and making deals while playing in the big leagues, and they are just not as competitive and have no reason to be, so they retire. Those are two different things.
Also, most people here aren't athletes so we don't exert our bodies to its limits and get constantly injured in sports.
It really sounds like you are coping from not doing exercise and eating healthy during your youth. You should have cultivated good habits instead of doing drugs, eating junk food, smoking weed, and drinking booze.
No.290127
>>290126who the fuck said they're not healthy? It's about feeling the negative effects of age. That is what we are talking about. Aging. Get that through your thick skull. We're not saying you become crippled at 40, but that the effects of aging become worse after 40 and are inescapable. This is proved by the fact that athletes can no longer compete at this age. You just decided to throw in random insults for no reason into a discussion. Why do you feel the need to do this? Fucking asshole.
No.290128
Every old male relative in my family hasn't even been to a doctor in years and they are all physically fit and never complain about cramps or back problems. They are teetotalers and grew up eating meat from a farm so that might be the key.
It's healthy habits and genes.
No.290130
>>290129Ultimately just avoiding morally wrong actions doesn't make you special or unique or worthy of praise. If you want that, you need to actually do "good works", ie accomplish something that has a positive impact on the world. That is not so easy. A lot of people think a good game in their head, but you get no points for that. When it comes to solving societal level ills, most people just realize it's too complicated and difficult to do much of any value so they just give up.
No.290131
>>290130>just avoiding morally wrong actions doesn't make you special or unique or worthy of praiseIt does.
That's why celibacy and virginity is a virtue. I guess you wouldn't know about that.
>A lot of people think a good game in their head, but you get no points for that. You actually do get points for that. Moral thoughts and attitude translate into good actions.
No.290132
>>290129I relate in a way that I can't just accept being a failed normie. I was in my bubble that protected me for so long, it was very tight, but it's not sustainable to survive.
No.290134
>>290131I didn't fight some great internal battle to make the noble and virtuous choice of becoming a wizard.
It was kind of forced on me after numerous upon numerous succubi expressed their physical disgust at my face and body.
I was predestined to be a virgin for life, it's not exactly something I "chose" as a kid. I didn't choose to be this way at age 39.
No.290137
imageboards fucked me up so badly
any time I have a new thought or want to try something new my first instinct is to post about it
even if i am not looking to discuss anything I keep checking them out constantly
No.290142
>define myself as an intept loser
>make 0 steps to change that by learning and practicing
>do nothing
>as expected go nowhere in life
>complain and ask for coping mechanisms instead of trying to change anything
why am I like this? i hate it
No.290144
optimism is a sign of mental immaturity
No.290145
>>290142Reminds me of what Alan Watts said about the paradox of self-improvement. The inept loser you is the one who needs to do the improving and "pull himself up by his own bootstraps". You wouldn't put two inept losers in a room and expect one to teach and improve the other how to not be an inept loser. To become better, you would paradoxically already need to be a better person in order to even know how to get there.
I think to truly change, you need an outside force, a teacher, a supportive environment, sources of knowledge and wisdom, otherwise you're expecting your "bad self" to somehow jump over itself into a "better self".
No.290147
I am 18 years old and I am thinking about killing myself for more than an year now. I have a question for old fags, will things get better?
No.290148
>>290147All I do is lay on my bed all day, my physical health is getting worse and my mental health is permanently damaged.
No.290149
>>290144Optimism helps people deal with life. It's actually a great thing and you should know better not to be pessimistic since it solves nothing and makes you depressed.
No.290151
>>290147I'm 26 and so far my life has only gotten worse
No.290152
>>290151so should I go through my plan and kill myself or should I wait for a decade or two.
No.290154
>>290147>>290152The fact you are asking bullshit like this "should i kill myself guys or wait"
says a lot to me about your mental maturity.
Love yourself. Enjoy your life. Do the things that you want to do in life. Stop being a fucking pussy, you are 18, you will probably grow out of whatever crap you are going right now. You don't have to be sad and wallow in self-pity.
You have lots of years to waste, so do what you like, and don't be afraid to try new things. It really doesn't matter if you waste your life, nobody cares about it in the long run, it's only you and you so do what you want to do, be selfish. Don't let other niggers get you down. You have to fight the depression, don't be a passive fag. Nobody here cares a singlne shit about your life because nobody knows you. What fucking answer do you expect?
No.290155
>>290154I want to study mathematics and physics but I am not smart enough. You can also predict my IQ by my post so. I don't have a reason to live. I am definitely not enjoying life and everyday of my life is hell. I don't think I can beat my depression.
No.290156
>>290154I don't have friends and I haven't interacted with anybody for a year now. I dropped out of highschool and I am spending all of my time on the internet. I don't know if I can make it.
No.290158
>>290147It's only going to get worse. If you haven't figured it out by 18, you're basically fucked and all that's left is 60 years of excruciating adulthood where you see people zip pass you at light speed as they hit career and relationship milestones you could only dream about.
That being said, don't kill yourself yet. Wait till it gets completely fucked and unbearable, it will be easier to do it then. Now just chill and enjoy the slow decline into madness.
No.290159
>>290157
There is something wrong with me. There must be a reason why I don't have any friends and why my mental state is like this. Its all my fault.
No.290160
>>290157
how old are you now
No.290161
>>290152Depends if you have enough money to survive with dignity, if you're poor and depressed that's basically a death sentence.
I was much smarter at 18 then I developed mental illness at around 23, I couldn't sleep in the same house with my parents, money saved my life because I was able to get a place of my own.
No.290162
>>290161I have atmost two years to learn a skill or two so I can leave my parents's house, I don't think I am smart enough to learn anything.
No.290163
Can someone give me genuine advice what to do. I don't even know where to start. I am this
>>290147anon
No.290165
>>290147>>290152>will things get better?Things will always get better in some ways, and worse in others. It's the excitement for the inevitable bettering that allows us to smile now, and the anticipation of the worsening that allows us to harden ourselves to it. You are 18. No matter your overall health, your brain is still growing in such a way that it's basically flipping a coin every so often to determine how you're going to feel for a while. Like how a growing muscle becomes sore, cramped, and restles, your growing brain is stressed with extreme emotions and confusion. Indulging in the negative thoughts moreso than the positive ones will only inhibit balanced growth, and allow your psyche to expand further in to the realm of darkness only.
It's up to you to introspect on your life and your future and determine if you really have a genuine reason to be as depressed as you feel. What has been taken from you? What rights of yours have been stripped? What are your desires in life and why do you feel they can't be obtained? Answer these questions.If you find yourself at all able to think of counterarguments for any of the helpless reasoning you've thought up, then you are far from being completely lot to depression. Why end your life before it has even begun? Anyone telling you or any young man to kill himself, is someone who hates you and us indiscriminately. These faggots don't deserve to even be entertained with the idea that some poor soul is considering ending his life in response to what amounts to normal, hormonal-excited responses to the common stresses of entering adulthood. Tell them to take their own advice and set themselves on fire.
>>290159>There is something wrong with me.No there's not. Every 18 year old male feels this way by default.
>There must be a reason why I don't have any friends and why my mental state is like this.For the same reasons most other 18 year old men naturally distance from their peers and why they become confused.
>Its all my fault.It is not. Your faults are the same as all of ours. We all know that feel. We won't be feeling it forever, but we will never forget it. It is normal. You may be above normalcy in some ways, but you can't deny the biology of chemical influence and the stress hormones that get released when the male body grows normally. Take this nice Rin pic and go play some War Thunder or Rust or something. Your bad feels are fleeting.
>>290158>If you haven't figured it out by 18, you're basically fuckedFigured WHAT out? Getting pussy? Set yourself on fire, male-hating she-nigger.
No.290166
>>290165>Figured WHAT out? Getting pussy?In order to get pussy, you need to know how to navigate the social world, manage your emotions, appearance, behavior, form groups and take advantage of them. Getting pussy is like getting a job, except the interviewer is a succubus. Getting a pussy/job/anything in this retarded world depends on you convincing other people to give it to you. If you haven't figured out how to do that by 18, or worse, you have the unfortunate luck to have the kind of temperament or mental illness or autistic brain that prevents you from successfully doing it, then it's fucking OVER. You're done. I'm sorry, but it's true. And I say that from experience.
No.290167
>>290165thank you, you are correct about everything but I don't know where to start. Please help me.
No.290168
>>290166>I didn't get the GOOD CLOTHES that got me the GOOD JOB and the GOOD PUSSY by 18 and this made my normalfag ego SAD>Therefore, I advise anyone who also hasn't gotten what I wanted by 18 to KILL THEMSELVESKill yourself
No.290169
>>290168I am not that guy who wrote that
No.290170
>>290168>You'll outgrow your autism bro! Just trust me!Lol, stop giving him false hope. It's over. I didn't even say he should kill himself NOW, but that it's inevitably going to get worse before it gets better. At 18 you already know who you are and it's almost impossible to suddenly become a whole different person, even if you fall for the "your brain doesn't stop developing till 25" meme or whatever you're peddling.
No.290171
>>290159> There must be a reason why I don't have any friends and why my mental state is like this. Its all my fault.True. It is your fault. That doesn't mean you can't have a great life in solitude. Accept your fate.
No.290173
>>290170I also add that it doesn't matter whether it's pussy or a job or anything else, the fact remains that the quality of your life depends on how well you can play the societal game. At 18 you're considered an ADULT and the 18 years prior to that were supposed to educate you and socialize you. What do you think happens if you failed at that point? You can't go back in time and do it all over again. After 18 you're on your own, there's no forced social environment, there's very little opportunities to learn and develop, you're just expected that you got it and you're ready to take responsibility for yourself.
OP could still try for a couple years. He wouldn't be crying about suicide if he had any actual prospects. Maybe go to college, get into depth for a bullshit degree, realize you don't fit in one more time before you give up. That's also an option.
No.290174
>>290170>it's inevitably going to get worse before it gets better.But you fail to even explain how it is bad to begin with, aside from you being personally upset that you don't meet the "high status" requirements of random normalfags.
>the quality of your life depends on how well you can play the societal gameNo, the quality of your SOCIAL LIFE depends on what kind of angle you're playing the societal game from. Those who don't demand a rotunda of friends, a gold Rolex, a fancy job, and several succubi aren't going to need to outrun the other rats racing for that same goal. You're doing nothing but projecting your own desire for a peak normalfag life as the only normal, ultimate goal in life. Then you're fake laughing and spreading your anti-male despair.
Your presence on this website is not welcome, and it's easy to image you've been kicked out of everywhere else for your Roger-tier worship of this "high status" life.
No.290175
Thank you guys for trying to help but I don't think I can be helped. It's probably over for me but thanks for trying.
No.290176
>>290172If that's what pains you, I suppose you can still try. Why throw the towel so early, you can have online friends and meet them irl or try college. I don't know if things will go different for you. Sometimes it's better to be honest with yourself.
>>290174He hasn't said anything that is wrong, what are you on about?
He said "the quality of your life depends on how well you can play the societal game" that's true for 99 percent of people.
It's obvious the kid wants friends and a social life and you can easily get that with a bit of status be it from your looks, fame, or money. If he doesn't have either, then it's a sign that something is wrong, he is suffering and depressed as a consequence and wants to end his life.
What is your advice for him? play videogames while he suffers for being outcasted. Play videogames while he wants to kill himself? you're delusional and should leave this site if you think that solves anything.
No.290177
>>290174You act like your social life is somehow separate from the rest of your life. Even if you don't care about being "high status", you still end up being treated like garbage everywhere you go. It's not merely abstract points in a game you don't play, it's pretty much one of the only games that really matter, unless you remove yourself completely from society. That's a nice fantasy, but we all like electricity, running water, the internet, medical assistance when we need it. You will have to get a job to pay for all that, which means having to be around normies who don't know that you're not a "player" in the status game and will just treat you like garbage because that's what they've been conditioned to do to losers around them.
No.290178
>>290175>It's probably over for me but thanks for tryingIt's not. If you're up for advice, then I highly reccomend staying away from depressive echochambers like /dep/ and whatever sadboy-NEET discord groomers try to pull you in to.
>>290176>He hasn't said anything that is wrong, what are you on about?He told a young man that it is "over" and that there is no hope for things to get better.
>He said "the quality of your life depends on how well you can play the societal game" that's true for 99 percent of people.But is our friend 99% of people? Does his entire outlook on life depend on how many chatterbox friends and cheque-signing bosses he has under his wing?
>he suffers for being outcasted1. He hasn't suggested anything about being casted out
2. Even if he was, there's no reason to care, let alone suffer
What makes it so obvious that you few who always come in to these thread to bring lonely guys down for being lonely are just trolls is that fact that you insist that a young man's happiness is directly tied to the quality and quantity of his company, yet you can't even spare a sentence or two to make these guys feel as though they have a friend. You opt instead to immediately tell them they're hopeless and then laugh and make sarcastic remarks at anyone trying to show any understanding.
You are trolls.
No.290179
>>290177>having to be around normies who don't know that you're not a "player" in the status game and will just treat you like garbageThey won't though. You bring this up in every thread imaginable but it's pure delusion to think that adults are going to harass and intimidate a guy because he's a little awkward or a virgin at 18 years young. Do you live in Hong Kong or something?
No.290180
>>290178>>290179> Even if he was bullied and ostracized, there's no reason to care, let alone sufferlol the things I have to read. Yeah, it doesn't matter at all, wait, he wants to kill himself as a result now.
You're delusional if you think normalfags don't notice when someone is insecure or depressed. High school never ends.
Why don't you try and help him with actual advice, have you tried to play videogames ever while being depressed? It's no fun.
No.290181
>>290178I don't suffer for being an outcast, I am fine with being an outcast but I can't cope with being a brainlet. I have below average intelligence and I suffer from constant brain fog.
No.290182
I turned 18 yesterday and no one wished me cause I don't have anyone except my parents.
No.290183
>>290182You'll get used to it.
No.290184
I don't know how to talk to people, I have 0 social skills. I never made a single friend due to my father's job. I haven't talked to a succubus since I was 10yrs old. I don't have passion. There is nothing which keeps me going.
No.290185
>>290180>You're delusional if you think normalfags don't notice when someone is insecure or depressedYeah, it's definitely you, the same guy who says this exact same thing in every thread. To which I remind everyone that it doesn't matter if they discover your power level. They're not going to treat you any worse. Highschool does end. Only those who haven't matured since it are susceptible to the belief that normal, run-of-the-mill people who are too busy with their lives to even introduce themselves are going to bully he poor wizzie and make his life a living hell because he's already 18 and never grabbed a boob. like clockwork you are projecting your own unfounded insecurities on to any poor guy who happens by and lol'ing whenever anyone suggests different.
>>290181>I can't cope with being a brainlet. I have below average intelligence and I suffer from constant brain fog.There is no reason to "cope" at all though. You were 17 yesterday morning, a literal child (happy birthday). Of course you're going to not be as smart as someone twice your age, especially if you lacked much of the affirmations and encouragement from peers due to your solitary lifestyle. Your brain is foggy in the same way most other 18 year olds' brains are. You've still got 7 more years of intense brain growth and in this time you'll be most able to find something to do that you enjoy by yourself and become great at it. Be it gaming, drawing, music, reading, or brewing tea. The world is your oyter and you don't need friends to help you open it. In fact, when you do open it yourself, you'll end up stronger and smarter than those who got by with help from others.
You're going to be sad. You're going to be happy. You'll be frightened, confused, hysteric, at peace, and horny. While in the lower states of mental wellness, do not dwell on what you believe you can't do while in that state. That will only internalize and normalize fear and doubt. Instead, do something you want to do and do it until you begin to enjoy it. Then when in this heightened state, make a note of how easy it was to achieve it, and how strong you are for being able to get your hand out of the depressive spiral. You don't have friends to pull you out, so you must do it yourself, and there's no better person to do anything for right now.
No.290186
>>290185Thank you wizzie but I don't know how to start, where to start.
No.290187
>>290185>Highschool does end.> The world is your oyteryep, completely delusional and full of normalfag platitudes. You really don't have a grasp in how sociopathic humans are or the fact society reinforces said behaviour as it always rewards the bullies while punishes the ugly and weak.
No.290189
>>290185>Yeah, it's definitely you, the same guy who says this exact same thing in every thread.Nah, there's many people that share my opinion and have experienced adult bullying. If you haven't, then you're either extremely sheltered (lucky you) or you can fit in without trying (again, lucky you).
It doesn't really matter. If OP can change, he will change. If he can't, he won't. Neither of us can influence his fate, it's already determined way before he will have to make the choice. Hope he enjoys the rest of his young adulthood.
No.290190
>>290189wizzie, you shouldn't say stuff like that it makes me more depressed. I don't want this to be true.
No.290191
>>290188>you are a faggot for not believing the world is your oyster!Yeahh dude, im going to travel around the world, meet new people, write a novel and become a billionare, graduate and get a master in chemistry, then buy me a mansion, I can do anything I want.
It's not like success in life is genetically determined by appearance, intelligence, sex and height. Let's ignore the fact that other kids hated me for being on the spectrum and I was always the weird kid!
No.290192
>>290189I can’t be bothered to read all the posts but yeah people can still be assholes like children for no reason. It just depends on your luck if you encounter it or not. Mid thirties and I still see petty tedious bullying behavior; directed towards other people luckily these days. People aren’t too busy for that stuff.
The internet is becoming very hostile to losers experience, I remember the last few years some shitposter constantly trying to make wizzers doubt themselves and blame themselves. People refusing to believe strangers would insult people just walking down the street, refusing to believe people from cars would throw stuff at you, just because you are ugly. Some people just have lives where this stuff seems insane.
No.290193
>>290185>the world is your oysterthe world is a sad place full of suffering and misery
the sooner he learns it the better
No.290194
>>290190>you shouldn't say stuff like that it makes me more depressedtheyre trolls. it's all they come here to do.
No.290195
>>290194so what should I do, I don't know where to start. I think I am way too behind for someone my age.
No.290196
>>290191Getting a masters' degree in chemistry won't even get you a townhouse
No.290197
>>290194shut up, troll. Laying out the facts isn't being a troll. You are a troll who can't even help anyone with your meaningless wishy washy mind thinking life is what you make it out to be.
Life is hard for men and for virgin and outcast men is even harder, especially when you are youngish.
No.290198
>>290195>I think I am way too behind for someone my age.You thought wrong. Again, you were a child yesterday. Most guys, whether they're outcast NEETs or social butturflies, have spent those same 17 years toiling away at often senseless schoolwork, playing video games, staring at the ceiling, and kicking a ball with friends. Some have even done drugs and been abused throughout those years. Now they may have more intuition in social situations compared to you due to your healthy, normal, common personality trait of preferring to just stick to yourself. But that doesn't mean you've fallen behind in any real capacity when it comes to you wanting to learn things, enjoy doing things, and overall just being happy. In fact, even if you do wish for a social life to blossom - to be part of a group - that can still very much happen. Guys your age who are out of high school are usually going in to college alone, and from there they meet new people and form an even closer, more informed relationship with people who can connect on a more personal level. And if college isn't in your scopes, there is still the internet. The best way to make friends, and to make yourself happy, is to find a hobby and do it. Then connect with other people who share the interest and go from there. But the important thing is that you do indeed find something to do.
What are you most interested in? And don't say posting on imageboards. If you like watching anime, reading books, drawing cartoons, chemically engineering new viruses, programming.. literally anything that you have any sort of interest in even finding out if you may be interested in doing it, just do it. Download a piece of software or watch some tutorials on youtube and eventually you'll find something to keep you entertained. Once you have a hobby, you'll have a set of related goals, and succeeding in these goals will be the self-affirmation that you need and also give you an outlet for connecting with people based on this shared interest.
>>290197>Life is hard for men That're true. Why are you trying to make this man's life harder by spreading false hopelessness based on your own failure to achieve your goals of getting a GF?
>and for virgin and outcast men is even harder, especially when you are youngish.ANd again, your only means of backing up this information boils down to
"I didn't get friends and a GF, so now if I got a job all my coworkers will bully me because of it! And they'll do it to you too!". Look, we're sorry you spilt your spaghetti in the Amazon warehouse and made a succubus giggle, but your single experience of hardship while being a virgin man doesn't mean that all virgin men will automatically face the same fate.
Men are diverse. Our struggles in life are too.The consequences of our actions are unique to us. The best advice for all men is universal, however. And this is to find something you enjoy doing and doing it the best that you can, regardless of how lonely or stupid you believe you are. To reject this advice on the grounds that you personally failed to do this is an afront to man. Projecting your failures on to everyone else as if your falures are normal or common. As if your self-destructive response to these failures is good. Despicable.
We are on Wizchan of all places and there is seriously a guy here telling a man who was a child yesterday that it is "over forever" because the kid didn't have sex. He does this in every thread. The fact that he's not banned suggests that he's a mod. Maybe this site is over? No.290199
>>290198I don't enjoy doing anything at all
No.290200
>>290195You should do what you like but based on your past you should have realistic expectations and don't lie to yourself with normalfag bullshit because that will only bring you more trouble and make you more depressed after you fail.
>>290198>Again, you were a child yesterday. You are a man today!I don't know if you are being serious or is this who you really are because you are sincerely stupid.
You don't become a man the moment you turn 18 or 21. It's an entire process and you're shaped by your experiences but most importantly, the man you become, it's a result of your genes.
>false hopelessness based on your own failure to achieve your goals of getting a GF?Notice how you conflate two different posters and make it out like I failed at something I never even tried to get in the first place. Not everyone is a failed normie like you.
>The best advice for all men is universal, however.Lol, you are indeed stupid. Yeah, the best advice for an autistic kid who never had friends is the same best advice for a normalfag guy. You really don't know what you are talking about. The cherry on top, is that you think there's some conspiracy here, when all that's happening is that wizards don't like being lied to by normalfags like you.
No.290201
>>290199Yes you do. Just find out what that thing is.
>>290200>lied toThe only lie here is that you're neither a crab nor a female.
No.290202
>>290201I don't think I will ever find a thing I can enjoy doing
No.290203
>>290202Well what have you tried so far?
No.290204
>>290203I tried playing video games, drawing, programming.
No.290205
>>290204I liked math and physics but I am too big of a brainlet for that
No.290206
>>290204https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_hobbiesYou can try some of these.
>>290205You're not, you just haven't figured out how to learn properly. There's that initial learning curve in everything that you have to push through before stuff just starts making sense and you can start enjoying it.
For math, try Khan Academy if you need to work on your foundation.
For drawing, get a drawing tablet and start drawing your favorite characters or things using a reference, just focus on copying the form as accurately as you can. You can also grab a technical drawing textbook and work through the exercises but that's a more difficult but quite rewarding path.
For programming, you need a project to orient yourself around. Try to make something very simple like tic-tac-toe and use Google and just search up any questions you have. You can also use GPT and ask it questions when you're stuck.
No.290207
>>290206thank you, I won't let you down fren
No.290208
>>290205>I am too big of a brainlet for thatNo you're not. Those who excel in these areas aren't gigabrain thinkchads. They're normal guys like you with time on their hands and an early start. You couldn't possibly get an earlier start than right now, and at 18, you have time to dominate the field.
You will never regret learning something related to or doing something to further yourself towards one of your hobbies.
No.290209
>>290208I hope you are right
No.290210
>>290209Don't hope us right. Prove us right. For yourself.
No.290211
>>290210I hate myself and I know I will sabotage myself
No.290212
>>290205I'm doing a geology course right now, it didn't require any prerequisites to sign up for since it's an online state school that's for people who have been out of education for a long time and I've been struggling with basic math. I passed my first assignment with 86% even though it was just basic math and chemistry. I only passed it because I crammed at the last minute from reading over course material though. I haven't actually learned anything so far and will have to look over the module material again to actually properly remember it. It's only the first year but I don't know if I'll even be able to do a job in this if I can't take anything in even if I do pass everything.
No.290214
>>290213This is the most difficult stuff I've been exposed to since I failed high school and it's only basic stuff too. I'm probably too retarded but I have to try.
No.290215
>>290213It's literally 8th grade math and I'm just learning it. I'm also struggling badly. I am that low IQ.
No.290218
>>290211But you have no reason to hate yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. At your age you can hardly be held accountable for your own actions.
No.290219
>>290214>>290215This is so motivating guys
No.290220
>>290214how old are you anon
No.290224
>>290219I'm sorry but I'm only subhuman at the end of the day. Raised by a single mother aswell.
>>290220Just turned 23.
No.290233
productive hobbies are pretty bad
you'll poop yourself out and discontinue them when things get hard
especially if you work full time
theres many games and animes and shows that can keep you entranced
if you still want to do productive things, you need to learn to be okay with BAD quality output
don't redo things to up their quality
don't refurbish
the point should be to entrance yourself in an action
produce literal garbage
in the end, the output will not be garbage
you put time and fun into it
if you are perfectionist, then you have mental issues
forget the tv tropes, don't romanticize your perfectionism
let go of it
No.290234
i dont know what i should do. i think i should kill myself but im a coward and too stupid. i thought about just giving up and just consuming 2d media nonstop until im homeless several times but after a couple of days i always start thinking that maybe i should try even if my chances are none. but i just dont know what to do. due to my financial situation im going to be homeless in a couple of months to a year at most. in a best perfect case scenario i get a minimum wage job to survive and wont have enough free time to do all the things i want. ill never afford things like a good drawing tablet or music equipment or going to an university. even if i had enough money to support myself and all the time it doesnt matter anyways because everything requires connections these days and i have none. i am a very bad person and everyone hates me and no one wants me near them. im detestable and not allowed to do anything and not allowed to go anywhere. but its like its not for me, its not meant for something like me, o shouldnt do it, i dont deserve it. i wish i were a good person so i could be allowed to do those things. ive always wanted to do something with my life but its hard when i have to struggle for decades to have things everyone else has from the start.
i just want to draw. i want to draw so much. there are so many things i want to draw. ill be really sad if i die before drawing these things, or even if someone else draws them before me. also for math and music. it hurts seeing hundreds of thousands of people drawing freely when ill probably never afford a real drawing tablet, or that its the norm for people to go to an university and many are not even very passionate about it and flunk it or drop out but i will probably never go to one.
i just lived like a slave for over 20 years and wasnt allowed to choose what i do with my own life, it was a prison and it was hell, i wasnt allowed to "follow your dreams", i can finally think about what i like and what i want to do with my life but its just too late and theres nothing i can do anymore. i just really love drawing, math and music, i think i love those things so much, and wish i could practice them every day for several several decades, and i wish i could get really good at them and be one of the best. i dont think theres a point in doing anything if its mediocre, i want to get really really good and even surpass whatever is considered the best at the moment. i like to think i could do it if i could invest enough time into it. there are just so many things i want to make, so many ideas. but ill probably never get to do those things because i have been given a very shitty life and i cant do anything, its a complete mess, there are too many problems like financially and family and health and all sorts of things. i think i wont make it. i wish i had another chance. i wish to god i could have been born like in the same era or generation, so i could try again. i feel like i didnt get to even try. there were so many things i wanted to do. its just small cheap things but i wanted very much.
i dont know. i think its just pointless and theres nothing i can do. i wish there were something i could do. it hurts a lot. i just like drawing math and music.
No.290235
>>290234your suffering is self inflicted then
pls get a job
No.290236
>>290234I'm starting to think you're a bot
No.290238
>>290234>i dont know what i should do. i know what you should do, you should k-
>i think i should kill myselfyeah, that's what i was gonna say :D
>but im a coward and too stupid.oh…
No.290239
>>290235>>290236>>290238You should stop giving him the attention he desperately wants. Why else do you think he writes a long repetitive nonsensical post for the 100th time. There's always the option to [-] hide his post.
No.290240
>>290239Why should I stop giving him attention if he wants it?
No.290241
>>290240You reinforce his shitty posting habits and nigger attentionwhore behaviour, but you're free to waste your time with the retard, it will get you nowhere.
No.290242
>>290241there are shittier posts
No.290244
>>290239I find it pretty sad that's hes just some stupid crazy bot. I actually felt sympathy for him but of course its just a sham, a way for attention whoring, why can't anyone be real for once in their lives?
No.290253
Bad news is I can't help but imagine the reaction rn to Mr. G's newest film considering certain folks' form of retaliating since 2022 (be it by trailer or a toxic variant of the silent treatment).
But I'll probably watch it anyway.
His track record could be worse :D.
No.290255
>>290244I don't repeat the same exact post but I can fully understand the suffering of missing out on life and regret. It's a horrible feeling without real resolution that just never stops. Every day I am mindfucked by the fact that I'm a 30+ old manchild with 0 life experience. Nothing I could realistically do will change the past. Sure theoretically I could give it 110% and suddenly catch up on 10 years of doing nothing in 5 but if I had that in me I would not have gotten to this point in the first place.
No.290257
Four days ago I had the biggest nervous breakdown ever. I wept and howled for several hours. I had the strongest urge to off myself. On the next day I woke up with a realization that I don't feel anything. Nothing hurts anymore and nothing feels pleasurable. Not that I had much pleasure to begin with.
Two days ago I went to see my aunt and my cousin. It was very weird. It felt like I could just spew whatever came to mind with no filter, no hesitation, no mulling over words or awkward silence. I just didn't care. The thing is, I still feel horrible and want to die, but my feelings are muffled.
I enjoy it and hate it at the same time. Human brains are so fucked up.
No.290259
>>290257I had a similar experience. I feel like at some point the point was so much that something broke inside me as a coping mechanism. I've never been quite the same since, left with some sense of depersonalization. The severity ebbs and flows - stress can bring on an intense episode.
No.290260
>>290259>>290257Since I can describe that experience word to word as 'identical' to what you experienced, I think it's a universal breaking point in depression.
After that event, your feelings just kind of die off, your youthfulness and soul dies.
You're just a biological machine after that.
The trigger for that event is prolonged depression with no hope of light at the end of the tunnel.
It's been 3 years for me since that event. It's also the last time I cried in life or will ever cry again.
At this point, I couldn't care less even if my parents die. I don't feel anything anymore. I only want life to end and am passing time waiting for that moment.
No.290261
I hate myself myself and wish I was dead. I'm a mistake. I ruin everything. I'm scared of people. Everyone hates me
No.290262
>>290257emotional blunting. your brain turned down the volume on your emotions to protect yourself
No.290263
>>290260No, it's not the last one.
I thought it was, and five years later I got another breakdown.
As much as we wish to be some kind of monk, sometimes the brain just cannot stand it anymore and you get a venting episode.
No.290277
>>290185How are you a wizard and not a normalfag
No.290278
>>290277Bruh, being a wizzie is like, just a state of mind bro. Like anyone could be a real wizzurd you just gotta chillax and take it easy, find something you love to do. When it's cold outside and real dreary and wintery like, I just snuggle my blanket and surf the Internet like a real doomer bro. But it's not like I'm one of those depressed uncool wizzerds, but like, I'm just melancholic and experiencing ennui which is beautiful in its own way bro.
No.290279
>>290078>>290121Go back to /fit/ you fucking bozos
No.290280
>>290279"I think cooking is easy. Cook books are easy to follow. I like chicken nugget."
t. guy who need to FUCK OFF BACK TO 4CUCKS AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
No.290282
>>290165Nice to see some oldfags still here, your optimism is strangely refreshing which is a very rare oddity. I guess that's what's kept you from roping till now I suppose.
No.290283
>>290280Cooking is easy retard and you don't even need a fucking cookbook BUT cooking is difficult if you have major depression/live with hoarders or some other life circumstance. Telling people to "just coook bro lmao" is 4chan tier so basically go fuckyourself faggot normalscum
No.290285
>>290280why are you so triggered by me saying cooking is easy? The screeching retards here get harder and harder for me to comprehend. I never know what will set you fuckers off.
No.290286
>>290284
It's just weird to suggest that "people don't treat you any worse." So are all the wizzies who got bullied at their workplaces lying? If normies don't treat wizards as lessers, then why are there wizards to begin with? Why can't they go out and adjust to normal society?
No.290287
>>290286Just as weird as niggers claiming that people won't treat you any worse or have a low opinion of you if they learnt that you are a 30 year old virgin
No.290288
Posting offers less immersion than reading well thought out posts
Imagination after waking up, lying in bed, offers great immersion but only for 10 to 20 minutes
I don't know what happened to me, but I like it
Recently been watching Frieren, gonna have to get back to it soon to immerse myself
Need wireless headphones to listen to some podcast or something at work
Maybe get a new computer that can actually run games
The world is a magical place
No.290298
>>290294>i would just ask to be able to draw for like several decades, do some math, and make a little of music.And what's stopping you?
No.290301
>>290298why do you normalniggers even come here? can't you just die or fuck off or something. nobody likes your kind around here
No.290304
>>290298>>290302>>290303the 1:1 wording does make it seem suspicious but I can very well emphatize with the feeling of knowing what you are doing wrong, knowing what you want to do instead and still not be able to take any steps towards it
I've been wanting to learn to draw for 10 years now. That sounds insane to me written out but every time I would try to start I just felt this resistance and this void in me knowing that I will have to put in effort for quite some time with no real reward. I want to draw well NOW so the process of getting there doesn't satisfy me. So I would periodically make these threads asking "how to best get started with drawing" when in that time I could have already worked myself through the most commonly recommended books.
Same with cooking. I would look up recipes only to get overwhelmed by the ingredients or give up because I would have to buy a tool first.
I also remember trying to quit imageboards years ago and still I am here despite them making me sick.
No.290320
>>290298i cant afford a good drawing tablet. i cant afford musical instruments/equipment.i cant go to an university for several reasons. very soon i will be homeless for various reasons, mostly financially. in a best case scenario i will get a job so i will never have free time to do all those things that i wanted to but even that is extremely unlikely. even if i had the time and resources to do those things i would still be a bad person who shouldnt practice these nice things. i should have started with these things when i was little, like when i was 4 years old or so, i dont understand why i didnt, i think its not my fault, i think i had very evil parents and developed a very weird mental illness and i didnt know what to do. i just wish i had enough time to do all the things i want, i wish i were good enough so i could make a genuine contribution, i will probably not be very good at these things because im a low iq retard but i wanted to at least try, i dont know, it just hurts a lot, ive always wanted to do something with my life but it always felt like a prison. im at my limit, i think i will just do it even if its pointless and even if im not very good at it. like just drawing with a cheap pencil and paper or just reading math books without any expectation of getting anywhere. im not a bot, im just very severely mentally ill, i just make a lot of posts because it hurts a lot, and i like to imagine being good at these things even though im just a subhuman and not supposed to practice math or art. its very embarrassing, i wish i would just disappear from everyones memories, maybe i wish i were never born.
No.290321
>>290320can you specify us what is your situation right now, please?
No.290322
volcels were fakecels all along
if you are a virgin and not a normalfag please stop using the term volcel to describe yourself because its just another thing for normies/kiwifarmers to feel good about(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
No.290326
>>290301Do you realize how it was just a simple question, and the anon replied by saying that it was about money for the equipment, and that he felt like he should have started young, etc.
Just ponder how absolutely fucking clueless, pretentious and biased you are.
Thinking that you know who am I and what is my life experience just by a post that simply asks another anon "what exact problems are you having?"
How deluded can you be?
>>290322This site is long gone, trying to save it is a bit laughable.
No.290340
>>290322Saying you are volcel is the same as saying "I can have sex i just don't want to" which means you care about your status among normies.
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST) No.290344
>>290340what he was trying to say is a volcel choose to not have sex but it is unknown if he can or not and a insel is someone who WANT sex but can't have it because of reasons
No.290345
>>290344I don't think there is any other subject that literally gets you banned from the site besides denying volcelness.
I do agree it exists, but it exists only if you have potential and hypothetical access to it in the first place.
An ugly guy "deciding" to be volcel is like a homeless guy deciding he doesn't want to live in the top penthouse of the Trump Tower.
No.290400
>>290340Volcel has not yet perished
No.290407
Go back to your mole people on /b/, volcel mods still rule the surface world and will ban those who insult volcel.
No.290431
>>290421what a asshole, I hate notmalfags
No.290432
>>290326eat shit normalnigger
>>290322you are retarded. even in places where prostitution is banned you can still find whores if you want to. technically there are no crabs, only volcels. only real crabs are dirt poor farmers living in the middle of nowhere
No.290445
Why do so many people make posts that possibly couldn't warrant a reply? Whats the appeal of shouting into the void?
No.290446
>>290445People need to express themselves.
No.290448
>>290432eat shit normalnigger
No.290450
>>290449I skipped to the end, and thought the blue hair chick was a femcel and the reporter had to step out of the room because it smelt so bad.
but actually she is a "hate watcher expert" showing her gore
https://youtu.be/8nj9g0ZTucY?t=960 No.290456
I'm literally incapable of just buying junk food or candy and eating it a little at a time. Maybe this is why people get fat, but I can feel the negative effects on my body after I pig out on sugar for a while so I just don't buy any more, but every few months I will buy a bag of candy or snacks and just eat the whole thing.
No.290457
>>290456I'm the same but I can resist buying it. Each year I give all my christmas chocolate to my neighbors because I'll destroy it in a day. I hate being around generous people that constantly share junk food with me. I don't want to be offered it, I don't want to eat it, why don't people take no for an answer.
No.290469
>>290468Who knows? It's a Twitter video so most of us can't view it
No.290471
>>290470enroll in community collage
No.290472
>>290470Even with a Jinn you only get 3.
No.290474
>>290470I'm like you haha
No.290476
>>290470I am like this.
I remember in 2015 I finished the last therapy session hopeful that I will start drawing. "If I don't start now I will regret it. There is no shortcut. I will focus on the process." These are the things I remember saying. It felt like not starting to draw was an impossibility at that point. The future where I am 30 with no skills sounded too bleak.
I also remember in 2016 I tried out VR glasses for the first time and I knew this was the future of escapism and I HAD TO start learning 3D modeling so I could build worlds to escape into and maybe even earn some money with commissions.
I think it was 2016 also when I got tired of imageboards and started to read a lot of self-help books.
The older I got the more I had the motivation to succeed JUST to show it's possible as a total loser like me so I could inspire and help fellow losers.
And yet here I am 30 TWO now with ZERO (0) skills still, living with parents and with no money.
No.290478
I'm still in the background check phase, and I am very worried that the unpaid work will mess me over – as well as bitter coworkers from my short, barely a month stint at a local retail place (I could tell they all looked down on me for being older and having a STEM degree but still working retail) – but if it goes through and I get this job then I can finally FINALLY move. I'm trying to withhold my happiness until it goes through for real, but…
It's funny and depressing to see my mother's attitude (I'm the anon who's been in here for months bemoaning his mother) flip from schoolyard bully to kind, caring Hallmark mother. She seems to think we're just going to shake hands and I'll forget her threatening to kick me out when I was at my lowest, as well as outright saying "Well I treat you like shit because I know you can't leave, if you don't like it just move lol just go sleep under a bridge!" but I'm not. I really pray everything goes okay. I pray I'm finally able to leave. This house is shit and she's had a shit life so I sympathize, and I'll help her out until summer, but I'm gone afterwards. I mean it. I deserve to live my life free of her influence. 24 years of being under her thumb in varying ways, being her human trashcan and chew toy, I am not fucking dealing with it any longer if I get this chance.
No.290479
>>290478The peasants are not jealous of you, looking down on you, and certainly not conspiring to report you to the IRS for completing a STEM course for HIGH IQ people ONLY
No.290481
>>290479I don't mean to imply that they were peasants or less than me, and I am definitely not trying to say I'm some kind of high IQ genius (if I were, I'd have gotten something straight out of uni) but I did get a lot of snide and backhanded comments thrown my way. I'm pretty awkward socially too and my mind blanks out when I'm panicking, so a lot of them even doubted that I even had a degree or work history before that position. Examples:
>"You have a fancy computer degree but you can't break down a box?" >The fact that I told one person I had a CS degree in brief, and the next day everyone knew about it and kept bringing it up. "Was it hard? Did you like it? Why are you here if you have that? Why [store name] and not Google or something?">The constant being talked down to; the condescension and pitying from the younger adults I worked with. >Being outright ignored when I asked a question. >One guy suspecting that was my first job and grilling me hard about weird shit like water cooler talk and what the company fridge was like (?) >All the terrible busy work I got depending on who I was working under that day. All that said it wasn't hell to work at, and I get that my coworkers were frustrated with the retards who came in (elderly people are forgivable, but it was annoying to have teens and healthy adults come in and need us to hold their hands wrt to purchases, this was luxury retail) and as the newbie I was an easy target, but it was still irritating in many ways. I say they might be "bitter" because while I wasn't scheduled for anything next week, I was scheduled for shifts the week after that. They were also (are?) terribly understaffed and I left after promising to the manager that I'd stay for a few months.
No.290483
>>290482he didnt want to, she forced him
No.290487
>>290481I just call people out on everything in a meta way. It infuriates people to no need. I sink the knife in really deep when people yell at me with anger, staying calm and just going on and on about their clear impulse control problems, how it's sort of pathetic that they had a full temper tantrum over this. I just don't stop because the more they yell and argue, the more I can go on. I usually say "my ten year old niece gets like this when he can't play xbox, it's absolutely pathetic coming from an adult man". I call everything out if it's a clear expression of sadism or envy too. I don't know, my mum sort of attention seeks and is prone to hysteria, so with her I've become expert and getting to the root of problems and not taking the argument bait.
Normies cannot handle it, it's their kryptonite. If you keep calm while doing it there's nothing they can really say to you either, because you're right.
No.290508
Nothing I say has any relevance and I think I may be stupid again.
No.290509
Making it to the "good times" feels like a massive waste. I'm no happier now than when I was dirt poor, maybe less.
No.290516
All movies are suspense movies.
Horror movies, at their best in my opinion, just make an art out of those moments when the characters are fleeing the baddies. The definitivamente intimacy that will either make or break the character. Their finest hour. And although we've certainly reached such an age, I now realize we can't really be "zombified".
We would all have to live near snow first before it can be "dead or alive"…
No.290540
>>290509the goal was the journey along the way afterall, huh?
No.290546
I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. 8 hate myself. I wish I was dead. I don't want to be around anymore. I wish I was dead. I don't like it here.
No.290551
I want to puke and kill myself
No.290552
I hate myself
No.290579
Dear UK
The obvious kind of yanks are likely gonna blame me for your crazyass entertainment again.
In return at least get Jollyjack (if not Tomska, Eddache, or that one band named after a Pirates of the Carribean quote) knighted. He's won it like you wouldn't believe - -.
No.290582
Lil bugger is just taking the piss now, isn't she?
No.290586
I tried to make a new desktop shortcut for microsoft word but found I am now unable to do so after Microsoft has changed how you do it. It's still possible, but I have to find the .exe first. Who the fuck knows what folder that is nestled in. Why do they do this? Why can't I just right click and add one like I've always been able to? Why must they constantly remove and hide features I actually use while adding shit I will never use in a million years? I hate technology with a passion.
No.290592
>>290586Man that must be really depressing you to have posted that tech support question in a depression thread.
No.290597
>>290593You only saved that Me–Tan because it is a filthy Chinky Blue Archive meme
No.290622
It's funny how easy it was to slip through the cracks. I think a police officer knocked on our door and talked to my parents once in 11th grade for excessive absences, and I spoke to a couple school officials for 20 minutes another time, but otherwise I just stopped attending and no one cared. Over a decade later I have never paid taxes and never worked anywhere longer than a few weeks.
Looking at the news they talk about unemployment and things like that exclusively as a market thing as if the main reason people like me exist is because wages did not rise 5% over last year. Actually when you live like this all of society just seems like one big store and if you're not participating in it you basically don't exist and there's nowhere for you to go or do anything outside.
I described my situation to someone before and she said that I was effectively homeless but I had somewhere to stay which is a weird but very accurate way of describing it when it comes to how the market sees me. People talking about hating society but I just call it hating the market. Markets don't go out of their way to kill you or hate you they just let the things that fail do so without intervening because something else will replace it.
No.290641
>>290622>Actually when you live like this all of society just seems like one big store and if you're not participating in it you basically don't exist and there's nowhere for you to go or do anything outside.accurate. People don't have friends anymore because they don't need friends, they don't actually do things with their friends. Everything that is done is done by some corporation somewhere in exchange for money. How much money you have determines how free you are and what you can and can't do. It determines whether you are the slave or the master in a situation. The market is just one big machine and we are nothing more than fleshy cogs in that machine. If you don't go do your little coggy role, some other flesh cog will do it because everyone needs to be a part of the machine if they want to have some dibs on the collective output of the machine. What ends up getting you the most money though is just absurd and has almost nothing to do with the worth you provide. You want to go to buy a house but you can't afford it so you need a loan. You go to the bank and some guy clicks a thing on the computer and some numbers move from one column to the next. For that "service" they require basically as much in interest as the house costs. You spend literally 15 years just working to pay interest for that banker who clicked the button. Some succubus who happened to be born very symmetrical can sell her bath water in jars and end up making millions of times more than the wage slave who collects your trash or keeps the water running. It is tyranny of the smart and beautiful and well connected over everyone else. Those who win the most are those who can leverage every situation and every person they meet for the most personal gain. The greediest sleaziest bastards are rewarded the most.
No.290658
Only need the light when it's burnin' low
Only need the road when you're missing home.
Only feel sleepy when you know a nightmare might be around the corner.. –
No.290666
>>290660Mother, I tried, please believe me
I'm doing the best that I can
I'm ashamed of the things I've been put through
I'm ashamed of the person I am
No.290684
my life is over. i didnt live my life. i wish i had lived my life.
i dont know what happened, why i turned out like this. i just lost the first and best over 20 years of my life. completely wasted. i didnt even play videogames or watch anime, my mind was just in a blank for over 20 years. just gone. i had a very weird mental illness. i think i partially snapped out of it but i lost the time of my life.
i wish i had lived my life to its full potential. i just wish i had gotten into math drawing and music when i was very little, like 5 years old, and be completely obsessed with at least one of those things and dont care about anything else. just want to get better at them and make more and better things. wish i had spent my entire childhood and adolescence studying and practicing madly every day and not doing anything else. like at least math and cs so i could go to an university and then afford doing art after i get a job. i wish i were really good at those things i like. i wish i had the talent. i dont want to be mediocre or even just average. i wish i could make really nice things. like drawing really beautiful and nice things. im very afraid that someone else will draw the things i want to draw before me, or that things like ai will change drawing so that it becomes something completely different and even more inacessible, i should just give up on drawing because its too expensive. i wanted very much to go to an university. i wish i could still go to an university and do serious research somehow. but my life is imploding. i wont make it.
no matter how far i go in this life i think it wont be enough, i will still wish i had another chance, like i wish i had another life to try again, to try properly from the start. i wish so much i could reincarnate in this period or go back in time.
i have odd beliefs like god, soul, magic and free will, i believe i should be able to do something if i try but maybe its just a mistake, like i was born into the wrong body by accident or im just a mistake, a freak of nature, and wasnt supposed to be born. i wish i were a decent person so i could practice those things i like.
i dont know what im supposed to do. im in a complete mess. i dont think i can get out of this. im just a subhuman monkey freak loser hellspawn, i had tiny dreams but i wasnt able to make them come true, i clearly had a vision of happiness and it seemed a bit realistic but it just didnt happen.
No.290689
>run out of money a week before my unemployment money comes in
>start dumpster diving, find half eaten kebaps, moldy sandwiches, one unopened pack of chocolate easter eggs
>get really fucking sick, i assume some of the meat was rotten
just spent the entire night shitting my guts out. at least i'll have money tuesday, i think
No.290690
she's making fun of us. this person can't be real lmao
No.290698
>>290692exactly
teenagers that still dream of normalfag lives
much to learn they still have
No.290703
>>290147Wait a few years, we're gonna have a dumpster fire soon.
No.290711
>>290684Find a way to support yourself financially and study math/draw when you can. I wanted to be a classical pianist starting at 18 and that's impossible. It was one of the hardest things for me to do, but I moved on from that dream. Perhaps your dream of waking up an artistic/mathematical savant is as painfully impossible. Sometimes you have to break your heart to fix it in the process of pursuing something else. I know your feels, believe me, I'm mentally ill too. But suicide is not an option because I'm in Korea and there's noguns here. So I just have to live my life, just like you have to live yours. Good luck, fren.
No.290712
is it the same people replying every time or does she just pull in fresh suckers every week?
>i can fix her xDDD
no. you can't. it's been tried. stop giving this thing "advice".
No.290713
>>290711don't bother with him. he's been writing the exact same shit for years
No.290715
>>290714Quoting Schop and Hegel back to back we have a Eduard von Hartmann here!
No.290723
Congratulations.
You have now brought forth an age where love songs in German are better than love songs in English.
I hope your next president is dressed up in gold if King Henry VIII's regalia lacked inspiration. - -
No.290733
ive been thinking of my chances of going to an university. even if i could afford it and even if i could pass the entrance exam i think i still wont be able to become a researcher like i wanted. im too autistic, too much of a freak and couldnt handle even the simplest social interactions like with professors and other people. i will probably be very annoying and obnoxious. more importantly im a bad person. i wont be wellcome. ill never be accepted, nobody wants to associate with me, ill just be completely ignored at best. its hopeless but i wish i could do it. i cant even be 100% sure if they research the things im into at this university so it might all be a waste of time.
i might have to put art away indefinetely because its too expensive and doing math research requires complete focus. but to be honest i think i might like art more than math. but i just cant afford it. i just wanted a lot to draw in this period, the late 2010s to early 2020s. i dont know where art is going from now on, it might be too late, and i might have missed an unique period and opportunity in all of history. i would still like to draw in the future if possible.
i wish i could work on so many projects but i dont have enough time. i wish i had a lot of time. just like working on nice projects and nothing else. i wish i could make it but im not going to. im just fucked financially, im going to be homeless soon, and this country is falling apart. by making it i dont mean much. i just wanted to draw nice pictures and that sort of thing. i think im very capricornian and i wanted to climb very high but there are heights i can no longer reach. it makes me feel like this existence is pointless. i dont know what went so wrong, why i turned out like this garbage. i was like in a state of comma for over 20 years even though i always felt like there was something inside me wanting to get out.
i want to die. i think this existence is just pointless and embarrassing and too ugly, i think theres nothing i can do with my life anymore, i wanted to do nice things but it seems impossible. im supposed to kill myself, but im afraid that if i try killing myself with the methods available to me ill survive and suffer even more, like trying to hang myself but being rescued and turning into a vegetable or breaking my neck without achieving brain death.
im obnoxious and these posts are obnoxious and nobody reads them but i think im going to fail at everything i want to do so at least i want to say something but im very mentally ill and dont know how to communicate properly. i like to think an angel will read these posts one day and aid me or at least feel bad for me.
i feel like an animal in a cage. i feel like being crushed at the lowest depth of the ocean. i live in a world of people that are different from me and everything is awkward and embarrassing. i just want to do stuff like drawing and math and music but this life really sucks a lot. i think its physically impossible to give up. i want to do these things from the bottom of my heart, i cant think of anything else that is worthwhile in life.
from now on ill try to keep one post per month. like on the first day of the month or the first sunday. or at least once a week on sunday. and within a certain character limit. starting from next week or month because this post is too close.
No.290745
22 years old, in the confidence of my youth, NEET, no work history or qualifications or degree or anything. I'm not gonna be able to keep NEETing for long so I will be forced to reenter society and I'm fucking pissed. All my life prospects are shit. What am I even supposed to do? I can try to studymax and get a good job, but then I will have to work all day and be forced to interact with normies. I can get a piss easy job where I do nothing all day and don't have to interact with anyone, but then I will be poor. How do people live like that? I just want to NEET and avoid everything.
No.290766
>>290745>I just want to NEET and avoid everything.That was my solution. Worked well. The workplace is hell.
No.290777
How am I at 32 asking myself questions like: what do I want to do with my life which I should have asked myself at 18?
No.290779
NEET, somehow managed to make a decent amount of money from crypto, spent it all on psych doctors, then my physical health started collapsing, spent the rest on that. No one helped.
I can't make money because of health, no skills, being an old dropout and mental illness/retardation that makes me fuck everything up, now i'm also deathly addicted to benzos, in infinite debt, stuck for nearly 30 years in a house i hate with an insane family i despise, without my own room or a meter of place, always in pain i can't treat because i don't have money. It's a closed loop, i can't take it anymore. i have to die, i cant cant cant cant cant cant do it anymore, i beg for death for every single day, i pray for satan to take me, i dont believe god exists, since i've been in hell for years already and never seen the earth.
No.290786
>>290777>How am I at 32 asking myself questions like: what do I want to do with my life which I should have asked myself at 18?Very much the same for me. I always had a lack of purpose in general, most people were already pursuing something in high school even if it was just sports or art but I never really felt like I had a foundation to build on in the first place.
No.290787
>>290786BUT WHY???? I AM THE SAME. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? I ALWAYS ENVIED HOW PEOPLE JUST LOVED PURSUING THINGS. THEY ALL JUST WANTED SOMETHING. I JUST WANTED TO HIBERNATE. IS IT MY FAULT?
No.290810
I free myself from imageboards by the power of these sacred dubs ^^
No.290811
>>290810I feel EXTREMELY embarassed that I wasted so many years on imageboards. I thought that imageboards just got worse and used to be good so I had an excuse but I checked the archive for discussions on a topic I am passionate about and found threads from 2010 which were nothing but shitposting.
It made me realize what an utter waste of time imageboards are. 99% of the threads are about stuff I don't care about. Then when the thread about something I want to talk about appears it either dies after a few replies or people post 1 line and leave.
All this time wasted…
No.290813
>>290811Wizchan is the only imageboard I still come back to from time to time. It's slow, comfy, and there is nothing that makes me even slightly angry here.
Back when I browsed other IBs I would constantly get into arguments with other users and would easily be triggered by trolling, attwhoring, and asinine shitposting in general. Only one or two threads would be fun or entertaining. Leaving those places has done wonders for my sanity.
No.290819
nobody is going to read this, its just an embarrassing obnoxious wall of text, im probably going to be banned or shadow banned for spamming. but i like to think a kind angel from heaven will read this and understand it and grant me my wish.
i just hope i can make it. i want to make it so much. ill try but i think its pointless. i think im not going to make it. im very desperate. im very afraid. i would do anything, i would go through hell for a million years if i had to, anything. i just want to draw really nice things. and maybe if possible and time allows it write nice math and make nice music. i want to make it so much. im so terrified that i wont make it. but i really want to.
i feel a lot of stuff and wish i could put it into words but its difficult. im in a very complicated situation, there are a lot of things, i cant put it all into a post. i think im in a very unusual situation, and im very weird, so i wish i could communicate and tell the world how i feel but i dont know the right words. im in hell. i feel like in the ocean abyss, i feel like a wild animal in a cage, it feels like being very repressed, crushed. its despairing, maddening, it hurts, its very painful, agonizing. it feels like being crippled, drowning, like having all the blood drained from my body. i want so much to break out of this cage and just do the things i like. but i just struggle and claw at it and suffer without getting anywhere, and the only comforting thought is imagining, daydreaming, about all the nice things i wanted to do, and daydreaming that maybe in an alternate timeline i made it. i can imagine being so happy and free, like very happy and free, but i cant escape this hell. i just want to break free of this prison. i would do anything. i wish i could properly express myself. i wish i could scream. but im very bad at english. there are just a lot of things. i feel a lot of things and i think i went through weird stuff but i cant express myself well. it hurts so much. im in hell and i cant even say a thing.
i cant do things because it have a very difficult life. like im extremely poor in a very poor country, i can barely afford to eat, i have a very abusive dysfunctional family, i have all sorts of physical health problems, im very mentally ill, im already old, i have a dark stupid past that haunts me, i have bad habits, i live in an awful environment, i dont have enough time, im going to be homeless soon. etc etc. my life is over. i dont want to make excuses i wish i could just do it, like i wish i could just afford a nice drawing tablet its so simple but i cant.
i wish everything i did and said could be forgiven and forgotten. i dont know what happened but i think its not my fault. i dont want to be a bad person. i wish i were a good person. i think i was just very mentally ill. im still very mentally ill but a bit less at least. i wish i had all the lost time back. i just want to draw. i want to draw pretty things so much. every atom of my body. like a stupid fly in love with a light bulb. there are so many things i want to draw. and im afraid of losing my place as time passes. and i want to do math and music too if possible. if i had to explain every reason why i like these things so much it would take a post longer than this. but at the same time its very simple. i just wish i had enough time to do all the things i want. be the best possible at these things, make really pretty and elegant and nice things. there are so many things i want to make. i dont care about anything else. i dont wish i had a family or friends, i dont want to have fun, i dont want money or wish that i were good looking or that i were a normal person or that i could do things everyone else does, i just want to draw, and if possible do math and make music. i wish i were really good, i wont accept being mediocre or even average, i wish i could make genuinely nice things, i wish i were talented. it doesnt matter really because even if i could make excellent things i would still be a bad person, but still i wish i could make them, i wish only the works mattered and not the person. im very glad that i was born capricornian, i want to climb very very high, i want to be excellent, i wish i could do awesome things, but im f*cked in all sorts of ways and cant progress.
im probably going to fail, i think i wont make it. i wish to god i could have another chance. i wish i could go back in time and somehow get started with math and cs when i was like 4 years old. or that i could reincarnate in this same period like from the 1990s to the 2020s. i dont necessarily wish i were born in better circumstances like wealthier or with a supporting family, just that i had the same spirit and were strong enough to overcome all the problems.
im just going mad and in complete despair and anguish. i think i could have been a mathematician and an artist but i didnt make it. i would do anything for another chance, i really wanted to, i wanted to make so many things, it hurts so much, i wish i could still turn this life around, but i think its impossible. i wanted to draw a lot, really pretty things, i wanted to write nice interesting math stuff and make nice music. i wish i could still do so but i think its over. god please give me a chance. please let me succeed. please please please. i wish i could have achieved my full potential. my ideal life would have been like, i would have spent all my free time studying math and cs from age 4 to 18, getting really really good at it, reading a lot of books and papers, programming a lot, do very exceptionally in school, go to a nice university, do well in the university and get a phd in math, and get a job like researching and invest whatever money i make into buying art stuff like a tablet and music equipment and such, invest most of my time into drawing and a tiny bit of making music while doing a bit of research and ocasionally reading a visual novel, something like that, or maybe just affording a drawing tablet since i was a child, something like that, nothing much more really, i dont know. i wish i could still do something like this but it just seems too late. i just want to draw. i want to draw so much. i wish i had a chance. i dont want to do less than the best possible that i can make so im waiting for things to improve significantly so i can make the best possible things but its not going to improve and even if it does by the time it does it will be already too late.
im just a mentally ill subhuman freak monkey unimportant abomination retard loser cringe bad person horrible spammer. i feel something and i believe, i want to do things, but im in a complete mess. i think theres just nothing i can do anymore, im checkmated, this life is just a mistake, i wasnt supposed to be born, its just a mistake, i probably should be glad i at least have this spirit even though i couldnt make proper use of it. i just wanted a lot to draw, i wanted to draw so much. and maybe do math and make music. i wish i had lived my life properly, i think i could have done so many things and i could have been a decent person, i wanted to go very far but i got myself into a hole and i think i cant get out of it now. i wish so much i had lived my life the right way, i would do anything for another chance, i think its not my fault that i ended like this, i lost over 20 years of life just pointlessly suffering and struggling without getting anywhere, i juts wish i had spent all those 20+ years productively like studying a lot. im really bad at english and at words in general so i cant properly explain my situation.
im going to make a post again on may 1st, or the first sunday of may, or next sunday, i dont know. ill post only in regular intervals like the first of each month to stop being a bother. and try to keep it under 5k chars next time. sorry.
No.290829
My parents are trying to force me back into college after NEETing for a while, I don't know what I should do. I failed a shit ton of classes that I'd need to retake, so I don't even know if I'd be successful or just waste their money again. Also I don't like my major or want a job. I might be able to buy more time to keep NEETing if I self sabotage and don't enroll. But if I can't keep NEETing my job prospects will be shit without a degree. What to do?
No.290830
>>290829learn a marketable skill at home. programming is still lucrative and it's possible to work from home if you hate being around groids in the office. maybe trade school if you like working with your hands. military if you're physically fit.
No.290831
>>290819we share some similarities. 99% of people are in a better situation so they can't empathize with our realities. i've tried harder than anyone and looked for help everywhere, but there is no help for completely broken people. It's hard to let go of life when you are schizoid and delusional, cowardly cockroach. Everything has been lost and time is running out. In many cases death is a blessing and the only salvation.
No.290839
I SHOULDN'T HAVE QUIT MY JOB, NOW I REGRET. NOW I SPEND ALL DAY DOING NOTHING, MONEYLESS, THINKING ABOUT DEATH
I SHOULDN'T HAVE QUIT MY JOB
I SHOULDN'T HAVE QUIT MY JOB
I SHOULDN'T HAVE QUIT MY JOB
I SHOULDN'T HAVE QUIT MY JOB
I SHOULDN'T HAVE QUIT MY JOB
I SHOULDN'T HAVE QUIT MY JOB
I SHOULDN'T HAVE QUIT MY JOB
I SHOULDN'T HAVE QUIT MY JOB
I SHOULDN'T HAVE QUIT MY JOB
I SHOULDN'T HAVE QUIT MY JOB
No.290853
I need to die
No.290857
>>290839incredible that you wouldn't feel like that WHILE wageslaving.
it's impressive how different we all are from each other
No.290859
>>290853Don't worry, you'll die for sure
No.290865
I spent all day successfully hiding from the work guys making no noise so that they wouldn't know I was there and then my dad has to fuck it up right before they leave by calling me on the phone. Why would you do that? I'm so fucking mad right now.
No.290868
If only i hadn't been born in this world
No.290874
i want to express myself but i cant. i think im too weird so i cant put it into words that can be understood by a normal person. its very complicated and there are too many things, i feel so many things. i think ill fail at what i want to do so i wish i could at least shout to the world but i cant put it into words, its complicated and embarrassing, i really wish i could express myself well. i dont know exactly what im supposed to say. its extremely painful, i just want to express myself properly but i suck very much at english and my mind is always extremely convoluted and i cant properly express myself. i think im weird and my case might be different and unusual so i wish i could say something but i cant.
i want to draw so much. you have no idea. i want to draw so much. i want to draw nice things. i wish i could also write nice math and make nice music. i wish i had time to do all those things. but im old and poor and going to be homeless soon. like i wish i could afford a nice drawing tablet but im too poor, ill probably never afford it, and even if i do, by the time i can afford it, it will be too late. my life is over, i think theres nothing i can do anymore.
it hurts. it hurts so much. its so much pain. so much despair. im completely desperate. so much agony. every instant feels like torture, i just wish i could make it, i wish i could still reach excellence and make awesome things in drawing, math and music. like i wish i could still to go an university and become a serious academic and an artist. i just wish i could still make it.
i wish i could make an appeal to god. its practically certain that ill fail and i wont make it. so i wish i had another chance. i wish i could reincarnate in this era, from the 2000s to the 2010s, so i could try again. or that i could go back in time to when i was like 3 years old and somehow get into computers and the internet back then. i was different in school, i had something in me, but i didnt make use of it. there was extreme abuse very early in my life and it broke me, i became very sick, and i ended up being this garbage. i just wanted to have spent all that time learning like math and cs, reading a lot of books, getting good at those things. i think im supposed to kill myself but im a coward.
please god, please god, please god, please please please, please, i beg you, please let me succeed, please let me reach where i want, i just want to draw nice things and write nice math and make nice music, like the whole day every day for several decades, there are so many things i want to make, im terrified of not making it and losing my place. im in hell, in a prison. i think this is the wrong timeline, at least for me.
its very embarrrassing, i wish everything i did and said could be forgiven and forgotten so i can try properly, i really want to do stuff but i think i cant.
sorry for posting again. i promised id only post once in a month or a week at least but it hurts too much. i feel so much pain. ill probably be banned for whatever reason.
sorry. sorry about everything. maybe ill just try being a better person from now on, i dont know.
No.290875
>>290874like i dont know how to explain this but i just lost the first and best 25 years of my life. i wish so much i had put this time to good use. i dont know if i can live with all that time lost. its one third of your life. the best period. when you were supposed to prepare and sow the seeds. i think there was very severe and extreme abuse when i was born up to 6 years and it broke me and i ended up like this. i think i have very severe trauma. i didnt develop like i was supposed to, i didnt grow like a normal person. i dont know what went so wrong, i just think something went wrong, like something cosmically wrong, and i think it could have been different. like maybe i wanted to go to the mit, they do work on theoretical cs and other areas im interested in apparently. i really wanted to have gone to an university and do math. and i wanted so much to draw. and also a little of making music. like i always had an interest in these things but i was in a very weird state of not being myself and not being allowed to choose. it hurts so much. i would do anything for a chance, i would go through hell for a billion years. i didnt live my life. now is just too late, there are a lot of things i cant do anymore, i cant reach the same heights anymore, even if i could still become an awesome mathematician and artist in this life i think it wouldnt feel "good enough" and i would want to try again and i would want more because i think i didnt live my life properly and to its maximum potential. i just like making things and reaching greater and greater heights, i wish i could do so forever. it just hurts a lot. i just want a lot to draw. and do math and make music.
i will try to just stop posting now. ill try to stop wasting time and chase my stupid dreams even if they seem impossible. just nevermind all of these posts its unimportant. dont mind it forget it. i really dont know what i am supposed to say so ill just stop. its very embarrassing. ill see if i can just turn the page and do what i think im supposed to. i just wish to succeed. sorry.
No.290877
>>290692Not gonna go into details, because no one cares. But this post helped me a lot. Thank you. I feel better about some shit I'm going through right now.
No.290878
>>290875What's stopping you from going to a college and studying cs? What's stopping you from drawing?
No.290936
>>290887Kind of annoying to think that such blocks of text can be autogenerated now. Like hell I care about what some chatbot wrote, man.
No.290945
im in hell. i cant put into words. i wont make it. i wish there were a kind angel or a benevolent god who knew everything that i had to go through, everything i feel and dream of.
i wish i could make an appeal to god. i think this life is over so i wish i had another one. i wish so much, that after i die, i can reincarnate like from the 2000s to the 2010s and try again. or that i could go back in time to when i was like 3 years old and get into computers and the internet back then.
i didnt live my life. i just wanted so much to draw. so much. there were so many things i wanted to draw. i wanted to go to an university and be a good mathematician and i wanted to make a little of music. thats all i wanted from life really. i think its just too late. my life is over. ill never have the time and resources to do those things. even if i dont become homeless, i probably wont even live much because of my health, ill probably die before im even 50. i wish i could scream. you have no idea how much it hurts and how desperate i am. i had a very weird life, there was a lot of abuse, there are things i cant even talk about on this site because theyre too embarrassing, it happened very early in my life, i think i became too mentally ill and dug myself a hole, i just wish i had been stronger. i just wish i had spent all the time from when i was born to now learning mathematics and computer science, writing some of it, gone to an university, and practicing drawing and music, making a lot of really nice drawings and music. i wish i still had the time to do all the things i wanted, i wish i could still make it. i feel a lot of stuff and cant put it into words, its very embarrassing so i cant say it, i will have to take it to the grave. i want to die, i want to just end this pointless embarrassing ugly existence, i want to kill myself, but im afraid of failing and turning into a vegetable or being sent to a mental ward again or something. i really cant afford a good drawing tablet. it costs as much as a car in my sh*thole. im very reticient to settle for something less because i want to draw the best possible. i really wish i could still go to an university and do serious research. i dont know. its embarrassing to say this but i think im different from other people and i was supposed to do things, i wanted to so much, but i couldnt because something went very wrong and i think its not my fault. i really wish i could at least shout to the world and say how i feel but its very difficult, i cant communicate properly, there are just a lot of things. sorry for posting again and saying the same thing all the time but it hurts a lot and im very mentally ill. i feel crushed. i think my life wasnt supposed to be like this, i think it could have been different. i just wanted to be very good at drawing, math and music. i wish i had lived my life like i was supposed to. i wanted to go very far. there are a lot of things i wish i could say but i dont want this post to be any longer so ill stop here. ill just take it to the grave. it hurts. i lost the best 25 years of my life to stupid things. i think i cant make it anymore. id do anything for a chance. id go through hell for a million years. anything.
No.290951
>>290887>>290936nah bots cant write with such incoherent bad grammar even if you ask it too
No.290952
>>290946Well, you post good pics.
Don't feel sorry, that's something stupid to feel in an imageboard full of weird and outcast dudes.
No.290960
ill try to stop posting now.
i just hope i make it. god please help me. please dont abandon me. its an embarrassing thing to say but i just want to realize my dreams. i just want to draw a lot of nice things. write a lot of nice math. and make a lot of good music. i hope i make it in time. i think ill fail, i feel like i was born in hell, maybe ill just hang myself because, i dont know. but i wish i could still make it. there are so many things i want to make. it hurts a lot. its an embarrassing thing to say but i think i could be different from other people, really different, but i cant put into words what i went through and what i feel and what i want to do. so ill just stop talking and just do it. ill just keep it to myself, take it to the grave. if i fail i wish to god that i had another chance. like that i could go back in time to when i was 3 years old and get into computers and the internet back then, or that i could reincarnate in this era, like from the 2000s to the 2010s, or in the future if it will still be possible to do those things then. i just wanted a lot to draw, i wanted to make music and i wanted to write math. i wish god or an angel could listen to my prayers, every night i go to bed and fall asleep thinking of how much i want to, like i think of all the nice things that i want to draw, and am afraid that i wont make it. i want to draw so much. you have no idea. i wish i could write well and put my feelings into words, i feel a lot of stuff and i think its different from the usual so i wish i could express myself but i really cant do it well ever so ill just stop. i dont know maybe ill act like there is still a point in behaving properly or something like that. ill try to just go now and stop posting. hopefully bye wizchan. sorry for my behavior, im very mentally ill, hopefully ill get better. nevermind all of these posts i made, i wanted to express myself but i cant do it well so i just want to stop wasting time with this, so maybe ill just turn the page. sorry.
No.290970
In my 30s and still nightmares about school time. It never ends. Always the same faces and settings. Make it stop for fucks sake.
No.290971
I feel like I've tried everything on my own to fix myself, except therapy. I just don't feel I can be open with someone who is legally required to report you for suicidal thoughts. Sure I could censor that part, but its like the bright arrow all my other thoughts of life being hopeless lead me.
Anyway any Wiz have stories, good or bad, about therapy and professional help in general, changing your life?
No.290973
got completely pissed me off when my mother
>>290478 implied i needed to be taught "humility," and that's why god didn't give me a job up until now. as if she hasn't been humiliating me for the past nine months. as if i haven't lived a life being abused, bullied, ostracized, and all around treated like shit. i am saving every cent i can so i can gtfo by june. her behavior is shameless and deplorable. i have to give her money for rent and things but i should have about ~8k saved up by then.
>when i didn't have a good job: made fun of me for working low wage positions, bitched all the time about literally nothing, blamed me for my own abuse and bullying by peers at school, always threatened to kick me out despite knowing i have a health issue that would make homelessness a death sentence for me, etc. disgusting slob human things
>now that i have a good job: baking cookies and actually cleaning up after herself. making me realize that her terrible behavior really was just her being a fucking bully bitch i can't wait to leave. i need to ensure i actually save six months worth of living fees this time so i don't end up back in this shithole if the worst thing possible happens and i lose my job. but wiz i'm genuinely waking up happy now, for the first time in months. there is LIGHT at tunnel's end. this is rambling because i'm working off my anger, i won't start arguing with her just because she's pretending she sees me as a human being and not a walking wallet.
No.290979
>>290971>I feel like I've tried everything on my own to fix myself, except therapy.That's normally the first thing one tries, lol
>Anyway any Wiz have stories, good or bad, about therapy and professional help in generalYou would rather not hear from those who tried it…
No.291020
>>290971They don't report you for suicidal thoughts unless you are saying you have active plans or something. Just don't be an idiot and be like, yeah I'm planning to kill myself tomorrow, I've already bought the gun and you'll be good. That said, most therapists are shit and don't know what they are doing. The problem is therapy is not really a science, it's an art and it's a skill someone can be good at or they can be shit at and various therapists have more or less understandings into how the psyche works and why and can help you dissect your own psyche. They can help you deal with repressed emotions and shit you need to deal with emotionally to get over various issues you are having. Therapy should hurt, it should make you cry. If it doesn't hurt and you aren't crying it's not working and you need to go deeper. Also, you need to not expect the therapist to do all the work for you. The best therapists let you lead to some degree and talk about what you think you need to talk about. If you don't know what that is they should be able to guide you, but at the end of the day you have to remember that this is your brain we're talking about the other person is a stranger, they have waaaay less information to go on than you do so you should think of them more as a guide in doing the work that you need to do to fix yourself. Give it some deep thought. Be as open and honest as possible. The law prevents the therapist from sharing anything you tell them, at least in most western countries it does. They are also taking your money and most professionals take it seriously enough to want to do their job and help you, they are mostly empathetic and altruistic types. They are like a priest at a confessional. They have a duty to report violence either to yourself or others I think but otherwise they have to keep secret anything you say. Ask about this when you start to see the particular rules and don't be an idiot. If you are some sort of mass shooter fag or something, well, I'm sorry but our system is not designed to deal with people like you. What would happen at worst in the US at least is you'd get some court order to do some temporary psychological hold or something and then you go to the loony bin for a month or two then you get out and go get a gun and go shoot up some kids or something. If you're that type, just please fix your shit before it gets to that. Unless you get declared mentally incompetent which is almost impossible for a non tard non schizo the courts really can't do shit to you and there is no help for you which is probably why we keep having so many mass shootings.
No.291033
I don't want to go to work…
No.291066
Whenever I trust people it goes wrong
No.291099
>>291096Why aren't you learning how to draw
now?
No.291101
I hate myself
No.291102
I will never heal
No.291131
>>291096>I knew I wanted itNo, you didn't.
That's the confusing part to accept and understand.
No.291133
I will never get better and being a neet living in my parent's house is the best possible outcome for my future.
No.291158
It's all not worth it. All this struggle and it never gets better. Being alive was a mistake.
No.291207
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