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 No.291261[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Previous: >>290006


My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring?
O my God, I cry in the day time, but thou hearest not; and in the night season, and am not silent.
But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel.
Our fathers trusted in thee: they trusted, and thou didst deliver them.
They cried unto thee, and were delivered: they trusted in thee, and were not confounded.
But I am a worm, and no man; a reproach of men, and despised of the people.
All they that see me laugh me to scorn: they shoot out the lip, they shake the head, saying,
He trusted on the LORD[b] that he would deliver him: let him deliver him, seeing he delighted in him.
But thou art he that took me out of the womb: thou didst make me hope when I was upon my mother's breasts.
I was cast upon thee from the womb: thou art my God from my mother's belly.
Be not far from me; for trouble is near; for there is none to help.
Many bulls have compassed me: strong bulls of Bashan have beset me round.
They gaped upon me with their mouths, as a ravening and a roaring lion.
I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint: my heart is like wax; it is melted in the midst of my bowels.
My strength is dried up like a potsherd; and my tongue cleaveth to my jaws; and thou hast brought me into the dust of death.
For dogs have compassed me: the assembly of the wicked have inclosed me: they pierced my hands and my feet.
I may tell all my bones: they look and stare upon me.
They part my garments among them, and cast lots upon my vesture.
But be not thou far from me, O LORD: O my strength, haste thee to help me.
Deliver my soul from the sword; my darling from the power of the dog.
Save me from the lion's mouth: for thou hast heard me from the horns of the unicorns.
I will declare thy name unto my brethren: in the midst of the congregation will I praise thee.
Ye that fear the LORD, praise him; all ye the seed of Jacob, glorify him; and fear him, all ye the seed of Israel.
For he hath not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither hath he hid his face from him; but when he cried unto him, he heard.
My praise shall be of thee in the great congregation: I will pay my vows before them that fear him.
The meek shall eat and be satisfied: they shall praise the LORD that seek him: your heart shall live for ever.
All the ends of the world shall remember and turn unto the LORD: and all the kindreds of the nations shall worship before thee.
For the kingdom is the LORD's: and he is the governor among the nations.
All they that be fat upon earth shall eat and worship: all they that go down to the dust shall bow before him: and none can keep alive his own soul.
A seed shall serve him; it shall be accounted to the LORD for a generation.
They shall come, and shall declare his righteousness unto a people that shall be born, that he hath done this.


I'm gonna quit my job
I can't do this
Dealing with normies while working in a fucking factory is a pain in the ass
2 months and half were maximum I could put up
All the money I made were spent on food because I'm depressed. Mom already provides me food. So why am I working anyway?


Same situation. I had a psychotic episode and lost my job. Now I live at home and my parents don't bother me about it. I eat their food and stare at the wall all day. Like a dog or a cat.


I learned today that my father is terminally ill and will die in the coming week. I don't know what to do. I have been having a mental breakdown


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Tonight at dawn
I have literally nothing to lose


suicidal urges started again basically as soon as I started therapy which I was forced into by my parents. I know it's because my parents are expecting the end result to be me as a normalfag wage slave. The idea of that being my goal again just makes me want to rope myself because I know I can't do it. When I could just sit here comfortably and get high watching TV and browsing chans I could imagine tolerating the rest of my life like that and the suicidal urges went away. The problem is that this is not sustainable long term, not unless my parents agree to it and have enough money for it which I doubt. Any time I need something I will have to rely on them. The shame will never go away. So really what to do, to try to be a normie wage slave even though I know I can't and it will be torture when I try or just sit back and neet it up for as long as I can get my parents to support me for?


There are better ways to do it, I hate when people suffer needlessly


>get high

Yeah, therapy isn't going to bring back all the brain cells you killed off with your drug abuse. It's over.

No backseat suiciding. If you know a better method, then use it yourself.


drop hanging would be my way. Good chance it breaks your neck and you die instantly. Otherwise you just strangle to death. Blood loss to the brain should happen fairly quickly so you go unconscious. It would be a very unpleasant 5 seconds as you feel your neck massively fucked up and then you fade to black. I think I would duct tape my hands together before I jump off the branch to resist the urge to fight it if it doesn't break my neck. I'm not sure what knots I would use to secure the rope to the tree branch though.


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I wish I was smart


Grandpa is showing signs of dementia. Mom probably won't want to send him to an old folk's home (which I don't really blame her for, as they're awful in my country) and dad doesn't give a fuck.
It almost makes me want to get a job, at I won't have to be around him all day and won't be expected to take care of him. But then I remember that the only jobs I can get are dead-end minimum wage ones and that thought disappears.
Sorry about the blogpost. I have to vent or else I'll go crazy.


why is your dad an asshole to grand pa?


Dad's not an asshole to him, he'll raise his voice, but won't do anything else, for the most part he's indifferent.
Grandpa is an alcoholic who can't do anything properly. He smokes indoors making part of the house smell like shit, forgets burning cigarettes on the edge of furniture.


you should do sole activities with grandpa, what do you think of it?


Any recommendations?


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sorry for all the posts. i wanted to say something but i cant. ill just keep it to myself and take it to the grave.
its very embarrassing. im very mentally ill. hopefully ill start getting better. nevermind and sorry.


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nta but I have that old paper if that might help you
idk how accurate or reliable it is


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I got banned for 1 year.
I googled how to evade bans and nothing worked, so I kinda gave up and stopped even lurking here.
Remebered it just now and came back just to say FUCK YOU JANNIES!
I never did anything bad, why rangeban me just because my countrymen are assholes? Seriously fuck you.


I hope i too will start getting better soon.


Just came back from the store and saw that I got distracted halfway through trimming my facial hair off. Damn I feel quite chagrined.


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i hate living with roommates. some people are so filthy and inconsiderate its unbelievable. now i have to take time out of my day to do what their parents failed to in properly raising them.


This album is the definition of Depression and Suicide. It's literally so fucking depressing


How to measure agony if the person dies? Like, shotgun to head method, surviving person said: 'Well, actually it didn't really hurt, just a little sting, would do it again anytime'. Same with getting hit by a train.


Joy Division's two only albums are perfect.


I am literally overdue. My life should have ended years ago. This is fucking ridiculous. And if it wasn't for my brain still making me feel ill, it would be really beautiful. I keep on having theses beautiful feelings of just being, being here, like fuck you universe, I am still here. And all the same I hate being, I think life is a mistake, a punishment, a fraud. But let's be honest. People that think they have nothing to lose are the biggest assholes around. They are actually awful persons by definition, even worse than fanatics and terrorists, who have a similar complex. So I have something to lose, it's the sense of being. But that's fine. Being humble is all right. My life sentence is served. And none of this helps. Do you like being here? No. Nobody can. It's too much to deal with to expect to like it here. How ironic people say life is a present. A present to throw away. Then all these posts here on wizchan. All these somewhat clever and intelligent takes on history, psychology, what it means to exist as we do. All that goes down the drain eventually. We are companions in suffering. But you are not my companion. You are just egoistic idiots, like me. You value the life of your mother, your father? Sure you do. And yet you are addicted to being alive. And yet you hate them for throwing you into this life. You do all of this at the same time. There is no difference here. You are not different from me, but you would never admit that. Which is fine. Everyone is completely isolated, solipsism is our forgotten reality we all deny and know that it's the truth.


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sorry about my behavior. im very mentally ill. maybe ill change.
i wanted to say something but i cant and this is taking a lot of time so maybe ill just go. maybe i have a lot of things i want to say but maybe ill just keep it to myself and take it to the grave.
i cant communicate well. i dont know what i am supposed to say. it doesnt matter but sorry.


lol, my therapist just ragequit on me. I suppose my personality is so detestable that not even someone who is taking my money to talk to me will tolerate it.


what you said you think made your psychatrist quit you lmao?


What a shit therapist, his whole job is listening, if you can't do that you're a lousy therapist


not always your fault, wizzie. it could just be that they have a full workload already, or they don't feel they have the ability to help you out with your particular issue. they should have given you a referral to another therapist tho.


How do you even fall for such a scam?


That happens quite often, actually. Most therapists won't even take 'difficult' or more 'broken' or socially incapable patients. Why? Because they have so many to chose from that they will only choose those that they are comfortable with. Therapists like easy work. Patients that don't want to eat shit and go the normalfag slave way are too much work for them.


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My cat died yesterday, it had a stroke in my mom's room and just slowly stopped breathing. My mom was crying the entire time patting it but I honestly barely even cared; the poor thing had feline aids and was deathly skinny so I guess it's a good thing it's no longer in pain. It felt weird burying it, I had no intense feelings about it, just vague disappointment and apathy. I'm planning on relapsing on Heroin soon (after nearly 6 months) so I've been pumped about that as hard drugs are the only thing I've found that makes life tolerable - other than that, I've been smoking 3-7 cigs a day.


Imagine feeding and loving a beast that could easily eat you alive if your size was proper to do so.


Apparently I'm selected to die. Not a big deal, but can't help feeling bad about it.


Just throw a grenade at your superior officer and gta as far as you can go, keep one bullet to kys yourself for when caught


Yeah gonna do precisely that.


Trying is frying.
Yeah pretty proud of this little rhyme. Gonna be my excuse for a while.


Maybe you can still mess those normies for good, if they have been a problem to you, before getting fired. Think about some other wizards who could come after you, make the ground softer.


>permanent heart damage suicide attempt at 20
>no one on earth
>don't have family that I talk to
>shut in
>may have had tuberculosis for five years since I was exposed to it at a mental hospital
>can't get it treated due to no transport, no money, no friends or family to help
>social anxiety so intense that I almost puked while talking to a cashier (first time I spoke to someone in 4 years) and ran out of the store forgetting my money and food
I hate living so much. I have had a wet cough for years that comes and goes. It could be from the heart failure, could also be TB. I have no options.


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One of good things that were said in this website


>imagine if thing was other thing!!1!1
bravo wizzie


Knowing somebody has it worse does not help in the least. If anything, it makes it even worse, because you know you still have a good length to descend yourself on your way down.


Is it your job to save them or something?


No my job is self destruction.


You allowed your enemies, who brought into this state to win. You off yourself instead of them.

Stay away from us


Fuck off nigger and go mass shoot your fellow Americans as much as you like.

Suicide is a major victory, provided you do it for the reasons of maintaining your superiority, and not because you pity yourself too much. Not counting those too mentally ill, they live parallel reality and have their right to take the vacation anytime they fell it's time.


What makes me happy that no matter how crappy my life becomes, eventually others will just be miserable like me soon enough. I fucking hate individualism and only caring for yourself until the time comes when assholes like this>>291527 loses everyone in their life.


Well generally speaking it could go better, but I suppose it's good enough anyway. I'd even call it too good if somebody explained me why I still give a shit, but let's agree, that's something you'll only ever figure on your own, that is, never.


Well, it is better to finish your bullies than finish yourself! Sorry if this is too antiwoke for your ass!
>suicide is major blah blah
>suicide maintains superiority
Cuckery. And also hypocrite since here you are, alive and yelling shit.


You normalfags are the biggest cucks.


What good is "being superior" if you're dead?


I think this is an israeli jew, judging by his uneasy english and unfailing drive to get gentile wizards to kill themselves.


living through that shit rn i have to text my roommate to tell him to clean his shit like im his dad


What is good in killing a dozen of fags if you afterwards kill yourself or get in prison?


You know, wizards, I have tried my best, but it seems I'm going to be back to wizchan soon enough again.


^ what did he mean by that? are we not on wizchan????


I have tried my best to avoid being depressed, but it seems I am about to fail, so yeah, I'm one leg in /dep/ already, though threads here are not very appealing to me with their relentless discussions about succubi, social validation and being a failure. Year to year. The same fucking thing. This place is insane, but it's not like there are many other places to be depressed. Here we go again, so to say.


are the failed normies making you upset? man, when i am not mentoring them i just mock them for their mania


Yeah but sometimes you have that crippling bout of depression when you feel nauseous and literally feel your stomach wringing. When in this state your tolerance is below zero and even benign asshole makes you feel so unbearably bad you want to vomit your life for good. I can't really meaningfully explain in, but sometimes I feel too shit and these kinds of people we talk about are not helping at all.


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sorry for my behavior. im very mentally ill. maybe ill change. it doesnt matter but sorry.


My wiz you're still here. I've wondering about what becomes of you while I was away from wizchan. I feel your posts very much, because while I don't seem to have (at least it's not immediately apparent) schizophrenia, I am stuck in the exactly same loop as you. I just try to do some shit that's supposed to make me happier, but I always end up more and more miserable. And the more desperate my attempts are the more devastating my failures. It is so fucking frustrating. I wish you learn to life such that your desires do not fail you.


Even the pictures you choose. Sometimes I really feel like you wiz has been the closest poster to me out there, but I know that probably we're one hell of a difference.


You know, wizards, every time you think something is a lie, check yourself, and remember that it was not a lie, but it was you who believed in something, that isn't. Do not believe in anything. Do not expect anything. And you will not be disappointed. Don't believe me? I'm at it and going to figure it out. I am not certain yet, but it seems I will try to do that. I don't know. But if I ever succeed, I'll tell you, so whoever has ears hears me.


I get what he's writing too. Normaltards can't understand the feeling.


I have headache.


Headache is gone, the emptiness in my soul is still present though. I feel somewhat weird, but there is no helping it, so it seems like I'm going to wipe this thread again with my relentless woes. Or maybe I'll find the strength to check myself, after all it would be worth suicide if I haven't learnt a single thing after all those efforts at not being depressed.


I am a ukrainian wizard. Most likely I'm gonna end up in the army soon enough. The new mobilization law forces fighting age males to go to the complectation center to renew their personal info which means getting drafted if not outright then in the observable future. It can't be avoided. You have 60 days to do it, otherwise serious fines and some other issues.
The other day I already received a notice from the military that I need to go there and get my shit in order there. I am planning to go there at the end of next month and come what may. There won't be any other option anyway.
In truth, I've been hoping for such outcome for the last half a year. I won't have to experiment with roping or cutting or seek some other way to rush towards the exit. I will have access to a gun and my relatives won't be as hurt. I won't be remembered as a loser who just offed himself for no observable reason, but as a poor soul consumed by the fires of war. Plus I will leave them my flat, so they will be kinda reimbursed for the trouble.

I should feel at peace knowing that whatever happens next is outside my control. But the waiting is hard to bear. What ifs, what ifs, what ifs…


Fucking run, Jesus Christ it's not a coward way to survive for yourself instead of dying for rich pricks. Run as far as you can or do anything to get the fuck out of that country.



I have a broken brain. No running away from that.
Even if I wanted to, the borders are closed and well-guarded and there is no escape from being a male citizen of Ukraine.



Exactly the same situation, exactly the same feelings. It seems like I should have made peace with dying long ago, but prolonged wait of death just makes this shit insanely hard to bear mentally. Sometimes I just with a missile fucking landed in my house and saved me the trouble.


Надеюсь, все это скоро кончится, брат по несчастью.
I hope our suffering will end soon enough.


After 10+ years of barely leaving my room I drank one gulp of alcohol to have the courage to reply to a job vacancy near my home (to sit alone in the corner and sell stupid shit, miserable salary)
They asked for my short resume and asked many questions (i made up some lies)
Waited while sweating and shaking
They said I'm too old (i'm 35) and have little experience
The end.


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can you make it to the border?


Wait until stress level lowers and try again elsewhere. You will succeed.


there's a specific antidepressant that makes people really confident as a byproduct. I'm having trouble finding it, but there are much better options than booze for this


Thank you for your words.
I replied to a dish washing job vacancy, maybe they will reply in the morning.
I avoid pharma products, but such specific stuff requires prescriptions most likely.


Why bother? I am suicidal anyway.


"Escaping" in the Europe is not going to help anyway. Europe is the same shithole, just looks prettier, basically glorified slavery, because the only difference is that you are not whipped to force you to work. It is just brutally over for us.


Fucking leave me be! Take away that bullshit of you, stupid normalfag monkeys! Damn, how is that possible that someone be so unbelievably stupid? They are not just braindead, they have no fucking brain cells at all. And their retardation has this funny way of living rent free in your head. Normalfags were a huge mistake.


"My participation in the sciences at this point is less out of any passion or mental necessity and more out of obligation. I’ve already come to the conclusion(of which I’ve yet to be convinced otherwise, only that the fact is of varying relevance) that I’m an upper midwit at best that has little to contribute to the sciences, especially as someone who claims to be interested in pure mathematics, probably the field that requires strong logical skills to even be considered mediocre. That’s all I would be. Mediocre. Perhaps if I grinded I’d be far happier(and more accomplished) as a writer or humanities student, because then I would only be expected to interpret the progress of humanity rather than add to it. Even my well-intentioned(and likely slightly more intelligent) peers have not managed to convince me otherwise. I don’t believe I have ever met a “topwit” such as those I describe(and subconsciously envy, since they are capable of providing the great achievements that I spent my whole life being expected to produce) and if I have I was too naïve(let’s put it bluntly, stupid) to identify them. I am obsessed with this concept of my own limitations.
So what now? Your mother wasn’t far from the truth whenshe said you expected to be “medicated and working at Home Depot” if not going into the sciences since we both know you’re too clumsy for a trade and too autistic for corporate/sales work. Do you simply just want to die? What stops you? To the best of your memory, it was a vestigial belief in the Christian afterlife(where suicide would certainly send your soul to eternal damnation) and also a fear that since your last moments would be spent with both your baseline fear and instinctual self-preservation instinct, your psyche would be trapped in a forever loop(from your perspective of least, since death cannot be perceived) of suffering, a biological damnation. That was what stopped you, not “the wind.”
You were entirely convinced that suicide was the moral(at least on a macro level), practical, ultimate option(unless you planned to run away from life entirely, facing homelessness), and yet you couldn’t do it. You held that burette in your hands sure that one less shitskin, one less faggot(or more) would be at least marginally better than just becoming a corpse by yourself, and yet your muscles softened. Why? You do not have the will to kill. You do not have the….no, I’m certain you do. When you choked Jax, you felt satisfied, even if the moral side of your brain regretted the action after. You could certainly kill, perhaps without remorse, if you wanted to. Your apprehension over whether your interest in the Bible is purely academic or based in a true faith(or at least open mind) holds you back. God restrains the mentally feeble like yourself. Whether that is viewed as necessary housekeeping or tyrannical is a matter of perspective. You’re reciting this off of hearsay, you’ve never investigated the topic or history of this matter yourself. Peak midwit.
Any philosophical inquiry worth its salt is based on the sciences as they exist at the time of writing. As science only becomes more branched and specialized, the amount of versatility, dedication and yes, brainpower of any competent(perhaps not even exceptional) philosopher will increase. If I believe that my brainpower is insufficient to make outstanding contributions to the physical sciences, and my personal shame does not allow me to engage with the life sciences, then I am not fit for the task. While writing has offered me solace at times, that was with the tacit assumption that I was assuaging myself the way a midwit should, interpretive tasks that are more a function of time than talent(language learning, literature reading, fan-fiction) and so were an attempt to accept this truth, not rebuke it.
I don’t have anything more to say on the matter. Even my traditional tirades(Mom, who I hope never finds this document, would just call it an “act” and give an explanation in plain English that sounded like gibberish to someone who’s brain can’t form any thought that’s not in the style of a “witty” quote tweet.)
I feel the need to talk more, but don’t have anything to say."

I feel I should clarify for context that "Jax" is the family dog. I caught him tearing out notebook pages and put my hand around his neck, choking for about 8 seconds. He didn't even struggle until the last one, upon which I let him go.


I must leave home. This is insufferable.


They fucking gaslight me with "simply get over it, just make a step" bullshit that drives me nauseous. I really wish my next step is out the window but it's third floor and I don't feel like surviving. I really need to either escape or kill myself, bur I don't have means to do either. If I don't make it out of here in two-three years I swear I'll cut my wrists for good and a bit of pain isn't gonna stop me. Just gotta kick a while longer. I feel like my brain is melting right now, can't think at all. It's really hard to get shit done when you can't think.


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I don't care if this is the wrong thread. I'm probably going to fail a class that writes off any grade you get in it below an 80 and the worst part is that I actually did all the work competently at 78s and 79s for a lot of assignments, and this hag ogre of a teacher decided to have this rule apply to other assignments not stated to have it in the syllabus. I fucking hate school, I don't want to fucking be in $50000 of debt to make less than that a year just so I can have a job that isn't nutless monkey peon bullshit, NEETs can't stop fucking winning.


I won't boast about it being OCD, I don't know, but what I am sure about is that it's gonna get me killed at best and ruined for the rest of my life at worst. It's the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Not only it interferes with thinking, it does not allow me to get a full control of what I do and what I do not do. I am sort of in autopilot mode most of the time.

That's probably nothing to you, but I root for you.


Oh fuck it. Forgot the sage. Yeah awesome.


got a job and i’m very glad but my biggest fear is playing itself out, my mother is using me as a wallet again. this shameless retard doesn’t seem to understand that i’m spending upwards of 1500 on her per month. the initial agreement was 900 monthly. she completely disgusts me where money is concerned, i hope i can move soon. i thought it would be as easy as picking out a hotel room but the place i was looking at has boric acid everywhere which isn’t a good fucking sign. glad i went in to view it in person.

this is scattered but i’m just pissed off.

i mean she’s throwing a tantrum right now because i didn’t give up her more money from my paycheck. you’ve gotten $1000 usd so far, that’s 1/4th, fucking fuck off you old bitch. 1000 usd monthly for a rat infested hovel is fucking awful


I'm really starting to despise all the people in the world who will tell you you're wrong but never even attempt to explain why.


It's been only three hours. I woke in the morning feeling anxiety over wasting time and almost felt full of energy. It's been only goddamn fucking three hours. I feel dead inside already, essentially spending all my efforts combating the urge to jump off a roof. What the fuck. Only three hours and I feel this wretched. It is incredible how insidiously mental health goes down over the years. I almost feel like my life is already over.


Everyone let me down today, but I've been relying on people my entire life, so it's my own fault. My car just switched off as I was driving on the oneway, I only managed to pull over to the side just in time. I've never really bothered with roadside AA insurance because I've always had jumppacks or friends or family to bail me out, but today.

>jumppack failed a few months ago, stopped holding a charge

>Flatmate who works nightshift was asleep with his phone out of battery
>other flatmate barely spoke english and refused to wake him up, not even able to comprehend what was going on
>dad had surgery recently and of course couldn't make it
>brother was across town moving out, strung me along with texts about how he'll make it soon but couldn't make it in the end (all understandable)
>mom turned up, faked health problems for attention again on the side of the highway and started screaming at me about how she can't handle this, then drove off in a rage.
>mom apparently turned up to my brother's new place and had another fake mental fit in front of him and his family, all because of me apparently.
>Hear that she's been ranting and raving about how I can't "Adult" and how I need to grow up

I don't know, it was weekend and after hour callout fees so I had to waste close to a month's savings just getting the thing home with a tow truck. I stunk like shit because what was supposed to be a quick trip turned into a day mission, and the tow truck lady's misses sitting next to me was visibly disgusted. I hate cars, I hate that I'm so reliant on such intricate pieces of shit and parts like alternators (it was the alternator in the end, I got mislead by a boomer relative who went into a fit of rage for me saying it was. I had it right the first guess) just seem to fail out of the blue and leave me stranded in odd places.

I'm mostly disappointed in myself for never bothering with roadside insurance. I just assumed I'd have savings for it and could save the difference, but I never have savings, because I'm a useless fucking poor that can't save for shit. But this is sort of a wake up call that I can't rely on other people, eventually everything fails and you're left alone. It was an intensely shitty day, but one of my own making.


I know you feel sick and don't want to hear anything good about yourself, but you will get better. Your life will get better. You're not bad, nor useless, nor stupid. Shit happens, you loose often, not pleasant, but unavoidable. You'll get better wiz. I believe in you.


I am dangerously close to hating Spring. All these Sun, green, life returning to the world. I've come to unironically like the decay, stillness of Death. I like the world frozen and devoid of colors. All these flowers and happy people. What the fuck am I doing here. It seems like I'm lost, not supposed to live in this age and place.


>mom turned up, faked health problems for attention again on the side of the highway and started screaming at me about how she can't handle this, then drove off in a rage.
>mom apparently turned up to my brother's new place and had another fake mental fit in front of him and his family, all because of me apparently.
>it was the alternator in the end, I got mislead by a boomer relative who went into a fit of rage for me saying it was. I had it right the first guess
Their generation has at least 5 years left. If that were me I wouldn't even know what could be wrong, I had to ask an internet friend of mine when I had car issues and I also had a loose brake pad one time that was carving the rim of my car. How did you tell it was the alternator?


Pretend they told you the opposite right up to the faces, then ghost them. That's how hypocrisy gets bitchslapped fine.


Yeah it was me realizing they've all sort of aged beyond being able to bail me out of situations, and I should never ring them for my problems again. This is a pit of my own making, I'm an underemployed autistic guy without close friends. Of course if shit breaks I'll have nobody.

The only real practical solution is to get my spending under control and plan for these things better. Living a bohemian lifestyle where you're loose with everything only works for normalfags who have friends that can swing by and help when they're stuck.

I've decided to make my money back on the tow truck with stopping drinking for two months.


That's a good point. Living on your own is dogshit hard, but at least it's reliable. It is still wonderful to have a wizfriend or two, who can help in dire need, but if you don't live in a shithole probably bank loans are not a scam, so it's still possible to go full sigma.

Sadly, in a shithole, especially third world, being alone is often game over, because you are an easy target for abuse and nobody gives a fuck.

That's more of a rant, idk if you should respond.


Yeah I feel the same way


I fucking hate getting old so much. I always loved the taste of coffee, when I was young I could drink up to about 20g of 'ffee in a day, that'd be anywhere from 500mg to 1000mg of pure caffeine. Nowadays even a small cup gives me jitters and anxiety.

>inb4 get decaf retard

No. Never. It's not normal to age like this, but other people are dying of cancer in their 30s, kids are getting heart attacks. All sorts of fucked up shit and nobody gives a fuck anymore.


You're right. Being alone only works in developed nations.

In third world countries you need safety nets in the form of friends and family or you become victimized and will be the target of all sorts of crimes.
Humans are a vile species.


It couldn't go any more wrong. My throat is sore and I feel bad, might as well get sick. Hope I'm getting better soon, because it sucks.


I'm sick. Fuck it all. Just praying I get better very soon or might as well just rope. Why does shit always fall on your head when all you need is to stay clean for a goddamn week once a year


Yeah that feel when you checked all imageboards you give shit about and they're empty as usual.


Why do I forget to type some words? I swear I was intent on writing them and then two days later I reread my posts and see a lot of words just missing. I was sure I typed them. What the fuck is this?


Anxiety mingling with weakness and dullness of head drives me a bit on the edge


Living in a common room sucks so much. I just seethe and cannot even express my frustration in words. I just try to concentrate and think, but of course they won't shut the fuck up


My water heater has been broken for two weeks, but I'm too lazy to clean up my house and get someone to fix it, so I decided to just take showers using cold water instead (I still have to go to work). The first day was nightmarish. The rest of that week was mildly torturous. I've now started to enjoy it and it feels good. I wonder if this is what Stockholm Syndrome is like.


If I go to a psychiatrist and tell them that I need help will they actually help? Will a priest? How do you even get a 1 on 1 conversation with a priest? Is that even a thing?

I'm 31 and don't want to be this way anymore. I'm so sick of being in this room. I've spent 90% + of my waking life in the same room. My parents are decent and I feel so much shame for who and how I am.


No one can help you except yourself. A therapist/priest/friend/family member, at best they are just cheerleaders, they can't do the necessary work for you.


psychiatry is about giving people bogus diagnosis and then prescribing very dangerous pills. They would probably declare anyone on this site a schizoid and give them some very dangerous drugs with lifelong side effects. Stay away from these people, if you're sad see a psychologist who is nice to you and doesn't grift. The "mental health" industry is largely a scam taking advantage of needy people because they're willing to pay money.You need to do all the good habits yourself, talking to someone just helps you set the resolve to do so


I feel dogshit awful. Damn.


i barely can force myself to write those words. everything seems overwhelmingly painfully pointless.


I don't know how Catholic churches and priests work, but getting to talk with a pastor one-on-one for counseling at a Protestant church is definitely something you can do, especially at a smaller church. I wouldn't try going to some large one as they're probably really busy.


Did you notice, that when you're stressed, your libido drops down significantly, but when you're ill, it on the contrary rises somewhat more than usual? That's really interesting if you think about it.


viruses make you horny because it is an evolutionary advantage to increase the chance of it spreading


>it spreading
what's "it"?


the virus


What's the evolutionary point of spreading virus?


Why cant I just be good at fucking somethinggggggg. I cant find one thing to build on and cash in on.


wait did you mean that the virus is so clever that it increases your honriness to let itself spread? that's a bit of mind blowing, isn't it?


the problem with being reclusive (or autistic, don't give a fuck) is that your presence is undesired, but your computer is your ever present tormentor. you can not escape the screen, so you go to imageboards, but you are not wanted, so you try to go back, but you can't. idk how to explain. you're just pretty much stuck in a loop of seeking stimulation from people whom you despise or by whom you are despised, then catching the snap back to reality, then being depressed and then rinsing and repeating. some people call it imageboard addiction, but i don't agree, it's not about imageboards, it's about the stimulation you get from interaction. you somehow get stuck with it. maybe there's something wrong with me idk. maybe i'm just a failed normie faking his hardest to be a wizard, no idea. i've no personality maybe that's my problem.


Nearly killed my family with my crap driving
Sucks to be a retard


File: 1715321585322.png (197.35 KB, 500x276, 125:69, aa0.png) ImgOps iqdb

Driving home from work and came to the realization that i expect too much from life. Fulfilling job? Cant have it. Loving parents? Cant have it. Anything else? Fuck no!
If i go see my favorite sports team i should just expect them to lose.
If i drive around for errands i should just expect the weather to be shit and for some other bullshit to happen. I should just expect everything to suck…because it does.


Don't mean to whine, but maybe just share. Every interview I get - I fail. Every single one. Month or of sending applications, then one or two interviews. And I think deep inside subconsciously I don't even want to pass it.


If this headache doesn't kill me by morning gonna be miracle


Check your Human Design. Projectors must never go after things to make them happen!


So if you want something bad - it won't happen? And the opposite?


Elaborate more please. Last interview wasn't as bad, I've almost bullshitted my way through, but I've answered 90 percent of technical questions. Interview before that - they just plain laughed at me at one point. But it's fine.

I envy rich wizards so much, the ones who inherited wealth from the parents, the pure bliss of it all. The carefree days, filled with nothing. The delightful and ever novel pleasure of a useless occupation.


I passed it with a B so all my bitching was for fucking nothing.


Does someone who ask endless possibilities of question exists?


I just pretend that there is someone who gives commentary on everything what I do. Imagining is easy, the problem is the outcome of words. It’s not like I know how opposite of me works


I want a stray bullet to cross my brain
God, I'm tired of people being shitty


I think I may have cracked my carrot polishing my knob to Dragon Maid hentai. This is how erectile dysfunction begins isn't it? Can't get an erection without pain. It's going to be like my knees where I never recover 100%.


The wand is like a muscle. It tears under stress, and hen heals back bigger and stronger. Get your protein in and give it some time to recover.


I think they recommend no sexual stimulation for like a month. I guess it's a blessing I don't get morning wood very often anymore.


More renter troubles. This time it was a food addict who made a big deal about not having enough money for rent, and then just blatantly stuffed his face full of McDonalds in front of me literally an half an hour later. Then trying to deny it later by going "Oh, that's what you think it was, you have it all wrong" all smug. I just watched him over three days buying coke, junk food and whatever else he wanted.

Then when I tell him that's not acceptable, he has to pay his bills on time and he can't live here anymore, he just blabbers arguing with me about it for literally hours, throwing every manipulative rhetoric technique in the book at me. I treat it as a massive joke and just sit there listening to him calling me callous, saying I lack empathy, saying that's the reason I'm alone in life.

People on here are too hard on themselves. The amount of people I meet who just burn bridge after bridge but are fine in life is staggering. The autistic shut ins from wizchan who live in their room and are non-confrontational would be like me striking gold. It's all I want, someone who will pay the set amount, not bring any problems, leave me alone and just go about their life.

Judging by the people I have through, almost nobody on here would actually end up alone in life. There's a barely functional underclass oblivious to all their personal problems that are fine.


raise the rent or appeal to students. The moment you go beyond retard wage levels you stop having the bad tenant problem


i have and want to kill myself very soon. i never cared or celebrated birthdays. but now my final one is coming, and i don't even want to experience it.
happy birthday to me


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>People on here are too hard on themselves. The amount of people I meet who just burn bridge after bridge but are fine in life is staggering. The autistic shut ins from wizchan who live in their room and are non-confrontational would be like me striking gold. It's all I want, someone who will pay the set amount, not bring any problems, leave me alone and just go about their life.
a non-confrontational person would likely see a relationship with a landlord as inherently confrontational, and similarly a quiet person would look for a correspondingly quiet and harmonious place to settle


Tranny spotted


I think birthday celebrations became a social regulation just so relatives or affiliations with can have free food. And happy birthday, whoever you are…


Why not killing who made you miserable instead?


I once read: Avoiding conflict makes you start a war inside yourself.


>shut in NEET
>go to a nearby coffee shop at a gas station once a day
>literally the only social interaction I get
>the staff just constantly give me passive aggressive shit for not having a job
>"Always working, super busy, what about you, are you working? Do you have job yet?"

What the fuck is the problem with normies? I literally do nothing and they despise me. Obviously you could take one look at me and see I'm not mentally well enough to work.


File: 1715683945030.jpeg (1.79 MB, 4032x3024, 4:3, IMG_8136.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

My life became more miserable after I turned 18. I want to change my lifestyle, but there’s always some kind of restriction to stop me. So I just gave up. Even the egg I cooked agrees with me for being shit


>I literally do nothing and they despise me.
Normies hate you for not fitting into society.


Tell them for each his own job. Your job is simply being better than them.


Doing nothing is like a crime to them. You need to *love* the system and serve it with your own labor


They created this cucked society in their foolishness thrives, wwhere psychos rob everyone in exchange for public crappy services. Since the door to such crap is open they want you to drag in along with their idiocy. They deserve even worse than the anger they suffer about you.


I went outside today, it was beautiful sunny day with flowers everywhere, birds chirping, not too hot, not too cold, no crowds, i had no reason whatsoever to complain about anything and yet i couldn't enjoy it at all, when i got back i just ate some slop and went back to sleep.
i don't know what to do this life soon will become completely unbearable.
when everything is so terrible it has to be something wrong with me, not the world, being any animal, even shit eating bug would be better than being me on this day.


How did the worker knew you’re a NEET? Is he the same employee ever since you started to shop at that store?


> i had no reason whatsoever to complain about anything and yet i couldn't enjoy it at all
Ah I thought I was the only one who failed to live in the moment. Is it because you had other things in your mind that isn’t related or can’t be done in the physical world? Our situation is pretty similar, just saying…


It's like 4 different employees there doing it, including the owner, and it's a small town so rumors travel fast. I've decided to stop going there.


I want to sleep and never wake up
This world is trash, the universe is trash, there is no escape from the trashiness, the few highs are just minutes of distraction from the trash
Hopelessness and despair are the only answers I have come up with


Experienced the very same thing several times already. I used to enjoy thriving spring when I was kiddo. What the fuck has happened to me I have no idea.

Some people have so many distraction that they do not notice trashiness at all. That's understandable, when I play games days long I sort of forget the nature of the world too. But then it comes crushing down on your head. It's not hopelessness and despair. It's much worse, it's an illusion of possibility of being otherwise. Hopelessness is so much easier to bear than false hope.


it could just be lack of tolerance?
If you drink it daily it has a totally different effect



renew the cert please

>have a fuckton of problems to solve

>nah just gonna play some games
>wake up one day realizing the problems accumulated into enormously large boulder and are cascading down on you
>realize there's nothing you can do about it and it's already too late
>deliberate whether you should be playing some more games or preparing for suicide
>realize that's a thought pattern of a degenerate
>grin at your own degeneracy
>proceed wasting time posting instead
sometimes when i say i wish i didn't wake up i'm not joking


Holy fuck this was one of the worst experiences of my life.

He just wouldn't leave. I tracked down his family through the government records and had to get them to help me get rid of this insane man. The next stop was the police. He just would blabber at me "arguing" for hours, just constantly trying to debate about why he should be allowed to live here. He just called me a callous sociopath non-stop and blabbered on and on about how I'm in the wrong. One hour, two hours, three hours… it just wouldn't stop.

I tracked down his family and they just looked at each other with a sigh, as if this has happened many a times. As he was moving his shit out the fat retard couldn't help but blabber on about how he forgives me for my clear mental illness and how if I continue down the path I'm going down, I'll be alone in life. How he has several other options and he took this one because he had pity on me. I just couldn't believe this clearly delusional guy, insane in his own world, with nothing but a deregistered vehicle illegal to drive, chronic debt and morbid obesity. Even though he already had chronic health aliments in his early 30s and used a breathing machine, pissed in jars as he was too fat to make it to the toilet, is about three years from diabetes, he just thinks he's hot shit. He just leaves a trail of destruction in his wake, I found out he gets served eviction notice after eviction notice and he remains oblivious to it in his own world where he is the good guy and everyone else is irredeemably evil. I just stared at him with sheer bewilderment as he went through all this drama like it was usual. It actually made me reflect on myself where I brood over even the most minor mistakes, it was like meeting my direct opposite.

I've been around clear cut criminal sociopaths, and had to tardwrangle them around, but even they've realized when a fight is lost and just keep their head down for those two weeks notice, as it's in their best interest. This guy seems to be legitimately brain damaged, because he financially fucked himself over in this in that he had to cancel three days of work shifts, money he will never get back, and be stuck jump starting his car in the middle of the night in the rain while the mechanic abuses him.

My mistake was thinking that because this guy was totally dependent on me, he'd just keep his head down, pay his bills and get by if I had a zero tolerance policy. Like the retards I get straight from prison who I manage. It seems large segments of the underclass are so functionally retarded that they're incapable of acting even in their own rational best interest.


I am always fascinated by this kind of people that just go on rating forever never failing to find a new unique sentiment to try and affect you.


The moment I come home after a week away to hear politics ranting within 5 minutes. Forgetting stuff exists is a pleasure.


today's the day when emptiness strikes with its full force. this is batshit crazy goddamn it. ironically it might be because i had to actually go out today and you know life thriving and all this fucking shit

i remember a meme that explained why hikkis hate every season and it perfectly makes sense. autumn and winter resonate with emptiness while spring and summer just plain mock it.

that's when you feel it's truly you against the world


Did you notice how if you spend morning browsing boards your brain ends up setting itself up for browsing them for the rest of the day? It seems sleeping with your phone is a bad idea really


File: 1715999004349.png (182.82 KB, 1200x840, 10:7, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb


This country is responsible for my unhappiness.


Morning. First 20 minutes in after waking up. I ALREADY fucking feel tired, overwhelmed and spent. What the fuck. I have not even started looking into all the shit this broken world forces on me today and I already want to kill myself. This is some new level of tired. It's just the fact that I need to do something that drives me crazy. I feel like a machine with very limited computation time that is forces to drive an AI hashing pictures into multidimensional text descriptions. This is new level of unbearable. There is nothing that presses me in particular, it's just some vague feeling with no particular origin and it drives me crazy. Reminds of a video about psychotic anxiety. I'd say it's some kind of shit of the same kind. Just a feeling that pops up out of nowhere and proceeds to torture you throughout the day for no fucking reason. Let's see if I can win.


>need to do something
Then fight against that. Go even lazier or something… the more you bite the rotting, alienated energy from the normalmasses outside the worse it gets. Introduce yourself to the idea of being stationary.

Are you one of these? https://sanctuarybykristenrice.com/bloghome/humandesignprojectors

If you are, this vague feeling makes some sense: it'd nothing inside you but outside energy


I feel fucked and I can't help it. I don't know why. It just happens, kind of. I guess life is not for me.


They tell me death is even worse


You mean the voices in your head?


It saddens me how the phrase "dead inside" is abused. I wonder if those people really ever truly felt dead inside. If they really know what it's like to wake up and genuinely, unironically, wholeheartedly wish you didn't




I remember a video of a guy executed by a shot of a shotgun. His head was just blasted to pieces. At moments like this I think he fared quite well actually. My problems are mostly minor, but due to some mental illness I experience profound suffering even after minor inconveniences, and you know, quick death is a hundred times better than slow meaningless torture.


ehh you're fine, rub some dirt in it


now think once more and try to figure out if you really needed to get your pincers in this thread. there are tons of places to troll elsewhere


try exercising, go on walks, get enough vitamin d, change your diet, and have a positive attitude instead of dwelling on the bad. Get a hobby instead.


>try exercising
>go on walks
well not really
>get enough vitamin d
what's it
>change your diet
i eat good
>have a positive attitude
cheers man
>Get a hobby instead
right away


it's just lighthearted bantz, get over yourself faggot lol
what is anyone even supposed to say to your brainfart?


Sleep, eat, suffer.


sleep, eat, brainfartpost.


For each his own


i need to off myself really bad


Not even a single thought of revenge? Letting the enemy celebrate your definitive absence just like that?


what are you on about, faggot? if i ever off myself, i'll spit my life in their filthy faces and laugh at them celebrating their own misery. you're too stupid to speak about revenge. fuck off.


Did you want to try writing that post again? It doesn't make much sense as it is now.


I am now starting to doubt you really were >>292451


That's exactly what (s)he intends. wants others to get shortcircuited within its twistedness. If you ever get confused by something people do to you, know that confusion might actually be the objective of such actions, so we often may get dulled at our own fawning, without even thinking that such could be the proper answer sometimes. Some people can see things about you that you cannot, and use these blind points badly


oh yeah i'll lower the amount of aggression and explain properly. i often feel really bad and want to off myself, but do not find it worthy of myself to have some "revenge" on people i do not give a fuck about. i do not find anyone guilty. i really don't give a shit about others. for me revenge is something deeply personal and is only worth it in very exceptional cases. i will not elaborate, because i have headache, but you get the idea. i don't like that faggot going around shilling "revenge". if he feels like getting "revenge" he should do it himself. i'm not his personal army. i want him to fuck off.




Breathing lilac and thinking about suicide gives some very weird vibes I swear. You need to try it really.


>people I do not give a fuck about
It's quite a tantrum to not be giving anything about
>I want him to fuck off
Not so sorry, there is so many people out there with better guts than you have. I'd be such a failure to stop this for the mere sake of your unstable persona and many suicidal wizards can still do a service to all others if they simply choose to take the lives of their mobs while also taking their own. It seems you are way too narrow to understand such an obvious thing.


Say hello to your fbi operator faggot. You couldn't be any more obvious.


I've concluded my unwillingness and poor ability at socializing is a sign of me having low IQ. How do I fix this?


You conducted wrong. "Low IQ" is not a scapegoat for ever poor choice and failure you ever had. Your unwillingness to socialize is a choice, and your poor ability to socialize is a consequence of that choice. If you want to get better at socializing, then go socialize.


What a horrible post. What about people with legitimate neurological disorders that not only ostracize you socially but make it painful?

You are one of those delusionals who think everyone has a choice in every matter and genetics don't matter at all.


He's right though. Low IQ can't be fixed, so unless you are firmly set on suicide you had best not focus your mindset around having "low IQ".

Anyway if you are really obsessed with this IQ thing at least take a test in a professional setting, so you can put at least some degree of trust into the result.


>What about people with legitimate neurological disorders that not only ostracize you socially but make it painful?
What about them? Having Low IQ or any of these vague disorders doesn't increase the chances of running in to a psycho-sociopath who will right click on the wizard, see that his charisma stat is low, and proceed to mock him relentlessly for it. You're exchanging one broad scapegoat ("low iq") for another ("neurological disorder"). We're sorry the cards you were dealt didn't make you a naturally good speaker, but it still stands that no matter how mentally draining or painful it is, forcing yourself to socialize is the only way to get better at it. News flash: The path to growth isn't swept and lined with roses. Everything has challenges. If he can type a post on an imageboard, he can chat weather with the guy at the bus stop.

Where is this endemic "whataboutism" coming from, anyway? It's like, someone can't suggest that a guy is in control of choosing when to drink a cup of coffee without you types coming in with
>What about if some normalfoid (Your type doesn't say "fag" because you yourselves are fags) FORCES him to drink a coffee? What if he has psychological disorder that makes it so he MUST drink coffee? Huh, what about that? Predeterminism is FACT. Genetics determine EVERYTHING so don't generalize by saying "huur durr just buy a coffee maker bro".
Jeeze aloo!!!!

Returning to >>292514
>I've concluded my unwillingness and poor ability at socializing is a sign of me having low IQ. How do I fix this?
Get a higher IQ score number. This can be done in two ways:
- Memorize the answers for the test you took and retake it
- Eat well, rest well, exercise well, avoid poisons and self-destructive actions + thoughts
Both will give you a higher IQ score number. Once the number reaches 100, you can start socializing like a trve "The chad stride" guy


>for ever poor choice and failure you ever had
You think it happened overnight? I'm terrible at carrying conversations, doesn't matter with whom. It happened over and over and over again. I tried getting gud, but nothing stuck to my brain. And I couldn't come up with witty comments on the fly. That's the reason behind my unwillingness. You can only play and lose a game for so long before swearing it off forever.

>If you want to get better at socializing, then go socialize.

With whom lol. On mainstream websites, you get banned for having remotely dissident or politically incorrect opinions, on imageboards and more "degenerate" friendly places, you get shat on and ostracized by cliques.

yeeeeeah, neurological disorders! I suspect I might have actual brain damage from chronic disease. Proper blood flow is very important but I'm getting cold feet already..

>so unless you are firmly set on suicide you had best not focus your mindset around having "low IQ".

>so unless you are firmly set on suicide you had best not focus your mindset around having "low IQ".

I'm focused on whatever will yield the biggest bang (success) for my limited buck (time and effort).

Fuck me, I just cannot change my ways.

You're frying my brain….! I'll try to reply

>Having Low IQ or any of these vague disorders doesn't increase the chances of running in to a psycho-sociopath who will right click on the wizard, see that his charisma stat is low, and proceed to mock him relentlessly for it.

You know how lolcows are born right? Stupid, naive people do in fact run into psychopaths who easily make them their playthings.

>forcing yourself to socialize is the only way to get better at it.

As I said above, you simply do not get the perspective of a low iq low energy outcast. He has to expertly manage the cards he was dealt, and make do with that. You really want me to spend half of my life (because I'm fucking stupid and it takes me forever to learn and adapt) at the expense of everything else that I could be enjoying or trying to improve at? Which again, is not really much for stupid people like myself.

>If he can type a post on an imageboard, he can chat weather with the guy at the bus stop.

I can't though. I'm softly spoken and if I raise my voice too much people get mad.

>It's like, someone can't suggest that a guy is in control of choosing when to drink a cup of coffee

Free will is probably a myth. Yes.

>Returning to >>292514

I'm too poor for a proper IQ test lol. But you will have to take my word for it, I'm really low IQ. I don't need a test for that.

>you can start socializing

With whom? A lot of the internet is starting to feel like actual bots. I'm old too. And ESL if it wasn't obvious. But I'm just bad at my native language as well. If you're not naturally charismatic, the next best thing is having a high IQ that helps you navigate social situations in "nerd" settings like the one we're having right now. I don't have that either. Experiences? Lol. Lmao even. Genuine joy from socializing? Can't, too jaded. I could go on and on but you're lying to yourself if you really think it isn't about IQ. Well IQ and looks but that's for real life. Online I just cannot compete


False. Iq is hereditary, which is why entire countries like Somalia have an avg. of 70 while Japan has 108.


Pregabalin helps my anxiety but not 100%. Anything that I could add to it to remove it completely? Debilitating anxiety is my primary reason for depression.


Stop being a failed normalbrat
Still a scapegoat for many many poor choices.
Confront your fear.


stop being retarded please
>Confront your fear.
i wish you get stricken by psychotic anxiety for once


>failed normalbrat
God forbid someone wishes to socialize after a lifetimes of friendlessness and random anonymous interactions that never lead anywhere right?


Honestly nothing other than either addressing the underlying cause of anxiety or metabolic dysfunction will help. I've heard some describe pregabalin as "poor mans benzo" because it kinda feels similar but works quite differently, yet still carries dependence risk. I don't know how urgently you need, like if you need it to hold down your job, or just to feel less shitty as a neet. But if I were you I'd try to fix it from the metabolic perspective, or idk try other things like ashwagandha.

I don't think it's possible to 100% remove it anyway.

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