No.291261[View All]
Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Previous:
>>290006 No.291828
It's been only three hours. I woke in the morning feeling anxiety over wasting time and almost felt full of energy. It's been only goddamn fucking three hours. I feel dead inside already, essentially spending all my efforts combating the urge to jump off a roof. What the fuck. Only three hours and I feel this wretched. It is incredible how insidiously mental health goes down over the years. I almost feel like my life is already over.
No.291829
Everyone let me down today, but I've been relying on people my entire life, so it's my own fault. My car just switched off as I was driving on the oneway, I only managed to pull over to the side just in time. I've never really bothered with roadside AA insurance because I've always had jumppacks or friends or family to bail me out, but today.
>jumppack failed a few months ago, stopped holding a charge
>Flatmate who works nightshift was asleep with his phone out of battery
>other flatmate barely spoke english and refused to wake him up, not even able to comprehend what was going on
>dad had surgery recently and of course couldn't make it
>brother was across town moving out, strung me along with texts about how he'll make it soon but couldn't make it in the end (all understandable)
>mom turned up, faked health problems for attention again on the side of the highway and started screaming at me about how she can't handle this, then drove off in a rage.
>mom apparently turned up to my brother's new place and had another fake mental fit in front of him and his family, all because of me apparently.
>Hear that she's been ranting and raving about how I can't "Adult" and how I need to grow up
I don't know, it was weekend and after hour callout fees so I had to waste close to a month's savings just getting the thing home with a tow truck. I stunk like shit because what was supposed to be a quick trip turned into a day mission, and the tow truck lady's misses sitting next to me was visibly disgusted. I hate cars, I hate that I'm so reliant on such intricate pieces of shit and parts like alternators (it was the alternator in the end, I got mislead by a boomer relative who went into a fit of rage for me saying it was. I had it right the first guess) just seem to fail out of the blue and leave me stranded in odd places.
I'm mostly disappointed in myself for never bothering with roadside insurance. I just assumed I'd have savings for it and could save the difference, but I never have savings, because I'm a useless fucking poor that can't save for shit. But this is sort of a wake up call that I can't rely on other people, eventually everything fails and you're left alone. It was an intensely shitty day, but one of my own making.
No.291830
>>291829I know you feel sick and don't want to hear anything good about yourself, but you will get better. Your life will get better. You're not bad, nor useless, nor stupid. Shit happens, you loose often, not pleasant, but unavoidable. You'll get better wiz. I believe in you.
No.291841
I am dangerously close to hating Spring. All these Sun, green, life returning to the world. I've come to unironically like the decay, stillness of Death. I like the world frozen and devoid of colors. All these flowers and happy people. What the fuck am I doing here. It seems like I'm lost, not supposed to live in this age and place.
No.291842
>>291829>mom turned up, faked health problems for attention again on the side of the highway and started screaming at me about how she can't handle this, then drove off in a rage.>mom apparently turned up to my brother's new place and had another fake mental fit in front of him and his family, all because of me apparently. >it was the alternator in the end, I got mislead by a boomer relative who went into a fit of rage for me saying it was. I had it right the first guessTheir generation has at least 5 years left. If that were me I wouldn't even know what could be wrong, I had to ask an internet friend of mine when I had car issues and I also had a loose brake pad one time that was carving the rim of my car. How did you tell it was the alternator?
No.291843
>>291817Pretend they told you the opposite right up to the faces, then ghost them. That's how hypocrisy gets bitchslapped fine.
No.291859
>>291842Yeah it was me realizing they've all sort of aged beyond being able to bail me out of situations, and I should never ring them for my problems again. This is a pit of my own making, I'm an underemployed autistic guy without close friends. Of course if shit breaks I'll have nobody.
The only real practical solution is to get my spending under control and plan for these things better. Living a bohemian lifestyle where you're loose with everything only works for normalfags who have friends that can swing by and help when they're stuck.
I've decided to make my money back on the tow truck with stopping drinking for two months.
No.291865
>>291859That's a good point. Living on your own is dogshit hard, but at least it's reliable. It is still wonderful to have a wizfriend or two, who can help in dire need, but if you don't live in a shithole probably bank loans are not a scam, so it's still possible to go full sigma.
Sadly, in a shithole, especially third world, being alone is often game over, because you are an easy target for abuse and nobody gives a fuck.
That's more of a rant, idk if you should respond.
No.291870
>>291841Yeah I feel the same way
No.291875
I fucking hate getting old so much. I always loved the taste of coffee, when I was young I could drink up to about 20g of 'ffee in a day, that'd be anywhere from 500mg to 1000mg of pure caffeine. Nowadays even a small cup gives me jitters and anxiety.
>inb4 get decaf retard
No. Never. It's not normal to age like this, but other people are dying of cancer in their 30s, kids are getting heart attacks. All sorts of fucked up shit and nobody gives a fuck anymore.
No.291880
>>291865You're right. Being alone only works in developed nations.
In third world countries you need safety nets in the form of friends and family or you become victimized and will be the target of all sorts of crimes.
Humans are a vile species.
No.291891
It couldn't go any more wrong. My throat is sore and I feel bad, might as well get sick. Hope I'm getting better soon, because it sucks.
No.291909
I'm sick. Fuck it all. Just praying I get better very soon or might as well just rope. Why does shit always fall on your head when all you need is to stay clean for a goddamn week once a year
No.291911
Yeah that feel when you checked all imageboards you give shit about and they're empty as usual.
No.291912
Why do I forget to type some words? I swear I was intent on writing them and then two days later I reread my posts and see a lot of words just missing. I was sure I typed them. What the fuck is this?
No.291914
Anxiety mingling with weakness and dullness of head drives me a bit on the edge
No.291939
Living in a common room sucks so much. I just seethe and cannot even express my frustration in words. I just try to concentrate and think, but of course they won't shut the fuck up
No.291973
My water heater has been broken for two weeks, but I'm too lazy to clean up my house and get someone to fix it, so I decided to just take showers using cold water instead (I still have to go to work). The first day was nightmarish. The rest of that week was mildly torturous. I've now started to enjoy it and it feels good. I wonder if this is what Stockholm Syndrome is like.
No.291975
If I go to a psychiatrist and tell them that I need help will they actually help? Will a priest? How do you even get a 1 on 1 conversation with a priest? Is that even a thing?
I'm 31 and don't want to be this way anymore. I'm so sick of being in this room. I've spent 90% + of my waking life in the same room. My parents are decent and I feel so much shame for who and how I am.
No.291977
>>291975No one can help you except yourself. A therapist/priest/friend/family member, at best they are just cheerleaders, they can't do the necessary work for you.
No.291978
>>291975psychiatry is about giving people bogus diagnosis and then prescribing very dangerous pills. They would probably declare anyone on this site a schizoid and give them some very dangerous drugs with lifelong side effects. Stay away from these people, if you're sad see a psychologist who is nice to you and doesn't grift. The "mental health" industry is largely a scam taking advantage of needy people because they're willing to pay money.You need to do all the good habits yourself, talking to someone just helps you set the resolve to do so
No.291979
I feel dogshit awful. Damn.
No.291982
i barely can force myself to write those words. everything seems overwhelmingly painfully pointless.
No.291991
>>291975I don't know how Catholic churches and priests work, but getting to talk with a pastor one-on-one for counseling at a Protestant church is definitely something you can do, especially at a smaller church. I wouldn't try going to some large one as they're probably really busy.
No.291992
Did you notice, that when you're stressed, your libido drops down significantly, but when you're ill, it on the contrary rises somewhat more than usual? That's really interesting if you think about it.
No.291993
>>291992viruses make you horny because it is an evolutionary advantage to increase the chance of it spreading
No.291994
>it spreading
>it
what's "it"?
No.292000
>>291995What's the evolutionary point of spreading virus?
No.292001
Why cant I just be good at fucking somethinggggggg. I cant find one thing to build on and cash in on.
No.292002
wait did you mean that the virus is so clever that it increases your honriness to let itself spread? that's a bit of mind blowing, isn't it?
No.292030
the problem with being reclusive (or autistic, don't give a fuck) is that your presence is undesired, but your computer is your ever present tormentor. you can not escape the screen, so you go to imageboards, but you are not wanted, so you try to go back, but you can't. idk how to explain. you're just pretty much stuck in a loop of seeking stimulation from people whom you despise or by whom you are despised, then catching the snap back to reality, then being depressed and then rinsing and repeating. some people call it imageboard addiction, but i don't agree, it's not about imageboards, it's about the stimulation you get from interaction. you somehow get stuck with it. maybe there's something wrong with me idk. maybe i'm just a failed normie faking his hardest to be a wizard, no idea. i've no personality maybe that's my problem.
No.292032
Nearly killed my family with my crap driving
Sucks to be a retard
No.292056
Driving home from work and came to the realization that i expect too much from life. Fulfilling job? Cant have it. Loving parents? Cant have it. Anything else? Fuck no!
If i go see my favorite sports team i should just expect them to lose.
If i drive around for errands i should just expect the weather to be shit and for some other bullshit to happen. I should just expect everything to suck…because it does.
https://youtu.be/c0_NAWXvwwk?si=PQoYlCFSjvC_AfWg No.292059
Don't mean to whine, but maybe just share. Every interview I get - I fail. Every single one. Month or of sending applications, then one or two interviews. And I think deep inside subconsciously I don't even want to pass it.
No.292064
If this headache doesn't kill me by morning gonna be miracle
No.292069
>>292059Check your Human Design. Projectors must never go after things to make them happen!
No.292073
>>292069So if you want something bad - it won't happen? And the opposite?
No.292074
>>292069Elaborate more please. Last interview wasn't as bad, I've almost bullshitted my way through, but I've answered 90 percent of technical questions. Interview before that - they just plain laughed at me at one point. But it's fine.
I envy rich wizards so much, the ones who inherited wealth from the parents, the pure bliss of it all. The carefree days, filled with nothing. The delightful and ever novel pleasure of a useless occupation.
No.292075
>>291813I passed it with a B so all my bitching was for fucking nothing.
No.292076
Does someone who ask endless possibilities of question exists?
No.292077
>>292076cont.
I just pretend that there is someone who gives commentary on everything what I do. Imagining is easy, the problem is the outcome of words. It’s not like I know how opposite of me works
No.292078
I want a stray bullet to cross my brain
God, I'm tired of people being shitty
No.292124
I think I may have cracked my carrot polishing my knob to Dragon Maid hentai. This is how erectile dysfunction begins isn't it? Can't get an erection without pain. It's going to be like my knees where I never recover 100%.
No.292125
>>292124The wand is like a muscle. It tears under stress, and hen heals back bigger and stronger. Get your protein in and give it some time to recover.
No.292126
>>292125I think they recommend no sexual stimulation for like a month. I guess it's a blessing I don't get morning wood very often anymore.
No.292140
More renter troubles. This time it was a food addict who made a big deal about not having enough money for rent, and then just blatantly stuffed his face full of McDonalds in front of me literally an half an hour later. Then trying to deny it later by going "Oh, that's what you think it was, you have it all wrong" all smug. I just watched him over three days buying coke, junk food and whatever else he wanted.
Then when I tell him that's not acceptable, he has to pay his bills on time and he can't live here anymore, he just blabbers arguing with me about it for literally hours, throwing every manipulative rhetoric technique in the book at me. I treat it as a massive joke and just sit there listening to him calling me callous, saying I lack empathy, saying that's the reason I'm alone in life.
People on here are too hard on themselves. The amount of people I meet who just burn bridge after bridge but are fine in life is staggering. The autistic shut ins from wizchan who live in their room and are non-confrontational would be like me striking gold. It's all I want, someone who will pay the set amount, not bring any problems, leave me alone and just go about their life.
Judging by the people I have through, almost nobody on here would actually end up alone in life. There's a barely functional underclass oblivious to all their personal problems that are fine.
No.292141
>>292140raise the rent or appeal to students. The moment you go beyond retard wage levels you stop having the bad tenant problem
No.292145
>>291261i have and want to kill myself very soon. i never cared or celebrated birthdays. but now my final one is coming, and i don't even want to experience it.
happy birthday to me