/dep/ - Depression

>>305864
Might as well buy a fake like the indians then because that's what it's worth

>>305863
>>305865
are you the butthurt guy who studied chemistry

You guys are all bunch of faggots but I still am glad I found this site and met you people.

>>305892
i'm not a faggot. i'm actually a very cute person seeking some cute company but i do agree with you that's it's a rather hard thing to achieve.

unlike you though i'm not glad i met any of you people cuz you did nothing for me except help dig my grave

i guess being cute is something you have to deal with alone(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

>>305897
>i'm actually a very cute person
damn i feel like i've read/written this shit a long time ago already. hopefully i'm just hallucinating

>>305898
Déjà vu is associated with temporal lobe epilepsy.[17][18] This experience is a neurological anomaly related to epileptic electrical discharge in the brain…


Experiencing déjà vu has been correlated with higher socioeconomic status, better educational attainment, and lower ages.[12][13][9][10] People who travel often, frequently watch films, or frequently remember their dreams are also more likely to report experiencing déjà vu than others.[12][14][13]

Delved deep tonight and found myself really seeing no point to living.
Suicide becomes reasonable.
Everything is utterly shallow and meaningless.
No relationship holds any value.
Looks are 99% and the last 1% "personality" is just a bit of noise that isn't all that different person to person.
Personality is worthless, every person is essentially the same on the inside. Maybe 20 different personalities max per gender.

>>305921
So you see no point in living n account of the fact that you're too ugly to get sex for free?

>>305923
I don't even think relationships would do anything.
We're all ending up like South Korea.
Everyone is going to chase having the same face and body, endless plastic surgery.
And it's all going to be the same couple of dozen "personalities".
People aren't any more unique than animals.

This is why the elite is coping so hard with occultism.
It's all a cope for how meaningless everything is.

>>305924
It is meaningless, yes. But who cares if it's meaningless? A meaningless world means a care free world to me, be who you want to be, or don't, its meaningless right?

I have a Discord server with 5 other accounts. All 5 are me. I've been talking to myself across these accounts for about 10 years and now the server has a million messages. Discussing things that have never happened. Enjoying friendships with people that don't exist. Sometimes I get up and walk around the house "talking" to them and "going places" and it's always a genuine shock when I realize, oh, no. It's just me here. I'm so lonely.

I hate my job. Jobs are a blessing in this economy but most of my coworkers despise me. It's because I'm "too quiet". I've had several people tell me I'm the quietest person they've ever met – that's a common thing for me. But I don't want to talk because I don't do anything. What is there to talk about? And I don't do anything because I don't want to. I hate this city, this state. I realize I've desperately insulated myself against reality all this time… I do the bare minium to get through it unscathed. I try not to absorb any outside information. I've been telling myself, "I'll live my life when [x] happens!" But is [x] ever gonna happen?

I'm 27 soon. The economy gets worse and worse. I have about $19,000 saved but apparently that won't last me any time at all in a nicer city. I'm so autistic that I can barely pass phone screenings when I do get them. It all comes back to money. I feel guilty that I ONLY have 19k saved despite living at home still. I guess I do pay rent and help with bills and buy groceries but I feel there should be more money??

I'm picking up art again… Having wrist pains because I lack an "ergonomic" setup. I don't want to spend more money to buy that. God damn it I have to start considering student loans too. Not too in debt but there is DEBT.

All over the place but I just needed to be sad for a bit. I don't have anyone to talk to. Nobody gives a shit. Why should they? I swear I try. I got a degree that I thought was solid (CS), I'm trying to "upskill" and get a cert because my current job isn't teaching me anything (I've been here for 2 years at this point). It just feels like I have to be Superman to get anywhere and it's so frustrating

I don't see how people can believe in God anymore. I used to believe, but reality just keeps making that seem more and more unlikely. Or at least unlikely that there is a God and he is good. Maybe there really is a God after all and he is just the most maximally evil being in the universe.

>>305972
We are God looking at ourselves in a zillion ways. Raping children is one of them. Don't worry about God or purpose, it's all a joke.

>>305938
Your situation is not too bad. Life's a struggle and you seem to face adequate challenges for your age. That's just what it takes to grow up, it's a process, and we are never really done, just the problems we deal with change over time (or how we are affected by problems) and also how we evaluate our experience of reality and how we perceive the same phenomenons. No one tells you this when growing up, but this stuff never stops and I think it requires work and attention to come up with an idea. This point when you think that
>I'll live my life when [x] happens!" But is [x] ever gonna happen?
is never really going to happen so no need to wait for it. You are living your life right now. And I'll tell you, it's all right. It's fine being quiet and having no friends, it's all right not being settled. You have lots of time to find out what you want to do, don't pressure it, you can't enforce it anyway. Life is aimless, worry is a disease, you can't satisfy the people around you and you don't have to.

>>305973
>be me
>a living neuroslop
<"we're all God"

Nice grandeur.

I had the most disgusting dream last night. There were a couple of human-like creatures living in some kind of cabin in a snowy place. They were getting really old like 60 and they were like "we never got married" and they married by eating candy as customary for their species, they then started hearing their son screaming from the closet as this species is only able to hear their children after they get married. They then remembered they locked him up there 40 years ago and forgot about him. the father heared it and started worrying others in the building might find out then instantly died and his powers were transfered to his son. This is how this species actually reproduces, now the son is able to bear children.

I'm too retarded to convey myself or communicate on even just imageboards. I have been trying to read and journal more to get better at conveying myself and communicating but I guess since I have been isolated for so long and have hardly any reason to say anything I've just gotten worse at it over time. I feel like I am some kind of subhuman retard whenever I see people just able to type what is on their mind and I can't express myself the way that they can. I feel like there are things I want to be able to express and externalize but I can't do it at all. I'm probably just too stupid.

I just realized that for terminally online 'normalfags', that is not true normalfags in the traditionals sense but normal in the cursed modernity sense, both American and non-American ones, that the Epstein shit is actually a big fucking deal. They call him the 'collective Jungian shadow' and some unintelligible blabbering about 'aura'. Is this really the algorithbrain endgame????

Sometimes I am glad that I am as socially isolated as I am. If joining retarded trends and sharing worldviews with these "people" is the price to pay to stop being lonely, I'd rather rot in sensory deprivation induced psychosis thank you very much

>>306015
>sensory deprivation induced psychosis thank you very much

Grab a XX century book m8

>>306012
well atleast you can still convey that

Anyone else a porn addict? It's just eating up my time.

>>306035
I spent 6 years on discord sharing porn and discussing fantasies, I only stopped because in March they're requiring you to upload your ID.

Tbh vices are the easy way into friendship. All my online friends came through my porn addiction through shared fetishes. Drug buddies always seem to have friends, after all.

>>306035
I've just spent ~30 minutes fapping to porn. It's eating up my hours of idle mediocre boredom.

Fucking succubi!

>>306035
Yes, I was never addicted to it until recently and I am in my mid 20s, I mostly just do it out of boredom and not having anything better to do, but I still shamefully enjoy it, N.G.L

>>305972
I believe in an evil god. It's the only thing that makes sense.

>>305972
>>306090
I've felt this way for some years now. I actually went from being raised Christian in childhood, to losing my faith in my early teenage years, to generally not caring in early adulthood. I have now reached my theological final form of believing that there is a god, and knowing certainly that he is not good. For several years now, I've been of the mind that the only two likely possibilities are:
>A. God is malevolent.
>B. God created the world and it's creatures on a whim then abruptly stopped caring, leaving us to our own devices. (Though even in this case, he created us with the fatal flaws that lead us where we are today. So even in this less-pessimistic theory, God is still a colossal asshole.)
In either case, god has done nothing to be deserving of our praise, worship, or devotion. He is not loving, not caring, and absolutely not benevolent.

>wizards don't realize that God is an evolutionary coping mechanism
it saddens me how much wizards mellowed out these days

The world in 2026 feels unreal.

It amazes me that it is controversial to say you hate modern day society and simply don't want to participate in it. I can't fathom that not being the default stance.

I think about the succubus who was chained to a toilet her entire life a lot. I forget how old she was when normal people actually discovered her. She was basically feral at that point. Had not learned language. Her entire existence was nothing but suffering.

I bet no one looks at her and says, wow, why aren't you a success? Why aren't you employed? If things get bad enough people can understand that not everyone should be judged by the same set of standards, but they fail to do the same for so called "normal" people.

what the fuck is hapening with you guys just be happy and enjoy that nice life

The temperature difference of living out my power fantasy in video games and returning to reality where I am a loser who can't just kill people who are better than me.

>>306096
What do you think happens when we die? I think you have to choose to make yourself subject to him when you exit your body, by entering the tunnel of light. Most people choose him though since he is a master of coercion and baits you with illusions of dead people who you loved in life. I am lucky enough to at least have a positive relationship with my mother, but I wonder how this trap works on people who don't love anyone. Maybe the buddhists are right and being attached to anything in any way is a trap.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GynOkYGChro

>>306103
And it's going to get a lot more unreal.

welp i guess there's no running away from the baseline. anxiety is the only constant in my life.

>>306111
can't with this extreme tinnitus
can't enjoy my miserable NEET life anymore
can't read manga, watch anime
doctors said it'd go away
6 fucking goddamn months in

FUCK SCIENCE

>>306115
>What do you think happens when we die? I think you have to choose to make yourself subject to him when you exit your body, by entering the tunnel of light.
I really can't say what happens when we die. I try to prepare myself mentally and spiritually for that transition, but of course it's exceptionally difficult to do so when I don't know for certain what specific experience to prepare for. As far as the 'tunnel of light' goes, I don't put much stock in it as there has been countless near-death experiences documented throughout the years, and while there is some similarity and overlap with people, it mostly just varies. Everything from 'tunnel of light' to 'pure darkness' to 'greeted by loved ones' to 'it's all a simulation', it seems each experience is unique to each individual.

>I wonder how this trap works on people who don't love anyone. Maybe the buddhists are right and being attached to anything in any way is a trap
I guess I'll find out. I learned to be exceptionally suspicious and distrusting at a very young age, and as such I have never cultivated a deep meaningful bond with anyone in this life. Moreover, I have spent my adult life learning about the many lies and schemes that created modern civilization, and each day I become more capable of seeing through those lies. If the god of this world truly is a master of deceit, than I hope to be a formidable adversary to him and his devious tricks.

>>306104
As obvious as it is to say, normalfags are retarded. Whenever I hear normalfags talk about their views on life or the world, there's always this willful ignorance about the state of things, their so happy to bury their heads in the sand and act like things aren't that bad. So when you express your discontentment with life, it's like grabbing the back of their neck and trying to pull their head out of the sand. They will resist you and any negative sentiment you give, sticking religiously to their ignorance because it's comfortable, and the more you express your discontentment and continue to expose them to uncomfortable truths, the more they will hate and shun you for it. Seeing this shitty world as shit is simply logical, but most people are not particularly logical so they will accept a lie if that lie protects them from the horror of 'bad vibes.'

>>306115
I stopped believing in life after death after I realized that the self doesn't exist as an eternal holistic thing. There can't be an afterlife because nothing can get transferred to an afterlife.

>>306118
Try getting super-cheap headphones that look like Air Max ones. And a bunch of cotton buds to carefully pick ears
1. They would cover your ears.
2. Your ears would get warm
3. Your ears will get so warm they'll start sweating
4. And that's when you start cleaning your dirty ears from all the dirst your ears have accumulated.

My pick is Hoco W35 MAX

>>306129
I don't have any dirt. I went to the doctor, ENT (they cleaned it and found nothing), I even had x-ray.
It's louder than a stupid dying cat crying right next to me when I read or ty to concentrate. All of this because I accidently hurt my hear. I prob permanently destroyed the hair cells that allow you to hear properly. Fuck this gay life of mine.
At what point do one person starts running out of luck like that. Years ago, I struggled with urinary retention and my bladder almost exploded. I still do. I wish I could go back to the time where "muh love" was my main problem. I see it the golden days even though I was also a loser.

>>306035
It's making me depressed. Especially when you think about the lives of people in the videos. I always wonder if they're secretly unhappy in life and are drug addicts. Like do these people even live regular lives? I really doubt that.

Everything is a lie, and saying the truth in a world full of lies is crazy. Ever noticed how the whole psychiatric and psychological sector is fundamentally based on a lie? It assumes that life is good you just have to see it that way through a healthy mind and it proclaims that you have to change yourself to see the good life, and this is the lie. Life is not good or bad by itself, it simply is. Putting the whole burden on the individual is too much. It's a religion really about how a mind is supposed to function properly and it adds a layer to the world I would have rather never seen but once seen you can't ignore.

>>306139
it's a scam, I have never heard of a depressed person getting better after taking antidepressants, or a schizophrenic after taking antipsychotics. these institutionalised people never getting better should tell you enough. It is just society's attempt at throwing miserable and insane people in a thrashcan. never ever see a shrink when you have mental problems

>>306133
Ouch.

OK. advice B.

1. Put on "muzak" background music
2. Use funny "bone cunductivity" headphones
3. ??????
4. You now have a device that streams cute background music (not UNCE UNCE UNCE UNCE stuff, but rather, 40 Year Young and such kind of muzak)
5. You *may* experience some kind of relief
6. MAYBE your ears will mellow out. You know, I suspect your tinnitus is like that "phantom pain" phenomenon.

>>306139

>Everything is a lie, and saying the truth in a world full of lies is crazy. Ever noticed how the whole psychiatric and psychological sector is fundamentally based on a lie? It assumes that life is good you just have to see it that way through a healthy mind and it proclaims that you have to change yourself to see the good life, and this is the lie.

The real catch is, the very definition of "life is good" changes over time. Go and eat some L-carnitin rich stuff like eggs…

>>306142
I've done hundreds different tinnitus therapy songs and it doesn't work when I concentrate on something. The thing's so loud that it only add noises if I put the volume up to cover it. I've already bought the bone conductivity thing months ago.

Nowadays I just avoid doing anything that requires concentration (except for the important stuff), that's the only way to keep it low but the lack of stimuli is making me depressed.

The only silver lining is that it forced me to take care of my health in an attempt to reduce it.

>>306145
>I've done hundreds different tinnitus therapy songs
NOPE! You blast "muzak" as your background work music.
>Nowadays I just avoid doing anything that requires concentration (except for the important stuff), that's the only way to keep it low but the lack of stimuli is making me depressed.

Plan C.
Magnesium L-threonate did some good things for me recently.

Plan D. Vitamin D, aqua form + some multivitamin complex. Also, fish in general.
Thing is, I had some *mild* tinnitus for months, and eating good food kinda made it go away.

>>304361
It's lonely being a superior being.