>>227591fuck it, why not
> Clinical Depression brought on by a pseudo psychotic break caused by not making the cut of postgrad candidates I'd spent the last year and change of my life trying to achieve
> Psychomotor retardation (lol), audio hallucinations, stress rashes, near daily nightmares
> Specifically;"Catastrophic thinking and going all in on every stimulus is not actually a rational strategy. Sure you put yourself into everything you did, but you did this because 1. you didn't have any attractive alternatives and 2. you have not developed a sense of scale appropriate to your situation."
That specifically got the ball rolling for me. Up to that point in my life my lack of skill and social graces had been made up for by intensity and hard work and *I thought that was how things were supposed to go*. It had been so ingrained in me to the point of pseudo autism to just go all in on everything always and the level of actual challenge in my life up to that point was such that it had actually worked. Encountering the real fucking world and market forces for the first time was something I was not prepared for in the slightest. And this was *after* I had a job and successfully completed 4 years of study with what were awarded as merits.
>QOL wise I started thought stopping on projects and tasks until they had been assessed on ROI and available layout perspective. In turn I started turning down opportunities and stopped thinking that I had to do everything that was presented to me as a moral imperative.
I've read/been told that effective therapy is when bad habits and maladaptive strategies have become so ingrained that not only can the subject not change it but they're incapable of recognising it. Outsourcing some of the cognitive load and being assessed against a coherent framework was useful in recognising that what I had assumed was a valid strategy on the rare occasions I thought about it, was essentially a streak of luck.
And like, yeah? It's not like optimal life habits are taught in school, most parents are absent, dysfunctional or both, and most cultural reference points are not optimised or even particularly organised. So where in fuck are you supposed to learn h
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