>>302948Anon I really wish you used some other pictures because I fear this thread might get deleted by overzealous reports.
I fully agree.
I too had 2, maybe 3 depending on what makes the cut experiences you mention, I have written out one of those stories here before, don't want to make an overly long post again.
The internet, old internet was my only place where I could feel like I was treated like a human ironically enough. I played TF2 as well, mostly Metin2, S4 league and then got my life consumed for half a decade by league of legends.
I spent all day on them, I was very good at each so I would have people hanging out in voice chat, teamspeak mostly and xfire all day.
I miss those days dearly, because ever since those are gone I couldn't really make the move to discord like others.
Peoples behavior changed online too.
I have 1 friend from IRL that I only chat with and that is it. I'm isolated. If my mom dies that is it. No other connections.
I deeply desire human connection, but I'm not equipped at all to build them or handle them. Life also has this weird thing about it that after your 20s or 18 if you didn't pursue an education you have no real place to connect to people either.
I'm 30 and only meet people once or twice a week in the office. Nobody cares about me much, I have nothing in common with them obviously.
So TL:DR; online places changed and I'm no longer suited for them. There are no suitable places and circumstances to make friends at my age. People my age got families and why would they want to be my friend anyways?
I genuinely believe that I made an attempt. I tried. As best I could despite negative experiences. I'm just unwanted.
I'm not trying to say this in a woe is me pity me way. I've been slowly excluded from groups that I myself formed by connection a group of strangers.
If that is not a sign that there is something wrong with me I don't know what is.