I think at the age of 24 I slowly start to realize who I am meant to be. In short, I started tearing down the lies I constructed for myself and my self-image. Now I feel truly myself. I fought against my nature for a long, long time. Tried to be a good, moral, humanistic, christian, unselfish guy (not all at once) but as a loner, someone who stands apart from the community you can't really be "good". The community will always see you as its enemy, even if you don't want to fight with it, because you are different at the end of the day. Not like them. Strange. Weird. Not that I wanted to be a part of society, no. I only wanted to be "good" - but in order to be "good" you have to belong to the community that set down the definition of said "goodness".
I embraced egoism completely. I'm interested in individualistic anarchism, I'm against every ideology that thinks in groups, communities or societies. I don't care about helping others anymore, except for those people who directly contribute to my happiness and well-being. I've shed the skin of the "good, moral" man completely. I pursue the things that give me pleasure and I don't care about anything else. You could say I'm an anarchist hedonist with extremely individualistic tendencies who is interested in esoteric, occult and pagan stuff. Because this is the only ideology that synchronizes perfectly with the wizardly, outsider, lone wolf life. Seriously fuck every kind of community.
But you could say "what would happen if everyone thought like that?" - My answer: I stopped caring. I would rather live a short life full of pleasures, following my passions and living life the way I want it than to live a long, boring, "safe" life under the protection of some society. I would rather NEET until I can and avoid working than to be a productive, useful member of the community. I used to be one of those faggots who cried "degenerate" at every instance but now I wish society was more "degenerate". Because I see now what big hypocrites these so called moral, good, community-oriented people are.
I don't exactly want society to collapse but I want to shape it to suit my needs and to serve me. I want to leech off the system as much as I can while giving back zero.
I feel good now. I feel at peace. Kind of. Ironic. While I tried to deny myself and find inner peace I couldn't achieve it. And now that I have accepted my passions and egoism I feel calm. Fuck stoicism, buddhism, christianity, secular hPost too long. Click here to view the full text.