/wiz/ - Wizardry

Am 47 and have been very clumsy all my life, nowadays i try to stay clear of things that can fall, i don't drive and avoid carrying babies from people who somehow wants me to hold them, I bump into everything and can't look people in the eyes and generally just don't know how to exist in a public setting, i also struggle too much with spatial directions, people think i am blind, and i always look sooooooooooooo awkward when someone tellls me the place of a certain object in the room using their fingers, i also can't understand people often times, they speak too fast and i too speak too fast they can't understand me.

After hitting 30 this feeling has been eating me and I don't know how to resolve it. I started watching different youtube channels and it made me realize how much time I wasted staring at a screen when I could be experiencing the world and creating things. The 21st century offers so many possibilities and yet all I did was sit at home play video games and read inane garbage online. Now I always had depression, anxiety, social autism, adhd, average iq etc. that lead to me being an underachiever but nowadays it feels like I was just the right self-help book and meds/supplement combination and some effort away from solving all these issues.

I could start now but after hitting 30 I feel this sense of hopelessness after experiencing aging. I felt like shit in my 20s but now I realize I actually felt good. Now I tire easily and years of sitting made my body feel rusty. I feel like the youth shield is gone and I can't take the future for granted anymore and expect it to make it even to 40. Every time I experience a new pain or sensation I imagine it to be the start of something serious.

How do you deal with this? It feels like modern technology amplifies winners so if you are a loser it feels extra bad because there is such a big contrast between living with your parents and riding the bus and eating mac and cheese and living in a multi-million dollar mansion with a beautiful view and driving a ferrari and eating at 3 star restauraunts.

Holy shit, got this really awful epiphany in the middle of the night, I'm a 30 years old man that never had sexual experience, by now, a man at my age has like maybe 14 years of sexual experience and relationship experience under the belt. I know, sex isn't everything, but still, it dawn on me that I never had some (in theory) fundamental aspect of human experience, or something. Honestly, I just don't know if I'm either sad, mad or just don't care. Feels like a door has closed to me.

So I'm "lucky" to live with my parents and leeching them off as a pathetic NEET.
If I go to work, how will that benefit me?
I won't be able to afford a new PC since it costs a shitton of money. Okay maybe I could afford a laptop for a black day when my PC dies.
I wouldn't be able to move out. I wouldn't be able to afford anything life-changing (education, flat, car).
Basically I wouldn't be able to afford anything. And additionally, I'd be incredibly suicidal like most of the day because i'm an autistic weak mentally pathetic NEET who can't survive society and work in the first place, anyway.

What are the pros towards trying to find a job as a 30+ years old NEET as opposed to trying to kill myself painlessly?

I am a wizard from a third world country (Eastern Europe). You know, I don’t know how it is in the first world. But my country has a serious demographic problem. I was sitting here, thinking and came to the conclusion that people like me simply have nothing to lose in the literal sense of the word. I don’t give a damn about the country I live in, it has given me nothing. I have no health, no money, no education, I am literally NOBODY! And the problem with demographics is when they say that everyone is valuable and we should get rich. Why do I need children? If I have nothing, God, even a terrible prostitute will never lie with me, not to mention children. You know, people are a resource, our value to the state is less than a dollar, we are easy to replace. And people like you and me are completely superfluous, we are not needed either by the country, or by our parents, or even by ourselves. Recently I thought that I could find a job or get out of the bottom, but why change anything? if nothing changes we will be poor and destitute all our lives. And cattle for others, even to society people like you and me must prove that we can be cattle. No, I am not cattle and I do not want to get out of the bottom, I'd rather buy a good rope with the rest of my money

My mom was an airhead who barely learned to read and write. She grew in poverty and she's obsessed with being poor and loves watching videos of people in extreme poverty. Despite all that she is a narcissistic cunt who thinks she's superior to everyone and loves to humilliate people every chance she gets. She got with my dad because she thought he was rich. No matter how much money she gets she tries to spend it all as soon as she gets it. As a kid, she constantly told me that she didn't love me and that I ruined her life, everytime my dad left the house she used to beat me. Everytime I'm around her, she makes sure to make hurtful comments, completely unprovoked, and loves to shame me in front of people. I know that part of my low self-steem is because of her. She always made me feel like I was worth nothing.

My dad was a musician that eventually became a moderately famous photographer for a national newspaper. He was a decent man when I was a kid, but eventually he started to beat my mom and me, he also kicked us out of the house plenty of times. His so called "fame" got the better of him and became a womanizer. He spent most of his money on succubi and came back home with nothing. That obviously caused more fights that always ended with me having to mop my mother's blood off the floor and having to call an ambulance to get her to the hospital. The beatings only caused my mom to resent me even more for "ruining her life". I was just an elementary school kid when all of these things happened and they continued to happen until I was 17. On top of that I was getting bullied at school, so I came back home from getting bullied to find my parents trying to kill each other.

Now almost a couple of decades later, I'm stuck with two aging parents who believe that I "owe" them for the hell they put me though. Needless to say, I hate them. And even though I feel some "love" for them as a son and know that I will cry them when they finally die. A part of me will find relief when that happens.

Any wiz here that are self discipline monster? Like has really good self discipline or being a wiz inevitable is tied to be lazy?

It’s easy to assume that more money, more stuff, and more status will make us happier. That’s what we’re sold every day—on social media, in ads, in the way we talk about success But is it actually true?

I’ve seen videos of small villages in Africa where people live with almost nothing—no Wi-Fi, no fancy houses, no designer anything. And yet they laugh. They sing. They dance in the streets. They seem genuinely joyful. Not because they have everything, but maybe because they don’t Then I look around at places like California, where people live in luxury condos, drive $200k cars, and eat at places that cost more than some families make in a week. And still, depression and anxiety are everywhere. Even some of the richest, most famous people in the world—people we think have it all—end up feeling so empty that they take their own lives So what’s going on? Why do people with "nothing" seem happy, and people with "everything" feel lost?
Maybe happiness isn’t about what you have Maybe it’s about how connected you are—to other people, to yourself, to the moment you’re in Maybe we’ve just been chasing the wrong things Just something I’ve been thinking about. Curious what you think, too.

For most of us NEETdom is the ultimate way of life, but realistically it is not something that can be sustained into old age.
Many of the NEETs or ex-NEETs managed by being dependents, be it on the state or most likely their parents.
This as many of you likely know already, won't/didn't last forever.
Parents get old, some die, governments change, gibs can go away. The advent of AI, economic downturns, mass layoffs and migration pose a risk as well.

I personally have enjoyed close to a full decade as a NEET of my adult life before being forced into wageslavery.
This came with two realizations:
>I need more practical knowledge, marketable skills if I ever wish to regain even a fraction of my lost freedom.
>My brain doesn't work anymore, learning anything new feels impossible. Interacting with things that aren't already interesting to me is torture, retaining information is beyond me.

I post this thread in hopes that some of you might share some ways to improve my lot with a rotten brain.
I'm at the cusp of reaching full wizardhood, but I already feel closer to a 50 year old in terms of cognitive ability. The decade of rot didn't pass without leaving its mark.
I see many somewhat active threads on /hob/ and people often mention their degrees here and whatnot, and I'm sure it's not all apprentices posting.

I wonder, has anyone here successfully started on the path of learning in their late 20s early 30s or beyond? How did you or do you deal with the cognitive decline?
If so, please share your story and any advice you might have.
Stories of reaching an acceptable life for yourself after losing the ability to NEET are also appreciated.

I hope it is acceptable to post this on /wiz/ rather than /lounge/.

I have to disagree on the loser concept as voiced here so often.
i have 70+ years as single white boy and man…
i have never married; i have had numerous jobs; and I have lived in several cities and states.
i have never considered myself to be a loser despite many setbacks and unfortunate experiences…
i know what i can do; if i don't I educate myself to be able to do whats required…
i am now mostly blind in one eye; my hearing was damaged by bad medications i can't write due to doctors bungling my right hand in treatment from a fall…
unless you are completely non functional braindead you can learn something useful that will lift you out of your self-hate…
Don't give up; information is free for the taking.
i never married, my friends who did are dead/dying slowly from their BAD choices…
i just say F*** it and keep on keeping on.
i have suffered setbacks many times but always struggled thru…
i am watching friends expiring slowly day by day who were very successful normies with houses cars planes toys that most men would kill for…
Try 27 variant's of dodge super cars as his toys; 3 houses; so much crap he had to buy an extra house with outbuildings just to store his cars and toys…
it was all for nothing; the greedy bitch he married (#3) murdered him for his money homes cars boats etc…
give thanks for what you have, however small and lacking; it could be far worse…