During my middle school to the end of my highschool I used to belive that i was better than the people that surrounded me, that I was more intelligent and that they were too emotive and dumb. But now, with 18 years old and on my last year of highschool, i just notice how this thought isn't necessarily true. I'm in this school since the last year and I had finally found people who are interested in things i like such as anime, arts and media in general. People that are intelligent, you can notice this by the way they express themselves, but on the other hand they also had developed the abilities of being social (thus not being weird), being healty and any kind of normalfag hobbies while also being intelligent.
This broke my illusion that i was the only smart guy in the world, or that i was somehow superior to my surroundings. So I was thinking about this and concluded that normalfags are naturally better than me, in some aspects (but not just socially) because the way they interact with the world and people is different than mine, but not in a normal subjective way: they get to talk with people more often, go outside with more frequency, satisfty their own sexual desires by partying and all sorts of things that they do, while i don't.
It's not like my way of living didn't provided me good things, it actually did: i was able to be a more empathetic person (this is also due to me watching Evangelion), observative person and also stimulated my sensitivity and thinking, qualities that i already had since i was younger. I'm not racist like they are, i try to respect people more than them and i don't drink, but… at what cost? Losing things like what its called "youth" by the slice of life animes that i watch, being ashamed of myself, feeling that i don't have a place to belong but my bedroom and my computer.
This maybe is confusing but to sum it up, normalfags have a better life than mine, they act dumb but they actually lived really good experiences which makes me inferior to a portion of them, as oposite to my previous beliefs. They naturally learn rich experiences by being sharing knowledge and
well-being with their peers, while I, as an outcast, doesn't. They will live happy lives, with not so much despair to feel, good jobs, fulfilling lives and all, even if they have to pay the price of being slightly dumber than they would if escaping from the rat race. Normalfags can feel disgusting sometimes, but i think that living
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