>>319910When I was a NEET for almost a decade I didn't do anything, just like you, some games, youtube, scrolling manga/manhwa/hua mindlessly.
Once every few weeks I'd get the spark of motivation to try stuff, had some fun, but often whatever I started ended up gathering dust.
Now I have worked for 3-4 years (I'm 30) and when I'm off the clock it feels like I travel through time to the next shift.
When I have a week vacation or something it passes by in the blink of an eye.
I no longer game because it takes too much effort, learning new stuff is too much of a barrier for me. I got pathfinder 2 and stuff sitting there downloaded, but too much effort.
I just scroll manga now. Even anime is too much focus for me. Scroll and daydream. Kinda feeling like a kid in highschool again. I'd always daydream the hours away.
I had things I thought I wanted to do, but clearly since I'm not doing those things I didn't really want them to begin with maybe.
I feel you on the NPC thing OP. It feels like some fundamental humanity, the divine spark is missing. I can rotate the apple in my head and have inner monologues if we are talking meme shit like that, but in reality I do nothing.
I pursue nothing. I am nothing.
A doctor, randomly unpromted went on a long advice/rant to me about needing long term goals and how to pursue them.
I guess he simply diagnosed me with shit-life-syndrome and decided to throw me a bone.
The problem is I have zero goals or real desires that would serve as a purpose. Without a purpose there is no reason to strive, you can just focus on mitigating pain and suffering while maximizing pleasure.
Basically working a dead end low responsibility job, surviving, getting home jerking off until my foreskin tears or scrolling until my fingers develop RSI or tendonitis is all that is left.
Hell putting effort into your own health becomes something you subconsciously classify as an unworthy pursuit if you really have nothing to go on for.
Unfortunately the next sadpanda upload isn't enough of a reason to keep living.
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