A lot of people on here, me included struggle with community, relationships with people, family, in general.
Many also describe horrid childhood experiences, neglectful or overprotective parents, abuse, bullying and the like.
I too had my fair share of misery, lack of love, despite best efforts from my mother. (Yet maybe I didn't reciprocate/feel such, despite observing the effort.)
This made me wonder, what do I even expect out of people?
What would an ideal family life look like?
What would feeling loved feel like? (However ridiculous that sounds.) What actions would need to be taken by who for me to feel such a thing?
What do I actually expect from a "friend"? How do I want them to feel about me, to interact with me? How should I engage with people in general?
What boundaries should be set?
I feel like with friendships I often gave my entire being or idk. like I usually had 1 very close friend and nobody else, of course they had multiple friends, always.
I just can't handle many people at once, I struggle with shallow relations because navigating such is beyond me.
I honestly don't know.
I feel like I've had some magical expectations about relationships (I use this word, but this doesn't mean succs or sexual) that simply don't seem to manifest.
Maybe things weren't that bad, maybe I'm just broken in some way.
I just don't know what I would want a good parent to be either. Maybe someone I can confide in regardless of the issue, someone who would have helped me navigate the world?
Someone to teach me to be a person?
I don't know. I often lament my childhood, my lack of development, the lack of warmth, the dread of fearing for my life each night, but realistically this might just have been me.
I mean, my parents also had horrid childhoods themselves so maybe this is just what it's like.
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