Well, brother-in-magic for what it's worth and if it makes you any happy you have done very well for yourself at least you have managed to earn 200USD a month at some point in your life.
As for me brother, I have to be honest with you, I have no idea how life went down the way it did, I am pushing 24 now. I, back in my teenage days used to dream about family and all that, now of course females are not something that I can get, I realised that a long ago, and I have began my path to be at peace with that. Which is what brought me here in the first place.
I have to be honest with you, I can't let everything fully-go, every single time there is a family reunion, a party, or when I see the former school peers of mine on social media or somewhere, even if we don't account for their wives, they have done so well for themselves.
They have managed to get jobs, cars, etc. for them, they have become (most importantly) free, they have financial independence, they actually have a future, what is my future? I am trying and trying and trying to get jobs, but perhaps I have not been trying enough I don't have any notable skills, I got a Bachelor's Degree but it is of absolutely no use and people are just so far ahead of me in life it's crazy.
LIfe has become unsurvivable, while no one around me says anything like "Oh you're unemployed, you're loser", but there is this silence which is very loud where they just by their existence make me realise that I am a loser, even if they offer words of encouragement (which I am grateful for to be honest) but this is what the truth is. Just by being there I feel ashamed, I want to go out but I can't because I will be treated like crap.
I am not very good with English Language nor am I very good at elaborating things, I feel like my mental faculties are declining. But I will say this, it is a genuinely dystopian feeling for me, I break-down in tears randomly at this point anywhere, while eating breakfast, while just taking a stroll in the little balcony, I just sometimes can't keep it contained. I hate that I have no future. I hate that this is what it's going to be, I hate going out of the house and seeing people have stuff that I could never afford.
I understand that materialism and consumerism aren't very good, but to some extent they represent a certain degree of achievement in terms of being independent for me, My Birthday just went by recently, and I have to say, I hate it, e
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.