>>228641If you are about to get a degree you are at least that much ahead of me in terms of capacity to act and stick to something.
So look at it as a positive. I spent many many years going to colleges as a way to mask my NEETdom, but never really bothered since I was unable to focus on something I cared nothing for.
You have proven to yourself that you can force yourself to do things, or at least competently accomplish something if forced by external circumstances.
>I don't even feel like I have a personality.This however is something I couldn't crack no matter how much time I spend with my thoughts.
It was something of a revelation to me a couple years back too. I don't really have a defined character like many people seem to have.
I adapt, I tend to mirror the most recent person I interact with or observed pretty much, but when alone I'm just a bland mass of nothingness.
It's hard to be something if you were never challenged, you never had to make hard decisions, you never did anything of note or got attached to anything deeply.
If a persons character is a sum of their choices, then what does that make of me, who chose inaction, who chose nothing at every step?
Not really a fitting place to discuss this, but I wonder how much of this is just simply lacking any goals, long term or short. From your short posts I reckon you got railroaded into some computer science degree because "hey he spends his time on the PC all day so surely…" or something along these lines. Just going with the flow.
Most normal people have a clear goal of self development for the purpose of eventual reproduction, then provision for offspring.
This key base thing is like gravity that keeps them on track if nothing else.
Take such goals/drive away and even self preservation becomes optional.
This is what makes me deeply envious of wizards on here that seemingly have it all together and managed to self-actualize without the most obvious driver of life.
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